New Decade: Time to Turn on Your Dream Machine

Noreen Sumpter came from England in 1985 for the love of a man who soon became her husband. A risk-taker, Noreen believes that life is for living. She is now a personal life coach, a career she chose after 15 years as a real estate broker. She came to realize that most people do not love their life and are frustrated with the choices they have made and how their life has turned out. Her love for people motivated her to become a life coach, and she has helped many men and women of all races and classes to live life fully and go after what they want.

One has to be willing to build confidence and self-esteem by owning their voice and speaking their truth. At January’s Lunch Lady event, Noreen asked attendees to activate their dream machine. It’s time to look ahead to a new decade and dream big, envision your future, and take action to have the life you want.

About the presenter:

Noreen Sumpter has been a personal life coach for 14 years and self-employed for 27 years. She is the creator of the Live Life Your Way coaching program and host the Talk Radio NYC radio show Beyond Potential: Live Life Your Way. In addition, Noreen is a past Business Networking International (BNI) mentor, a Manhattan Chamber of Commerce ambassador, President of the Business Referral Group 3 (BRG3), and past VP of Member Engagement for the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO). She has been featured on Oprah.com, This American Life, and Reader’s Digest.

New Decade: Time to Turn on Your Dream Machine

It’s a new decade! Let’s dream big!

Noreen Sumpter came from England in 1985 for the love of a man who soon became her husband. A risk-taker, Noreen believes that life is for living. She is now a personal life coach, a career she chose after 15 years as a real estate broker. She came to realize that most people do not love their life and are frustrated with the choices they have made and how their life has turned out. Her love for people motivated her to become a life coach, and she has helped many men and women of all races and classes to live life fully and go after what they want.

One has to be willing to build confidence and self-esteem by owning their voice and speaking their truth. At this Lunch Lady event, Noreen will ask you to activate your dream machine. It’s time to look ahead to a new decade and dream big, envision your future, and take action to have the life you want.

 

Save your spot today!

 

About the presenter:

Noreen Sumpter has been a personal life coach for 14 years and self-employed for 27 years. She is the creator of the Live Life Your Way coaching program and host the Talk Radio NYC radio show Beyond Potential: Live Life Your Way. In addition, Noreen is a past Business Networking International (BNI) mentor, a Manhattan Chamber of Commerce ambassador, President of the Business Referral Group 3 (BRG3), and past VP of Member Engagement for the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO). She has been featured on Oprah.com, This American Life, and Reader’s Digest.

Who is the Lunch Lady?

The Lunch Lady is a platform for women (and man-bassadors) in business. Lunch Lady is about education, networking and creating opportunities that grow and develop yourself and business.

What is Lunch Lady’s Mission?

The mission is to provide a courageous space for you to access your internal blueprint to grow your life and business by connecting you with people who will be a demand for you to have money, grow your business, and discover what it will take for you to live your best life. Lunch Lady wants you on the court, not the sidelines of your life, talking about your business or talking about what you need, whether it is finding your magic number that flips your business over to profitability, creating and finding your ideal client, or getting clear about the kind of business experience you want to have. It’s about learning to view your mistakes as an opportunity for success so you don’t stay stuck and can continue to grow and succeed in your business using your higher purpose.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.”

~ Peter Drucker

 

Register Here

 

Lunch Lady knows:

  • You started a business to do what you love and get paid for doing it
  • It is not easy
  • Crippling fear can stop you from taking action
  • Business has a language all of its own. We want you to find your own language and create the courage to share it so that you can have an impact on your business, finances, and world.
  • For many women, there is no plan B.

Register Here

LinkedIn Profile Roast

“I’m on LinkedIn, but I’m not sure what to do.” I hear this all the time! LinkedIn is far more than just another social media platform. It’s THE social media platform for business and it can help you in many ways.

October’s Lunch Lady was an interactive presentation from LinkedIn expert and content marketing strategist, Judi Hays.

 

What is a LinkedIn Profile Roast?

If you’ve ever roasted a marshmallow, you know that marshmallows start out perfectly perfect white poofs of sugar. But when carefully roasted they please different palettes.

You are like a marshmallow. Perfect just as you are.

However, to effectively optimize your LinkedIn profile, you need to be able to communicate your perfection to your ideal audience. During this live LinkedIn Profile roast, Judi Hays took the LinkedIn profile — your marshmallow — and roasted it to please the palette of your target LinkedIn audience.

Judi went over each section of the LinkedIn profile and provided attendees with an overarching assessment followed by strategic and actionable tips to guide them to get the most from their profile.

In this session Judi covered the following:

✔️Establishing your professional brand

✔️Finding, connecting and engaging with the right people

✔️Building meaningful relationships

✔️Engaging with Insights

✔️Plus some really cool “ninja” tricks to make the most of your LinkedIn experience.

Attendees left this Lunch Lady Event with a clear understanding of how to leverage LinkedIn to grow their brand and their business.

 

Who is Judi?

Judi Hays is a data-driven marketing strategist who specializes in LinkedIn. She is the owner of Judi Hays, Inc. a digital marketing consulting firm that provides turn-key LinkedIn campaign management, sales team training, and profile makeovers. Judi’s innovative and analytical point of view to creating strategies, tactics, and stories is foundational to her approach to mastering LinkedIn. Her philosophy is centered around creating compelling content that leads a targeted audience to the client’s solution, ultimately driving conversion and high ROI.

Judi is also a published author of 12 books including Restaurant Design, Menu Design, and Shopping Bag Design. She’s lived in Austin TX, San Francisco, and New York.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back from Britain | Live Life Your Way

To Listen to Audio Only, Click Play Below:

Noreen is back from her vacation in Britain. Tune in and listen!

She will share what she discovered while she was away, and update you on the latest in her life.


Segment 1: 

Noreen starts by talking about the great time she had in London. She unplugged and slept in, which she said was a great and relaxing feeling. The purpose for her going to London was to celebrate her mother’s 90th birthday. She says it was great to spend time with family. The only negative experience was her flight with Norwegian Airlines. Noreen details a fun experience she had with one of the kids in her family, named Storm. She was also able to reconnect with some of her close friends that she hadn’t seen in around 40 years.

Segment 2: 

Noreen compares the New York and London subway environment. She says that New York has a much more lively and energetic vibe. Noreen also jokes about the New York smell that hits you the second you get back to the city. She compares the laws in England and the US, specifically regarding the safety of citizens. She uses biker safety as an example where there is some discrepancy, in that it seems England takes more of a “people first” approach. She then talks about some of the different cultural food and music experiences she had when she was in London.

Segment 3: 

Noreen says that this trip made her realize that she needs to travel more frequently. Her business has trapped her with clients and meetings and she wants to get to a point in her life where she can separate her personal life from her business. She wants to create memories and have more fun experiences with family and friends. Noreen then switches gears to talk about England’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson. From what she saw is that most people don’t like Boris. Even though she had an amazing time in London, she says she’s glad to be back in New York.

Segment 4: 

Noreen brings it back by talking about the food in London. She says that the food like meat and vegetables taste cleaner and fresher than in New York. This is due to the fact that it’s less processed over there. She then talks about some of the culture shocks she had when she came back to New York. Noreen says that the people in London look a lot prettier than they did when she lived there. This weekend as Noreen came back to New York she went to Sundae Sermon hosted by previous guest DJ Stormin Norman.

Burning Down the House | Live Life Your Way

For audio only, click play below:

 

We can change our lives if we want. The Bible said that God created the world in 7 days. He created the heaven and the earth and said “Let there be light.” Join Noreen as she talks about her new program, Ten Tips in Ten Weeks Challenge. Consciously transform your life from within.

Why Are Relationships So Difficult

Why do relationships have to be so difficult?  That is the chant of everyone going through buy cialis a breakup.  Why take your breakups so personally? When you are going through a breakup, do you dig recall conversations that you can use to sooth your pain, to use as an excuse to make the other party into a despicable person? Do you look for  anything to make yourself look good and the other person look bad?  It takes resilience and honor to remain a balanced loving individual that understands that a breakup is not personal.  If you have difficulty in any area of a breakup, you’ll dredge up past hurts, thoughts and feelings to help justify why things are not going the way you want.

Breakup and hurt feelings are really not meant to be personal; because no matter how long it takes, our feelings are a reaction to an interaction that is not working out.  Women want to know why men become silent, and cannot communicate. Men cannot deal with the constant rehashing of old conversations commonly known or referred to as nagging. There are a lot of things that you cannot seem to understand when you are experiencing breakdowns in your relationships.  In most relationships, there is a breakdown in communication long before there is a breakup.  Sometimes there is a warning sign. Sometimes there is not.  The warning signs differs with your personal perspective.

How can a breakdown be good?  A breakdown is an opportunity to really look at what is in your relationship that is not working so that you can take the necessary actions to remedy or fix the problem in a manner that works for both parties.  However, you know that a breakup is inevitable when you haven’t taken any action in the breakdown phase.  Here is a story of a friend who is going through a breakdown/breakup:

My friend is in the midst of a challenge/breakup with her boyfriend.  She started our conversation by describing that she was not having a good day.  As she said this, she put on her sunglasses apologized for her feelings and began to cry behind her glasses. ( Humans never want to look bad not matter what).  I told her to cry as I think it best to be straight with our emotions. She had just broken up with my boyfriend.  They argued and she threw him out of her apartment (they were not living together).  Living together was the reason for the argument.  She could not understand why he was not moving in with her. She was frustrated sad, and disappointed.  The haven’t spoken for 5 weeks but that morning on the phone they spoke.  “He loves me but relationships should not have to be this hard.”

“I love him, why did he not want to move in with me?” What we want in life will only happen if we take the necessary actions to have them materialize.  What actions did you take to have him move in with you?  Did you have a deadline?  No.  I was waiting on him.  He said he did not have the money to move into our space.  I said it was okay and I will pay the bulk of the rent.  “He said no way.” Some men no matter how their situations are were not built to live off a woman.  Some men just don’t care.  No matter how liberal a woman may be.  Men will still be men. They still insist on pulling their weight.  “I thought it was his machismo shit” she said.  Well, it may be but that was really what it was for him.  He did not have the money.

She would not hear it.  She confessed to hearing was what she wanted.  Sometimes you are so in love with love and what you want, that you cannot hear what your partner has to say.   By no means is there anything wrong with what you want, but you need to take action.  What steps was she taking?  Or were she just continually talking about it so that it turned into nagging.  She realized she did not take any steps or create a deadline.  She really just waited, talked/nagged, cried and said I love you, why it was not going the way I wanted it to go?

When you are ready and willing to get straightforward and honest with yourself, you can cast off all the things that numb your mind and have you mentally and physically stuck  in your life.  She immediately saw where she was not thinking and only had thoughts that were a part of the recycling of past conversations.

More on her story next week.

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Why Are Relationships So Difficult Part II

Last week we were talking about why we make our relationships so difficult. I was describing the story of a friend of mine.  She wants her boy friend to move in with her, but he cannot because he is restricted by his income.  She is interpreting this as a lack of interest and has created a dramatic break-up.

During her break-up/separation, she has been talking to her friends.  You all know what talking to your friends can mean when you’re in this condition.  It builds you up for a moment. They tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you are and to dump that loser.  Most of you will agree with them for the moment and then continue to feel bad about yourself for being in love with a man that is a ‘loser’.  Then you become wrapped up in shame about your feelings.  With all of that, you begin to cry with your friends comments reverberating in your head.  “Girl, you look good.  You can find someone better”. When all along, you just want your own comfortable ‘loser’. You don’t care, you love him.   He is yours.

Well, it did not occur to me that the guy was not a loser, here was a man that had something he was having a hard time with and needed to workout.  Maybe they will go back together, maybe they won’t. But my friend seems to be handling things in a mature way.  She loves this man and it was clear because she by no means made him wrong.  She actually made herself wrong.  We looked at her actions and she got to see that she did not take any real action in preparing for or having her boyfriend move in with her. In actuality, she was crying about regrets and upsets of not knowing what to do differently.

The first things we created a promise for her to quit crying over the phone when she spoke with him.  If she did want to talk to him, then talk to him in a way that empowered her. Instead of crying, she could share what she was up to – developments with her business, her family, friends, opportunities successes, people they knew in common, etc.  Her man was clearly in her corner and wanted her to be successful when they were together, so she should continue to share her wins with him.  In return she could acknowledge how he is doing in his world with his music, congratulate him on being busy in the studio and doing his gigs.  She could continue to share love for him in a way that has her empowered, fully self-expressing herself instead of confused, upset, feeling weak and hurt all the time.

We focused on the areas of her life that were working; her business, her money/finances, her family, her friendships. She distinguished that the only things that were not working was her relationship with this man.  However, what she was doing, like many people, is that she was losing energy by focusing on the one thing that was not working.  Focusing on one problem, would inevitably collapse all that she was committed to building.   By the time we had finished talking and laughing, the color came back to her cheeks; she was sitting taller, her eyes were sparkling again.  She was expressing herself by thanking me for supporting her to think about herself and her relationship in a way that had her walk away feeling powerfully empowered and good about herself.

If my friends relationship with this man overcomes their challenge, their lives and relationship will never be the same again.  Never again will she place herself in a disempowered way. She will not live in regret, upset and confusion by living in the past and wondering what she could have done differently.  She will take risks, speak up, by taking action in her love life and life going forward.  By being a person who takes action, she will never date like that again. She will Date Like She Means It, speaking her truth, creating what is important to her in all relationships.

So, if you are reading this and or you know anyone who is just had a breakup and they are stuck in a vicious cycle of crying themselves to sleep and slowly sabotaging themselves.  Please have them read this article and if they find value send me an email or contact me at 718-834-9450.

I love having people complete old ways of being in a relationship in a way that has them feel empowered and leave the vicious cycle of heartbreak by changing their thoughts and creating a new relationship with themselves and their partners that has them love and create in an empowering way.

READ PART 1 HERE.

You Have The Light, We All Have The Light

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For a long time, I could not grasp conversations about the Light.  Your light, “She shines so bright”. “Your presence lights up the room”. “She brings the light.”  “She’s so bright”, and so on. What I used say about myself instead was: “I bring the party!” I never thought of myself as someone who brings the light. People would often talk about this concept with me and I had no idea what the light meant.  It would make me feel uncomfortable; I thought they knew something I should know and I just didn’t.  I would get frustrated – not angry really, just uncomfortable. However, I really had no clue about what the light meant.

I was used to hearing priests, vicars, and people of the clergy speak about the light and I’ve read about the light in the Bible.  I always thought the light was something that only people who were deeply religious experienced.  But I started to rethink my ideas when I started to hear it being said to me.

I was embarrassed because I did not really consider myself a “good person”.  I was the girl that always got into trouble in school. I was the sneaky, giggly girl with my conniving face, always cracking jokes.  I became the girl who was known to be a distraction.  Only good people or good girls had the light, people that could focus, pay attention and follow rules.  Not me.  I loved to giggle and laugh and I attracted (and distracted) many people in my desire for fun.

I now understand that everyone has the light and everyone is here to shine their light. It is the Godly, spirit light; no matter what you believe in, it still shines.  “You have a light”, I’d hear from complete strangers, people I just met, people I worked with – all kinds of people clued me in on this.  I’ve also heard you have a light that shines all over the place.  In the beginning of my understanding, I would think: “what the hell” they are talking about? To be honest, I was uncomfortable because I knew intuitively that the light came with some kind of responsibility that I did not know and I didn’t want to take on. I also knew I would find out and have to deal with it eventually.  It made my stomach hurt, triggering congestion in my solar plexus. I wanted to throw up but never could, and luckily the feeling would eventually pass.  Writing this article and sharing about the light, I feel vulnerable and exposed and still want to throw up to this day.

In life, sometimes understanding takes a (colloquial) minute for things to register – by register, I mean grow into a full understanding where it goes from theory to practice and then assimilation.  I soon started to realize what the light truly meant.

I have a light.  I started to own my light, fully embrace its power and build my confidence.  I started to do the things that were important to me, no matter what it looked like.  Honing my truth was not easy, and I had to take risks and be willing to fail, to feel hurt.  I did not and still do not want to feel hurt, disappointed or rejected.  I had to be willing to experience these lessons, and as a Personal Life Coach, I had to be a model for who I was teaching through my work.  Now don’t get me wrong here – I have my own unique journey, and as a Personal Life Coach, I respect that people each have their own journey.  I didn’t want to be like everyone else – knowing that I am just like everyone else, it is like fashion, we want something new and unique only to realize that everyone else is wearing NY black, we all have the ability to choose and make choices, take risks and fail.

I’ve seen the light in babies, I feel the light in people and I know that all people have this light somewhere inside themselves.  My clients learn to harness this energy by doing the things that expand their life and light when they work with me on their goals and partner with me as their Personal Life Coach.  I started to experience my own light and feel it, when I let go of my fears and concerns about things I could not control.  I started to understand and learn how to build my light.  It is built by the good, positive energy that we give to the world through our thoughts, actions and deeds.  I started to understand how to gain light. I did so by focusing on my work, coaching clients, saying generous compliments, sending out positive energy, loving myself and enjoying my work.  All of these actions honor both my clients and my own gifts. I see the light when I am happy and even when I am not as happy, and I know this light will never disappear.

I love when I have experiences which I now celebrate and call “Kiss Noreen Day”.  One Wednesday morning, at the Business Networking International Group (BNI), I was awarded the Golden Microphone by one of my colleagues after he had won it the prior year.  He awarded it to me for supporting him in an area of his life that was affecting his business and impacting his confidence.  I was truly honored and this was another opportunity to build even more light.  I appreciate love and light, I appreciate that he was able to accept my coaching, hear my suggestions and take necessary action to transform his life and business.  For me, making a difference as a Personal Life Coach is what I dedicate all of myself to.  I love it.

Today, I honor the gift of being a Personal Life Coach.  I honor my light profoundly, and because of this discovery, I can fully honor the light in my clients and everyone around me.  I love my clients and encourage people to see their own light and grow it.  Being fearless, forgiving others (and themselves) and displaying strength helps them expand their confidence and self-esteem.  I love the light, and I honor the light so that the light will honor me.

Here are parts of the past that we love to dwell on and sometimes wallow in. The present is where life exists; it’s what is happening now and is alive. The future is what we pray, hope and desire to live in and get to.

The past has teeth – or maybe dentures

The past has really strong teeth. The bite of the past can be one that is either relished or resisted. The bite depends on whether your teeth are real, or if they are dentures.  The strength of the past is clever, as it works with all human emotions.  It also works with our perceptions of the world – not the way things truly are but the way we see it or believe it. If we are stronger than the bite of the past, we display the courage to let go of the past and cut off the supply of nutrients it requires to feed off our memory.  Doing so will then lead us to making more realistic, workable choices. Our minds automatically use only the parts of the past that it thinks are valuable and rarely allows us to play in the now. Before we realize it, we take the same small steps into the future we have always taken, which rapidly become our past again.

The past can resemble an elderly person who has lived life from a place of complete joy, or it can look like a place of pure sadness. One of these pictures is happy and full of life, able to see things in a new way that brings continued happiness and joy. On the other hand, the person who has chosen to live an unhappy, distressed life sees everything as a burden, where every day is heavy and they are depressed, angry and don’t want to transform their situation; they are dying inside and out. They aren’t willing to attempt anything new or see life as a series of opportunities.  The past runs their life and they cease to grow.

The present is full of possibilities

Life in the present is spontaneous, open and full of possibilities.  The past is worthless and has no real place in the present. The past thinks it needs to be there in order to “protect” us.  In many ways, this is a good thing, because otherwise we would get run over, or fall down the stairs, etc. The present, however, is committed to the things that bring us joy, and moves life forward step by step, moment by moment.  The present is full of endless possibilities and where issues are forgiven and put aside; when a lesson is learned, what results from that situation can always be useful. There is never any right or wrong answers; there is only what actually happened. The present allows us to live our lives from a very powerful place, with a deep sense of awareness that creates a life of creativity, imagination and wow! The present makes room for trusting our intuitions, and is a place where many doors are always open in the now. It is place where we can live with a fresh outlook. In the now, all issues become relatively easy and accessible to us, helping us to achieve our goals that much faster.

The future makes no promises

The future makes no promises; it merely depends on one’s perceptions of life. Its view depends on how one holds onto that gentle glimmer of hope. The future has lots of different textures.  Some are soft and smooth, and others are hard and rough. The textures of the future are like the textures of life.  It all depends on the ones that one wants or feels attached to.  The future also can be held in the grip of fear – fear of the past.  Fear of repeating past mistakes.   The future makes no promises that your goals will be met, and it is always met in the now.

The future is patient; it allows for one step at a time in the now.  It likes the structure of making plans.  However, it is more likely to work out when a plan is flexible, yet unwavering in its commitment, and dedicated to being free from any type of attachment.  This is no easy task!

The future likes when you are clear about your requests and do not operate from a perspective of complaints. In combination with the present and the universe (life unfolding moment by moment), such a way of operating can only bring what is desired. It is required that you monitor your thoughts and remain present, free of doubt and fear, meticulous and present to negativity that enters your thoughts. Being free of all concerns is truly an impossibility – what is possible is noticing that you have doubts (or fears, concerns or considerations) and put them off to one side (do not operate from those concerns/considerations) because this is how you sustain your power. This means you can just be human and be superhuman at the same time.  To be both though means that you must be able to catch yourself when you do (or think) the things that don’t work for you.

The more authentic you are, the more you become aware of the powers of the past and what is in your now; only then can you feel the present clearly.  The future will take care of itself because of the observations and declarations you make in the now. You will see that the trio will be obedient to your wishes; keep in mind though that the past is always poised to infiltrate into whichever way you choose to go.

The past, present and future all hold incredible power. By using your mind to catch yourself, you can learn discipline and work consistently in the now! The key is working only in the NOW, as everything else is either in the past or the future.  These are places where you have absolutely no control, so there is no need to be concerned about the past or the future at all!

Noreen Sumpter

 

20 Things To Do To Maintain Your Friendships

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I am so excited to know that as long as I have an abundance of happiness and love, I am rich beyond measure. This fills my heart. My relationships with my friends and family are the cornerstone of who I am and how I live my life. If I kill off one person in my life, I feel a deficit.

What my friends can count on from me is that I will always clean up any mess I have with you. I will be 100% responsible for what I say and do not say, how I was being or not being. Just because our relationship is over does not mean I don’t and won’t love you. My love for you will never die, because there is a fine line between love and hate, if I resist my love for you I’ll be mad. So, I will use my love, where it will live as a warm memory in my heart.

Use these 20 tips to keep your friendships healthy.

