Busy Can Be Beautiful When You Get Engaged: My Week of Networking

On Wednesday, I attended the Annual Open House for the Manhattan Chamber of Commerce where I am a member and an Ambassador. Microsoft hosted it on their terrace overlooking Times Square. More than 200 Chamber members and future members and friends came out to hobnob in what I think is one of the city’s best networking organizational events. I had so much fun and connected with so many people I’ve met at the Chamber throughout the year. Unfortunately, I didn’t take any photos because I was having fun. However, here are some shots of the party.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, I attended an event at the Friars Club hosted by UBS. The invitation was extended to me by my friend Ron Foster of RonLouisDesigns.com. He is a fantastic interior designer. That was a pleasant experience because we met not only some incredible people, but we also had the pleasure of bumping into the producer of the movie Ocean’s 8 with the female cast. While at the Friars Club, my mind couldn’t help but wonder despite having fun. I could not help thinking about times gone by where I might not have been permitted to enter this hallowed place of jokes and entertainment because of my race.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday was a busy, eventful, and happy day for me.  I had my NAWBO event which was hosted and curated by me. I brought together video content, fashion, and networking with Justin Swain of Open Reel and the Aysha Collection NYC. Along with NAWBO, National Association of Women Business Owners, and myself, Noreen Sumpter, personal life coach and founder of the LLYW Program.  What a wonderful week. We had an excellent amount of guests attend and ask a ton of questions about Open Reel’s presentation. One never can tell how an event will be received. You can have the best-laid plans and seriously it turns out to be a dog, not the kind of dog that people love, but a mangy event that no one wants to touch and slowly they leave out the back door.  I believe if you give a warm and mighty welcome to your speakers, they will get excited. Always build them up for why you invited them to speak. The speaker brings it and your guests get engaged. There you go. I guess that is why I am the VP of Member Engagement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am living life my way.  On a side note, I am happy to say that I had a beautiful, healthy week. I hugged and kissed a lot of people. Networking is an excellent opportunity to meet people and do business.

Thanks to the following people, places, and organizations:
The FlatIron Hotel, Aysha Collection, NYC.  Open Reel,
Results Resources, Manhattan Chamber of Commerce, NAWBO

Noreen Sumpter,
Radio Host The Potentiator and Personal Life Coach

 

Love, friends, sun, sea, and sand in Barbados

Love, friends, sun, sea, and sand in Barbados.  I am happy and so proud of my work. I love my coaching, and I am honored to say that my work works.  I have always been a proponent of life coaching. It works if the client works it. I have always said and known that my work works and that my clients get results when they take the coaching.  That is my commitment.  I am only as good as the results the clients get because they are committed to doing the work. I am committed to that.
 
It is an honor and privilege to be a Personal Life Coach, to have people fulfill their goals, dreams, and desires and be a contribution. 
 
A client of mine, after doing my workshop Calling in the One Unapologetically, she met a man and started dating him. Two years later after building a fantastic relationship,  and getting to know each other, they tied the knot and were married in Barbados. And, of course, yours truly was there to witness the happy event with my own eyes.  I love that and felt proud of my work personified! I Iove when my clients get great jobs or promotions, fulfill their dreams, purchase things they desire like cars, pay off debt, end relationships that don’t work, honor themselves, heal family wounds, or forgive themselves and others. I’m happy for them. I am so glad for the work that I do and the space that I create for clients.  Going to a wedding and witnessing a marriage that was just a dream, is the best experience ever!  Calling in the One Unapologetically will be starting again in the summer online.  Call for further information  917-945-5907
 
Congratulations, Dorian and Dean!  

What People Say About You is None of Your Business

Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. It doesn’t have to be saving the world; you don’t have to find a cure for cancer, you just have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life. So it is your birthright to get on with it.

Many people fear what they want to do; they believe that one is really happy in their life when happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%. They’re afraid of what people will think of them. They have no idea what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% happiness they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to do. No going after what they want because they are afraid of what their parents, family, friends, and even strangers might think of them. They do things to please other people and neglect themselves. They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%.

Do what you want to do and be truly happy. Who cares what people think of you. It’s no one’s business what you choose to do. Make sure that what you do is as great as you believe it to be; no one has to agree or disagree with it. Just be committed to providing a contribution and your happiness is already fulfilled. The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.

Discovery

What I’ve discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others. It’s always described as, “I want to help people. I want to teach people and I want to make people happy.” It’s always for other people. It’s important that we understand what we share. In order to share, we have to have. So to give happy, you must be happy so you can share happy.

Sitting & Listening

I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievably exciting! The artist is a woman, in her sixties, who paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure. When I met this extremely talented woman, she was feeling very unhappy, unproductive, and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art and it all sounded very exciting to me.

She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to the beat of her own drum; lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art to heal people and free them from their self loathing issues, caused by various negative experiences.

As she described how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by a belief. The belief was what a friend and colleague had once said about her who she highly respected. Basically, she didn’t allow this person to have an opinion. She realized that what her colleague had said about her work was none of his business and she, unfortunately, had believed his opinion to be her truth.

In a single moment, this woman, like many others, was killing herself off. She wasn’t being an artist; she wasn’t being successful or vibrant. She became doubtful, fearful, scared, and wasn’t minding her own business. By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her. This hexing had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment-to-moment basis. She felt that she couldn’t paint. That her creativity was gone. She was lost and slowly going into energy and financial bankruptcy. How can a woman that had had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity? Well, when you don’t mind your business closely, you allow other people’s thoughts and opinions rob you of your passion. If hexing someone was a crime, many people would be found guilty.

You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative. However, people, just like you, have the right to say anything they want and you also have the right to listen or not. Where you get caught and hooked is when people say negative things about you. Simple example: Your friend says, “ I don’t like that painting.” You interpret it as, “I’m not a good artist,” and, “I can’t create,” and it goes on and on. So now you walk around with that belief. “I’m not a good artist,” “I can’t paint,” “I have no creativity,” and, “no one will buy my work”. The belief gets bigger and bigger and you, in turn, get smaller and smaller; you begin to feel insecure and shut down.

It’s important to learn that what people say is none of your business. Your business is your life, your own thoughts about yourself. It’s important that you develop the tools to expand your thoughts about you. It’s important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements/comments are not personal to you. That is what happened with this woman. She forgot who or what she was up to in her life. She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art. She forgot that she had a mission; her, in her world, and that, and only that, was her business.

When we learn that it’s none of your business what others say or think about you, you can say thank you for your opinion and mean it. Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling our life mission.

The learning is: IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT OTHERS THINK.

If you need a little guidance when it comes to working on minding your own business, don’t forget you can sign on to my website, www.noreensumptercoach.com to schedule a FREE 15 minute Hello Call at anytime.

Love yourself. Until next time!

The Story of the Veil

“Goddess World” is an amazing world and Calling In The One Unapologetically is an amazing workshop.  Women honoring themselves provides a world of generosity that is paramount to the kind of generosity that we know, abolishing obsolete conversations about women and catfight conversations of no power. Where we have power, to work as a human collective that expands our capacity to give and receive love. CALLINGINTHEONE (2)

The story of the veil.  How did the veil come around?  I was at a party with Goddess, the pussy power was off the charts.  Goddesses were excited, happy and we were fanning a flames of desires all over the place. There were younger, older Goddesses.  There were African Goddess, Asian Goddesses and White Goddesses.  There were tall and short, petite and full bodies.  To top it off there were Goddesses of all description.  The one thing that we all had in common was that we were having fun.  We were enjoying ourselves.  Pussy had a place to be powerful that night.

Then here comes Helen, she has a veil and I ask her if she is going to get married, and she said no.  That she had just gotten married and she was happy with the man that she had chosen to marry.  She described him as a good man.  A good man.  Wow, I would love a good man.  I have had men that were good.  However, it is been a long time since I have a good man that I am happy with and would have welcomed him into my life to stay.  I said “I would love to have a good man in my life.”  She asked me if I would like her wedding veil.

Her veil was used on one of the happiest days of her life. I looked at her and immediately said no.  How could I take her veil?  I thought for a moment about her generosity, could I be that generous? I thought again and heard something specific for myself, and that was that I would love to be married to a good man.

I then said to her that I would love her veil and that she had to be sure if she wanted to give it away.  She looked at me and thought for a moment. Here we were, a black woman and a white woman sharing what was important to us in the area of love.  Love was the connection that was present for us.  She asked me again, if I really wanted to be married to which I said yes.  Yes, as my heart and my body had a reaction which I could feel the adrenaline racing through my body.  I said yes.  I would love your veil as I saw it as a beautiful amazing gift from one woman to another. She veiled me, and with that I lowered my head as she placed it on me.  It was amazing.  Love and marriage for me and all women who wanted it.  All women, no woman left behind. If it is something that we desire, it is possible. 

Marriage and a great man of my wildest dreams felt truly possible.  So the veil was integrated into Calling In The One Unapologetically.  I thank you Helen for your love, commitment and generosity and I look forward to passing it on.

And that is the story of the veil.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

YOU’RE INVITED. JOIN US!
Saturday, March 19, 2016 from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Calling In The One

 

REGISTER HERE! IT’S FREE TO ATTEND!

Why Are Relationships So Difficult

Why do relationships have to be so difficult?  That is the chant of everyone going through buy cialis a breakup.  Why take your breakups so personally? When you are going through a breakup, do you dig recall conversations that you can use to sooth your pain, to use as an excuse to make the other party into a despicable person? Do you look for  anything to make yourself look good and the other person look bad?  It takes resilience and honor to remain a balanced loving individual that understands that a breakup is not personal.  If you have difficulty in any area of a breakup, you’ll dredge up past hurts, thoughts and feelings to help justify why things are not going the way you want.

Breakup and hurt feelings are really not meant to be personal; because no matter how long it takes, our feelings are a reaction to an interaction that is not working out.  Women want to know why men become silent, and cannot communicate. Men cannot deal with the constant rehashing of old conversations commonly known or referred to as nagging. There are a lot of things that you cannot seem to understand when you are experiencing breakdowns in your relationships.  In most relationships, there is a breakdown in communication long before there is a breakup.  Sometimes there is a warning sign. Sometimes there is not.  The warning signs differs with your personal perspective.

How can a breakdown be good?  A breakdown is an opportunity to really look at what is in your relationship that is not working so that you can take the necessary actions to remedy or fix the problem in a manner that works for both parties.  However, you know that a breakup is inevitable when you haven’t taken any action in the breakdown phase.  Here is a story of a friend who is going through a breakdown/breakup:

My friend is in the midst of a challenge/breakup with her boyfriend.  She started our conversation by describing that she was not having a good day.  As she said this, she put on her sunglasses apologized for her feelings and began to cry behind her glasses. ( Humans never want to look bad not matter what).  I told her to cry as I think it best to be straight with our emotions. She had just broken up with my boyfriend.  They argued and she threw him out of her apartment (they were not living together).  Living together was the reason for the argument.  She could not understand why he was not moving in with her. She was frustrated sad, and disappointed.  The haven’t spoken for 5 weeks but that morning on the phone they spoke.  “He loves me but relationships should not have to be this hard.”

“I love him, why did he not want to move in with me?” What we want in life will only happen if we take the necessary actions to have them materialize.  What actions did you take to have him move in with you?  Did you have a deadline?  No.  I was waiting on him.  He said he did not have the money to move into our space.  I said it was okay and I will pay the bulk of the rent.  “He said no way.” Some men no matter how their situations are were not built to live off a woman.  Some men just don’t care.  No matter how liberal a woman may be.  Men will still be men. They still insist on pulling their weight.  “I thought it was his machismo shit” she said.  Well, it may be but that was really what it was for him.  He did not have the money.

She would not hear it.  She confessed to hearing was what she wanted.  Sometimes you are so in love with love and what you want, that you cannot hear what your partner has to say.   By no means is there anything wrong with what you want, but you need to take action.  What steps was she taking?  Or were she just continually talking about it so that it turned into nagging.  She realized she did not take any steps or create a deadline.  She really just waited, talked/nagged, cried and said I love you, why it was not going the way I wanted it to go?