1. Accept your friends as they are and not as you think they are (do this and you won’t be disappointed).
2. You and your friends might be similar however, you are different in a lot of unknown ways (this experience is sometime a bitch to learn).
3. Your experiences are yours, they are not theirs (share, share, share and don’t expect them to know everything).
4. Give your friends the same freedom you want in your life (don’t blame them for their choices).
5. Differences in friendship are what makes the friendship exciting and powerful (opposites create fun, courage and risk. Hello!).
6. Tell your friends what you expect. (They cannot and don’t want to read your mind)
7. Happiness is a subjective phenomenon; and is experienced differently by everyone. It means different things to each of you. (Variety is the spice of life)
8. Focus on what you have in the friendship and not what you don’t have.
9. Create with your friends what you are committed to in your friendship (Recreate it daily)
10. Honor you word in your friendship. (Do what you say you’ll do. If you can’t ,say so)
11. Know what you value in yourself so you can share it with you friends (Now they know)
12. Let your friends know that you value and love them
13. Don’t forget how it feels to receive respect and affection from your friends. (Express and share it)
14. Take time to celebrate yourself, and your friendship openly (I am so glad we are friends. I love you).
15. Recognize your friends and their strengths (My friend Kim has style, Jacquelyn is great with structure, Mike rocks the house with music. My sister makes my stomach muscles hurt with jokes).
16. We are humans and we all make mistakes, do not kill off your friends for mistakes (Gee, thinks everyone is a stalker because they love her)
17. Give to your friendships with an open heart
18. Don’t take your friendships for granted (furthermore, practice not taking yourself for granted).
19. If you have negative thoughts toward a friend challenge it and immediately create a positive thought (This takes mega practice).
20. Open your heart in your friendships. Be willing to be moved, touched and inspired with your friends. (I feel weepy, that was so special)
The happiest people have lots of friends, and have the ability to build supportive relationships and they spend time with happy people. Knowing your communication style is important as knowing how to share your affections and emotions, as well as building trust. It is important to spend time investing in and maintaining your relationship if you want to build a great friendships.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

20 Things To Contribute To Your Life’s Happiness

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Contribute these 20 things to your life. If you practice them, they will make you happy.

  1. Stop all negative thoughts dead in their tracks as soon as they show up
  2. Do not, text, email, or call anyone when you are angry (I am practicing this one)
  3. When angry find the source of the anger and flush it down the toilet.
  4. Know that love starts and ends with you  (Love never ends, that’s why we get mad)
  5. Start accepting that you and your thoughts are the cause of everything in your life
  6. Happiness is a result of how you feel about yourself moment to moment (Is that why my hair is so great LOL)
  7. Cause someone else to be happy and you will be happy (Who wants to be happy? Lets play)
  8. If happiness is something you desire make something exciting happen for yourself instead of waiting for something to happen
  9. Be happy instead of in reaction. The only thing to react to is Joy and laughter
  10. Laugh 20 times per day. (Don’t question it Just do it!)
  11. Be a yes to love, joy and happiness
  12. Be ready to create a space of forgiveness
  13. Have enthusiasm and passion live together in the same space
  14. Honor your freedom and let others have theirs
  15. Spend time being grateful for how happy and great your life is, and if it does not look happy, fake it until you make it.  One baby gratitude at a time (something like, “I’m amazing when I smile”)
  16. The less judgmental you are of yourself the happier you will become.
  17. Do not put limits on who, what or how you love. Just love
  18. Do not complain to yourself or to others (This is a huge one, I still have a hard time with this one)
  19. The more you love the bigger your vison of life
  20. The more love you give away, the more love you receive back.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give yourself that you truly give.”  Kahlil Gibran

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

What’s Your Self-Accepting Promise?

Accepting yourself is a big step, but it is the most important one of your life.

acceptingAffirmations are part of accepting yourself. Go through your day and say “I accept myself” over and over again.  Keep saying it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Eventually, it will start to break through and you will understand that you need to accept yourself.

I encourage you to try writing what I call a “Self-Accepting Promise.” Write down all the things you need to start to believe about yourself.  If you cannot think of anything, take all of the negative things you say about yourself and reverse them.  For example, change “I will never find a good partner” to “I deserve a loving relationship.” Here is my Self-Accepting Promise to myself:

I love myself and that helps melove those in my life and those who come into my life

I will accept myself for all that I am and all that I am not.

I am beautiful, loving and kind.

I will not place judgment on myself or others.

My life is a contribution to the world.

Without me the world would not be the same

I will never force love from another.

I am worthy of all relationships that honor me.

For, I am a woman of grace, dignity, courage and joy.

I am a reflection of life itself.

I respect myself and I respect others.

I love myself and so others love me.

I honor myself and so others honor me.

There is no other me ever.

I am compassion for myself and so others are compassionate with me.

I promise myself that I will always speak my truth with love.

I will be forgiving when I have forgotten who I am.

I will be compassion.

I am power, success creative and abundance.

I am fully provided for.

I have fear but fear does not have me.

What is your self accepting promise? I invite you to share your own affirmations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

5 Signs You’re Lacking Confidence

“Confidence is a characteristic that people recognize immediately it is a way of being, you either have it or you don’t, but it is often apparent on first meeting.  A person with confidence is like a ray of sunshine on a really gray day. Confidence… thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.” Franklin D. Roosevelt 

confidence

In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, confidence is a way of being. The first question that one should ask oneself is: Do I feel confident? If so, in what areas of my life do I feel confident? If you feel your confidence is missing, what areas of your life is it missing from?  How can you develop your confidence?

Confidence is something that is important in all aspect of one’s life.  It is important to have a healthy dose of confidence so that you can live your life comfortably and happily! It helps you connect to people in ways that open you up to say what you want, and allows you to share yourself and create feelings of connection.

Here are five key signs that you may be lacking confidence in your life:

  • Not being present in the moment
  • Not being responsible
  • Not having personal boundaries
  • Not having an authentic sense of self value
  • Not asking for what you want authentically & with integrity

You may find confidence to be missing in these areas/circumstances: career, relationships, after a divorce or loss of something or someone important, emotional loss, or loss of a personal experience that mattered in your life.

Understanding the power that having personal confidence provides open doors and enables you to create the life you want. Confidence is a development of self and that it is something that you can grow and develop within your life.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

 

 

Why the Monday Morning Blues? Try the Monday Morning Happy.

monday_l2

Get happy with your choice to be at your job.

I had a fantastic weekend. I did every absolutely everything I wanted to do.  I ate frozen cherries and berries, I watched movies, I read, I slept, I chatted with a few people. I connected with friends on Facebook added and found old friends.  I had a great weekend.

Did the thought of going to work on Monday make you wince? If so, I’m sorry to hear that.  Do you know more people have heart attacks on Mondays? Stress – this is a common experience for a lot of people. When you get on the subway this morning, did you notice the misery on people face in the subway car?  No one seems excited for the work day.  Most of the people riding to work are in a funk and are complain about how much they hate their jobs, bosses or what they do.  People are dissatisfied with the work life.  LET’S CREATE SOME SATISFACTION FOR A JOB WELL DONE TODAY. 

Most people hate their jobs, they hate their bosses and they are in some sort of upset with their co-workers.  Most workers had no idea who they were or what they wanted to do when they took on their jobs/career. The one desire was to make money.  Now that you have been on your job for a number of years, you feel stuck, locked in, and feel you have limited job options. Your money is good and you’re afraid to leave your job or switch career gears. You are afraid that you might be trapped in the same job doing the same thing for the rest of your life.  WHERE COULD YOU GENERATE A SOME COMPASSION FOR A CO-WORKER, COLLEAGUE OR BOSS YOU DISLIKE TODAY? GO ON, JUST TRY!

What Is Your Potential? Most workers do not know their potential. They have settled for whatever it is they have settled for.  Many people find out later that they have gone against their true nature for money and work and so they are not doing the thing they want to do.  I remember when I worked a job where l longed to make a difference and I did not know what I wanted to do. I just knew I wanted to be happy and make a difference.  WHERE COULD YOU USE YOUR POTENTIAL AT WORK TODAY DESPITE HATING YOUR BOSS AND YOUR JOB?

I changed my job because I was sick of pushing papers.  I didn’t love my job, but I liked and I loved the people I worked with and that’s what kept my energy going.  I liked talking to them. Work for me was like a social event, because I love people.  So no matter where I was if there were people present I could make myself happy. WHERE COULD YOU BE WILLING TO FIND SOME HAPPINESS AT WORK TODAY DESPITE THE FACT THE YOU HATE YOUR JOB?

How many times did you hit the snooze this morning? Now, I have life the way I want it. The truth is I always did and so do you.  You are on your job and you chose it.  You may not like you job or enjoy it as much as you did when you first started, but it is yours.  For those of you who are happy on your job, congratulations, and for those of you who are not, I am very sorry to hear that. So, what are you going to do?  If you answer is nothing, stay in your cubby and leave the happy people alone.

Do you feel obligated to go to work?  Do you hate your job? Please, I beg you stop hating it.  Hate is a robber of energy and it doesn’t provide you with anything positive, least of all it does not provide you with room to see your greatness and create newly.  Hating impacts everything in your life and keeps you stuck and keeps everything away that is important to you. No one is forcing you to go to work or to do a job that you do not want to do.  That is a choice you are making every day.The sad news here is that you don’t even know you’re the one making the choice.  You’re the one sucking the energy out of your life. 

Today is Monday and already some of you might be thinking of Friday.  Let go of that thought and come back to the now.  This week start doing One Thing.  One thing that you can be proud or.  Challenge yourself.  I will assure you if you do one thing today, tomorrow up until Friday you will have so much energy by the end of the week and you will be happy.  Stay in the now, be present, and Friday will come without you forcing it

Create a mindset that you will be happy at work and start going within and ask yourself, if you’re not happy in this moment, what can you create right now that will make you happy with your work and yourself?  Maybe you need to clean up something.  Maybe you could do that task you have been putting off.  That conversation you want to have but you’re afraid to have.  Take an action that you are afraid to take.  Or do that one thing that you have been avoiding.

You can spend the next 8 to 10 hours being or you can create it by being happy. The truth is you choose.  So choose, wisely and happily. 

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Stop Resisting Your Higher Self And Listen To Your Instincts

Photo Source: createandconnect.org
Photo Source: createandconnect.org

Do you ever get a feeling of heaviness when you are doing something that you don’t want to do? For instance, there are people who are working at jobs they don’t want or do not like; dating people or hanging out with people who leave you feeling as though you have just run a race with ten sacks of potatoes on your back.

You are not following your higher self, or your instincts. When higher self and instinct speak to you, you feel joyful and happy, giddy with laugher. If you are forcing yourself to do something that is in the realm of “should,” you’re not listening to your higher self or your instincts.

I had a friend who was always negative and you could never tell whether she would be in a happy or a foul mood. We would go out and men would speak to us and she would get into an argument. We would go to restaurants and she would get into a fight with the wait staff or treat them like poo. I hung out with her on and off for years because we were from England and we had a few things in common. It did not dawn on me that we were incompatible, until one night after going out with her I came home drained. I had to ask myself why I’m so drained – did I have a good time? My answer was no.

The universe is a wonderful friend because not long after that, she cursed me out the way she did the wait staff. I listened and when she was done I shared with her that I could no longer hang out with her any more and we ended our relationship. It was that simple.  Simple, yes, and a little difficult too because we do not make friends with people to end the friendship. However, more often than not, people are in our lives to teach us who we were or are. We might not like it and it is okay.  We learn the lesson and we move on.  My energy level went up and I started embracing people who were in alignment with my new energy.  People who love people, people who love sharing and enjoying life, giving and receiving compliments.

Do you find yourself resisting and sabotaging yourself?  Now to answer this question you have to be insightfully straight and honest with yourself. In order to tell on yourself, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable for a moment, but it’s well worth it.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Who Really Says How Your Life Goes?

happiness

What if you had only three months to live, and the only way you could extend your life was by doing the things that you always wanted to do but never did? Take a moment and think about it. The stipulations are as follows: it has to be do-able within three months, it has to be something that you daydreamed about constantly; it has to be something you never fulfilled or completed in the past.

Consider the following:

The first step would be to calm down, because you may be panicking about the impending end.

Think for a moment and pull yourself back together.

Express yourself and don’t censor or edit yourself in any way.

Be how you want to be and create what you want.

It is no one’s business what you choose to do.

It must be something fun that you would derive pleasure from.

It makes you happy and it is important to you and it could if you choose make others happy.

You have only yourself to please.

Ultimately it is nobody’s business but your own.

You do not have to focus on anything other than your daydream and your creations.

These are the rules

  • You must be completely honest with yourself and that may be something you have never done before in a truly conscious way.
  • Full self-expression, it is necessary to unleash your passions and everything that makes you, you.
  • Willingness to fall on your face and risk embarrassment (FYI embarrassment can be eliminated)
  • Speak to someone every week to keep you accountable
  • It must be something you have never done before
  • You have to be willing to fail and fail big.
  • You must be patient
  • You must trust yourself and you cannot ever make yourself wrong (FYI there are ways to resolve it if you do).

You must be willing to experience trusting yourself and creating your dreams so they will materialize. The other side of this experience is that negative thoughts materialize and unlike your daydreams and fantasies, negative thoughts take little or no energy to materialize.  So you must recognize your words have power to create thoughts, and thoughts create actions.

You must be willing to admit when you are afraid. When you do not, your fear becomes worse.  If however, you admit that you are afraid, the fear can disappear and you will discover you have power.  When you admit to your concerns, they too will disappear. When you do not, they stay in your head and they become even bigger.

You must be willing to distinguish each concern and barrier separately, rather than roll them all into one mass, which tends to show up as procrastination.

The Flipside

The flipside, if you really only had three months, you would start believing in yourself like never before. You would transform your mindset and start playing in the universe; then you would realize it is an abundant playground. You could start believing that you are the captain of your own life. You create and generate your life, job, relationships, finances and you can really have whatever you want. This is because you do it already.  (Don’t believe me, just look at yourself, your nice apartment, crappy apartment, money, no money – you created all of that!) You would either realize that you are amazing, you are beautiful and there is nothing ugly, bad, broke or fat about you.  You would become naturally generous with yourself which in turn would transfer to others who would want to be around you so much more.  Let’s imagine that you created a fabulous week for yourself. You had a wonderful experience this week because on Monday you said everything you needed to say, you were honest with yourself, you honored you word, you did all the things you said you would do. You generated courage to follow through and it’s now Friday and your week went the way you planned it and it all turned out really well.  What’s next?  You get to say.  You always get to say how it goes.

Do What You Want – But Take Care Of Yourself!

The truth is you will always have time for busy. Do whatever you want to take care of you.

There will always be times in life when you have a lot of things going on.  Especially if you are a woman that wants a huge life.  There will always be emergencies where things will and can always go wrong or don’t work out.  I can guarantee that. There will be deadlines at work, and you period has not come, and you have a medical emergency, you feel guilty about what you did last night, last week and last year. The world, hell the Universe will be screaming for your attention.  I am getting sick just writing this list. These are 13 ways to Live Life Your Way and live by your own design.

happylife No is what you say to anything that is not important to you.

Laundry is not important to me.  Clean clothes is what important you don’t have to do it, you can give it to someone else to do it.  People who do not stand for me and who want to make me feel bad about myself you know the people that want something and guilt you into it.  Your mother, boyfriend, friends even the mailman.  You know it’s bad if the mailman can guilt you into stuff.  Things that are not important to you and not necessary to you.  Say No, Good way to handle that is to say I prefer and to do that.

Asking for Help

Asking for help is really important.  A lot of people would rather sit in their misery than ask for help are you one of these people.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help and when you do ask for make sure that you use it.  Don’t waste people’s time talking about help and then not using it.  Most people want to help want to revel in seeing you successful and happy.  People when helping it makes them feel useful, important and important.  You can ask for anything you want anything.  Know when asking People they have to right to say yes or no.  People are grown and responsible for the choices they make it is not you position to choose for them.  Just don’t underestimate people and try to take negative advantage of them.

Stay on contact

It is important to stay in contact with your friends.  No matter the length of time that you have know the person.  People like to be acknowledged and to feel like they are friends.  There are 6+ billion people on the planet and if you do not feel like you have no friends, no one loves you then you know what you are not being a good friend.  You might be expressing love and sharing love.  Love is addictive.  Giving love and expressing love is a good feeling.  Try it.  Send a message, send a text letting people know that you are thinking of them makes a world of difference in another life.  It does not have to be a two lunch it could be a 5 min checking in just to see how they are doing.  Try this on for size,  send out I was thinking out you messages to your friends and people that you want to be friends with and see what comes back.  No it is not weird.  I am doing 5 right now.  Stop what you doing and just do it.  The 1st five people in your phone to start.  I’m back, just sent out 8 instead of five.  Got 3 responses already in 8 mins.  Generally if they are in your phone most are friends.   You don’t have to keep in contact with everyone, most will be okay about it.  However, keep in touch with people are best as YOU can it will keep you happy and keep you inspired around life, making friends and being inspired.

Surround yourself with things that you like.

Surround yourself with only the things that you enjoy or like.  Do not buy or bring into your emotional space things that you do not enjoy or like as they was pull emotional energy from you.  When you in a dumpy mood or low energy having things around you that you enjoy that you can focus on will and can cheer you up and bring up your energetic level.  Pinterest is an awesome app as you can put it on your computer your phone and you can get little boost of inspiration.

Gratitude List

I usually provide this as a tool to my clients, at first they find it difficult as in another thing in life to do then they do the gratitude list as chore then they.  When you are being grateful about what you have in your life.  You do not have time to whine about the things you don’t have.  Gratitude provides you with a tool to protect yourself against negative influences whether you are making, or the result of the activities of negative people around you.  Recognize that you have to power, and put it into constant use until you have created for yourself a wall of immunity against negative influences in your own mind. Our negative thoughts and influences usually work on you through you subconscious mind and are often difficult to detect.  So having a daily gratitude list, even creating one where you share back and forth with friends of like mind will empower you creating dialog instead of monolog where the negative thoughts do not have a chance to pollute you mind.  Gratitude has power to move you forward.  Keep a journal for your gratitudes where  you can go back whenever you need a little boost.

Keep a Planner for your life, and your fun times

Keeping a planner makes you life less crazy.  It is good practice to put all the things that are important to you also adding things that are fun.  Many people put in doctors appointment, work things, children but they don’t really schedule time for fun.  Get in the practice of adding into your planner time for fun.  It is a really exciting thing to look in your planner and see that you have schedule time for vacation, but it is also great to see inside of your day that you have scheduled time for fun things with friends or on your own.  When you keep a planner is it important to schedule everything so you don’t have any shocks surprises and missed meetings.  Once you have got that the difficult part will be to learn to use the planner in a way that is effective and does not make you regret the appointments that you have made.  Balance things, and give your self the right to say no thank you to an appointment.

Keep track of your wins

Write down you wins.  Weekly wins are important so that you can have a real record of your wins and your achievements.  I got a write up in an online magazine http://www.t2conline.com/a-call-for-coaching that’s  a big win if I don’t write that down.  I will never remember.  Make a habit of writing down your wins and achievement’s  write down you milestones they will help you when you feel that you have hit a wall in your personal achievements’ at the end of the day you can check in.

Your appearance: Make sure you like you

Also make sure that you like what you wearing and that you have your own personal style and that you look the way you want.  That your style is yours.  You don’t have to have the latest blah blah, but it is good to have your own look that unique to you.  With regard to your clothes take on your body, do you feel good about your body, are you a little overweight or a lot overweight, but you wear your body well.  Do you slouch to cover up certain flaws? Could your arms do with a little firming and you find yourself complaining about them.  Then work on them or shut up.  You style has a lot to do with how you carry yourself.  Be bold and move with boldness.  Mousiness will never look great in best of clothes.  Generate your energy.  You could be wearing sweat pants and give an air of confidence where you are wearing them they are not wearing you hiding something about yourself.  When you go out to shop make sure you shop for what you really like, bring a trusted friend who can share with you how the item looks.  However, truth is if you are confident in your image you will find clothes that will state that as a fact.

Create a go to Group

Have a go to group. A go to group is a group of friends that you respect and trust, that when you hit a wall or experience anything that derails you.  These woman are a bigger stand for your life than you are and they will support you to get back on the tracks of life.  They will remind you whether gently or they will shake up if you need a good shake up.  If you cannot afford a coach, a go to group is perfect.  These woman must not coach you or tell you what to do, what they will do is remind of who you are and the commitment and goal that you have or are creating for your life.  They will provide you with a pep talk or a reality check.  

Do something silly that makes you laugh until you tummy hurts

Go and see a really stupid move, there are a ton of them out there.  When you go to this movie, you should laugh naturally, when I mean naturally I mean at your own level and length of time.  Be you, do not go to the movie and do what everyone does, the movie laugh track, when everyone starts are the same time and finishes at the same time.  So unnatural.  That is censoring a natural emotion.  Laugh until you are completely done.  I went to the movies, with this guy once it was a date.  We went to see Fat Albert http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=fat+albert+movie&view=detail&mid=B326DD89B259A34501CFB326DD89B259A34501CF&first=0&FORM=NVPFVR&qpvt=fat+albert+movie  The movie was everything and corney. It made me laugh so much that even after people stopped laughing I was still laughing.  It was great to just laugh.  However, the guys said “Note to self never take you to see a movie again”  as me if I cared.  I think that laughing in a movie is a compliment to all the hard work it took to bring it to the movie, I had a great time and was completely expressed and free.  Laughing is good for you . Laugh often and laugh loud its contagious. Make jokes, engage your peeps, share jokes and laugh at lot.  It makes you feel better and is good for your health.  Every time you laugh a comedian get his chops. Lol.

Be emotionally okay

Be ok with your emotions, you have to emotions so that you can express them.  Unexpressed emotions can cause a lot of emotional pain. If you sad, express it.  However, express it a way that allows you to complete the cycle.  Do go digging for sadness, don’t go dregging up old relationships and add them to your new ones.  If you need a good cry, cry and complete it.  Do not blame other people for your sadness your need to cry or for your crying.  If you stressed out, look at what is causing the stress and create new actions to take to relieve the stress.  Stress in a big killer and I am sure you don’t want to die or suffer some stress induced illness.  Do not cover your emotions express them.  She them responsible.  Release all the emotions, frustrations, and the anger in a responsible way.  You will feel so much better with the release and so clear actions to take.  (Here’s an action step call me and ask me how to clean your stress and get your in action).

Write things down

Conversation and thoughts disappear, so write them down.  Get yourself a little book and save your brain cells, ever get those times when you get a great idea, or your hear something.  Or someone gives you the name of something and you think you can remember it.  Well you cannot.  If you have a full life, it is rare that you will remember the thing.  Also, when you can whip out your little book of remembering you actually are telling the other person that what they are saying is valuable enough to write it down.  Don’t waste time trying to remember stuff write it down.

Accept yourself as you are and as you’re not.

Make an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and love yourself every moment of every moment.  Don’t think about things that you have not achieve yet.  Love yourself and accept yourself without reservation.  You are very different  and unique from every one else.  You are one of a kind and quite beautiful.  Accept your uniqueness your path is different from everyone eles.  Start loving yourself by stopping the comparisons of yourself to others.  Loving yourself means stepping outside of guilt.   Detach yourself from the reactions of others. Assert yourself with a some compassion.  Show people who you are.  When you show people who you are they get a chance to share themselves with you.  When you judge yourself you stand in the way of your self-love.  Every time you judge yourself you separate your-self from others.  Stop separating and accept yourself now.  You do not have to change anything about yourself.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

What Women Said About Calling In The One Unapologetically Workshop

What can I say about this workshop? It was phenomenal! My experience of the workshop has transformed my communication and relationship to men.  If I can be candid with you, since my divorce some good many years ago, I believed that there was nothing a man could do for me that I could not do for myself. Truth be told, the only thing that a man could do for me was sex – a good roll in the hay and I knew what I liked and was not very open to anything else.  Sex was one of the few things that a man could provide for me, plus a few handyman things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love men and there were other things that they could do for me, but sex was the prime ingredient.  I was not looking for a partner. Furthermore, from where I stood, there was not much I could see.  Yes, you might even say that I objectified men.