When you are ready and willing to get straightforward and honest with yourself, you can cast off all the things that numb your mind and have you mentally and physically stuck  in your life.  She immediately saw where she was not thinking and only had thoughts that were a part of the recycling of past conversations.

More on her story next week.

kamagra

Why Are Relationships So Difficult Part II

Last week we were talking about why we make our relationships so difficult. I was describing the story of a friend of mine.  She wants her boy friend to move in with her, but he cannot because he is restricted by his income.  She is interpreting this as a lack of interest and has created a dramatic break-up.

During her break-up/separation, she has been talking to her friends.  You all know what talking to your friends can mean when you’re in this condition.  It builds you up for a moment. They tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you are and to dump that loser.  Most of you will agree with them for the moment and then continue to feel bad about yourself for being in love with a man that is a ‘loser’.  Then you become wrapped up in shame about your feelings.  With all of that, you begin to cry with your friends comments reverberating in your head.  “Girl, you look good.  You can find someone better”. When all along, you just want your own comfortable ‘loser’. You don’t care, you love him.   He is yours.

Well, it did not occur to me that the guy was not a loser, here was a man that had something he was having a hard time with and needed to workout.  Maybe they will go back together, maybe they won’t. But my friend seems to be handling things in a mature way.  She loves this man and it was clear because she by no means made him wrong.  She actually made herself wrong.  We looked at her actions and she got to see that she did not take any real action in preparing for or having her boyfriend move in with her. In actuality, she was crying about regrets and upsets of not knowing what to do differently.

The first things we created a promise for her to quit crying over the phone when she spoke with him.  If she did want to talk to him, then talk to him in a way that empowered her. Instead of crying, she could share what she was up to – developments with her business, her family, friends, opportunities successes, people they knew in common, etc.  Her man was clearly in her corner and wanted her to be successful when they were together, so she should continue to share her wins with him.  In return she could acknowledge how he is doing in his world with his music, congratulate him on being busy in the studio and doing his gigs.  She could continue to share love for him in a way that has her empowered, fully self-expressing herself instead of confused, upset, feeling weak and hurt all the time.

We focused on the areas of her life that were working; her business, her money/finances, her family, her friendships. She distinguished that the only things that were not working was her relationship with this man.  However, what she was doing, like many people, is that she was losing energy by focusing on the one thing that was not working.  Focusing on one problem, would inevitably collapse all that she was committed to building.   By the time we had finished talking and laughing, the color came back to her cheeks; she was sitting taller, her eyes were sparkling again.  She was expressing herself by thanking me for supporting her to think about herself and her relationship in a way that had her walk away feeling powerfully empowered and good about herself.

If my friends relationship with this man overcomes their challenge, their lives and relationship will never be the same again.  Never again will she place herself in a disempowered way. She will not live in regret, upset and confusion by living in the past and wondering what she could have done differently.  She will take risks, speak up, by taking action in her love life and life going forward.  By being a person who takes action, she will never date like that again. She will Date Like She Means It, speaking her truth, creating what is important to her in all relationships.

So, if you are reading this and or you know anyone who is just had a breakup and they are stuck in a vicious cycle of crying themselves to sleep and slowly sabotaging themselves.  Please have them read this article and if they find value send me an email or contact me at 718-834-9450.

I love having people complete old ways of being in a relationship in a way that has them feel empowered and leave the vicious cycle of heartbreak by changing their thoughts and creating a new relationship with themselves and their partners that has them love and create in an empowering way.

READ PART 1 HERE.

Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

I have been studying the works of Barbara Y. Martin, writer of the book Change Your Aura, Change Your Life for a few weeks now. Initially, I didn’t realize that I read this book and I knew her work from a while back. It was amazing to read this book again, as I am a huge proponent of Metaphysical studies.  In fact, I’ve been interested in the world of Metaphysics ever since I was 13 years old, when I did not even know what it was called at the time. It has helped me expand, live powerfully and dream big.

Of all the negative emotions, fear is one of the strongest impediments to reaching our goals and achieving success. Fear can cut to the very core of our being and paralyze us. Hate is also a powerful emotion, and has the power to inspire us to take action. Fear encourages us to take no action whatsoever. How can we go after our lives if are afraid to take action?

Fear reaches deep into our instinctual level of consciousness. Yet, our fear does not have to be a big one. We can have small fears that build up and may go unnoticed. Over time, they begin to add up. You can fear something very real or have neurotic fears wherein an innocent situation can spark terror. If it continues, fear can lead to sustained worry and depression. And most of all, fear can breed fear.

To fear something, you essentially see yourself as separate from who your true self. Fear creates separateness. Fearing something, you adhere to the belief that something or someone has power over you, and you’re powerless to do anything about it. If you return to your real self, you can see the ludicrousness in your thinking. –Barbara Y Martin

You have to face your fears with dynamic power and boundless courage. Most of us are afraid of failing. I am an optimist and I believe that every failure is a series of sequential wins – truth is, there is no such thing as failure even though it might feel as though it’s real. Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times and inside his numerous failures were equally numerous wins that became opportunities for inventions. In response to a question about his missteps, Edison once said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

Michael Jordan failed to shoot the ball 1000s of times and went on to win multiple playoff games and titles.  Jorden once exclaimed, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Based on these two people, along with thousands of others starting to realize what fear really is, they all see opportunities to understand where our amazingness lives.

Fear of failure is an illusion, one that I have experienced and suffered from countless times (truthfully, more times then I care to admit). I have also been barricaded in by my fear. Even with me being an optimist.  The difference is that I don’t dwell in my fear and I don’t linger in it as long as I used to.  I remember back to a time when I did though, a time when I had no idea of what failure or success was. Even when I appeared to be failing, success happened and ultimately success was right there.  Recently, I learned that life is a series of successes and is filled with successive moments of clarity. Success without fear and failure is something entirely different, however. Both failure and success are powerful learning experiences. Daring to ride with (and through) our fear starts to break down our weaknesses and build up strength in our thoughts and character.

Fear and failure are ever-present. Alongside fear and failure, success is constantly happening in the background and is always in expansion. For example, I have been doing my Calling in the One Unapologetically workshop for some time now and each and every time, fear finds its way into our meetings.  Now, I am not going to lie – I sometimes get frightened, because I want people to show up, I want to do a fabulous job, I love doing the work I do, and I sometimes fear that nobody will show up. I fear that it will be just me in an otherwise empty room.  However, I put this fear aside and keep moving ahead.  I do not allow fear to stop me. Do I get back on track? Yes, I clear myself and ride on.  Often times, it is just the uncertain feeling of not knowing when fear is going to come up. However, I expect it will come up, and this actualization makes me stronger.  I often wonder, if Oprah, Jordan, and all these famous people ever experience fear.  I wonder if TD Jakes or Steve Harvey experience fear on the stage in the moment.  I am sure they do; after all, they are only human.  We all have concerns like I don’t know how to do it, I get stopped by fear of the unknown, etc. I am sure we all at some point get stopped by our fear.   I won’t let it pull me out of the game. I look for the answer and get back into action. The workshops were born out of my need to find a mate. Dating is an all-in, on-the-court game that is a powerful blend of fear, failure and disappointment – but if you continue to play, you will find a way to win.

The thought of creating a mate of my own accord, without a team to support me was really boring. So, I invited a few women over to work with me. They said yes and my workshop was born. I have been Coaching Calling in the One Unapologetically for a good while now. You would think that after the first workshop and the beginning of the 2nd workshop, my fears and concerns would be eliminated by the time I got to the 3rd workshop. What happens instead is different fears and concerns show up before each workshop, which test my resolve and provide me with an opportunity to see my life in new ways. I’m eternally grateful for my continued courage to face, experience and overcome my fears quickly. Although creating workshops have become easier, I know that for anything that is of value in life, fears and concerns will always come up because that is where our courage and power live.

It’s normal to have fear and not let fear have you, or permit fear to take you off course. Fear, together with courage and power, is an essential ingredient to living life outside the lines and is critical for the success that we seek.

“Know this, you cannot enjoy the sweet taste of success if you don’t know how failure tastes.” -Unknown

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Personal Life Coach

What do you want in your life and in love?

citou2016
In this 9 week workshop you will expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life. The theme and vibration of CITOU is LoveX4 Expanded.

CITOU is attracting love in all of life. It is about being love, having love in all areas of your life.  Your career, finances, health and well-being in area of your life.  It’s about creating what love is for you.  It about you’re having appreciation of who you really are, it’s about expanding yourself, going for everything that is important to you being bold owning your power.  CITOU helps you live your life and loving it without apology.  It is about getting started now! from where you are in your life.  It’s about having the things you want passionately, focusing and clarifying with your goals and having them materialize.  It about owing that you are creator of your life and the things you desire.  That you have value and are valuable, that you’re past is the past and that you have and are no such thing as failure.  Come release fears, empower yourself and your life, developing your self-awareness by being courageous.  Finding your rockets of desire and shooting for them.  Creating your life deliberately and ride.  Don’t know what you want, stuck in conversations.  Blank to your desires.  Bring it all.  Calling in the one will have you muddle through and create what you want authentically from yourself and your life.

January 20th   Brooklyn – The Herb Shoppe
Cost: $390.00
394 Atlantic Ave Brooklyn, NY
January 21st NYC –   Pearl Studio’s
Cost: $497.00  
500 8th Ave New York, NY

Times: 7:00 pm – 9:30 pm.  
Please RSVP  
917 945 5907 or noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Honor Yourself So You Can Honor Others

If someone asks you for a favor, be clear that you want to do this favor. When you’re doing things you don’t want to do, this only creates resentment towards the other person and yourself.  Many of people do favors they don’t want to do, but when you live like that you go against your feelings.  When you choose to be honest with yourself by honoring yourself, expect that some people will not like it, or you.  People might say you’re selfish.  No one wants to be called selfish, everyone wants to look good and not suffer losing face, so you feel obligated in some way or another.

Inspirational Typographic Quote - Whatever's good for your soul go do that

It is important to make your life, thoughts, goals and time important.  It is important to commit to yourself.  If you do favors you don’t want to do, you will can be lost in the world of other people’s desires, and expectations which will only lead to bitterness and upset. Which cause uncertainty of where you will be and feel uncertain about your own choices. I think it is critical to be clear about what you will and will not do and who you are.  You can make your life a priority by being responsible where you acknowledge your thoughts and feeling which lets you be free to make choices and take actions, thereby providing you with a strong sense of who you are and allows you to be happy with the choices you make for yourself and your life.

If you do not honor yourself, you will not be able to honor others. You will know when it is important for you to be selfless and when to flow with things.

No, you cannot hang out at my apartment at 8:00am.  That might seem harsh to some people, but be honest with what one will and will not do. It helps one feel better about oneself.  It is not one’s intention to hurt another’s feelings and does not want to hurt one’s own feelings by saying yes when no is what is really meant.

Being honest with my desires provides me the respect for your desires, as it frees me from resentment of myself.  I have trained myself for a long time to be honest with myself.  Sometimes, it does not feel good to refuse a friend or a loved one.  However, when you respect your own choices, feeling good or bad has nothing to do with it.  You are just honoring your higher self and you learn that you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness, and you know that you cannot choose another’s happiness.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

www.callinginthe1unapologetically.com

Begins september 7th 2015 (2)

Love is Everywhere. It is Never Far.

Calling in the One Unapologetically completed July 2nd 2015.  

What joy, happiness and wonder.

CALLINGINTHEONE

What We Experienced

Lovers, men and partnerships created.  

Health restored and taken on, 

Businesses launched, 

Giving, receiving and expanding in good portion, 

Jobs and joys fulfilled  

Money was understood and dreams came true

 

Who I am Now

Stretched

I am stronger

Compassionate and passionate

Vulnerable  

Full of self-expression

Fear and fearlessness taken on

  

CITOU has been infused with love of who we are fully at our core.  Love is everywhere. It is never far.

 

Calling in the One was amazing. We are doing it again in September. Don’t miss it.