Some time ago, I had a relationship with a man and this time, I completely allowed myself to enjoy my interaction with him, spending times when we were just being together. During my interactions with him I felt loving, kind and generous. I discovered that the missing ingredient was me.  As it turned out, the relationship did not last, however the experience left me wondering and feeling wonderful. I had love for this man, which was great.  I had learned to express love.

After that relationship, it dawned on me that what I desire is a committed loving relationship with a man. However, as an adult woman, I had no idea what it would take or who I had to become to have one.  So I started to inquire about what having that kind of relationship would take.  That is when I found the book, Calling in the One I started reading it and saw all the exercises and realized that I had no interest in going through the book alone and invited some women into having me facilitate a group where we would go through it together.

Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop
Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop

It was a wild and woolly experience that ended a nine week experience with all I could say was WOW.  It was emotional, I cried buckets of tears, and I discovered things about myself that I did not know. During one of the exercises on releasing, I experienced what I can best describe as synchronistic: boyfriends, ex-husband, ex-lovers all turned up almost from out of the blue with apologies for things they had said or done in the relationship.  Memories came flooding back of the kind of relationship my mother and father had.  Long and difficult conversations with my former husband were had. I developed a new and profound respect for myself and men, the discovery of what love as an expression really is for me and for others.

Although I was the facilitator of the workshop, I was doing the work alongside the other women. The workshop had me go places that no ordinary woman would want to go.  The women who participated in this workshop were and are an extraordinary class of women who made it safe for everyone to go to those places.  This workshop is a microcosm of life on the court. The heavy lifting and removing obstacles and the resulting lightness of being afterwards has left me more accepting of men than ever before, which is resulting in the beginnings of new friendships. I could not have done this work without the other women in the group. What I saw was that thriving relationships are not for the weak at heart.  In relationships one is compelled to look at oneself in the face through the reflection of another. This workshop is for all women who love who they love, where women who are looking at themselves get to see themselves through the nonjudgmental listening of other women.

As previously mentioned, I based this workshop on the book, Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and what I provided was a support structure with respect and a safe space for women to express themselves.  I will be facilitating another workshop later this summer.

Come to our Introduction Party on June 15th, 2014 at 3:00 p.m. to learn more about this wonderful workshop!

cito2.jpg TESTIMONIALS

“I love this workshop! When I started this workshop I was single for three years, not really having any luck in the dating scene. As a lesbian in NYC, your outlets to meet new women are limited to a handful of bars and I wasn’t having any luck on online dating. I felt lost navigating through the urban jungle and through social life of the LGBTQ scene. I eventually threw in the towel and told myself I was never going to meet anyone, ever again. 

The moment I started this workshop things started moving for me! I was able to forgive my exes and let go of past wrongs and hurt from all relationships in my life. I started working on powerful affirmations for my life, on my self-confidence, and creating my dream woman. Two weeks into the course, I had the courage to ask out a woman that I really admire. Now, you must know I NEVER would have taken the chance! I had no idea how it would go and I was terrified – I didn’t even know if she was into women! I “made of move” and it’s been a blast ever since! Dating someone while taking this workshop has made the biggest difference. Weekly I come and share what I want to create and let go of insecurities so I can have a healthy relationship.  I’m committed to going from a “me” to a “we.” And, the woman I am dating is the woman of my dreams!” – Kat Pactong

“I am so simply amazed that Noreen just kind of fell into my life and presented me with the gift of being a part of a group that is so life changing and touching. Before CITO  I just didn’t know how to articulate my feelings or express them correctly or effectively , through each week I am now able to be authentic and open in a way that sharing is as natural to me as breathing. I feel a greater sense of well being & belonging. I learned so much from the women in the group. I have shared the most recent phases of my journey with them. What made me feel a greater sense of powerful vulnerability is when Noreen would share . I realized through her that wherever we are in life we are all human. CITO changed my life & I am so ecstatic to pass this message along! I BELIEVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART IT WILL CHANGE YOURS TOO!” – Aleisha D. Stewart

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Removing Emotional Armor

I first noticed I was hiding behind emotional armor with a friend of mine that I loved very much. It was difficult and I choose to give up my emotional armor and become vulnerable.  We used to go skating in Central Park every Sunday, she, her husband and my husband (now ex) and I.  They were all good at skating. I was awful and gradually over time I became better. One Sunday we had a skating picnic for a friend’s birthday in the Central Park. My friend wanted me to skate with her like we always did and I said “in a minute.” However, that minute never happened she got angry because I didn’t skate with her that Sunday.

We lived in the same building; we were neighbors, so I couldn’t avoid my friend who got really angry at me and we started fussing, me standing my ground that I did not have to skate.  During those times I did not have the context of having it all, I lived in a one-or-the-other world. We both went home to our respective houses upset.  However, the fussing continued with our respective husbands until they became fed up.  My husband called friend’s husband and they both came down to our apartment and we all came together.  Our husbands knew that they would not be getting any peace while we were upset with each other.  They let us hash it out. I was by the bathroom with my arms crossed and my lower lip pushed out sulking, she was on the corner of our couch, arms crossed in a slouched position.

Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions.
Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions inside.

I loved my friend very much, and I felt the love and the upset I could feel both emotions were whirling around inside me. I did not want to acknowledge either of them.  It was in that moment that I accepted that I had armor. I wanted to be right, and upset, rather than ask her to forgive me and admit that she was disappointed. I knew that if I continued this way I would lose my friend, which would meant losing all the fun that we had together, the skating, parties, cocktail hours, conversations in the garden, shopping, everything and most of all the intimacy and trust we ever had.  This was the first time that I realized that this is the way I acted when I felt attacked or made wrong.  I would just cut off the relationship.  I saw that I was prone to suffering rather than cleaning up the messes.

I took a leap of faith and took responsibility for my armor. It was a protective shield that I had created years ago to avoid feeling vulnerable.  Being vulnerable for me was a weakness and I didn’t want to look or feel weak.  Accepting my fear of vulnerability opened me up to a sense of power. I became honest with myself and my friend. I’m human, at some point in my relationships and interactions I will experience or cause upsets, disappointments and communication breakdowns. Life is not black and white and my fears were valid, and my actions or inactions have consequences.

I’ve learned that anger is an important emotion and if not expressed it ends up becoming resentment.  Anger is here to help us deal with our perceived violations and perpetrations. I can choose to express it or repress it.  If repressed it becomes a vicious cycle and I will continue experience lack of control. I feared my anger because I felt that it was bigger than me. I repressed anger not knowing it was the same experience, Ieaving me with feelings of constant defensiveness.

Today, I feel that there really is nothing to be fearful of about my anger.  Owning anger and using it as an alarm system to realize when our boundaries have been breached. Note that when we are angry it looks like we are angry at the other person.  However, if we are honest with ourselves we see that we are angry at ourselves when we distinguish this, it become a form of sadness, and I have now learned to deal with it in a way that supports me.  I can be with my anger.  I listen to what aspect of my boundaries have been breached. Katherine Woodward Thomas so eloquently says:

“Listen to its power and its fury.  Underneath the resounding whirlwind of rage is a very important message that we obviously need to hear.  When anger consumes us, there is information present that is much like gold that must be searched for and minded.”

We can then restore our integrity and personal safety.  Anger becomes an opportunity to take positive action – where relationships thrive, friendships are maintained and love is present.  It is a powerful opportunity for balance in relationships.

We cannot have or keep love and friendship alive without experiencing our emotions and growing without doing the work we are resisting.

You do not have to answer the questions below – however, by doing so and taking action you might be able to put your boundaries back in place and restore your personal integrity.  You might see and opportunity for true forgiveness.

  • Who are you angry at?
  • What are you most afraid of?
  • What are the violations of your boundaries?
  • What is your responsibility?
  • What if any actions are you willing to take or not take?
  • What could happen if you take no action?
  • When will you take these actions or have the matter be complete?
  • Is there a place for forgiveness of yourself or the person involved?

NoreenSumpterCoach.com

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How to Repair a Broken Friendship

Photo by Arne Hendriks
Photo by Arne Hendriks

Last week I talked about friendships and what happens when they suddenly end. I have been pondering my friendships to understand what happens and what it will take for me to be a great friend as well as an incredible Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self Esteem.

What I saw in myself and my friendships was shocking.  I’ve been being a bratty demanding friend and ending relationships with the Kiss of Death.  I want you to know, that I have been doing some powerful work in and around my friendships. I have taken  immediate action, cleaned up and have gotten rid of olds way of behaving that no longer work or serve me.

What I know is that I love my friends. My friends love me and love being with me.  However, what I saw about myself is that I do not have space for them to make mistakes in their friendship with me.  I want my friends to be perfect and not cause me any concerns or hurt me in any way that I deem unsuitable for a friendship. So the moment I experience an upset or cause for concern, real or imagined, I confront them. If they do not act the way I want them to, I end the relationship. I am gone.  They’re dead to me. This has cost me a lot of friends.

This is just a basic example of what I do:

I send them a text or email which is filled with love and the Kiss of Death.
I erase them from all my communications, Facebook, phone etc.,
When I see them around, I ignore them.
I don’t want to know anything about them ever because I’ll get upset.
Whenever I think about them and have unresolved emotions.

This is what I am left with:

Friends that I have ignored or mentally killed off.
Friends who even if they wanted to be in communication, cannot reach me they’re blocked or ignored.
I have am upset, angry and miss my friends.
I am left with longing with memories of great friends and times that are no long present in my life.
Continuous conversations and stories about what happened or did not happen.

What I’m already being is:

Stubborn – I’ll be dammed, l’ll no longer communicate with them.
Justified – They are wrong, I am right.
Angry and pissed off – To hell with them!
Sad and replaying memories– I’m stubborn and I will not surrender.  They have to say they are sorry first and confess the wrong they have done me.

In the end, what I discovered is that I need to accept my friends as humans. They are going to do and say things that I do not agree with.  Whatever happens in my friendships is not personal. I can accept them anyway they are and are not. I realize what was missing is: vulnerability, integrity, love, patience, kindness and graciousness.

I took on what was missing in my life and what I saw was the piles up upset feelings I created for myself and for my friends.  I realize that this way of being is not who I want to be in my life. I proceeded to call my friends and send email to them and one by one.  I put the integrity back in my life and my relationships by sharing my experiences and how I felt about our relationship.  I let them know I could be counted on going forward.

The response has been great. They got to share how it was for them being on the other end of my stuff (crap.) For those I spoke on the phone with, I have declared that I will clean up with them in person as well.  I shared with them what was there for me, what had me kill off the relationship and how the fear of being told what to do, of being wrong, judged and evaluated, actually impacted our friendship.  I had no compassion for my friends and was being a spoiled brat. The person who was being hard on me was me.

Going forward, my friends get to choose powerfully if they want to engage in a relationship with me from nothing.  I get to accept them as they are and as they are not. If I cannot accept them how they are, then I have no right calling myself a friend.  I don’t have to make them wrong and me right.  This approach does not work. I am a Life Coach and create transformation in other people’s lives.  It was a young conversation which caused me to get reactivated and where I did not have language.  Well, I have the language now and I will use it.

With all that said, I want my friends to know that I love them. I am transforming my old friendships into friendships where I have understanding and communication, where I will be being vulnerable, loving, gracious, and kind. They get to be however they are and choose powerfully if they wish to be friends with me. Together, we create relationships that work.  With that I no longer have to experience fear of loss, upset or some impending hurt.  Whatever way my friends choose to be is fine.

Where in your life are you willing to take action and reclaim your friendship with people you have killed off by giving them The Kiss of Death?

Love, Noreen Sumpter

What are you willing to do to put fun back in your life?

Last week I was exploring how the past impacts my life in areas that are so young that I did not know that I even had those barriers. I don’t realize these barriers exist until something triggers a response. I do not have the memory of what happened just the response I created to survive.  I also got to see that even though I am playing and having fun in my life,  I am not really playing in areas of my life that matter to me.  One area is a love relationship as I don’t have a man. I also saw that while I am very serious about my business, there is no play in that area at all.
I also got to see a big fat area of my life where there is no play.  I have no play in the area of money and that I do not relate to money as a fun tool.  My adult life has no real spontaneity of play.  So, knowing that I am taking a look from where I am now and creating where I would like to go. What will it take to upgrade my inner conversations t0 first class so I have a first class that is created with ease, grace and freedom.

 

There is an old adage that says whatever you want, give it away. So I am creating having a first class life in all areas of my life with a focus of love, and abundance and I plan on sharing this with you.

Photo by AForestFrolic
Photo by AForestFrolic

The questions below are something for you to ask yourself.

  • Where in your life is play missing and what would you be willing to do to put play back in?
  • Answer these questions honestly to yourself. You can even answer them with another person.
  • When you talk with others, are you in monologue or dialogue? Could you share more of yourself by being in a open and free dialogue?  Yes or No?  If yes, try it?

Play exists in conversations and is a back and forth experience.

  • What is your experience of play? Is it hard work, easy or do you just not play at all?
  • Are you having relationships and conversations that are back and forth – free of jumping to conclusions, experiences upsets, releasing anger and losing control?
  • Does playing make you feel uncomfortable?

Think back to when you were a child and were really good at playing:

 

  • What were your favorite games?
  • When you became an adult, did you notice that you stopped playing in your life? When and why did you stopped playing?
  • What are the nature of the kinds of conversations you are currently having in your life? Are they complaints? Are your conversations exciting and happy? Or are your conversations leaving you exhausted or afraid?

 

The Secret to Great Sex

Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 
Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.

So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.

If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.

Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off
Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?

What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

vermox

levitra

Do You Know How To Protect Your Heart?

Photo by Katerha
Photo by Katerha

As a Confidence Coach, I believe setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of yourself, your heart and not allowing this get twisted by people comments, thoughts or feelings about you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to you and to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.
I coach my clients to you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how they feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings and you know that you are not your feelings you have feelings and they can change from situation to situation, moment to moment. By affirming your feelings it allows you to  take responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self-ownership, allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.
Some people might say that setting and having boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. So they are set boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy,give people choices and allows you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do, by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion has you

create outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life. How well do you set boundaries?  

What Women Want From a Partner

Though some of these following requests might appear to be self-centered and over indulged, they are what many women would like from a partner. However, if you look at the request for what they are really saying, you can hear that they want love and attention. These women like all women want to be loved and adored. They require what sounds like simple things. They want to be appreciated for the woman and feminine beings that that they are. Here are some of the requests I have heard form women over the years:

  • Spend time with me
  • Allow me to share my feelings
  • Share your pleasure with me
  • Be open with your feelings
  • Feel good about us or leave
  • Knows where to stand as a man
  • Have confidence
  • Be romantic
  • Offer me protection
  • Takes pride in our relationship
  • Respect me
  • Be thoughtful
  • Give me the gift of time…
  • Listen
  • Tell me I am beautiful and appreciated
  • Asking my opinion regarding a life decision that you are thinking about making…
  • Kiss me on my forehead after serving him dinner
  • Kiss me on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, left boobie and right boobie 5:30 in the morning when he leaves for work
  • Text me he made it to work and that he can’t wait to get back home.
  • Give me reasons to giggle
  • Compliment me in detail
  • Randomly express how he appreciates me in his life
  • Kiss tears away when they fall
  • Put a warm rag on my tummy during that time, hand me 2 Aleve, and some water, make me some tea, and hold me to distract from the pain and discomfort until I fall asleep
  • Give me words of encouragement
  • Be loyal
  • Acknowledgment my accomplishments
  • Give me emotional support coupled with physical touch (such as a hug, human touch doesn’t mean sexual)
  • Hold me tighter when the alarm goes off
  • Speak about our future together in detail
  • Motivate me, it shows your belief in who I am and what I do

Simple things mean a lot to every girl. Small talks, weird topics, smiles, a thank you, and a lot more. But nothing beats the respect, thoughtfulness, time and sincerity of what a man can give to his woman. 🙂 It’s the simple things, not so much the grandeur gestures.

Why Is Dating So Confusing?

Dating? What is it? Why is it so confusing? Dating is a form of courtship that focuses mostly on social activities between two people for the sole reason of accessing whether they are suitable for each other as an intimate partner or potential mate. Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which emerged in the last few centuries.

During the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families.  While romance was something that happened before and outside of marriage, discreetly in covert meetings.  Can you imagine being in a loveless marriage that was a business transaction?  The only way that people were able to pursue love and intimacy was by having affairs.   A 12th-century book, The Art of Courtly Love, advised that “True love can have no place between husband and wife”.  Can you imagine?  I think that we are still at that place given the number of divorces we are experiencing in this time.

Dating is two people together in public, exploring if they should become romantically involved. Each person is in chorus evaluating the other as a possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. Dating is stressful. Some of what happens on a date is guided by a mutual understanding of societies rules. In my opinion, dating becomes scary because of a set of mythological rules from our reptilian brains and how its effect on our emotions.  Dating is not based on logic.  It turns smart successful people into confused bumbling idiots.

What is dating anyway? Why does it catch us off guard? Why do we have all of these negative conversations surrounding dating, most of which we make up in our heads?  What is it that has so many people confused, frightened and upset?   I’ll tell you what I think. It’s because we are all trying very hard to avoid the experience of being vulnerable.  We do not want to be responsible for what we really want in relationship and we have a fear of rejection.

We believe that being vulnerable is a weakness, when being vulnerable is actually one of our strengths.  Being vulnerable allows us to be truthful with ourselves and our feelings. Vulnerability does not operate on the side of logic.

My personal experience with being vulnerable was when I was trying avoid my feelings.  I was feeling anxious, worried and outside of myself.  I do not like these feelings.   So, I do not dwell in them for a long time.  The moment I shared my vulnerability and what I was afraid of, I felt like I rebalanced myself.  I experienced a sense of relief.  It gave me power and the self-awareness of how I was shutting myself down and not being open to my feelings.  I found out I was resisting my emotions by constantly complaining to anyone who would listen.   I discovered that I was creating the same problems in every relationship that I encountered.  I didn’t express my feelings and wasn’t vulnerable, then I became distant or resentful.

When you are considering dating, it is important to know what it is that you want to create for yourself.  What is the intention of dating? Be honest and clear with yourself.  Take nothing personally.  Accept that your date is having their own variation of what it is you are going through.   After you gain clarity about your needs, wants, and expectations, be courageous enough to share them, knowing that not every person who wants to date might be on the same page as you.

proscar

Own The Bitch Within

“What a Bitch!”   “I cannot believe she’s so Bitchy.”  “She is one hard Bitch.”

Have you noticed when a woman is confident and feels truly good about herself, knows what she wants, has clear concise boundaries and is developing her personal power in a healthy way, she is often referred to as Bitch. Some of her friends might even say things like “she has changed.”  Of course she changed.  Everyone changes over time.

Who wants to stay the same? Who wants to remain ignorant and insecure?  I don’t think any woman wants that.  Life is a series of choices and so we change.

It is time to stop seeking external validation, by being “nice”, living in guilt, feeling afraid, being people pleaser, or by downplaying your needs and by putting yourself last. It’s time to own your personal power and deal with yourself by:

•    Owning the Bitch Within
•    Learning to be Selfish
•    Going for your desires
•    Playing a bigger life game
Bringing forth your personal power

The word Bitch might have negative connotations; but in some areas of life if you’re a woman on a mission and up to big things, at some point you will be called a bitch to your face.  But more often than not, it’s behind your back.  It’s important to become okay with yourself the way you are and not feel you have to defend yourself against stupidity.

Gossip, is a part of life. When people don’t know you they will make up all kinds of stories about you until they find out the truth.  I have a saying, if no one is talking about you, you really not up to much.  But, when you’ve learned to deal with fear and yourself, the term bitch, will no longer have control over you.  You’ll experience major growth and personal power.  Then any comment made about you, will no longer produce a negative feeling or result, it will be like water off a ducks back.

A Woman Owning the Bitch Within

In order to love the bitch within, you have to know and own that bitch.  In this blog,  the bitch I’m referring to is a strong, confident loving person that has healthy boundaries.  She knows that nothing is personal.  This Bitch accepts herself for all she is and all she is not.  She is grateful for her mind, potential and life and is willing to create anything she wants to experience. She knows that mistakes are a part of the journey of growth and development.  She knows that nothing is ever really wrong.  She is 100% responsible for her life, the way it is and the way it is not.  She is open to living a joyous life knowing that things happen for the greater good.  She knows she has choices and can complain, or be a victim in a continuous cycle of negativity and righteousness.

Learning to be Selfish

This Bitch she is very selfish.  However, the reason why she is selfish is because she knows she does not come from a deficit in any area in her life.  She is abundant in her way of being.  She gives 100% because she coming from a place of self-love, abundance and generosity.   Self-love is a heartfelt experience.  This is not the kind of Bitch that is aggressive and negates other people’s rights.  She is empowered and thus empowers others.  She is willing to take responsibility for her life and gives up making excuses.  This is not the kind of selfishness that does not care about the effects of her actions on other people.  This Bitch is not aggressive or controlling.  Being Selfish means that you make sure that you are taken care of. When you are completely taken care, you have an abundance of self to give away.   When you say yes, you mean yes.  When say no, you mean no. There is no questioning of choice.  Everything is sent out for the highest good and everyone receives the highest good back.

Going for your desires

This bitch goes for, knows and asks clearly for exactly what she wants.  She also knows that clarity is one of the keys to having it all, so she does not settle for less than what she wants.  She also knows that if she has the right to go for her desires, so does everyone else.  She knows that the universe is abundant.  Being fulfilled in all of her desires is important. Her desires are important.  She will ask as many times as it is necessary to get what she really wants.  She knows when she stops asking for her desires, it not that she cannot have it.  It’s that something better has shown up and taken it place. Desires are continuous and so we keep on asking until old desires are met and new ones are created.

Playing a bigger game

This Bitch knows that playing a bigger game in life does not have anything to do with size or amount, it means being authentic and honest with one’s thoughts and feelings.  Having the freedom to live one’s dream.  Being happy with her choices so that her energy can be directed where she would like it to be.  She believes in herself and she believes that all things are possible.  She knows to achieve the life she wants.  Believing in herself is a choice.  It’s an attitude that she has developed for herself overtime.  She does not blame her family for the hand that she was dealt, or the race, physical size or class that she was born into. She knows that she is responsible for her own concepts and she can change them.  Her game in life is personal to her and no one ever has to agree or want to play.  She is okay about other people’s opinions, as she knows their opinions are none of her business.

Bringing forth your personal power

The Complete Bitch has personal power.   She needs no reason, she just is.  It is her very own.  The Bitch that I speak of knows that if she is going to be successful in her life in her own right. She knows that it’s the way she handles herself and owns the Bitch within.   Personal Power is within us to create the lives we want.  The life we dream about and the life that we were born to live.  You have to claim your personal power.

What would you life look like if you owned the bitch within and gave up complaining? If you took responsibility and started being a woman and owning the Bitch within? I invite you to add your comments in the box below.

Self Accepting Promise

Accepting yourself is a big step, but it is the most important one of your life.  Affirmations are part of accepting yourself.  Go through your day and say “I accept myself” over and over again.  Keep saying it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Eventually, it will start to break through and you will understand that you need to accept yourself.