 

I am, we are, powerful and strong. We are women.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Project “90 Days to the Nanee”

Bigstock/Dudarev Mikhail
Bigstock/Dudarev Mikhail

Hey Ladies, I want to share something with you.

So, I had not been dating for over a year. Truth is I don’t want to date. I desire to be in a committed relationship that will lead to marriage.   I have had this conversation brewing that I needed to have men ask me out because I was sick of asking men out that I was attracted too. Instead of celebrating this freedom, I saw where I was making it wrong.

However, I had a conversation about it and came to the conclusion that I have been leading this course for over a year now, and I was not dating. Out of integrity for me. The truth is that I desired to meet a man that I was attracted to and that there was a spiritual component to it. After all, I’m a leader. Exasperated, I declared that I was going to go back to my old way of being. Within a day, I got a swipe from a guy on Okcupid and I put away my concerns and stories and had a date that Sunday. On this date, I discovered all the things I was avoiding and not accepting. The Okcupid guy was short, I did not want to be like my parents. My mother was tall 5.9 and my father was 5.6; to me, as a child they looked odd and I said that “I was never going to marry a man shorter than me” said by a child of about 7, that child was me. I had a story that I did not want to be dominated and that a small man would dominate me and tell me what to do like my father. The Okcupid date was a breakthrough for me. It was a great opportunity to see something, do something different and grow. That guy is no longer in my space, and I shared with him, how I felt and I could honestly, complete my interaction with and start from a place that is just friendship.

Last week, I discovered that I had a prototype of the men that I dated. Even though the men that were the loves of my life were complete opposites from my prototype. So come Wednesday, I’m going about my business in the city and enter a shop and there in the shop was my prototype. I immediately start with the eyes and the vagina and as luck would have it I had an opportunity to see to see myself in action. I got to be present and see my eyes and my vagina in action. Where was I, I was in an exclusive designer store and my prototype was an executive sales associate he comes around as I was speaking with a female sales person about a dress on the mannequin.   Immediately, I start flirting. To be honest, I have no real idea about what I was saying. I just know that I was grinning from ear to ear and my eyes were batting everywhere around this guy’s face. I noticed his smile, his lips omg he was attractive. I ask about the women section, it was upstairs. The female assistance apologies in advance about the slow elevator. I say not to worry, I will all the more look forward with enthusiasm, excitement and expectancy when I arrive at the 2nd floor destination, also known as the principles we start each Calling in “The One” Unapologetically session with.   Anyway, I ride the elevator and finally get to the 2nd floor which I could have walked up to but, I choose to ride. When the door opened I was greeted with the most beautiful dashing smile and it was the guy that I was flirting with on the main floor. I asked him if he ran up the stairs or did he have a twin brother. He said he was the twin and I had to choose. I laughed and continued to flirt. Fast forward we trade numbers, I take pictures of him giggled and flirted.

After having a joke about it with a friend. The following Wednesday after discovering more things about myself regarding my man prototype, I met a guy who is exactly my prototype down to the accent. French Colonial. To be specific Haitian. Laughing at a friend who said she would not allow a man to touch her taking a page out of Steve Harvey’s book. I thought about it and took it on. I have always had sex whenever I felt like it. I have never gone a month without having sex with a man. I enjoy sex and like getting it on. It never proved if a man liked me more or less, if he respected me more or less. However, I wanted to have an experience of myself not having sex with a man for 90 days. Not just any man, a man that I found attractive and sexy. So I declared that I was going refrain from having sex for with any man I was attracted or meet for 90 days so “Project 90 days to the Nanee” was born. I thought that this would be a struggle and I would not be able to make the request or get my request honored and I would do and be the same as I have always been about sex.

However, the truth is I wanted to be how I wanted to be which was not to talk about it but insert my demand that the guy gives me what I want and he’d be okay with it. This current choice was for myself. I wanted to see and experience myself clearly and completely without sex being connected with a man. That we would choose a time that we both agreed to have sex, we would be clear and adult about. This experience is important and it is for my self and the man can choose yes or no I would be fine with his choice. I would still continue on with my experience.

I desire this because I want to get to know the guy without sex in the game, without objectifying him. I know I want to have sex with him. Seriously my body is burning and I am having sensations that I have only had an experience of for a moment. I told him what I was doing and he agreed to play the game with me. Consequently, we have slept in bed now since we have met, 3 nights out of 12. It has been great. We have had no sexual interplay. We have both had sensations played, laughed, eat, talk and gone out together. No sexual interplay. I am actually enjoying being sexually expressed in my non-sexual self with this man. In fact, I would be enjoying myself with any man in this situation. It’s not like I could not or have never asked for anything. It is that I got what I wanted in my relationships by being demanding and with an attitude that didn’t serve me or the relationship. The experience was not generative and expression. Which did not allow for freedom and choice. What I discovered is that the kind of sex I was having was taking away from being present and I did not experience an opportunity to being present thus rendering me open.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

 

 

 

I’m No Longer Dating With My Eyes and Vagina

Romantic couple on the date, abstract ripped paper background

 

What does that look like when I date with my eyes? I look for the hot guy. When I date with my vagina it’s all about lust. The hot guy for me is the guy that fits my proto-type of what I find attractive and enjoy. I couldn’t help it and now I understand it was my automatic when it came to dating.

What’s a proto-type? A proto-type for me is the type of man that does it for me. I found that I dated that same dynamic over and over again. An example of my proto-type is a man that is tall, 6.2 to 6.5ft, bald, preferably West African or a French colony, his complexion is jet black. He is loving kind, a little bottled-up sexually and wants to fully sexually express, that last part is not that specific I just noticed that. That’s what I’m attracted to and that is what turns my head. I also noticed that this is completely the opposite of the first man in my life which was my dad. My dad was 5.6ft my mother was 5.9ft and they looked odd. So I was working on avoiding that dynamic. My father had a Napoleon complex and I believed that a little man would try to dominate me. My father was moody, bossy and the boss. In a lot of ways he was great and in a lot of ways he was exactly how he had to be with me.