Your assignment is to write a self-accepting promise.  Write down all the things you need to start to believe about yourself.  If you cannot think of anything, take all of the negative things you say about yourself and reverse them.  For example, “I will never find a good partner” to “I deserve a loving relationship.”  Here is my self accepting promise to myself:

Self Accepting Promise

I love myself and that helps me love those in my life and those who come into my life.

I will accept myself for all that I am and all that I am not.

I am beautiful, loving and kind.

I will not place judgment on myself or others.

My life is a contribution to the world.

Without me the world would not be the same.

I will never force love from another.

I am worthy of all relationships that honor me.

For, I am a woman of grace, dignity, courage and joy.

I am a reflection of life itself.

I respect myself and I respect others.

I love myself and so others love me.

I honor myself and so others honor me.

There is no other me ever.

I am compassion for myself and so others are compassionate with me.

I promise myself that I will always speak my truth with love.

I will be forgiving when I have forgotten who I am.

I will be compassion.

I am power, success creative and abundance.

I am fully provided for.

I have fear but fear does not have me.

What is your self accepting promise? We invite you to comment below.

I Made a Philanderer Cry

Last night I went out for a drink.  I was feeling pretty sexy and strutted down the street with my 5 inch heels and my very cute purple jeweled dress with the appropriate plunging neckline.  I make my way to the bar.   When I go out alone, I usually sit at the bar because the bar is where you have the best chance of meeting people to talk to.  I love talking to people.  You might say I will only meet men at the bar, but I meet a lot of people.

Anyway, I’m sitting at the bar and here comes this attractive men – tall, dark and well-spoken etc.  He asks if he could talk with me.  Sure! He starts talking about his life and how cute I am, which is always fabulous.  He tells me he finds me sexy. Great! I put in a ten minute effort to get dressed, plus the beautiful Yves Saint Laurent lipstick that I spend $40 dollars on that day with my Mascara that I purchased for $25.00. I had a $100 face on.  Lol.  What the hey, I was looking good, feeling good and yes smelling good.

He pats my hair then tells me he’s been dying to do that.  What the hey; I say.  Men are always wanting to touch my hair.  I guess it the gives them the caveman experience they like re-enacting.  Anyway, he goes on to tell me that he is married; red flag.  30 years, he loves his wife. I say great.

Rule number one I don’t date married men.  So he tells me is wife is on long island tonight with their daughter.  I say great.  He tells me he used to be a NBA player back in the 70s I say great.  He tells me he owns restaurants and he’s got a comfortable life for himself, I say great.  I’m listening.

Then he comes the sob story I have to take out my tiny violin.  I love my wife but my wife and I don’t have sex.  I saw that coming a mile off.  I say Great.  So I ask what is that has you not have with your wife?  He rambles on about she has always let him have one night stand with the rule of not falling in love.  So he has lived his whole married life with this conversation and level of freedom.  So when did you and your wife stop having sex?  One year ago.  She became angry.  She cut him off.  How do you feel about this?  I don’t know.  Are you sad about it? He describes his wife as an elephant.  What do you mean by that?  He says that she has a large memory.  She never forgets the past.  I ask him if he loves his wife.  He says absolutely.  She is the mother of his children.  He is not leaving her.  He has another woman that he has been seeing her for years.  So why are you trolling for another woman.  Least of all me?  He was very straight forward.  He told me he would like to get naked with me.  After he told me he had a full hip replacement because of his life playing sports.  Hey.  Anyway, I asked him a few more questions, do you want to have sex with your wife?  He starts joking about how he want to get naked with me.  I was grossed out but smiling and thinking of a large chunk of plastic.

I asked him what had him marry his wife and stay so long.  She allowed him to do what he wanted, she was sexy etc. They went to college together, she did his papers.  She was available for whatever he wanted.  She traded for the good life.  He said he hurt her emotionally not physically.  He was not rough with her. She is a great woman.  He loves her.

His wife was hurt, she had given him space to be. However, now she was upset about her choices.  She shut down and in-turn shut him down.   He was sad, upset and remorseful. His commitment for his wife is amazing; his love for her is great.   He’s dealing with his behavior.  He’s afraid of losing her and he is about to lose her if he does not taken fast action.  Then I notice his eyes well up with tears, his lips going in and out quivering.  He’s crying now.  Noreen, you made a grown man cry.  I asked him if he was crying and he said yes.  I acknowledged his tears and his commitment to his wife.  It was clear to me.  He cried some more.

I know that he did not get dressed this evening to go out and pick up a woman that would go toe to toe with him about his life and make him cry.  Dude no sex happening over here?  He was moved and talked some more still crying.  He thanked me and said I will talk to my wife. I gave him my number and he said he’d like to talk with me again.  He’s been trying to work this out for ages.

Can you imagine? What I do know is this man loved his wife.  Having sex with strange woman just kept his self-loathing and encouraged his habit of not being responsible and honest with himself in first place.  So that was my night.  It was fun.  I looked sexy. I had a philander cry and made a difference in his life.

You Can Become An Olympic Champian

“But right now, I have no goals; I’m just like a bum.” Usain Bolt.

They came, they conquered or were conquered.   They all achieved their goals, some will play again.  Some will never compete at this level again. Some will go onto to train others by giving away what they have accomplished becoming coaches or leaving the sport of their passion entirely.    However, all of them are winners in their own right.

Michael Phelps, is still the fastest man in water, and now to add to his list of accomplishments breaking the all-time Olympic Medal record.  The old record was 18.  The most medals were won on land by a gymnast, Larisa Latynina. Michael record was won in the water with 19 medals.  Her record took 70 years to win. Michael’s record, who knows where or when it will be broken?

Phelps came and accomplished everything he and his Coach Bob Bowman set out to accomplish.  His coach put him through many rigorous tasks.  His coach readied him to be able to swim blind only being able to count his strokes in previous last Olympics.  Who knew?

The fastest man in the world “All Day Everyday” Usain Bolt ran for 36.84 seconds for the 100 meters.  What makes Usain Bolt so amazing?  Well, he has all the physical skills possible to attain his goal.  Actually the bigger question is what makes anyone of these athletes so amazing and powerful?  Yes they have the drive.  They’ve developed the skill, and they have the passion.  There is one thing that they also have.  They have coaches. Their win is also their coaches win.   They have coaches that help them plan what’s next.  The coach is in the background.  Very rarely is the coach in the foreground.  However, the drills that get done, the practice over and over again are planted and take root in the athlete mind, bodies and action are planted there by their coaches.  The Coach,  who each and every one of the players love and respect.  Their coaches are the muscle behind the curtain.

A coach will go to any length to train you to be number on in your level of performance. A coach will stretch you in ways that you can never stretch yourself.  Your coach is able to have you be all and more of what you want to be; always in the background, knowing your game, making sure that you know your game.

Usain Bolt has conquered all his current goals.  He came to be a legend and he is now a legend.  He say’s pertaining to what’s next for him “Right now nothing. I’ve done what I wanted to do. My coach and I will discuss what we need to do. But right now, I have no goals; I’m just like a bum.”

“I’ve done something that no one has done before, which is defending my double title,” Bolt said. “Back to back for me, I would say I’m the greatest.”  So would say that kind of confidence is arrogant.  I would say that is a person that knows what he came to do and did it despite the media comments.  He fulfilled on the measure.  Confidence is something that gives you a sense triumph.  A Coach is someone that makes you triumphant.

What do all of these Athletes have in common?  Yes, they have coaches and they take the coaching. The coach keeps them out of their head and in the game.  Who keeps you out of your head and in your games in your life?  When things are not working, or working the way you want them to do?  What do you do? How do you win in the games that your create for your life?  Do you quit at the slightest incongruence? Or do you just give up at the mere thought of what you think will take place?   Who helps you build the weak muscle in areas of your life that you would like to transform?

Having a coach will help you transform old patterns and limiting behaviors.  Find out more and read my testimonials of the successes that I have helped my clients accomplish and more.
•    What area of life are you tired of recreating over and over again?
•    What is the result that you’re not getting?
•    Are you waking up exhausted at the mere thought of another day being unfulfilled?
•    What are the wants, needs or desire that are not being fulfilled?
•    Are you doing the same thing over and over again looking for a different result?

Take Action! Get a coach that can have you be accountable and have you develop the confidence to go after your very own personal Olympic dream.

“Citius, Altius, Fortius” or as they say in Hip Hop “Go Hard”

The spirit of the Olympics is tantamount to life.  I love the commercial that says “Luck does not get you to the Olympic games.  You can’t wish your way onto the podium.  you can’t buy it or hope for it. It is not enough to dream about.  Luck did not get me to London, I swam here.” http:/You have to believe in yourself enough to take action.

I watched the Fab Five, McKayla Maroney, Kyla Ross, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Wieber, dominate the Olympic team finals.  In an interview, it was clear to me that the Fab Five was clear about their future.  They believed in themselves.  And today, they are at the Olympics.  They’ve won the gold and fulfilled their dreams that were created when they were children watching the olympics.

The Olympic motto is Citius, Altius, Fortius, a Latin expression meaning “Faster, Higher, Stronger”. Baron Pierre de Coubertin’s founded the International Olympic Committee (IOC) in 1894. Ideals are further expressed in the Olympic creed: The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part.  Just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

How did all of these athletes make it to the Olympics? They believed in themselves.  They had people who believed and stood for them.  They created their work, did the work, believed in themselves and acted upon their dream.

If you are waiting on someone to give you what you want, then you are not taking responsibility for your actions. You must accept that you are turning over your power to another person.   Where are you waiting for something to be to your liking? Do you get yourself upset because your boss has not given you what you want?  Your partner does not want you to be you? Your money is not the way you want it to be? Take the initiative and start believing in you.  It’s is up to you to increase your productivity and improve your performance.   Everything that you want is already in your own hands.

Be willing to give yourself permission to do what you want with your life.  What are the things that you could do that are necessary, keeping in mind that your life in not linear? There are a lot of things that have to be done so that you can have a full life while pursuing your dreams. Relationships have to maintained, money still has to be made, work still has to be done, food still has to be eaten, bodies and health have to be taken care of, fun still has to be had, vacations to be created. (You can’t forget vacations.)  There are no real excuses for not living your dreams, only the excuses you make up that stop you from taking action. There are still, and will only ever be, 24 hours in the day and what you do with them is entirely up to you.

Now you know that life is not linear.  Blaming people, places and things for your inability to take action on the things that you want is your way of saying and believing that you cannot have what you desire.  Making others wrong for sharing their thoughts and feeling is you not taking responsibilities for what is important to you.   In life, your timeline does not have to agree with anyone else’s.  Just because timelines, thoughts, feelings and agreement are not in alignment with yours, does not mean the other person is bad or wrong. All it means is it’s different.  Different is never bad or wrong.

Check in with yourself. Are you holding yourself back?  Hiding who you really are? Pretending to be something other than who you are?  Not sharing yourself and what is important to you?  Feeling fearful hurt upset and living in the past while pretending you’re present?  Believe in yourself and remember, you are the captain of your ship and any success you desire truly comes from you. Citius, Altius, Fortius Faster, Higher, Stronger. Or as they say in Hip Hop Go Hard.

How are you going to be Faster, Higher and Stronger? We invite you to share your ideas in the box below.

Slowly Down The Fat Hill I Went

When people hear the story of weight loss they only see the final result.  They get all wrapped up in the final goal, and forget that any change is a journey of self discovery.  They get discouraged by the pace of change and criticize themselves if the process is not fast enough.  But I want you to know it is a slow journey.
When I started, slowly down the fat hill I went.  It was a very high and steep hill.  I had no idea how high or how steep my fat hill was.  However, when I heard my legs in stockings rubbing together and making a sound like mice whispering in a chip bag, I knew it was time to release some fat. So I started off on my journey on the walk down the fat hill.
If I did not choose to slowly walk down the fat hill, I would have ended up rolling down the fat hill and God only knows what kind of injury I would have sustained.    Well, slowing walking down the fat hill, I realized that I needed some support.  I could do it, but I was unaware of what to do, how to do it and if I would have enjoyed doing it by myself.  Now, I am the typical lone ranger. I do things on my own and swear that I can.  But there are times when even a Lone Ranger, needs a Tonto. My first Tonto was called Lilli.

 

Lilli is my health coach.  She would call every week and we would just talk.  I was kidding myself really thinking that between the Nintendo WII and walking in the park I could make it happen.  In reality, i needed help because I had no idea how to help myself.  I knew I was overweight, but I had no idea about how overweight I was.  My fat was hard and tight and its address was 1 Round the Middle Avenue in the town of Back fat.   Anyway, Lilli and I would talk and share.

 

I decided to exercise by stalking a woman in the park one Saturday, and doing her routine. I was unable to keep up.  I decided it was time to get a trainer. So, in pops Dr. Evil.  Dr. Evil was posting flyers in the park.  He looked decent and I confronted him in my friendly manner and asked him what he was doing.  He was starting a Boot Camp and I took one of the flyers.  I called him a few weeks later and did his consultation.  He about killed me.  I never sweated so much in my life.  I sat on the monument in Fort Green Park and left a butt print.  OMG.  That was it, he was my trainer and the rest is history.
Before Dr. Evil, I could not do a pushup.  I could not run up the stairs. WHen I did I was  out of breath. Dr. Evil didn’t care he just said do it.  No small talk, no chat.  We worked out and I left.  He told me the goal was 1 lb a week.  I just grinned through my teeth.  Anyway, 1 lb a week it was consistently.  Today, I have a team of people who take care of me and support me to be my great self.  I never understood that before – how much asking for help can help me.  I have a health coach, a trainer, a therapist, a cleaning lady, a stylist, an assistant and an organizer.    In life there are things that we are just not good at.  My suggestion now is get the help, clear the mess and live a full life.

What is Your Olympic Size dream are you willing?

The Olympics are in my home town London. I could not be happier.  It is so exciting.  London has hosted the Olympic Games on two past occasions in 1908 and 1948.  Now they are hosting a third time starting in a few day 2012.  It is amazing.  The Games Begin July 27th @ 7:30pm.  The athlete’s I will be watching are Usain Bolt from Jamaica and of course Team USA.  Oops, I have been in New York to long, I forgot about my home town.  I will be watching my fellow country people from England.

Olympians are the modern gladiators of our time.  Every athlete dreams of attending but only a few and the best of every country make it.  It’s fair to say that the Olympics put added pressure on most of the athletes because it is held once every 4 years.  Since everyone wants to make it so everything is pressurized.  I love watching Gymnastics; I will be watching Gabrielle Douglas referred to as the flying squirrel.  She is quite remarkable. So young, so talented and bright the confidence of this young lady could like up any stadium.  I wish her talent to shine and a medal to procure.

What does it take to be an Olympian? Is it just training, their natural gifts or could it a certain kind of personality?  We don’t know.  You know they would have been breeding them genetically by now.  Is Talent is one of the many key components, as well as speed, strength, and endurance?  Yes.  But determination and a fighter spirit is one of the major components for success. I love this article about the 15 essentials of becoming an Olympian, according to Nick Catlin, a two-time Olympian.

What about passion? Where does passion come in? Well its important.  You have to love what you do. You have to be able and willing to invest the necessary amount of time it takes to be an expert in your event.  What does it take to do your best when the pressure is on?  When the pressure is on, being in the zone is where most athlete master their personal psychological skills that allow them to make a difference and be the best.  They have be able to recover from an error on a dime as a second of time could be the difference between a gold medal or being a person that went to the Olympics.  Athletes need to be in the zone, as do many of us who are in professions that call the management of self in a stressful or demanding situation.   It calls for years of practice to develop skills to operate at a higher level.  You have to be able to cultivate and have laser-like focus.

As with most things, as one learns, they realize it is not about being perfect at what you do. It is about being in the moment as life gives it to you. It is about not worrying about being perfect,  about past failures and looking at the scoreboard while in the moment.

If we went after our goals like Olympians there would be nothing we could not accomplish.  We would be able to accomplish our desires and goals consistently.  We can all be Olympians by adopting and using a combination of psychological skills that include visualization, setting a goal, focused concentration, being able to learn methods that can have you relax when needed and by being able to psych yourself up by using positive self-talk.  Use these methods in a consistent order and you can succeed.  In order to be successful, you need to managing your mind for success.  Once you were ready to accomplish your goal, all you would have to do is focus and let it happen.  Athletes have bodies and minds that are prepared to succeed and ready to go for gold. For the untrained goal setter, it is always the mind that gets in the way.  Are you willing to do the work?

Creating Boundaries for Great Sex

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.
So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.
If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.
Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off

Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?
What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

How to Avoid Downward Dating

For the past couple of weeks, we talked about downward dating – dating someone who is not at the same emotional or financial level as you. Here are some tips on how to avoid downward dating:

Remember downward dating unlike Downward Facing Dog Does not tone and strengthen your back. It can however give you great sex for 60 seconds and fabulous eye /arm candy. But, if you’re serious about having a relationship stay away at all costs.

Date people that have the same or similar kinds of interests.

Value yourself so that people will value you and if they don’t, you can walk away intact.

Give yourself permission to do what you desire.

Date people that have interests that interest or might interest you.

Take time to get to know people you date, but first take time to know yourself.

Date people that have similar values by finding out and asking those questions that freak you out.

Date people who value you making plans and can be honest about what they can and cannot do.

Date people that are flexible, will try new things and speak up about them.

Date people who can create and have with clear agreement with you.

Date people who will remember your successes in the relationship not your failures.

Breakdowns are opening for breakthroughs. Life without breakdowns is no life at all.

Date people and do your best and realize that dating is a process which can have you realize your humanness.

Date by expecting the best to happen and know that your will experiences triggers from you past.

Date with an open heart or else don’t date – In fact do your life with an open heart.

Improve the quality of yourself by being open to being fearless and free.

Ask yourself serious heartfelt questions, the one that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Have a look at your attitude and level of gratitude.

What do you like or dislike about your dating habits? Take a look. Don’t judge just investigate.

Get rid of your physical typing,the physical typing was created in your past by a very young you.

Stay in the present moment leave you past relationships in the past.

Live in the now date in the now.

Everyone, as we all know, is different and not everyone is compatible. So, it is important to realize if you cannot accept a person for all they are and all they are not, then you need to leave them alone. Maybe your date has not read a book in a number of years. Maybe they only eat what they was raised on and everything else is off limits. Or you’re a traveler and they’re a couch traveler. Your priorities are so completely different. You find yourself trying to plan things with them and they seem really keen, but when it comes time to commit to the plans, they disappear off the planet and your left wondering is this the same person.

Who do you think you are?

Last week we were talking about defining your own sexuality. I asked you ” who do you think you are?”. It wasn’t meant to be asked in a tone with attitude. It is more of a definition of your sexuality. Its the kind of who do you think you are that rocks your boat.  This question has you get up in the morning and look forward to your day.   It’s the kind of question that when you think about it your mouth salivates, your fingers itch and you cannot wait to get share how you feel. That is the kind of who do you think you are that is interesting. 

The sad thing is that many of you have had the “who do you think you are” beaten out of you. When the question gets asked of you, you find yourself shrinking, experiencing confusion and feeling put out. Very few of you can answer this question and get excited about sharing.  Most of you were taught not to brag about yourselves or your interests. It is as though you never got emotionally feed. You had to find ways feed yourselves which kept many of your interests squashed.

So what happens when you feel squashed? Many of my clients experience a hard time going after what they desire.  They are good at their jobs. They have successful businesses and make money, but when it comes to their personal needs, they gets put on the back burner of their life.  They have a hard time going for what they want for fear of not getting it right.  Adults need to get things right which in turn gives them no freedom.    

Their dreams can get so clouded over they don’t know what they want for themselves and their lives. They have a hard time asking for help and support and don’t believe that they can get it.  They feel that something is wrong with them if they seek support. Many don’t believe they deserve help and will sabotage their successes by not doing the work.  However, when this becomes clear, they are able to flourish. They sabotage themselves because they are always the person doing the helping and are confused and frustrated when they need the help.  All this confusion and fear kick in. 

Most of all you are afraid to go after what you want. You are so afraid that you will be less attractive, seen as aggressive, and in some cases odd, if you go after what you want with fervor. You fear you might will be all alone Andes a result, you worry so much that you can’t have a life of fun, happiness or a find a life partner. 

It is important to really think about who you think you are.  What is important to you?  It is important to gain clarity and live in a world that you create for yourself with your rules.  When you know what is important to you and take the steps to develop the confidence to go after it, you will be confident in the world of who do you think you are.   Also, when you know who you are, you will learn that you are an evolving individual who can recreate yourself as often as you like.  If you feel that you’re sexy, hot, and the cat’s meow, you will be a bag of chips and all that.  Furthermore, your way of being will echo into the world.   Who do you think you are?  Think about it and be it.  
 

Relationships Take Work

Thank God I can read. I am reading a wonderful little book called A Fine Romance, The passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage.  This book was written in the 80s, but it’s quite motivating. It describes how we experience life and relationships. 

Everything that is important takes work.  Your career, growing your money, your health, getting in shape, it all takes work. The book explains that you are conscious of all the work life takes, but are not aware of how much work it takes to be in a successful relationship. 

The writer is bloody right. When it comes to matters of the heart, I personally want my relationships to be thunder bolts and lightening.  I want it to be like a fantasy that happens in a Lifetime movie. My lover plants a gentle kiss on my mouth and my eyes shut and next minute, life cuts to me being married, living in the perfect house with the perfect life. The end.  Yeah!  Wake up.  Duh!  None of this is going to happen unless I work at it. 

Relationships takes work because the dating process takes effort. It is not just one step. You have to go through many steps: the dating process, the courting process, getting to know each other, being present with your feelings, thoughts and everything else in between.  Being confident enough go through the process of creating of partnership without getting aggravated requires you to discover what you really want in a relationship. In order to do that, you need to monitor your own behaviors.

What I discovered is there is a challenging universal structure to courtship.  In a nutshell, there are many experiences that can occur. You may one day feel ambivalent or you may have deaf stops where you only hear your own thoughts and ignore anything anyone else has to say. You also have the challenge of dealing with your own personal theories, worries, limiting beliefs and triggers, as well as a list of what your partner should and should not do. There are dramas within ourselves which relate to a complicated array of drives, feelings, expectations and assumptions. Each one determining our individual responses to love and relationships. All along the way, your self-esteem gets battered and bruised. Your confidence gets shattered and you wind up swimming in a world of unhappiness. Your feel like you are glowing one moment while in the next, you feel like an abandoned baby on the steps of a local church, not knowing what the hell happened.   

At times you feel ambivalent. One minute you dig the person and the next minute you wonder what you ever saw in them. Then back again.  Either you’re dumped or you’re dumping them out of exasperation and frustration.  One of the things to be excited about and to know is this is all a part of the relationship experience. It is normal. The important thing to remember is to build a solid foundation within yourself that is separate from the relationship. This will allow you to be like a rock that won’t be swayed by every step of the courting process. If not,  the fears of your past relationships will leach into your new relationships, whether your aware of it or not.

I had the liberty of dating a man I thought was wonderful. In the end, we did not work out. The main reason is because his old relationship filtered into my relationship with him. He may have left his last relationship but it did not leave him. How do I know that he did not truly get rid of his last relationship? He said he had the utmost disdain for his ex-live-in-girlfriend. As time went on, the same concerns and worries from his old relationship filtered into the relationship I was having with him. He had a fear of entrapment. His language was about me trapping him in a cage. He did not want to be in that same type of situation again so all relationships were scary to him. There was no opportunity for me in our relationship as his unconscious behavior made him behave as though all relationships were going to end in the same way. 

The book describes this as the fear of entrapment.  I made his anxiety worse. He feared being locked in an emotional cage. He thought when he was with a woman, he’d lose his freedom.  No matter what I said, it made no real difference.  It was over before it was even allowed to begin.

I could have felt bad about it. I could have blamed myself. But because of a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem, I know that the end of our relationship does not mark me as a failure or a bad person. I know I can give and receive love. The end of a relationship is not a rejection of me and my worth as a person. It is not personal. It is a personal relationship but the behavior is not personal. The thing that is personal is the love I share in any relationship which I will continue to give freely.

What happens when you are secure in yourself

When you are secure in yourself, your thoughts and ideas are great because you know intuitively that you don’t have to defend anything about yourself.  You thoughts, ideas and dreams are yours and they will never be the same as anyone else’s.  You know that no one has to agree with what you think as you are empowered.  However, the areas of your life where you are not empowered and lack confidence are the areas where the thoughts, beliefs and ideas are not your own. You seek validation or you get upset, angry and downright nasty, when you feel challenged.

Whenever you feel challenged and have to defend something about yourself, try this question on for size – “If I were a man would I have to defend myself for my thoughts and ideas”.   Now, I am not saying become a man in any way shape or form.  The question I am asking is “Why do I feel I have to defend my ideas or thoughts?”  You never have to defend anything. Did I say “anything” about yourself? You are perfect just like a rose. You have thorns. But just because you have thorns, when you feel them coming out, (unless it is an emergency and someone is physically attacking you), you need to take a look at why the thorns are coming out.    You never have to make an excuse of being disgusted with the way your life is going or not going.   When something is not working for you change gears. Look it square in the face and say,  “Fuck it, this will not do.  I desire something different.” Stop doing what does not work and choose something else.  Do not worry about anything else. 

People can really say anything they want about you. They can ask you anything and you have the right to choose how to feel.  If you’re upset, you have the right to let off steam in a responsible way. However, bare in mind that something is going to change and you’re going to change it.  It’s important that what matters is what you say about yourself and how you transform your life.  Your occurring world is what is important and if it is not supported by positive thoughts, what you will be if you don’t feel secure, is defensive.   You have to be okay with you. Only you can choose, you have to be willing to take responsibility for your life and not be sorry for your choices when you realize who you truly are. Outside forces are irrelevant because you are not your circumstances, you have circumstances.  We need circumstances in our lives.  What you need to do is give yourself a goal. You must be specific and clear about your target, as without one you will never feel secure and you will never get on the road.

What would you have to hear for you to accomplish your goal? In some cases it could be you have the job.  You have the deal. Yes, I’ll take that one.  Whatever it is that you have to hear, will be the point when you have reached your goal.   I remember when I finished my coaching training.  All I wanted to hear as a coach, and what made me a coach, was when someone said “Yes I want to work with you. How much do I have to pay, and when can we start”.   That sealed the deal for me. 

No two people’s arrival point will be the same.  However, they will have to be secure enough to keep going until they hear what they need to hear.   So it is important to

·        Make a Choice

·        Set a goal

·        Start towards your Goal

So when you are secure in yourself, anything can open up and that “anything” will be yours. 

Flying By The Seat of Your Pants

You have a fear of something, so what do you do? What is your Trump card. By Trump card, I mean the way you behave when your back is up against the wall and you are being called to take action. Do you pretend and charge into denial? Do you hide out, stay out of communication and ignore calls? Do you shut down emotionally? Do you become defensive and get into fights? Do you strut around and tell everybody in your best cocktail voice that its’ marvelous darling, or do you speak in your loudest voice and assert that you are fine? Or do you just get colloquial say “I got this” when you don’t have anything? The best one yet is that you’re okay and that you do not need any support.

Then something out of the ordinary happens- you lost a job, a relationship, your money. Flying by the seat of your pants does not allow you to make real commitments. This lack of commitment has you live in the place of fear which has you isolate yourself from your feelings and disconnect you from people. A side note about feelings, I want you to know that feelings are fleeting. They come and go like clouds.

Your Trump card is how you have been being for a long time. With your way of being, you are not aware that it is destroying things that are important to you. Using any one of these actions is surely a way of destroying relationships. I have had people tell me that they are not loveable and cannot be loved. They don’t want anyone to love them. They are not committed to anything or anyone when that kind of communication is launched into the world. They have all these beliefs tied into ways that can be loved, like how long they know you. They just have limiting beliefs about love that only makes sense to them. Furthermore, when I say world, I mean the persons individual world where is occurs as though their putting seeds on a Formica counter top and demanding it grow without the right conditions. Their commitments cannot grow, they cannot form relationships and they are never present. They are like drifter’s on the planet not experiencing life’s wonderment, and they wonder why life is not going the way the want it to. They become upset, and people who love and support them find themselves working hard to support these people without anything coming back. Their actions are not personal. It is just difficult to be with these people. It just take waiting for these people will one day take themselves off the Formica counter top and plant themselves in the earth. Figuratively speaking.

With that fixed way of being, one cannot fully experience anything that life has to offer. Commitments become hard to accomplish. Fear of failure can be a fixed way of being that has you fear anything that calls for you to put yourself into action. Your internal conversations that you are constantly creating show up all the time. Thus you win at the game of being unlovable. So what shows up are people who also feel unlovable which creates more of the same in your life. This leaves you with a feeling of not being present to what is possible in life. Fear as is common to everyone. False Evidence Appearing Real.

What is your trump card? Your way of being that comes up for you when confronted or experiencing fear?

Do you have commitments that you fear?

Do you find yourself making commitments and avoiding them?

What are the limiting beliefs that are always stopping you in your life?

Are you flying by the seat of your pants with no plans?

Do you really know what possible for you in your life?

Do you have a fixed way of being that cause you to be fearful and you would like to shift it?

RESPECT, Give Yourself Some

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care, TCB

This is a just a few words from the song made famous by Aretha Franklin.  In order for her to have written this song, she must have had it up to her eyeballs with the lack of respect.  We all love the song because of it catchy little melody and because it resonates for most of us. 
 
Well, respect is a really important desire for all of us.  It is something that makes all of our relationships work well.  It also makes us feel comfortable and gives clear boundaries when we know that we’ve got it.  I think that respect is very important because it’s given or felt by each toward the other; mutual: reciprocal respect.  I like when I have reciprocal respect for my fellow human.  It just feels good.  It helps me understand the natural boundaries that we’ve created.  It also allows me a sense of freedom, because I know how far I can and cannot go with the person and it lets them know about me. 
 
What I cannot understand is when we do not honor our personal word.  We cannot, for whatever reason, follow through on our own word.  We cannot and do not complete actions that were started.  It is very confusing and frustrating.   I often wonder how we do business with a sickly word.  A word that resembles Diarrhea.  Diarrhea describes bowel movements (stools) that are loose and watery. Just like our words, loose and watery, with no substance to it at all.  Appointments get made with no intention of following through, saying yes when you mean no, having no follow through.  I know that when we behave in this manner, we really do not understand or might not even feel the impact of our word on another.  I also know that this kind of behavior is not personal.  As what we are in this manner is what we are all the time. 
 
Often times, this form of integrity diarrhea is so common, that we do not understand the sometimes serious affects we have on others in the sense of their time and their money.  

They do not know that one could consider a very quick remedy just like an over the counter medicine that can cure sometimes in an instant or in a matter of a few days. Consequently, the verbal integrity, can be cured with just one quick action like a phone call or an apology or whatever shape it takes the cleaning up the mess would take.
    
A question is what would have you be out of integrity and have it linger longer than is necessary? 

What kind of fear or neglect would have you shut yourself down? 

What does it feel like when you encounter the person again? 

What is the fear that has you not honor your word or integrity?

The big question is why you would continue live in this kind of messy situation?  

I have taken a good look at my level of integrity, and I have found that in the past I was not even aware of how it impacted others. I was totally unconscious of this behavior that I had become an expert in. However what is I now is that if I am out of integrity
I get it upset if I consciously ignore my word. 
I get sick to my stomach and I feel jittery
I do not feel good about myself. 
I erode my sense of personal trust
How does it make you feel? 

I have now developed a relationship to being my word and integrity to myself, regardless of the pain I might experience. What I have found is I feel so much better in my communication and all things get completed fully and I have room to do excellent business, am an excellent friend and live life openly and honestly.  I feel a sense of empowerment and I realize that nothing is ever that wrong and failure is an opportunity to win and win big.
 

The Truth Will Set You Free

The truth they say will set you free. How often have you avoided saying what is true for you because you’re afraid of the consequences because they looked and felt uncomfortable? You don’t want to be uncomfortable so you refuse to tell your truth or the truth. When you deny yourself the truth, you lose the ability to keep it real. Keeping it real gives you the opportunity to accept things the way they really are. Keeping it real, frees up your energy mentally, emotionally and physically. You don’t have to go around feeling like Atlas (the primordial Titan who supported the heavens) with the world on your back. You’re free. The adage is “it’s like a world lifted off my back.” When you don’t tell the truth, you have the world on your back you feel stuck, unhappy, and angry and weighted down.

It is vital to tell your truths. Secrets kept over a period of time rob you of your power, freedom, full self-expression which in turn steals your peace of mind. Lying can cause all kinds of physical, emotional ailments, internal conflicts and depression? When you release yourself from the warren of lies you get to experience freedom in area of life that is important to you.

What untruths are you hiding? What resentments have you built up because of your deceit? What do you need for yourself or from another person? Would you be willing to make a commitment now to that when you have resentment and untruths brewing, instead of letting it brew you would you be willing take on the task of asking for what you want? What is the worst that could happen? Think about it. You could actually get a (yes) what you want or you could get a (No) refused. However, you will see that you did not die, and no one you cared about got hurt.

Sometimes the truth is not as clear to see as the behavior is. The behavior might be one that is carried out for a number of years. Resentments.

I had a resentment toward men. The resentment was so old it did not have a voice, it was all reaction based. It was created 3 decades earlier but lived out its practice in every relationship with everyman I experienced. The resentment I had been brewing toward my father. Please note that my father has been dead for over 2 decades. However, because I had never allowed myself to express the feeling at the time it happened, I carried it around with me unbeknownst to in the form of an action which limited my beliefs and impacted my life. The resentment lived as my truth. I had been destroying many relationships that were important to me. This behavior kept me wondering if I’d ever have a meaningful relationship with a man that would come into my life. Up to now, it had not been impossible. This left me being irritated, confused, inauthentic, angry, frustrated, shut down, lacked trust and unhappy in my relationships. I had a loss of power freedom and full self-expression that left me with no peace of mind.

I had a conversation with my sister about the love that I had for her and what she considered her dysfunctional family. There was a rift and I became committed to bridging the divide that had grown in my family. With the help of my sibling, I was going to transform the family. As I cried and shared with my sister, I started to remember lots of things. Some of which did not have language, just emotions. I started to remember some things that I had forgotten when I was sixteen living in Great Britain I has saved 350 pounds to start traveling. My parents where always people that complained and worried about money. The worry about money was constant, how they were going to pay the mortgage etc., the gas, electric etc., The truth of the matter was my parents always paid the bills because they worked and were pretty responsible. We never went without the lights or heat and we always had food. I always did my dancing classes etc., it was just a habit that they had for so long that that they did not know it was a habit. Anyway, I took my 350 pounds and give it to my father. Thinking that my father would appreciate my contribution, and think that I was amazing daughter who cared and was not selfish which is all I ever really wanted. I gave the money to my father in the green hallway of my house with its green carpet, and complimentary green wallpaper in front of our Victorian stained glass window and wood door.

Her father took the money. However, the story is I don’t remember my father ever saying thank you or even giving me a hug or saying anything. My father was old school. He did not hug children or play with them. I released the money with a deep sadness that I never expressed or voiced every again. I just swallowed my emotions around it. I was upset. My father did not even say thank you.

In that moment, I made up the story that I never really uttered aloud, that story became “all men do is take, take, take.” I had proof. This is what my father had done to me. This is what other men will always do. I knew in that moment that I could never depend on a man like I could never depend on my father. I would never find a man that just wanted to be with me. I would find me who would invalid me, take from and never contribute to me. I have lived my life believing this story that I had made up, attracting men to keep my story alive. Trying to date men who were opposite from her father. Not realizing that I could and never did ask the men I dated or even married for what I liked because I truly believed that they did not have and all they would do anyway was take take take. That became my reality, my truth.

After much work and development, I was able start dismantling this story I had been telling me self. It was not the truth. It was not the way it was. I gave my father the money, he did say thanks, but it was not in a way that I really wanted. I realized that I had created this story about myself and I had lived my life like a victim trapped inside a tinder box of my own making.

Not knowing and allowing myself to see my truth, I allowed my stories to sabotage my relationships.
On discovering this truth, I went to work on getting the relationship that I desired, I allowed myself to dream. I learned that I had to put the past in the past and create a new way of being that was going to propel me forward in my life. I created a trusting, open and vulnerable space to live from being free from control. Understanding and experiencing that vulnerability was not a curse, and that I did not have to eat glass in order to avoid vulnerability. Vulnerability was a part of living and living honestly called for one that experienced fear, which has one make changes in one life.

My client transformed her life and her relationships with men. She saw that she was surrounded with men, she loved men and what men brought to her life. She was unable to experience this feeling before because she was living her life through a filter that said that all men did was take take take. This was no longer true. She started dating one of the men that were already in her life who was right under her nose figuratively speaking. Being open, trusting and vulnerable, she became able to be the woman who she intuitively knew herself to be.

The relationship is open, honest and truthful. She is happy. She is happy in a way that she has never experienced before. The hardest lesson for most of people is telling themselves their personal truth. Being open about what is true for them. The truth will set you free and you can have whatever you want for your life when you accept it.

Do You Hate Part or All of Your Body?

I read an articles a while ago about a few women that had accepted their long struggles with self- acceptance. In the article the women all had one aspect of themselves that they had difficulty with. They were from all races. Their issues ranged from their hair to the lack of hair due to cancer, to one having developed a sentimental relationship with her nose. Then there was a woman who had fell in love with her freckles. Then one described as beautiful Latina who questioned whether it was possible to fall in love with her pot belly. Then there was the African American woman who had issues with her natural hair. She grew up in a culture, were at 13-14 her hair was straightened. Regardless, of whether it is a nose, hair, pot belly and or freckles, there is always something to be overly concerned about.

Having read this article, what I know is that everyone has something that they do not like about themselves.

However, the person that intrigued and excited me the most; who for no fault of her own, was the woman who had no hair due to cancer. To me she was strikingly beautiful. Even though her cancer had passed and she had chosen to remain hairless (bald) because I can only imagine that she recognized her own beauty.

As a Personal Life Coach that focuses on confidence and self-esteem, I have had the experience of clients telling me that they hate some or all of their bodies, or they tell me that they harbor feelings of self-loathing. I have had a client tell me that she hated her hips. When I asked her what hating them was going in her life, with humor, I told her that I have a large pair of scissors (she was on the other end of the phone). She giggled. As our relationship developed over time, she discovered that her self-loathing had nothing to do with her hips. The hips were just where she had the placement of herself loathing, something to blame. It was more about not talking and expressing herself in her life that was fulfilling. What she discovered with coaching is that people who are not actively participating in their lives usually end up feeding their self- loathing.

What she soon realized was the moment she sunk her teeth into something that was of interest and a commitment was forged, watch out world. There is no time for self-loathing. Once they start taking action, the hips, or whatever body part was the victim, starts to become less and less important and it starts to fall away. Hating your body part and making it a victim of your attacks and self loathing interferes with your growth process.

Man Energy and It’s Variations in Jamaica

Man energy and its variations in Jamaica, I received a tremendous amount of man energy.  Ladies, do you know that Man energy is everywhere?  Oh my word.  I discovered that man energy as I already know is something that comes in all shapes, sizes and textures. There are men that can give you more energy than you can ever dream about. 
 
There are men that can make you feel like the most amazing woman just by virtue of the way they are, what they say and how they are. They will pamper and cater to you every wish, dream or desire. They will make you feel warm, invited and give you a strong sense of belonging. There are men that have the most amount of patience. They can provide for you without you uttering a thought. However, don’t get it twisted. They love it when you think for yourself.  
 I uncovered some amazing things about myself on this trip.  Things that I never allowed myself to face, things that I could not know until I knew them. Thoughts and feelings that completely robbed me of my ability to be a confident vulnerable woman, I am so honored to uncover these things, I am a personal Life Coach and my niche is Confidence and Self Esteem. How can I serve if my confidence and self-esteem is hindered in anyway? I am very excited to uncover them because uncovering adds value to my life and service.

What I discovered about myself is that I am very impatient when it comes to men. I have limiting beliefs of how I believe men are supposed to communicate with me, with the last and biggest one is that I do not trust men so no man has a real chance with me. That was a horrible uncovering.

Now I want to look at the last one because that is the one that I had the biggest breakthrough with. It was the uncovering of the last one that had me wailing and crying through my sunglasses making it hard for me to see. Messy stuff that was the one that I had the most shame, and regret about.

Now, if you know me, I do not believe in regret. Because I believe regret just interferes with going forward in my life. What I uncovered was I am an inner control freak. My, (ICF) inner control freak has me date men that want to do for me but their circumstances cannot. My inner control freak says that the only thing that a man can do for me is F@#$ me. My inner control freak believes that a man will never ever be able to take care of me and most of all they cannot be trusted.

Imagine my upset when I uncovered this. Imagine, I am a woman that loves men. I love everything about men. I honor them in amazing ways, I allow them to serve me, but I just don’t trust me. When it comes to me being with men. I don’t trust that I can give up the control and allow a man in. That is so incongruent for me. Why?. Well it is incongruent because I say that I want a man that can be a man, a man that can take care of me and love me hard. One that honors me and allows me the same freedoms he gives himself. One that will do for me, be there for me, take care of me and keep me safe, all that I would do for him and more. What made me sad is that I have had men with all of these character traits this in the past, but what I have done is rob them of their ability to be a man for me. By overriding and being incongruent. Asking on one hand and not being able to receive it in on the other. (What a messy business)

Why did this make me sad? Well it made me sad because for the first time, I saw that, what I was asking for and what I was doing was so out of context. My discovery was uncovered on the ride to Montego Bay we were riding on one of the most beautiful strips in Jamaica along the beach and the sun smiling down on us with me drinking water from a coconut. What a way to have a breakthrough. (Perfectly yummy) I am riding with Andy my driver I used him all weekend when I was not with my Male host. Andy is a Rastafarian For those of you who do not know. A Rastafarian and Rastafari is a practice. The men and women are extremely spiritual and believe in natural living, no meat, nothing dead, vegetarian and or fish life style with herbs. Anyway, Andy allowed me the space to express myself, he allowed me to have my tears and share what I had uncovered. Andy also gave me the privilege of what he had heard from my friends’ phone conversation with me before meeting me at the airport. Andy said he figured out that that I was a pretty amazing woman. Thanks Andy. He told me that just because I can take care of myself don’t mean that I do not deserve to have a man take care of me. He said that any person that can make people laugh as much as I can has a tremendous amount of love; it was my responsibility to be happy and that I should allow a man the right to be happy taking care of me.

The conversation with Andy was very simple very plain. Sometimes, words get in the way, but with Andy they was so clear and so precise that I just started wailing because what he had just said to me resonated. I realized how difficult it must be for my ex-boyfriends and ex-husband to be with me. I realized that who I have been being in my relationships as controlling, fearful insecure and not trusting – for no apparent reason. So after Andy’s reasoning, I immediately chose to shift my mindset, believing that a man can and will choose to love, support and look after me. That I am deserving of all the love I desire. After, I finished wailing, Andy made me promise that I will allow love, true love into my life and that I will be the Empress that I will allow a man his rightful place to serve me. That is what he saw for me. So on that note, I solemnly promise to allow the love I truly desire into my life. So on going to Jamaica, I received man energy in the most abundant way “My truth.”

 Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com  www.BeYourselfAlready.com
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com
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Face What’s Not Working In Your Life and Leave Denial in the Past

Take an action step to complete it. By completing I mean letting go of all the drama that you have surrounding the thing you are choosing to face. Do not make it wrong or make yourself wrong about it, release it and let it be. No more complaining.

Who do you choose to face, you might have to take action even risk not being right or even not being liked.

From time to time we all experience situations that we do not like or that seem remarkable, uncomfortable, embarrassing and or painful. These situations might often cause vulnerability. These feelings or situations can be lived with. You might not relish them, but you have survived the year experiencing them. The situation might be one area of life that is not working so that unconscious voice inside orders you indirectly to hide the experience behind clichés, myths and points of view. All the while, you are not realizing or accepting that self-denial is what is in the driving seat. Hello Baby!

Some of these clichés might live in the following statements
It’s none of my business.
Don’t air your dirty laundry with me.
One drink before bed is fine, granny did it for years.
One more cigarette I’ll quit tomorrow, what can one do.
I hate the job but it pays the bills.
He does not mean to ___ me.
It’s just this one time what can it hurt.
I’m sure he’s going to pay me back he said he would.
Credit cards debt is normal everybody has some.
Someone else will do it. It’s not my job anyway.
People like us __________.
Those kinds of people ____________.

A good percentage of the time, it is human to make up reasons why things are the way they are. If you don’t accept the denial of making up reasons, you create more reasons on top the first set of reasons. That is what we do. One denial brings a mountain of reasons that we automatically believe to be real. By not facing why the problem turned up in the first place, we fail to acknowledge the situation quickly. When we face our problems, we experience less pain to begin with and the problem becomes easier to resolve.

Sometimes reasons why something is not working the way they ought to is a bunch of Bubble wrap. The car would not have broken down on the highway if I had taken it to the shop sooner. Now there’s a tow truck and repairs to pay for. One top of that, the triple AAA membership expired just a day or so ago. This is a perfect example of what could have been avoided had the situation been taken care of when it first came up. It would have been cheaper, saved time and if some integrity had been put in the situation might never have happened.

This year 2012 ask yourself if you are willing to take steps to get past your states of denial? Are you willing to face your states and situations sooner than later instead of hiding out with it in denial? Real power exists when you face life head on even when you do not feel like it.

Jump in get help clear the denial so you can breathe. You know who you are.
Take responsibility for your life, for all the things that you do and do not do. No more pretending not notice that something is missing, not working or was not done.

How Do You Think I Got So Fat

Well really how do you think I got so fat? Consistency. Consistency is everything, I ate consistently and I sat on my duff and watched television every night while eating not exercising. The fat did not arrive all at once, it was a little bit at a time. Here’s the back story. I was always thin, that also took consistency. The kind of consistency that I did not think about I ate what my mother made, yuck! at the time. Lots of vegetables, salad and balanced meat and starches I rode my bike every day and walked a lot. Then I moved to America and got married I went from 145lbs to 160lbs, large New York style dinners that at first I scoffed at and then started to indulge in. This was consistency number one. Spending nights indoors, with my new husband and eating ice-cream. My exercise became zero, as I was a little afraid to ride my bike in NY.

No exercising and eating food for 4 people, my weight slowly crept up through consistently. Now, I say this to say that I didn’t have a chemical imbalance. I didn’t have a slow metabolism or anything medically wrong with me. What I had was the consistency of not being consistent with my order of life. Eating large portions, eating late at night and no exercise.