I’ve always envied people who did not have a proto-type until I discovered we all have our thing, some physical some not. Whatever it is, we all have our proto-type. However, I am smart enough to know that we all have something that does it for us. Don’t ask me why. That is the physical aspect of what’s attractive to me and I have been attracted to it over and over.

What happens is whenever I’d meet my proto-type, it was as though my mind would go blank – I didn’t see anything other than what they looked like and what I described. Oh, I forgot to add, I love great teeth. Great teeth do it for me. There are no questions, it’s all physical and it will go no further than that because I have no foundation for anything else. It is a fantasy. I don’t ask the questions that we would normally ask of a date, because I’m not operating from any place other than my eyes and my vagina. Lust and my sense of beauty. There is no future in this regard. This connection is base, it can go on for a long time with no future. It’s all about looking good and sex.

With my proto-type there is no future to create because I was never present. My proto-type is purely feel good, look good and wow! Basically, I was disconnected, shallow and was operating at a base level. No judgement it was just what it was.

It’s so great that I have discovered that this is what I have been doing with relationships. I want you to know that I am not saying that what I did was wrong or right, good or bad. I am just being responsible and not allowing my vagina to go on a date without the rest of me. The dynamic that I was creating has now expired because I’m creating relationship, commitment and connection in a relationship.

It is the knowledge that I have about myself, I have the tools and ability to be responsible, present in my relationships going forward and the outcome of that is that on Sunday, I had a date, the 1st in a long time, the first one when I did not worry about height or concern myself that he was not my proto-type and I was settled inside myself as I was completely present and experienced a really great date. I had a good time. I stayed on my side of the date. It was my job to enjoy myself and have fun and I did that. I asked questions, shared myself. Ate good food. Laughed at his funny and corny jokes. Had some silly jokes corny jokes of my own. I even got moved that I could actually be on a date with a man that was not my proto-type and I gave myself an opportunity to wonder what it would be like to be with a man that was smaller than anyone that I have ever dated. I saw that what I had been avoiding this whole time in my relationship was looking like my parents. My mother was taller than my father and this guy was 1 inch taller than me.

People, I have been avoiding dating my father, forever a short man. I had an internal conversation and limiting belief that had me create the complete opposite of what I did not know I was avoiding. Me, a tall woman with a short man. That conversation, going forward can be buried and put in the past. I had been dating with my eyes and vagina pretty much all my adult life. I did not have a barometer to distinguish anything going forward. The difference now, is I’m dating with curiosity and being present.

Noreen is ready to engage in a full adult relationship that is inspiring where I know myself as generative, creative, loving and kind. One where I am sharing myself openly, intimately with a man that is amazing and beyond my wildest dreams. Now, I know I am not naïve. I’m open to knowing whatever concerns I will show up and I embrace them as opportunities to grow.

Passion and love is courageous and all-encompassing.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

I know how you feel

My life had no single “defining moment.” I faced times in my life when I needed to take a stand for myself, or be lost forever, living my life by someone else’s design.

I know how you feel

Lack of confidence and anger ruled my world, I felt misunderstood and I was a runner. My anger was deep and turned in on myself. My stomach always in knots and tumbling, I swallowed my voice, by sulking, disconnecting myself and shutting down. Or, I could go react in an instant.

My parents taught me to keep myself to myself: “You only give 99% of yourself to anyone and the other 1% you keep, don’t lose yourself by loving too deeply.  Furthermore, never ever let anyone know what you are thinking and or let anyone know your business because they could use it against you.” That was how I was raised; that is what I knew and how I survived? I was emotionally disconnected and stunted!  I gave myself permission to only laugh or be angry, those where my only forms of self-expression.  Never sad, for sadness was weakness and so was vulnerability.  I was left feeling like a clown with smile slapped on my face being disconnected, sad and cutoff from the world of sharing myself.

I knew choose to marry and settle in NY that I could not continue to live like this my parents had done a great job, and that way of being no longer worked for me. My family and I were close and self-expressed if we were laughing, having fun or fussing.  However, intimacy was awkward and was only expressed in as a third person.  In NY I asked myself, who would I talk to; who would tell or hear my secrets? As I had kept my secrets to myself. I was lost and alone. I kept myself busy so I did not have to be with myself and I could go on working and working. I had to be good at whatever I did because I had to do it alone. I never asked for anything. It took me a long time to learn how ask for what I wanted. I had to learn to speak up for myself in a way that had people listen to me. I dominated myself and people to avoid being dominated by them.

I always thought I was confident, until the day my marriage ended. It taken a long time to do end it.  It was a confusing experience not having the words to express my feelings because I had not created relationships to share myself with.  It took a long time to discover what freedom was for me. I had never lived by myself, I was afraid and my confidence and self-esteem were in the crapper.

I kept that hidden except for when I had to make personal choices. I had none. I existed in the world of no self-worth that were run by limiting beliefs that rendered me filled with negative internal conversations about myself that ran my life: I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. I never had enough, money, time, attention and love.  These were all my internal conversations.  I did how had a lot of physical energy.  I was likable, charismatic and this made no sense to me. How could I be this will all these feelings. It was a confusing time.

Today, my life is such a pleasure to know that these were just a series of conversations that rattled around my head like marbles when I was faced with generating my power. Do you know that these conversation, never actually go away? And now, I know they are not real, they don’t mean anything.  I gave them meaning. If you reading this, consider if you desire a great life, It takes commitment to live my life. Today, I feel connected to others, and because of that, today I express myself freely. I own my voice, speak my truth and live life my way and you can also.

Cro-Magnon Sex. Oh My.

Caveman With Club Cartoon CharacterI love sex and really, I cannot fathom what has had me go without it for so long. I wrote an article before called “how long is too long without sex.” I can answer that question. If you are an active person, any amount of time can be too long, it’s personal. I love and really enjoy sex. I think I am pretty good at it. I know I am good at it for myself as I know what I like and I am confident enough to request it. I have even been known to command it.

I am actually gearing up for some good sex, but I have no idea with who. However, I see myself in a very engaging and fantastic relationship with an amazing man very soon. Ladies, it’s okay to tell a man or partner what you want in the bedroom, living room, and kitchen or where ever you want to get it on, what you desire.

I love that word desire, it just zips across my tongue.