When we desire change in your lives, it takes work to go out and get it. I am obsessed with success and I have learned that success takes a huge commitment. A commitment to transform your life, success with anything takes the form of consistency. If you desire to release fat from your body, it takes a consistent full blown effort. I love listening to people talk as I go about my daily business. As I was walking down Clinton Ave in Brooklyn the other day, I had the liberty of listening to a woman talking on the phone about her weight, the story went a little like this. “I don’t know what happens to my weight. It seems as though I lose a lot of weight then I have some macaroni and cheese and my weight just seems to pile back on.” Girl, I don’t know. I’m not exercising, and I’ve been eating yams and stuff and I cannot seem to lose the weight. Giggle!” Well, we have all been this woman, maybe not eating what is healthy, desiring to lose weight. At the same time believing that they can do it through osmosis. I have been her. It was not until I developed consistency which is a habit which became automatic that I was able to get the results that were possible.

Now, it was not easy. It was painful building muscle and working out doing pushups and running because I heard all my internal conversations running around my head telling me “this is hard”. “You could do 3 laps and stop.” “That’s enough, oh my legs hurt, I can’t breathe.” What the bubble wrap is going on. “It’s too dark outside. I cannot climb another step. Please Dr. Evil no more pushup. I can’t do it.” Wanting to cheat myself, I heard all my internal conversations. Say I did 3 when I know I have only done 2. My favorite excuse was my butt is to heavy I cannot run, I don’t like that feeling. Hello!

However, consistency had me listen to my internal conversations and see all my distractions and keep moving. Successful people keep moving. They keep asking, get knocked down and ask again by creating and then taking responsibility time and time again inside of the world of consistency. Anything that is new and different is within your personal grasp it is usually difficult and calls for constituency. The Beyonces, Oprah, Jay-Z, Ben Carsons, Michael Critchtons, Elma Blints are all the people that are successful. They include anyone with a dream they believe in and who are committed to their personal success. It takes great effort of consistency to be successful in your life. Anything you would like in you life share it, tell it to people who will support you in being your best self and achieving your goal. Release people that put you down or try to make you feel consistently bad about yourself. Always pay attention to the fact that no one can make you feel bad about yourself. They say what they say and you can take it into you space or you can choose to ignore it and move on knowing that statement doesn’t work for you. Keep creating more and more goals for yourself, break them down into bite size pieces and accomplish them one bite at a time each time remembering to celebrate your achievement.

Consistency is the key you success.
Consistency is not “I will do it tomorrow.” Consistency is creating a platform for yourself and sharing with others and setting yourself up to win.

Quick Tips to Expand Your Life, Confidence and Self-Esteem

You’re Assignment:

Make a list of the things that are not working in your life. Clear out resentments.
Who are the people you need to have conversations with so that you can relief yourself of the resentments that have been brewing far too long? What kind of physical exercise can you do at least 30 minutes per day so that you will feel good about yourself?

What are the things that you find yourself obsessing about and that interfere with you?
Yes, yes that thing, that thing that you have been talking about for a long time. That thing that you know will transform an aspect of your life and make you feel good, but you feel confronted by. Is it about your weight, lack of relationship, finances and career?

I had a conversation this week with someone who was complaining about her health and well being, mostly her weight. She said that she was fat and she was doing all kinds of pills and potions to get in shape. She’s spending money on diet drugs. She knows she should get in the gym or work out with a trainer. Her conversation is that she has to lose weight before she goes to the gym because she was ashamed of being seen. I have heard this before. The idea of getting in shape before you start to get in shape.

Taking care of yourself is not just about losing weight and looking good. taking care of yourself is in everyday things as well. What my friend was doing was not avoiding going to the gym. It was avoiding taking car of herself. It was avoiding building her confidence and self-esteem.

Take care of yourself. Make sure that you eat healthy meals. It is said the 80% all diseases are preventable with a change in diet by adding 30 min of exercise to your day, and a fruit and vegetable to each meal.

Make an integrity list of all the things you would like to do that you have not done.
Completing an integrity list gives you power and frees you up to think clearly which allows you to be confident. Once you have the list set up an action plan that put things in time and space also know as time and date. Here are some examples:

– Remove summer clothes from closets.
– Remove all clothes that you do not feel comfortable in.
– Make appointments with your various doctors for check-ups.
– Request a raise.
– Renewal of licenses etc.
– Update your closet with items that make you feel good.
– Set up an exercise plan of action.
– Remove clutter mental, emotional and physical.
– Update you mental image: Is it time to remove ideas, thoughts and reason that negatively impact your life.

These are just a few for starters.

Until next week.

It’s Your Life not Mine, Take Responsibility For it

You’re the only person that is responsible for your life. In life, things happen. You meet different people and experience different events that impact your life that you might feel you cannot control. I am here to let you know that you are the only person that can choose what you do with those experiences. You can use your experiences as tools that are either empowering or dis-empowering, you get to choose.

It is your responsibility to choose what you do with the experiences in your life. “Your Life” not my life. Dreams you want have to be created and you need to take the next step figuring out the actions to take in order to materialize them. The actions steps are usually the most difficult and most rewarding.

It is important that you respond to the events of your life. It is also important that you consider the state of your affairs and decide what is working for you and what is not working. Ask yourself, what is missing and if it were present what would your life look like.

You have the power to take action. You have the power to change your circumstances. Please keep in mind that your circumstances are just that -circumstances and in time, with action, all circumstances change. The only difference is you either take action or remain inactive.

As a coach, I experience clients who live in their lives with a victim’s mentality, blind to their own magnificence. You say your childhood was not so easy and you grew up in an unhealthy environment. You feel weighed down by self defeating cycles. You feel powerless, undervalued, a loser, overwhelmed and the list goes on. Okay, so you had a malicious, hateful relationship or a spiteful co-worker who sabotaged you and got you fired. Yes, it is a bad circumstance and feeling. However, you cannot let that or any experience, take away your power! It is time to rise up. It is time to start being authentic. People who are effective do not stay stuck in the past. Do you want to be powerful?

Get real in your life, your relationships and your job. Take time to add fun, creativity and balance. Know that in your heart that you will survive. If you want a great life, you have no choice but to live. Successful people do not loiter in their past. Successful people learn from their past, take what they need and let it go. Their lives are lived in the present; they plan and create newly for their future. When things happen that they do not desire or like, they reach into their power and deal with the facts. With the facts they take full responsibility and sort out the situation in the way that gets constructive results that reflect their lives in a respectful, positive and self loving way.

Know that you are great. Rise up! Take responsibility for your life.

Vulnerability is not a weakness, It’s a Strength

Vulnerability is much easier when you have a large dose of self- love.

There was a time in my life that I felt that being vulnerable was a liability. I would have rather have eaten a mouth full of glass than be vulnerable because I did not have the courage to share myself and my emotions.  Emoting was something that I just did not do.  I was closed off and it was okay for me to be in control and always on the defensive looking out for the enemy.  But the truth was my heart ached and longed for peace.  The peace within the area of my relationship with myself and my heart. I was bankrupt and could not give of myself as it was too painful because it called for me to share my heart.

Being in a space of vulnerability is a place where many of my clients have difficulty and often get confronted by the very thing that they say they desire. Then when they receive what they desire, they have bouts of doubt and fear that enter their lives which causes them to start self-sabotaging the very thing that was desired.

Vulnerability takes courage and a large dose of self-love.  When you self-love, you are able to be vulnerable and share yourself without judgment because a large sense of openness appears.
I choose to be vulnerable.  Why you might ask? Why on earth would I do that?  Well I do it to honor myself and accept all parts of myself: the good and the bad that makes me different.   I choose to be loving to myself.   I choose to be with my fears, (false evidence appearing as real), be with my vulnerabilities.

 In the face of fear and doubt when I am in relationships, I have allowed my vulnerabilities to be just that vulnerabilities.  My love and relating comes from a place non-judgment of myself. I can be free to love and recreate my love newly every day.  This happens because I am fully accepting myself every moment and every day. If I am not accepting myself, I cannot accepting of another it.  Choosing vulnerability gives me a sense of freedom. 

It is true for me, I have found that vulnerabilities show up when I’m experiencing closeness or having feelings on a human level.  What I share with you, I give to you courageously and totally uncensored.  I desire and want with every fiber of my being on a primal scale to be loved, adored and accepted. I know that during every moment of my life it is important for me to experience these feeling with myself intact. I have respect for myself. I am able be honest and share myself and have respect as a root of my happiness, where my power and creativity is honored and I in turn recognize yours.   

I know that I am not different from anyone of my readers. We all at some point want to have the feeling of being loved and adored where we feel heard, understood and gotten by the people we care about.  We all want to be okay and feel absolutely perfect with ourselves and that we are wonderful just the way we are.  I know I do.  Do you?

The feelings that I am enjoying and I want to keep a hold of.  It calls me to be open, trusting and vulnerable.  It calls me to be honest with my feelings and to ask questions about the things that I desire within the relationship. 

I am a confidence and self-esteem expert and I am always under a microscope looking and cleaning up my messes, looking at what can and will destroy your confidence.  I am open to be vulnerable with you so that you can experience something for yourself.  Each one teaches one.  So pass on this message.
 
1.    Vulnerability is easier attached to self-love.
2.    When you love yourself, love every part of you even you fat thighs.
3.    Vulnerability is a life-long experience.
4.    Vulnerability has many amazing rewards that are immeasurable.
5.    When you’re authentic with yourself, life shows up to meet you. 
 
 

You are not too old, just start something

Are you fed up of wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true. You are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the television that you cannot even think let alone dream. Some of you might even think that your way too old to dream anymore. I heard two women speaking and one asked the other if she sings anymore. Her friend looked away as if searching for a distant memory. No, I do not sing anymore. You know after you get to 40 your washed up and nobody wants to hear you. That is pretty sad. It is sad when you give up something that gives you pleasure because you belief you are too old. If that were true, what would we look forward to.

Photo Courtesy of The Round Peg

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming: think of people who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, who have gotten married. I am sure they were not thinking that they were too old. They were just being in the moment and being happy.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether it your lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected bootie up – and make something happen. I know that it is difficult at any time to drag any part of our anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that you make up about yourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs block your creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

Listen , No one wants to hear whining least of all you don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person that when you meet a friend in the street and complains? It does not have to be a close friend, it can be just a street neighbor. You know the one that lives up the street who you see now and then who you start to drop all you woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight up misery to. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. Please give yourself a break! No one wants to hear about your not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are etc. It is depressing and upsetting and least of all you’re reminding people of there own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change directions.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there. Now that you know that. Can you believe that is an Adventure play-ground? What adventures do you want? Are you willing to go after them?

So, Honey, you might not have any idea about what you want. You might just say “I want to be happy.” All the people on planet earth want to be happy. I would say just be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression. A baby laying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full, does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say. Mother dear, I just want to be happy. If only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy. NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby. You understand conscious and subconscious. You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Photo Courtesy of Navy Blue Stripes

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your minds could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If we don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe, it will not make you wrong. You make you wrong. You add the guilt and feel guilty. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special, what is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what a good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(However, please note. Not all things that create good feelings are healthy. ie, illegal drugs create a good feeling. However, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol has a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it bring tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh air feeling to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, because you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy you experience happiness. Instead of having those non productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being a energy drainer, you now become a person that is glowing and sharing. People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas in your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something.

The importance of creating boundaries in your life

Setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are performing in ways that are not acceptable. It is also important to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is not only your right to protect and defend yourself; it is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.

It is important that you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how you feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings. By affirming your feelings it allows you to begin taking responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self ownership allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.

Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. Some people might say that they are setting boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy and it gives people choices. Also setting boundaries allow you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion creates outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.

It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care of and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life.

Photo Courtesy of SkyWhisper

Below are a few examples of boundaries:

Setting boundaries with people who are upset
Please do not shout at me. Lower, your voice or I will not have this conversation

Setting boundaries when at work
Please do not call me at work to discuss personal issues. I only conduct personal issues at home in the evening.

Setting boundaries for critical people
I thank you for your comment with regard to my personal appearance
It is not okay for you to discuss my hair or weight. I find that it offends me.

Setting boundaries with friends who borrow money
It is important that you pay back money you owe or I will not loan you any money in the future.

There are many kinds of boundaries that you can create. The following is a list of areas that might require setting boundaries:
Boundaries for space
Boundaries for time
Boundaries for money
Boundaries for work
Boundaries for family
Boundaries for adults
Boundaries for sex

I hope that this article gives you some insights into creating boundaries for yourself.

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.noreensumptercoach.com 
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
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Traits of the Successful: Create the Vision of your Ideal Self

As a coach, I have the opportunity to interact with hundreds of individuals. What I have found is that the people who are successful and fulfilled in their lives have a common traits.
– They believe their success has little to do with what they have, and more to do with who they are.
– They are committed to the kind of person they want to be.
– They step into their vision and are accountable for their behavior.

The quality of your life is determined by the way you play. How you play is based on what you believe about yourself. Consider that the beliefs you have, even if you are not conscious about it is the way that you are conducting your life.

Photo Courtesy of momono

It is important that you create an ideal of yourself. First, create a vision of how you would like you and your future to be. Your picture has to be clear, depicting what you want in your life. It has to be so clear that all your senses recognize it as a source of what motivates you. Simply put, it has to be a powerful source that can support you when you feel disempowered and helpless. This vision has to keep your dream self alive and active.

Your ideal self is an attitude, a way of life that is worth going for. Your ideal self is a big, hairy, audacious goal (BHAG) bigger than who you are today. Your ideal self has all the traits of self confidence, self esteem, self value, and self reliance. Your ideal self is you at your highest and only point. Finally, you have to practice showing up in your life “as if” you are already this being.

Believe it or not, you possess both positive and negative traits. It is important to identify all your positive traits and expand them. Then in turn do the same with your negative traits and learn how to manage or discard them. Example, most people who consider themselves shy. Admire people who are outgoing and energetic. What they do not realize is that they too have these traits. However, they need to promote these qualities and expand them instead of feeding the negative traits.

It’s time to challenge yourself. Stop being a victim, and create your ideal self. It is time to rise up! Create an ideal powerful self. You’re no longer a child. Life is thrilling. Let’s live it.

– Look at the quality of your life.
– Acknowledge your level of happiness.
– Acknowledge your positive and negative traits.
– Decide what is working or not working.
– Look at what is missing in your life and what you want to keep, add or discard.
– Expand and gain new skills, knowledge and communications.
– Start a daily practice of your new traits.
– Have patience and take baby steps.

Don’t give up and remember Rome was not built in a day!

Making Your New Year’s Resolutions

You can make one of these kinds of resolutions, but I am going to request that as one of my readers you go deeper. If you do, you can achieve all of these resolutions and more, from a place of who you are being, not what you are doing?
Here are some of the usual resolutions:

Spend time with family
Get fit, loose weight and fight the battle of the bulge
Quit Smoking
Get present and enjoy life
Quit Drinking
Get out of debt
Learn something new
Have fun

Photo Courtesy of Isabel Bloedwater

Would you be willing to throw out making a resolution this year and make a commitment? Would you be willing to be honest with yourself? This year would you be willing to try on BEING YOU. Being who you are completely?

Being you is one of the most attractive FULLING presents that you could ever give and be. One where when you make a choice fulfilled from a place of your word and love of yourself? How many of you would be willing to do that? This resolution will be coming from your being. Your human beingness not like the resolutions which comes from doingness.

What would your life look like if you truly made a commitment to just be yourself this year? Suppose you made a resolution to really get real with yourself. It would mean that you would have to get down to the root of you. You would could take on being vulnerable and courageous and living a life were you could have a life that you live, not a the life that you made up to look good and please others. But the life that is truly yours. It would mean looking at the things that you love about yourself. As for the things that you do not love about yourself, you would be committed to learn to accept them for all that they are and all that they are not.

Photo Courtesy of Jeff_Golden

Falling in love with you is the best resolution for 2012

So could you imagine for a moment a part of your body that you are always working on and are just being okay with it? For me it was the band of fat that lives around my stomach. But it just your stomach. When you are ready to release it, you just do. You do not have to make it wrong. I have learned to love that band of fat around my stomach because I have discovered the more I detest or hate it, the more it grows. What we resist, persists. So can you imagine for one second falling in love with your band of fat or those legs or thighs or that nose or whatever it is that you say you hate. What if you just accepted it as a part of you and learned to honor it.

So what if this year you gave yourself the gift of finding out who you really are and bring that you everywhere you went, instead of hiding out and not being yourself. So being who you really are and not who you think that you are supposed to be. Can you imagine the peace you would have knowing what pressure and stress you could release from your life instead of trying to be someone or something different from your true self. What if you just focused on being yourself completely. What if you focused on your life by the contributions that you make from just being you? What does it feel like to be known, heard and understood on a real open level? When you are being you, there is no longer any noise. There is just you being present in the moment and time.

Being yourself takes courage; courage is whole heartedly just being you. When you make a commitment to just being yourself and let go of all the false conversations that disempower you and make you feel bad about yourself. In this kind of commitment, when you are living in the now, there is nothing wrong. You are enough. You don’t have to look good, you can just look. There are no right people, there are just people. You don’t have to be smart. Whatever you say is the right thing. You don’t have to please people or be anything other than who you are. Being yourself is liberating. At first it can be uncomfortable, but once you get the distinguish that there is not right way or wrong way for you to be, life begins to unfold in a very exciting and amazing way, the worries and stress disappear. Life happens.

In 2012 be honest with yourself. Tell the truth to yourself be insightful. Your self worth is not based on what you do or how you look. Your self worth is personal. Having external definitions of who you are keep you trapped and rob you of your peace of mind, freedom and full self expression. It robs you of your God given opportunity of your creative source. When you get straight and honest with yourself, you are giving yourself an opportunity to know yourself for who you really are and then you share that with everyone and you begin to see people as the human that you become. Your life then becomes fuller. The meaning that you will give to your life will have purpose.

This year 2012, go to work on being who you really are. I would say practice but to be honest, your life is not a test drive, you are not practicing life. So this is why I say go to work on being honest with yourself. A lot of people might think that you are crazy. Don’t worry about it. You know you are not crazy. You are having fun with you, showing up being who you really are, bringing you to the party. When you bring you to the party of life, you will have more fun that you can imagine. You will realize that you are the party. You bring the party and the party comes to you. You will never ever again sit around waiting for any party to happen. Because you will bring the party in you. You will never have to censor your thoughts, dreams, and ideas. You will be present. You will be aware of the life that surges through your body. Your confidence will bloom. Your self-esteem will expand. You will be and become attractive- strangers will feel your energy and want to know you. Your friends will notice a difference in your way of being. You will notice a difference in your being. You will learn that there is no doing anything right. You will just let go and just be. How yummy could your life look like?

Being yourself

Be honest, speak your truth.
Fall in love with you.
When your integrity or your promises go out, put that back in.
Forgive yourself and others.
Get present- live in the moment.
You deserve to live the expression of you.
You are amazing.
You’re perfect inside your imperfections.
Be courageous with your choices and decisions.
Appreciate and integrate gratitude in your life.

If you would like help being you and want find out more about being yourself completely without the extraneous internal conversations. Contact me. I would love to speak with you. I am offering all the Readers a 40% of coupon for a Get Acquainted Call. Write to Tanya@NoreenSumpterCoach.com to set up your one on one call with me. HAPPY NEW YEAR. (Offer expires 1/15/2012. Offer transferable.)

Looking Back on Your Past

This morning, I started my Vision for 2012, and I thought about all of you. Do you create a Vision for the new year? And how do you do it?

We often look back on the year and go over all the ways we failed. I wanted to do this but I failed. I was supposed to do this but I’m not good enough. Stop it! Would you put your best friend down like this. No! If you did, what type of friend would you be. Instead, think about what you accomplished in the different areas of your life. Write about it like you are getting an award. The idea is to look at your life as a review that would look like your own life commercial review. To give you an idea of what I mean, here’s mine:

Photo courtesy of motone

Personal Development

I have fully reorganized my business. I have registered into the Landmark Forum and am doing a program called ‘Introduction Leaders Program’. It is a developmental program where I get to develop myself as a leader. In this program I get to look at myself from a place of power and create possibilities that I can live into. I look at what is missing in my life not what is wrong and create a possibility that calls to me into action and has me transform areas of my life that are important to me.

Relationships and Dating

I am seeing a man. After not dating for nearly 2 years unaware of the length of time I had not been intimate. I am seeing an amazing man who is sexy, powerful, open, honest, smart, and generous who has a stand for mankind where fairness on the planet and in his homeland is important. I am having a level of intimacy, I have never known. I am sharing myself openly and honestly.

I am asking for support in my life. Support is full circle for me. I give. Now, I allow others to give to me.

I have allowed my nurturing qualities to unfold and I love it. It is no longer exclusive to children. It is open to everyone.

I am trusting that everything that I choose will and can contribute to my life and there are no accidents on the planet.

I have lost a few friends this year that I love and will always love. However, it was far too much work to continue to play with them. So I released them with love. I have reached out to my brothers, one of which is up to starting a relationship with me where we are family. The other is mad at me and wants nothing to do with me. I will continue to reach out. He is my brother my blood and I love him. I don’t have to agree with anything he does or does not do. I can agree to disagree and not make him wrong.

Photo Courtesy of Jeditrilobite

Business and Career Development

I am growing my business; I have reorganized my business from the inside out and updated and upgraded all my prices. I have upgraded my skills and I am more in love with my business than ever before.
I continue to love the clients I have and I am ready to attract new clients.

Health and Well-Being

I have lost 25 lb.. and lost 2 dress sizes with the help of Gregg Barthelemy AKA Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil is one of the best things that have happened to me in 2011. He has not stood for any of my whining about the pushups that I could not do. I can now do 20 pushups, yes with struggle but I can do them. I am now a size 12. My goal is health and well-being is great and I am working toward being a size 10.

I am in great physical and emotional health. I am happy, I have been eating well. I still need to integrate water into my diet. I juice every day and I love it.

I have chosen vulnerability and I am in love with myself and love every part of who I am. I am looking throughout my life and ridding myself of old stagnant conversations that will be upgraded and ways of being that no longer serve my me or my life.
Looking back at the past year, you will see what you have accomplished and how far you have come.

How to Overcome Fear and Limiting Beliefs

Fear is an emotional response to an impending threat or danger.  It is one of our most basic responses.  Most of the fears that we experience today in our society are imagined. We experience the fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success.  All kinds of fears – many of which are attached to our belief systems.   

Photo courtesy of ia7mad

I used to have a fear of going to the movies by myself.  While I longed to go to the movies, I refused to go alone.  I had a fear of being molested by a man wearing a beige raincoat that was cinched at the waist.  This was something that I had heard as a child and added to my belief system.  How ridiculous!  However, as I grew older I realized that I had this fear of going alone, but I could not remember why.  It wasn’t until I accepted that I was afraid that I was able to see what my fear was, where it came from, and how it came to be. My older brother used to take me to the movies when I was younger and in order to keep us in line he would tell us about the old man in the beige coat that would take us away and do awful things to us. What I realized was that I had internalized a lot of that story and it followed me for years.  I was 30 years old when I finally went to the movies by myself.  Yep, 30 years old.  Some people might say that’s crazy. However, in my mind I was still young and very afraid. Consequently, that was what my limiting belief looked like.  It was an old condition that kept me from succeeding and going to the movies by myself.   
 