To have an amazing time while having sex, you have to be willing to do a little training, to get what it is you desire. Confidence is really important in all areas of your life and confidence is even sexier in the bedroom. It provides you with the idea, answer and everything you could possibly want or don’t want.

I dated this guy who I had known for a really long time, we were good friends and he had always wanted to date me. I liked him and he was kind of sexy. Key word there was kind of sexy. In life one has to learn a few things and gosh did I learn. It helps one discover what works and what doesn’t. Well, we started dating and low and behold sex with him was terrible.

He was like a frigging Cro-Magnon man. Sex with him was horrible and sex and horrible are not two words I like to put together. He was rough and terrible it was like he was running a race with a sack of potatoes on his back. Honestly, the relationship ended right there. He was not willing to take direction, he had these belief that sex was supposed to be rough and hard and he did not want to be told what to do with MY Vagina. So no more to be said, that was the end of the experience. It did impact our friendship. However, me being me we were able to re-establish our friendship after he got over his embarrassment.   Lovely, guy but not for me. We were very different.

It is important to know what you want and what you will deal with in the bedroom. We all have our likes and dislikes and one has to know what they are willing to do and want to do. If you choose to do what your partner wants, make sure it is because you are participating freely so you don’t have any resentments.

I could be okay with my friend, the Cro-Magnon man because I am secure and know what I will do and won’t do. I am not willing to feel bad about myself and can stop any action the moment if does not fit or suit my needs.

I love and enjoy sex and I think that it is important that we all find our sexual groove.

  • Love your body the way it is and if you do not love your body the way it is, do the work that will have you grow to love it. The truth is it’s the only one you have.
  • If you don’t like the fat on your hips – take action and lose it.
  • If you are holding shame in some area of your body – take action and go see someone to help you work it out – keeping it in will rub you of your life.
  • Your sexual energy is your power express it freely, honor it – do not abuse it.
  • During sex be present and enjoy the ride – there is no one sexier than you. Different yes, they have their sexy and you have yours. Ask for what you desire.
  • Drunken sex – go figure.
  • Get close and personal with your Vagina. Use a mirror take a look – so that your partner can get close and personal with it and you can be comfortable.
  • Use your hands and explore yourself through masturbation. It’s good and healthy for you.

Take the steps and get to know yourself fully.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be Your Own Valentine, Darn It!

hands holding a string of paper hearts up to the sun during sun

Valentine’s Day is an idea of celebration of how much you love someone or how much you are loved by another person. Valentines can be a double-edged sword. This is the time of year when people get engaged, receive tons of flowers on the job. Receiving flowers at your workplace might make you feel good. However, it might make the other single women want to run and hide. So women/people who have not received gifts might internalize their self-loathing of not have received flowers because they don’t have a significant other.

This is the time year where your local restaurant turns into massive orgy of a place for gluttony of chocolate, dinner and torrid sex. (Yum) If you’re not in a relationship you might feel that you want to escape the all-around experience of happy lovers on Valentines. You might experience feelings of bitterness. Watch that. Bitterness create ugliness. You don’t want to be ugly. Put your hater feelings in check.

Sure, people celebrate Valentine’s Day to show how much they love that very special someone in their lives. This Valentine make yourself special. Be your special person by being your own Valentines this year. Feel good about yourself and celebrate with yourself and or friends.  

  1. Organize a Valentine’s dinner with a group of friends and express your appreciation and love for your friendship.
  2. Indulge in your pleasure’s on Valentine’s Day and enjoy
  3. Get out your favorite sex toy and lubrication if needed and have a torrid sexual experience on your own.
  4. Send yourself something you would like to receive from a lover
  5. Have a night in with friends and watch romantic comedy.
  6. Empower yourself and go out alone spend an evening by doing something you wouldn’t ordinarily do. 

What you should not do on Valentines:

  1. Disempower yourself and make yourself wrong for not having a relationship for the umpteenth.
  2. Drink yourself into a stouter to numb out some fictional relationship pain.
  3. Isolate yourself
  4. Buy yourself a ton of chocolate guzzle the whole lot and then complain about how fat you are. Instead guzzle the whole and share the pleasure you got.
  5. Do not ruminate about lost love.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Breaking Down Barriers & Relying on Others

In a relationship, you have to being willing to rely on others.

Couple In Love On A Bench

What is a real relationship to you? A relationship is what you say it is. However, often times it is not what’s coming out of your mouth that breaks down our relationships, it’s what we are not saying and what we are doing that ends them.

For instance, if you believe that you can’t rely on anyone, that is the hidden message that you are sending out into the universe and others. Do you find yourself attracting the same dynamic – such as the dates that always rely on you to plan the date, make the call etc., and you don’t know why? What you do know is you cannot rely on them.

That’s your unconscious action of not relying people because you’re afraid you will be kept waiting, disappointed, hurt, crying, lost and they will only leave you broken hearted and alone. So you do things on your own. Do you want to continue doing that? How would that experience feel? Truth is you won’t feel anything because it is an internal conversation that you are blind to.

How will you be able to rely on a person you are in a relationship with? You can’t. When you say that you cannot rely on people you are actually saying that you cannot trust people. So no matter what people do for you, in your background they’re not doing it well enough. Judgments are at the head of your table. Truth is you might not even be aware this because you are blind to your to your actions. Being in a relationship, a real relationship, one has to be willing to rely on another person. When you cannot rely on people, you’re saying you don’t trust people and so you will never trust a relationship, because you cannot trust yourself, and deeper than that you cannot trust the divine.

When you cannot trust you or the divine, you will not be able to experience the things that are important to you and you can experience difficulty creating the very things that are important to you in because creation lives in the world of trusting the unseen. So you might be a person who is extremely reliable and trusted by many people. However, you are not aware of your behavior and you might feel alone, and maybe you do not have the experience of people wanting to help and support you. The following might give you some insight as to what is operating out of your perception.

Here is a classic example of failure to rely on someone else:

You ask someone to help you with a problem. They agree to help you and as fast as the request came out of your mouth. You’ve done it on your own.