Limiting beliefs interfere with many aspects of our lives.  There are all kinds of limiting beliefs that stop us from succeeding. Fear of Failure is a huge limiting belief.  I recently had the opportunity to meet a woman who was raised middle class, but because of her experience attending a school with children who were not middle class, she developed the limiting belief of not deserving. Because her friends did not have, she stopped asking her parents for the things she wanted. She did not want to feel like a show off because of her nice clothes and her toys and gadgets.  If she did get something she used it at home and refused to wear clothes that were better than her peers.   

Fast forward into adulthood. Her limiting belief manifested into not having made enough money to live on.  She always squeaked by with just enough money for her basic needs, but never enough for extras.  As a result of her limiting belief, she has never developed the confidence to ask for the salary that she wanted and conditioned herself to not have any idea about the amount money she wants to make.  So she lives in a world of not enough and not deserving.   

Photo courtsey of _Blippo_

Limiting beliefs can show up in lots of different ways and if the limiting belief is something that you developed as a child. It grows up with you into an adult-sized limiting belief system. In order to succeed and clear your limiting beliefs, you have to submerge and focus your mind with positive thoughts.  You have to starting creating the reality you want.  You cannot for one moment allow old limiting beliefs to enter your mind and re-root themselves.  It takes effort, courage and knowing in your gut that limiting beliefs can be overcome. 

How to Stop Fearing Change

Fear of change, keeps you small
So you avoid discomfort by making excuses.
How is that going for you?

I cannot afford it, I have to wait, I don’t know. Oh my God, I have to make that call and I forget. Why don’t they just stop contacting me? Why is she continuing to talk about this again and again? I really want to but… my head, my children, I have to ask my husband. These are some the many excuses we make up in our lives when the change you requested starts to come.

What are the excuses that have you playing small in your life? Above are a myriad of excuses that I have heard and that I have also used in my life. However, I now know when my ego is messing with me. It is working hard on stopping me from doing the things I want to do but I am afraid to do.

My fear shows up around money, I get a triggered. I feel it in my solar plexus and I start the nagging internal dialog. My internal dialog doesn’t have language, it just has feelings. However, what I have found is that if I do not choose that thing that will impact my life positively. I’ll spend the money on something or another that really has no educational or emotional impact on my life and my life stays the same. Whereby, when I think of spending money on a course, seminar, workshop and or coach that would transform my mindset, it causes me emotional upheaval in my subconscious because my ego so big. It is does not like change and responds by making me mad at myself.

I have listened to woman who, like myself, have attended workshops. It is so amazing to hear the conversations and about the way they hear things and interpret them. Be aware it is the ego, it stands in the way of your greatness. It is also has a way of being arrogant. You know that you need help, but you refuse to take it.

In my work, I hear and see a lot of what is happening in the back ground of women’s life. I hear all the little conversations and disguises that are put on when you have not set up strong, personal boundaries in your life. I also hear when you’re trying to manipulate people into doing something that you want without using your verbal skills. I also hear when you are trying to ‘fake’ knowing something when is really okay not to know it. I also hear when you job runs your life and you have no personal activities going on in your life. I hear the bitterness in some that is so bitter it impacts their whole environment. (Not a judgment, just an observation.)

I also have the keen intuition of knowing and recognize when someone else’s anxiety is coming from being overwhelmed, not trusting or being present with your life. When you have all the accoutrements that money can buy, you’re great at your job but you do not your personal life. You’re amazing people, you are strong and many times you are very very afraid of your own personal power. Ask me how I know. I have been there.

It does not work for me that woman do not know their power, they feel something other than their true selves all the time or suffer inside from behaviors that no longer work for them. All because they are afraid of what people are going to say about them. It is important to know that it is none of your business what people say about you. Ladies the fear of change, the lack of confidence and self esteem in your personal life keeps your small in your personal life and to avoid discomfort, you make up excuses.

Hey How is that going for you.

Call me and let me know

How to Stop Feeling Guilty

Guilt leaves you feeling YUCKY. Guilt is a very dis-empowering action. The majority of the women I come in contact with as a Confidence and Self Esteem Expert experience tremendous guilt. They feel guilty around their children, friends, family and the list goes on. However, when you are in love with yourself, you have a strong sense of security and you can step out of the guilty behavior. Letting go of guilt enables you to make deliberate choices allowing you to own the process of loving yourself.

One experiences Guilt when they do not act or behave like the rest of the group or clique. You will often experience ridicule or criticism because they want to you to behave or act in a particular way. So they will try to gain power over you by trying to make you feel guilty. Guilt is used by everyone. However, when you have confidence and a strong self-esteem, this form of behavior has no power over you because you come from your heart as you are courageous. With courage you know that you are in charge of your life.

When you do not have courage, lack confidence, and self-esteem, you come from a place of manipulation. You engage in power struggles to get a desired behavior from another person. Many people use silence coupled with withdrawal of affection/love to dominate their friends, family and children. This kind of behavior just is not loving. You are further endorsing that you are not enough, or that you are not acceptable for other people because you have to engage in power struggles to get what you desire.

If you engage in this kind of manipulative guilt breeding behavior, it is important that you surrender this combative tactic. We all want to experience freedom without guilt but to experience freedom we have to let others experience the freedom we want for ourselves.

Learning to detach ourselves from reactions and our emotions is necessary when the negative takes a hold of you. When we pull ourselves out of center where we lose all sense of who we are because we have become upset, bitter and all manner of things that separate us from others. You have to learn to love yourself with kindness not from a place of judgment; judgment separates you from others and yourselves. It sets you up to fail so you cannot be free. When you judge people for the things they do, what they have, do not have or how they act, you are also setting yourself up in the judgment that you have woven for another. When you set up this kind of web, you have now told yourself that you can only accept yourself under certain circumstances and conditions. If attaining these conditions and circumstance becomes difficult, you have now put yourself in a place where you have no freedom. You have now placed a very harsh way of being on yourself, filled with self-criticism, where you are not good enough. When you give up and love yourself unconditionally, you will experience yourself with naturally experiencing confidence and self-esteem. Confidence and Self-Esteem will naturally attract positivity to you.

Make time for happiness

A good portion of women are too busy making themselves busy so they don’t have a minute to look at the true picture of their life.  They are too busy to call a friend or too busy to return a call.  They are too busy to be the yes that they said they’d be.  What is all this busy-ness?  We have a ton of technology available to us at the drop of a dime.  Literally a drop of a dime and yet we are way too busy.  Now the with cellphones less than half a yard away from your elbow inside your bag or pocket it remains impossible to return a simple call, to a client, a potential suitor, a doctor anybody.

Two happy girls

Well, you don’t understand, I am really busy.  How busy can you be?  Are you running a small country?  What is it that you are doing in your life that has you so busy that nothing has changed in the last 3 years? I have a running conversation with clients that say to me that they are too busy to do something that they say is important to them.  Important things like their friends, their health and wellbeing.  They want to date, fix their finances or change something in their life.  Well, what I say is you are not running a city or a small country.  For instance look at Rudy Guilliani, the mayor of New York City 1994-2001. Here was a man that was busy, running NYC, visiting other states and countries and still he still found time to have a wife and then cheat on her.  Now that’s busy.  If you not running a small city, visiting other countries having a marriage and an extra marital affair, you’re not that busy. Come on!

What’s really going on is that you do not have a system to manage yourself, and you do not have a relationship with your word.  How do I know this?  Well, I know this because when the conversation comes up about you being unavailable, not following up on your promises, and not being your word, then you get triggered.  You shut down become resigned.  Some of you might even become angry.  This is not a judgment; it is something that I have experienced.

If all the things that you say you would love to have or experience are really that important to you, then it is important that you carve out time for yourself.  There is more than enough time in the day to handle what it is that you say that you desire.  The first question to ask yourself is: Am I happy?  What’s happiness got to do with time? What has happiness go to do with anything?  Well, I have come to understand that people that are happy with themselves desire to remain happy.  They share.  They are often times enjoying the work that they have chosen for themselves.  They are busy, but they are organized.  It is this kind of happiness that is important to them.  They do not want anything to interfere with their happiness.  So they make the time to do the things that is important to them and schedule time to handle all the other things.  They are happy and they want to share it with friends so they create time to talk with friends.  They are not interested in getting sick so they will create time to go to the doctor and keep a handle on their wellbeing.  They have created structure to keep on doing the thing that they enjoy doing.

 

 

 

Happiness is something that one can do for oneself. However, it is something that is better shared with another.  When you are happy in your life you become aware of whom you are.  So if you desire a deep relationship with another person, it’s important that you become aware of yourself.

The comments above are not here to make you feel wrong or written as a judgment.  I have written them as a way to have you look inside and understand that sometimes you are not aware of what you’re doing or how it impacts your life and the lives of the people you say are important to you.  It is important to see them so that you can realize how important it is to learn to concentrate and focus your mind where you choose.  You can elevate your thinking and your choices to a higher ideal rather than just merely having a view or no view at all and remain stuck thinking that your business is real and you have no time.   Then when people say that you are not managing your time or you wasted their time being busy, you don’t find yourself feeling attacked or defending yourself.

It is as though you are too afraid to take a minute to just sit down and smell the roses.  Many  women have discovered the age old art of making themselves wrong so they have something to distract them from just taking a minute to sit down and reflect.  Happiness appears as this elusive thing they are searching for.  Some are looking for it in the arms of the next lover before completing with the last one.  Some are looking for it at the end of the credit card in the next pair of designer shoes.  This is not a judgment.

What I do know is that a lot of woman are really craving, desiring and would like to have the kind of happiness that just makes you heart sing.  The kind of happiness that you feel when you are taking time out to do something that you really enjoy doing, that ignites your passion and get your juices flowing.  No ladies, not that kind.  At least not at this moment;  I mean the kind of passion that I experience when I am riding my bike and the wind is whipping around my helmet and I see life’s pleasures like a flower that had just broken through the earth.

 

 

How to Feel More Secure

Security exists internally.  Most people look for security as an external experience.  They think it is either something or someone in the world that can give security to them and that makes them feel secure.  No one or nothing can make you feel secure.  Security is something that you give to yourself first.  Like most things, if you cannot give it to yourself then no one can give it to you.  Nothing or no one can give you the security you are looking for, so if you are seeking it in a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, money, none of these things can make you feel secure until you feel internally secure.

 

Image of Woman typing on computer

 

Security, acknowledgement, and praise are all individual personal feelings.  One of the only ways you can ever feel secure is by giving security to yourself. The love that you need, a sense of belonging, a feeling of safety in your world, being able to self-validate, acknowledging yourself and recognizing your own accomplishments are the gifts that you give yourself.  Ultimately only you can fill your needs.

 

Security is a sense of having something in your life that calls you, that is bigger than you are it pulls you, your attracted to it.  When you are secure in your life the petty upsets are small in comparison to what  you’re up to.  When you are secure you have projects, you are growing and you are not looking outside of yourself for love.  You don’t have unattainable rules in place to give you a sense of security.  You are busy loving you and loving another in that order. You are not looking for the person to love you.  You’re not looking for the person to call you to check in, or you are not waiting to hear the words I love you.  You are being I love you- it becomes your natural way of being and your experience of love lives freely.  That kind of love is not a demand that is practiced in a specific way of so many calls a week, so many hugs, keeping score of how many times the person says I love you. The bickering about who always says what first.   That kind of love is not secure and has no space for freedom in it and the joy is sucked out of the love in a way that causes insecurity and you can become shut down or anxiety driven.

 

Woman looking out window

 

When you are secure you have an experience of growth and expansion in your life.  Your view of the world is a bigger place and the feel of the universe is abundant you feel known. When you feel secure you are open, you share yourself abundantly, you are willing to take risks and you experience an opportunity to be who you really are.

 

Many people are on a mission to keep their world safe by not speaking up for themselves, or no speaking at all.  Feeling like they cannot trust anyone and always living in a space of fear.  Consequently, when you live in a space of fear your world gets smaller and you experience even more insecurity.  However, when you face your fears your world expands and you feel stronger and secure in other areas of your life and you discover that you true feeling of security exists when you can meet your own needs without being a demand for security from others.  Give yourself a life filled with happiness where security is your own responsibility and what comes from others is a blessing that is received with gratitude.

 

 

 

What Does Present Mean To You

I would like to you to take a few minutes and really think about the word present and what it means to you.  Present.

Fall leaves

 

Are you being present to everything in your life? I want you to just stop for a moment and watch your thoughts go by as you focus on the word present and how it occurs for you in your life.

 

Watch the feelings that the word present conjurers up or even if you get no feeling at all.   Be present to it.  There is no right or wrong way in your feelings – they are yours and yours alone.
Now I want to do a little experiment, this experiment is a contrast.  I would like you to think of the word past and what it means to you.  Past.  I want you to look at not everything but some thing in your past.   Then take a moment and watch your thoughts about your past.  I want you to watch them go by and look at how it occurs in your life.

 

See where in your past are you stuck and what are the feelings that come up or even if there aren’t any feelings at all. Focus on your past.  Look at what you feel, smell or taste.  Just be with it.

 

Now I would like you to do the same with your future.  I would like you to focus on the future.  Look at it for a moment – how does it make you feel or not feel.  Does it look bright or does it seem scary? Do you have control in your future?  Focus on it.  Watch it go by and how it occurs to you.
What are the images that you create about yourself when you speak to other people? Are their people that you can share yourself with completely ?  Are there things about yourself that you can candidly share that lift you up or pull you down?

 

How do certain images about yourself get played out in your life?  Are they healthy?  What do you do to keep them at bay? Do you have external ways of keeping them at bay?

 

I would like you to create a high image of yourself, seeing the things that you really would like to accomplish.

Exercises

1 – I would like you to create an image of yourself and then ask your friends to hold that specific image for you.  Ask them to picture you succeeding at something that you really want to accomplish.  It does not matter what it is, what matters is that it is important to you.  This is a very confronting exercise.  You have to be willing to hold yourself accountable.

 

2 – What is something that you would like to give up in this present moment? How has that thing impacted your life?  Is it something that belongs to you that have created.  Why did you create it?  What was the purpose – Happiness, Protection, or a Value?  What did you use this for? What would your life look like if you gave it up?

Haters

You know you’re a Hater, just admit you hate on everything about yourself. You hate on others who reflect the things you hate about yourself, whether they are successful or not.  You haters are everywhere.  You hate on yourself and you destroy your dreams, by saying things like: ‘Its too hard.’  ‘I don’t have enough time.’  ‘I don’t have the money.’  You’re a hater and some of you are lazy haters.  You use your hate to sabotage yourself and make yourself wrong.  Get real, you know you do.  As a personal life coach working in Brooklyn, I work with people all over the nation.  I also have clients in France and England.  Hating is not a national practice, it is a universal practice.  As a hater, you are always looking for things to hate on yourself about.  You’ve worked really hard to build your confidence and self-esteem only to smash it across the rocks.  How long you’ll sit on the rocks is entirely up to you.

 

Being a hater impacts your world from the inside out, eroding your confidence and self-esteem.  This has you point the perpetual finger at another person or thing, instead of being responsible for your actions.  Haters, hate themselves, that is what they do.
In order to avoid haters, it is important for you to look inside yourself and realize that you are the one true hater.  You are the saboteur; you are the killer of your dreams and ideas.  You’re the one that does not keep your word to yourself or others.  You are the one that is constantly in fear, hiding your greatness.  Many of you believe that the hater is external, when in fact the hater is with you 100% of the time. The big truth is it’s internal.

 

Start a revolution, stop hating your body

 

Babe, you’re the one that hurts you, fills you up with feelings of rejection, no one can reject you ever.  Rejection is rejection when you see it as so.  Someone says something and you get mentally interrupted, pull yourself off course and hurt yourself.  Rejection is not what you think it is.  A person that is committed to their dream goes out looking for the ‘no’s because they know it brings them closer to their dream.  Some see it as failure.  There is no such thing as failure. Thomas J. Watson is attributed with saying “If you want to succeed, double your failure rate”.  There is no such thing as rejection, and no one ever fails.  No man, woman or child on this planet can reject you.  You reject you and you deem yourself as failure.  People can say what they say, but you are the only person that can take that feeling in and hurt your own feelings.  You have the power and the strength to recognize your own pain or the pain that you inflict on yourself.

 

If there is an image or idea that you are not happy with in yourself recreate it.  Stop deceiving yourself.  Create another truth or reality, then make your own truth of who you are by not seeing yourself as the victim.  You are an incredible human being.  Every time you refuse to accept and acknowledge your power, beauty, truth or wisdom, you’re making yourself a victim.  When you are riding the waves of your own self-pity or are feeling depressed; start by working on recognizing that you’re lying to yourself and not coming from your personal truth.  When you lie to yourself, you carry that feeling around with you and it is replayed back to you in the world by the energy that you are transmitting. Know that energy begets energy.  Believe this, your world begins with your thoughts and words.  You are not a target of some universal lotto that selected your name to be a victim in some universal drama.  It your own personal drama that you created.

Stop Hating Sign

An example is when you traverse, (I like the word traverse) the world thinking you are ‘ugly’, ‘fat’, ‘stupid’, ‘not enough’, then you will begin to set up the resonance in your energy field that you are all those things, the result of this is you will now attract people and events that mirror your thoughts.  You will begin to hear, see and experience those thoughts all around you.  Wah!  As you begin to clean up that energy and shift it to being ‘attractive’, ‘smart’ (you can learn) and ‘enough’, the universe will begin to reflect back at you.  You have recreated and now this becomes your truth.  Whatever you believe be it negative or positive, that is your word and that is what you have now created in your world.

 

Practice holding in your mind and heart a higher vision of yourself, releasing all those things that are negative and shut you down.  Replace them with positive thoughts that open up your heart.  The experience might be scary at first and feel uncomfortable, but the more you practice, like any skill, the better you will become.  Your world will become light, bright and you will be happier.  When you begin to generate higher thoughts about yourself that you are beautiful, powerful and you have enough of what you need, you will see those thoughts reflected back at you. You will see and experience abundance in your world.

 

Consequently, there is no such thing as a hater.  Remember the hater is really you turned in on yourself.

Write a description of your life as you see it and as it is today.

Find two or more qualities that you do not like about yourself and recreate them into something that you do like.

Then create an action that you would like to take to and generate a positive experience.

Finally, dissolve by sharing it with people you love.

Making Time For Friends

Friends are people you connect with.  They are people who make you feel comfortable enough to  fully share your self.  You become involved with these friends because you’re attracted to their characteristics, energy and personality.  You choose to remain friends with them because you enjoy their company and have a mutually honest and respectful relationship. You trust your friend with your secrets, ideas, thoughts and feelings.  You feel secure with these people you call friends.

Friends together
Powerful friendships allow you to give and receive.  They allow you a place to express and share your common interests and find new ones together.  Good friendships allow you to develop your self, obtain new skills and learn to relate.  The power from these kinds of friendships is that they help to meet your needs for acceptance and let you know you belong.

The company of good friends is a beautiful thing.  However, it can be for some people very difficult to cultivate and maintain.  If you remember back when you were young, making friends was easy.  You were exposed to people your own age who had similar interests and life circumstances – who were available to form friendships and whose only responsibilities were generally homework, hobbies and a few chores.  The supply of friendship and time were abundant and not much mattered.  You had plenty of time to have your friendships develop and blossom naturally.

As we grew and left school, adulthood arrived with its many responsibilities of paying bills, developing careers and looking for mating prospects. Friends started to go in various directions.  Creating and developing new friendships does not appear as abundant as they once were.  When you meet new people you’re compatible with, you have to schedule time to develop the relationship.  However, the general truth according to what people say is that they just do not have enough time.  People are constantly complaining about not having enough time.  However, we are are all apportioned the same amount of time-  24 hours per day.  It all depends on what you do with it.  Do you use it or do you waste and lose it?  Are you so booked and scheduled that you can’t muster the energy to make an invitation for lunch?  Are your lunch breaks usually booked?  Do you barely have time to take lunch cause you’re running errands or working at your desk through lunch?

friends arm in arm

Like anything you have to commit.  I have clients who are constantly telling me that they don’t have any friends and they have a hard time making new friends. However, after working with me, you discover that as you begin to align time with your priorities, your opportunities for friendship increase.  You will discover that you are the one who has to decide who you’re going to be friends with.

Trust is one of the issues that people who do not have friends are always concerned about.  However the lack of trust, I have discovered, is internal.  When self trust is developed, you start to give trust differently.  If it is friends and relationship that you want to develop, then you have to start taking risks and being approachable.

Here are some questions that I ask my clients:

What do you want in a friendship?  On a scale of one to ten, how satisfied are you without friendships?
What do you believe that having friends would add to your life?
What actions do you take that allow you to meet and make new friends?
What do you do that keep friends away?
What do you do that pollutes your friendship?
If you were to transform and deepen your friendships what would that be like?

Stop Reliving Your Past, Live In The NOW

How Do You Feel


When you think of a bad experience that happened in your past, do you notice how you feel it in the present moment? It feels like it is happening right now.  You feel right now the way you felt when the situation happened, you feel the same sadness and upset.  We rarely focus on the good things that happen, but we can always in a pinch, think of the sad and soul robbing situations.  Do you think that sad or upsetting situation is of any benefit to you?  All this past experience does is make you remember and feel pain.  Does dredging up the past stop you from experiencing it again? Well it can, if you use it as a learning experience.  But it you don’t, it will be an experience that remains painful.  It will be like an instant replay, going around and around in your head, making you into a victim that still feels powerless.

Picture of worried woman

Stop Being A Victim


So if you want to continue to feel sorry for yourself and behave as though you are a victim, by all means go ahead.  But, as a Personal Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self Esteem, I can tell you that you will continue the vicious cycle of pain with no real personal growth, but the choice is up to you.
If you are willing to stop and see what you have learned from this experience you will never have to bring that experience back into your life.  You will learn where you did not take responsibility for yourself, and where you did not truly value your self-worth.  Once you see the lesson, you can give yourself the pleasure of developing character traits that will have you end the replay, enabling you to go forward in your life.

Stop Living As Other People See You

Many people were raised by parents and experienced family members that have a tremendous amount of warranted, and unwarranted complaints, or just plain disdain for them.  But stop for one second and have a look at your life.  Look at the obstacles that you have overcome.  Look at the strengths that you have developed.  We use resistance training to develop our bodies.  Maybe your parents and family members were your resistance, enabling you to develop something within you.  If only you could reflect a minute longer in the positive and look at your life in the now instead of the past, you can see the greatness that resides within you.  If you could step out of the pain and own into your power, you would no longer need to introduce yourself as your past.

Picture of Worried Woman
Case study:

A female professional who worked hard, is extremely smart, and a risk taker despite her external conversations about fear.
Past:  She did not have this or that. She was not loved and lost family members.  She had only her basic needs met as child.
Present day:  On meeting this woman, I had to hear what she went through as a child; what she experienced with the tears and the upset, how she suffered, etc.  She was a victim and decades later she is still a victim.
Actuality:  She is successful in her current career, has impeccable taste in clothes and all things beautiful, and very well put together. She is very loving, but also very defensive, and has difficulty receiving.
Being so entrenched in her past she cannot see her present situation, neither can she see her future.  The thing about the past is that when you are unhealthy regarding your past, you will fight tooth and nail to keep yourself stuck in it.

What You Can Do

If you are experiencing issues from your past, commit to working on being devoted to giving it up and changing direction in your life by being present and thinking differently.  You have a habit.  You are familiar, secure and comfortable with the tears from being upset and angry.   Try on a new coat by giving it up NOW! Keep in mind that if you want it back, it is only a thought away.

 

The moment you realize that you are not your past, you begin to have a past, and learn that life exists in the present moment.  Life gets created in the present and we are always living in the now.  Two minutes from now is the now.  Two days from now will be the now, two years from now will be the now.  We are always in the now, going to into the future and looking at the past from the now.  So place yourself firmly in the now and create NOW!

 
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Be About Expansion

In times when the market is down, all we hear about is how to cut back.  My neighbor, an attorney, says that his job is slow, while another friend says “thank God I have other things to do.”  All around me I hear that times are tough and we all need to cut back. But my friend, a market researcher, is expanding and creating other opportunities.  Instead of cutting back and holding on to every cent like it is the last she will make, she is taking her time and energy and putting it into a new enterprise.

I know that many people can relate to cutting back.  However, how do you cut back on the things that are important to you?  There’s a misconception that cutting your expenses equals saving money. While cutting expenses provides you with a great opportunity to save money, you need to take an additional step to actually make the savings work.

I have recently had a lot of conversations with people who are stressing out about the economical situation.  However, when asked how the stock market has affected them, they actually do not know.  Yes, the stock market has affected us all.  My portfolio has decreased significantly.  However, there are opportunities available.

Now that you have cut back on your expenses and you have that extra money, what steps are you going to take now?  What happens is that many people cut their expenses, then take the money and place it somewhere else other then paying off debt or in putting it in savings.  Most people make a savings in one area, and spend extra in another area, so the saving never materializes.

How can you know if you are saving or losing if you have no idea what your expenses actually are?  As a coach, I have clients who are always looking for opportunities to save money.  However, they have no idea how much money they spend.  They do not have a budget; they do not know what their expenses are. They are afraid to look at their credit report so they assume the worse.

Be Expansion- look for other opportunities, look at your skills, look at things that you are good at: Can you sell them? What do you enjoy doing, can it become a service?  Do not fall into parroting, e.g. people are not hiring, people are not buying, assuming that people do not want and have stopped spending money.  There are people who are not as affected by this economical situation.  People’s houses still have to be cleaned, people still have to eat, children and the elderly still have to be watched, people still want to look good.  Find out what your thing is and create opportunities to get it done.  In NYC, people have created clothes swaps to remain in fashion, offer your services to coordinate clothes swapping parties.    There are a lot of creative opportunities out there, change you conversation about cutting back and create a conversation about expansion.
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The Art of Manipulation

Have you ever had a friend that just severs ties with you and you don’t know why? 

 

Well, I have.  This was a person that I had known for nearly 20 years.  I considered our relationship to be one that was exceedingly valuable.  It was a friendship filled with fun, laughter and travel.  Even though there were significant differences in each of us, I accepted our friendship for what it was.  I loved to talk; my friend was more of a listener.  I loved to do and take action; my friend would rather leave things alone. I bought things that I loved; my friend bought things based on economical value.  I am a communicator; she left things unsaid. I cleared things up and got on with the business of life; she kept malice.  I know that no two people can ever be alike, not even siblings, so to expect any more of my friendship with her was based on clarity up until our friendship ended.

Photo by woodleywonderworks
Photo by woodleywonderworks

During my friendship, I never judged her; I accepted her and our differences.  Then one day I called her and she did not return my call.  It remained unreturned for one day, which turned into weeks, then turned into months, and now has turned into years.  The fact that she didn’t return my call or contact me still concerns me.  During that time I sent her emails, and I continued to call her worried that something was wrong.  Never once did she pick up the phone and call me.  This type of behavior is selfish and just plain wrong; it is called Manipulation.

 

Manipulation is a very sneaky and cowardly way of behaving.  It is a very disempowering way of being. The manipulator appears to have the upper hand because the person they are trying to victimize has no idea what is going on with them.  It is a way of controlling situations where you clearly do not have any power.  Powerful people state what is going on with them clearly and precisely, they do not feel the need to control or use manipulation as a way ending relationships.

 

Little did I know that my friend had malice toward me, and was using her manipulation to control this one sided situation.  An adult who has strong boundaries and a good sense of esteem allows a person to know that they have been offended or had a boundary broken. A confident person will not have another person going around in confusion, not knowing what it is they have done. With regard to my friend, how was I ever to know what it was that I was supposed to have done to warrant being banished? I was never told.

 

For me, it is not only the loss of the relationship that was upsetting, sad and disappointing, it is also not knowing what it was that I had done;  the incompletion of the end.

 

Today, six and a half years later, I am still in the place where I have no idea what I have done.  This is the kind of non-communicational manipulation that destroys numerous people, leaving them afraid to develop relationships and trust people.  Today, six and a half years later, I am not upset or disappointed for the loss of the relationship.  I now know that these were my expectations not hers.  So, I have given up my disillusionment.

 

Friends have disagreements.  It is important to share what it is you want or don’t want.  It is important that you share with others when you feel that you have been offended in some way or if you have caused some kind of upset, to be able to share in a way that will help clear the upset and help you remain in a positive friendship.  If the relationship should crash and burn, at least both parties will not be left in the dark.  They can agree to disagree and part amicably.

 

Take responsibility for your actions; take responsibility for your upsets.

 

People have feelings and even if you do not value the relationship, stop for a minute and know that it takes two to have a valuable relationship and maybe your friend values this relationship even if you do not. To be in communication within a friendship is learning to accept your friend for all they are and all they are not.  These steps are the makings of great friendships.

Mind Your own Business

Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. 

 

It does not have to be saving the earth, you don’t have to find a cure; you have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life.  So it is your birth right and duty to get on with it. Many people are afraid to do what they desire to do.   They believe happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%.  They are afraid of what people will think of them. The have no idea of what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% that they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to so.   They do things to please other people and neglect themselves.  They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%.  It’s none of your business what people think of you.  Do what you want and just  be happy.   Stand strong, self-validate and commit to being a contribution to someone of something.  Your happiness will be fulfilled. 

 

Discovery

 

What I have discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others.  It is always described as, I want to help people.  I want to teach people and I want to make people happy. It is always for other people.  It is important that we understand that we share.  In order to share, we have to have.  So to give happy, you have happy, so you share happy.  The next thing that happens after a declaration is the fear of what people will think of them.   They start to worry and stress about what they’re afraid of and what people might think about them.  The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.

 

Sitting & Listening

 

I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievable and exciting.  This artist a woman who is in her sixties, she paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure.  This extremely talented woman, this artist was being very unhappy, unproductive and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art; her life sounded like a very exciting life. She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to her own drum, lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art healing people and freeing them of their self loathing issues, cause by various negative experiences.  As she cleared how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by her belief.  That belief was what a friend and colleague had said about her.  This colleague was someone who she had respected.  Basically, she was not allowing this person to have an opinion.  She started to believe what he said was true.

In a moment, this woman, like many people, was killing herself off.  She was not being an artist, she was not being successful, and she was not being vibrant.  She was doubtful, fearful, believing in scarcity, and not minding her own business.  By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her.  This hexing had had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment to moment basis.  She felt that she could not paint – that her creativity had gone.  She was lost and slowly going into energy bankruptcy as well as a financial bankruptcy.  How can a woman that had had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity?  Well, when you do not mind your business closely, you allow other peoples thoughts and opinions to rob you of your passion.  If hexing someone was a crime, then many people would be found guilty.

 

You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative.  However, people just like you have the right to say anything they want and you have the right to listen or not.  Where you get caught and hooked is you that you make what they say mean something.  Simple example:  Person A says: I don’t like that painting.  You make it mean:  I am not a good artist, I can’t create and it goes on and on.  So now you walk around with that belief. I am not a good artist, I can’t paint and I have no creativity and no one will buy your work. It belief gets bigger and bigger and you in turn get smaller and smaller, you begin to feel insecure, and shut down.

 

It is important to learn that what people say is none of your business. 

 

Your business is your life, your thoughts about you.  It is important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements are not personal to you.   That is what happened with this woman.  She forgot who or what she was up to in her life.  She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art.  She forgot that she had a mission her in her world and that and only that was her business.

 

When we learn that it is none of your business what others say or think about you.  You can say thank you for your opinion and mean it.  Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling our life mission.
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Case Study- Lori K.

Lori is in my Live Life Your Way (LLYW) maintenance program.  I have worked with her for over five (5) years.  She has completed the Honorable program and continues with coaching because she derives a tremendous amount of value from the process.  She has gone from weakness to strength in her life and relationships, with me as her Personal Life Coach. Lori has expanded her life in general, is in a better place financially, is in a healthy committed relationship, has better relationships with her family and friends, and she travels extensively for work and pleasure (more for pleasure).  But most of all, she is confident in and with her life, recognizes the universe will provide when she is clear as to what she wants, feels deserving of good things, and feels powerful.

 

When I first met Lori, her personal confidence and self esteem had taken a big severe hammering. She was an unhappy professional woman who was stuck in her life. She had a job that didn’t suit her, her home and work environments were dismal, the relationship with her then boss was very depressing and difficult, her office had no windows and she was underpaid.  This made her very unhappy which in turn had her stuck.

 

Lori spent most of her nights and all of her weekends doing what she knew to do, sending out resumes and looking for a new job. She had no personal life, 5 cats, ten year old furniture that was left over from her college years, and her apartment would fill up with the marijuana smell from the neighbor below. To add insult to injury, one of her cats was sick, which had Lori spending $500+ per month on medication and vet bills.  She had no boyfriend and had not been on vacation in years; her social life was, in a word, unfulfilling.  She was also suffering from weekly migraines, was overwhelmed and a people pleaser.  She did not love herself or like the person she had become.  Her family life, like many, was dysfunctional.  Lori, a very loving and giving woman, had never bought herself a pair of shoes costing over $60 and she had no savings. Lori also had a long list of things which included day to day things, as well as life things, that were simply left undone because she had no time to do them.   She had a To Do list that was 5 pages long and growing.

 

However today, this woman is being paid almost twice the amount she had made when I meet her and she has a job that she absolutely loves that takes her all over the country. She has a wonderful home environment including new adult furniture, “she got a man” (a relationship of three years now), her relationship with her family and friends has shifted enormously in a positive way, she considers herself prosperous, she is migraine-free, and she has met many of her personal goals after putting out all the emotional fires in her life. Lori has fun now and is excited about life. She recently bought herself a brand new car, vacations often, swam with dolphins, and on July 30, 2011, she is moving into a beautiful home with her boyfriend. She takes excellent care of herself and has money in the bank now.  She has stopped being a people pleaser. She is confident and feels deserving now. Lori has learned many life lessons that will keep her from becoming emotionally stuck or having her personal confidence and self esteem take a hammering ever again.

 

As a coach, I am committed to having people shift their lives.  I am committed to having people have fun and take full responsibility for the things that they are passionate about.  Lori is my ideal client – she is committed to having the best in life and the best life ever.   I can say that I am proud that I am her Personal Life Coach and excited about supporting her to accomplish all she wants to do.  As a life coach, I am a committed listener, sounding board and your accountability partner.  As your coach, there is nothing that I cannot hear.  I am open to hearing everything that you want to experience and are currently experiencing – the good, bad, and the different.  I am not here to judge or assess you.  I am here to help you clear the debris; face the fear, challenge the challenges and Live Life Your Way.  I love what I do and I do it with great joy, pleasure, and enthusiasm.

 

Consequently, Lori is still willing to face her fears head on, and continues to build her confidence and self esteem. She has found that working with me as her coach has transformed and continues to transform her life.  I am the perfect coach for her and she is the perfect client for me as she wants her life to be “all it can be” and is continually committed to the process.
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Friends, Love and Understanding

Friends are important to me.

One thing I know is that I have a gift for making friends and I love the friends I have.  It has nothing to do with the length of time that I know them.  It has to do with the love that I can now share. I do not like releasing friendships.

What I didn’t know about myself until recently is that I never gave myself permission to not be a friend.  I believe that I can find the best in everyone, I  didn’t have to not like a person because they had certain characteristics that didn’t not work for me.  I thought that if I found the qualities that I liked in them, it would outweigh the ones I didn’t.

My Personal Story

My trip to Jamaica with a friend was an experience. I will forgive yes but forget because it was a valuable learning tool.  It was an extremely volatile and sad experience for me.  I accept that I had been avoiding some harsh realities.  My friend whom I have grown to love, had some behaviors that were not personal to me, but they were bad behaviors never-the-less and though I knew they existed, I did not want to see them in my world.  These behaviors had been exhibited last year, so I was knowledgeable about her extremes.  Even though I knew her behavior might be something that I would experience first hand, I neglected to accept it.  I did not face my own truth and follow my intuition.
Therefore, May 2011 became my turn.  Based on my commitment to supporting people develop confidence and self-esteem with my commitment to myself to not to have vulgar exchanges with any other human beings, I left my friend to experience her volatile tantrums on her own in the parking lot of our beautiful resort.
My friend is a very intelligent and professional woman who is a little stuck and unhappy.  When upset like many individuals, she finds it difficult to express herself and is taken away with emotion that is too much for her to handle.

What I Discovered


Anyway, being a Personal Life Coach and working in the area of confidence and self-esteem while also being committed to using my words to empower. (I like all humans feel the fight or flight emotion)  I knew my friend’s behavior was volatile, I recognized it very early on in our relationship.  I recognized all the signs, but because it was a very young friend, I chose to allow her to be who she was.   In the beginning, I would mention her behavior.  However, since she did not hire me or ask for my support, I decided to choose which hill I wanted to die on.  Plus, people do not welcome unsolicited instruction.  So, I would leave it at that.
What I have discovered, and now own and accept, is that there were people in my life that had a lot of behaviors I did not agree with, but I chose to keep them in my life always seeking the good, repeating my personal mantras “They’re nice” or “They’re fun” which there were, at times.  But not realizing that I was also fun, I was also nice and that it was time for me to let these people go.

I also realized that I wanted some new friends that had similar qualities that were important to me.  Example:  Friends that liked people, who shared themselves freely, with similar interests, and for the relationship to have a loving quality to it.  What I discovered was that it is not my friend’s responsibility to bring the fun or anything I wanted, it was mine.   I realized that these relationships were my doing!  I had created these people from a lack of value that I had about myself.  It was my choice, I had brought these people into my world, and it was my responsibility to value myself and recreate friendships from a place of inner confidence and self-esteem in my world.
Removing them did not mean I had to disregard them and or make them wrong.  What it meant for me was being truthful with myself and cutting the cord with this friend, as painful as I thought it was.  It was important to cut cords and still feel love for them with no upset, no jellies in the pit of my stomach.  I could still be polite, loving and wishing them happiness in their respective lives yet moving on in mine.
I learned in that precious moment that I could still love my friend.  The experience showed me that I loved and valued myself and releasing the friend was just releasing.  It was nothing else.

My Life Now


So I have released this friend and few others in a very short space of time, I have opened the door and attracted new people into my life that I am enjoying and love to be around.  I’m enjoy being with these people and they share that they really enjoy being with me.   All the things that I bring to my friendships are reflected back at me.
Ask yourself these questions:
What can you see from this learning experience?
Where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
If you want something new, are you open to having it come from anywhere, anyplace, anyone?
This experience happened to have me get aware of new opportunities.  Where are your opportunities?
What are you tolerating in your life?
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Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?

It seems like women are constantly being told what to do with their vaginas.  In the media, woman are told how to date, what to wear and how to think.  They’re constantly telling women what they should be, do and have.  If it’s not the media, then it is women feeling judged based on their circumstances and they are left feeling like they have no control.  For example, if women are unmarried or childless, it is deemed wrong in some way.  It’s time for women to stand up and realize that there’s nothing wrong and start really believing that you are worthy in spite of your imperfections.   If you find that there is something in life that is not perfect for you, only you can change it.  Don’t complain or fret as only you can change what you don’t like about your life.

As a Personal Life Coach, my commitment is in confidence and self esteem. I use the metaphor of the vagina to distinguish your individual self.  No two vaginas are visually the same and only you individually know what is going on in your vagina and its needs.

I’m always asking the question of “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?” when I hear the media directing women on their life choices.  I have a very funny male OB/GYN; he is very good and service orientated.  Our relationship is very good and open. I feel I can ask him any question I can come up with.   Nevertheless, I remember going into him and describing a pain I had in my vagina after eating certain foods.  He told me that was not possible.  I looked at him and asked him “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”, he checked himself, laughed and apologized by saying how could he ever know what pain I was feeling in my vagina as he does not and never had one.  End of story.

 

So, I request of you today to take charge of your vagina and all that you are.  Do not let anyone decide for you what feels good or what you desire.  Just remember it’s your Vagina and you get to say how it goes.  You get to take responsibility.
I am saddened by how many women do not know the power of their Vagina themselves. As a Personal Life Coach, a lot of woman I  encounter don’t know or understand the control they have when it comes to their needs and desires.  They treat themselves and their vaginas, like a stray kitten waiting for somebody to rescue them, feel them up and give them an orgasm.  Then they walk away feeling resentful because they were treated poorly or bitch and moan when it’s doesn’t turn out the way they hoped.

 

Your Vagina, along with the clitoris, is an amazing structure; it is a sensitive organ and its sole purpose is pleasure.   Can you imagine? How fortunate, an organ for the sole purpose of pleasure.  What a beautiful thing!

 

My personal belief is that women should only release their pleasure organ when they want to and when they feel like it, no matter what.  With all the positive information in the media, women are still feeling the pressure to have sex when they are not interested or don’t want to. They feel pressure to be cute, to be accepted or just to not be rejected.  Sex is a wonderful experience when you want to have sex and not because you’re doing it for the approval of another person.

 

You are the pleasure you need, it’s built in.  When you do something for another person you are seeking something from them. This is done because you don’t have enough strength to really take care of yourselves or your needs. This is not just the practice of young women,  this is also the practice of older women as well.  It has nothing to do with age, educational or economical value; it has to do with personal value.  It is important to be able to speak up for yourself in the world, even in the bedroom or other places where you have sex.

 

It is important to know your vagina, and do only things that excite you. It is important to learn what gives you pleasure and turns you on. Get to know every pore, every corner, curve of your body and mind.  Become an expert on yourself and be able to drive yourself to the highest highs. 

 

After all, “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”  Consider if you cannot answer that question faithfully, you could consider using a Personal Life Coach until you can answer this question for yourself without hesitation.
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Be Yourself Already

Many women are stuck in their old ways of being.  They have limiting beliefs that are so far out of alignment with who they are today, that their concepts of themselves are out of balance.   They know that something in their lives is missing.  It is not a tangible thing.  It is a way of being, doing and having.  They know that their head and heart are out of sync.  They continue to harp on, talk about and create the same things all of the time.  They date the same men, or none at all.  They attract the same things or none at all.  They know intuitively that there is something that they desire but they cannot find the right magnetic energy.  They do not understand that their words have power and through their words they are recreating the same situations.   In response to this, I created a salon – Be Yourself Already.
Are you being yourself or are you stuck?

The questions I ask you are:
Who are you being?  Are you being yourself or are you being something that is completely out of alignment with your true God and Universal spirit?  Do you know that the more you become aware of who you are, you will become aware of your inner guidance and personal power?
Are you using material things to insulate you from really being yourself? Have you insulated yourself so much with things that the even the sheer thought of losing these things hurt so much that it shuts you down?
Do you really know yourself?  Have you ever taken time to be with you in silence?  Without the hum of the television, without drugs and alcohol, comfort food, you’re shopping jones, the constant chatter on the phone and having multiple mindless relationships or booty calls?  Do you know yourself without whatever vice you are using to cover up whatever it is you’re avoiding?
My big request is:
Be Yourself Already!  If you were to strip yourself naked, down to the core of who you are, would you know yourself, would you like yourself?  Furthermore, would you be comfortable?  Let’s go a little further- you lost your job, your house, your car, everything, all you had was just you.  Would you be comfortable with yourself, would you be yourself already?  Close your eyes for one minute and imagine if all you had was yourself and your imagination, how would you begin the process of recreation?  Do you think it is important to be yourself openly and honestly? Being who you are and not who you think you should be?
Are you speaking from a place of lacking or a place of abundance:
When you speak with your friends and people you know, do you continually speak about your problems and pain or do you speak about your abundant life and how happy you are?  Well when you speak of your pain and problems, people begin to form images as you speak and you transmit radio waves of emotions to them.  So if you’re a person that is continually sharing from the place of pain, then pain and problems will be how you show up in the world.  If you are a person that says they don’t trust or like people, or believes that continual happiness isn’t possible, then the life you have is the life you’ve created with the words that you’ve uttered.

Woman Without

My story of lacking vs. abundance
A few years ago after I finished my coaching certification at NYU I created a seminar with two women who were in my class.  I was very excited about the seminar and was sort of at a cross roads in my life.  I was giving up real estate which had been a large source of my income and identity for a number of years.  As a Realtor, I was used making great money.  The following nibble will clarify my lack.   My career as a real estate broker had a profound impact on me.  I was well known in the community, I was good at what I did, and I made money.  Real Estate had become my identity.
Becoming a Personal Life Coach and stepping out into an unknown field to do something that I was emotionally and spiritually drawn to was daunting.   I became  anxious as I did not know my capabilities yet in my new field. I was unsure if i could make a difference, attract clients, find my niche and lastly make an income.  So my conversations became one of lack.
At that time, all I could see was my bank account being sapped and me becoming poor which was one of my fears. (No longer)  This was not my truth.  I had been expressing myself to the two ladies who I was to partnered with to produce the seminar.  I had been expressing myself from a place of lack yet I did not know it.
Then, an issue arose that gave me clarity and transformed my life, we had to pay for the rental space.  One of the ladies, Jane, paid my share and I had to pay her back.  Paying her back was no problem at all.  However, my continuous conversation about lack had created a world for them where I would be unable to pay them back.  The night of the seminar, I had the money for Jane in my pocket.  But, we were so busy with everything that I got distracted and neglected to give her the money.  The money stayed in my pocket until I got home.
In the morning I was speaking with the other woman, Geraldine. I told Geraldine that I had Jane’s money.  Geraldine proceeded to tell me that both she and Jane were concerned that Jane would not get her money back.   My a heart sunk.  I have a commitment to always pay back my debts. Furthermore, the money I owed wasn’t even a large sum.  It was barely enough for me to have a great lunch and definitely was not enough to feed me for a week.  Regardless of the fact, in that moment Jane and Geraldine taught me a valuable lesson.  I learned that I had created a world for my partners, Jane and Geraldine, out of my conversation about lack.  Before that experience, I had no idea that I was speaking of lack and that I was creating a world for them where they saw me as poor.  In the moment from that conversation, I became extremely responsible for my speaking and learned to speak responsibly from a place of power.
With Jane and Geraldine, what I had been doing was planting and replanting seeds of lack.   I experience the power of my words.   I have a commitment to using my words and creating myself from a place of my own personal power.  I might at times slip up, like a child who sometimes does not have the skill to handle everything in my life perfectly or even beautifully.  But, what I do know is that I am being myself already! I have the power to know that I am growing every moment and that I do not have to go back to creating images that speak of or create images of disempowerment to others.
I accept myself already.

The woman I am is power, success, creativity and abundance.  That is who I am.  This is why I have created a special salon. I want others to be themselves already.  I hope you will join me.



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