The person is doing the task at hand:

  • You go behind them and redo the task i.e. reset the table.
  • You hesitate or don’t to ask for help because you believe no one can do it the way you would like or as good as you.
  • You ask a man for help, then wind up being disappointed because you could have done it yourself.
  • You share with a friend something important to you that you want to accomplish. You friends start relating to you in the way of the accomplishment and you get upset and call it pressuring.
  • You ask for advice or help, and then when the person is talking, you interrupt by not allowing them to support you…because you believe you know it all.
  • Friends ask you how they can help you. You refuse to share what you need because you are so accustomed to doing things yourself that it feels like an intrusion.

If you really are committed to having a relationship, practice relying on people and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Happy Thanksgiving To You

Happy Thanksgiving (6)

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, business associates and neighbors.

In this time of year I have a lot to be Thankful for. I am thankful for all that I have accomplished this year. I am thankful all the women that joined me in my workshops. Participants and Doulas. We had a wonderful time. We created awesome things and opportunities, we received things we did not know we wanted and let go and released things we no longer wanted.

I am thankful for all my friends and wonderful friendships, the people who have worked with me this year. I am thankful for my health and wellbeing, I am thankful that my Diabetes was discovered. For if it were not discovered. That would have been terrible. I am thankful for my doctors and health professionals. I am thankful for my neighbors, friend and the love that they provide me in my community. I am thankful for the shopkeepers in my community and the services they provide. I am thankful for my networking partners.

Thanksgiving is not a holiday I grew up having. It is something that I adopted in coming to America. I think it is a wonderful time to get together with people and make contact with people to share how thankful you are to have them in your life. It is a time to express and share love.

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and the energy of being thankful every day in your life.

Noreen Sumpter

20 Things To Do To Maintain Your Friendships

Screen shot 2014-09-09 at 11.39.03 AM

I am so excited to know that as long as I have an abundance of happiness and love, I am rich beyond measure. This fills my heart. My relationships with my friends and family are the cornerstone of who I am and how I live my life. If I kill off one person in my life, I feel a deficit.

What my friends can count on from me is that I will always clean up any mess I have with you. I will be 100% responsible for what I say and do not say, how I was being or not being. Just because our relationship is over does not mean I don’t and won’t love you. My love for you will never die, because there is a fine line between love and hate, if I resist my love for you I’ll be mad. So, I will use my love, where it will live as a warm memory in my heart.

Use these 20 tips to keep your friendships healthy.

1. Accept your friends as they are and not as you think they are (do this and you won’t be disappointed).
2. You and your friends might be similar however, you are different in a lot of unknown ways (this experience is sometime a bitch to learn).
3. Your experiences are yours, they are not theirs (share, share, share and don’t expect them to know everything).
4. Give your friends the same freedom you want in your life (don’t blame them for their choices).
5. Differences in friendship are what makes the friendship exciting and powerful (opposites create fun, courage and risk. Hello!).
6. Tell your friends what you expect. (They cannot and don’t want to read your mind)
7. Happiness is a subjective phenomenon; and is experienced differently by everyone. It means different things to each of you. (Variety is the spice of life)
8. Focus on what you have in the friendship and not what you don’t have.
9. Create with your friends what you are committed to in your friendship (Recreate it daily)
10. Honor you word in your friendship. (Do what you say you’ll do. If you can’t ,say so)
11. Know what you value in yourself so you can share it with you friends (Now they know)
12. Let your friends know that you value and love them
13. Don’t forget how it feels to receive respect and affection from your friends. (Express and share it)
14. Take time to celebrate yourself, and your friendship openly (I am so glad we are friends. I love you).
15. Recognize your friends and their strengths (My friend Kim has style, Jacquelyn is great with structure, Mike rocks the house with music. My sister makes my stomach muscles hurt with jokes).
16. We are humans and we all make mistakes, do not kill off your friends for mistakes (Gee, thinks everyone is a stalker because they love her)
17. Give to your friendships with an open heart
18. Don’t take your friendships for granted (furthermore, practice not taking yourself for granted).
19. If you have negative thoughts toward a friend challenge it and immediately create a positive thought (This takes mega practice).
20. Open your heart in your friendships. Be willing to be moved, touched and inspired with your friends. (I feel weepy, that was so special)
The happiest people have lots of friends, and have the ability to build supportive relationships and they spend time with happy people. Knowing your communication style is important as knowing how to share your affections and emotions, as well as building trust. It is important to spend time investing in and maintaining your relationship if you want to build a great friendships.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Hello Ducky!

ducks

Rubber ducks can help your give up the past and its problems.  With a duck you can end a constant complaint that you have in your life.

Wait. “What you talking about, Willis?”

Well, last weekend I assisted at a Wisdom Seminar. Wisdom is a yearlong course where we the members meet collectively every quarter to talk about things we love in our lives and want, it is a training and development seminar like no other.  The workshop gives you tools to dream, create and play in your life.

Ducks were used to change negative constant complaining conversations. 

duck3

 

We were throwing ducks (aka playing). The idea was when I threw a duck I had to say quack and when I caught a duck I’d say quack.  We coupled that with a complaint.  The gist of the game is I find a complaint that I cannot let go one that I really complain about and then complain about it for 5 minutes then throw the duck. I threw it intensely as I do not get an opportunity to throw things ever. So throw it for 5 minutes then go back and talk about the complaint again.  I discovered when I went back to talk about the complaint, it was as though my mind had rewired the complaint and it did not have the same flavor. The complaint disappeared!

The irony is that Ducks can help you get rid of your complaints.  Who knew?

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

What Women Said About Calling In The One Unapologetically Workshop

What can I say about this workshop? It was phenomenal! My experience of the workshop has transformed my communication and relationship to men.  If I can be candid with you, since my divorce some good many years ago, I believed that there was nothing a man could do for me that I could not do for myself. Truth be told, the only thing that a man could do for me was sex – a good roll in the hay and I knew what I liked and was not very open to anything else.  Sex was one of the few things that a man could provide for me, plus a few handyman things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love men and there were other things that they could do for me, but sex was the prime ingredient.  I was not looking for a partner. Furthermore, from where I stood, there was not much I could see.  Yes, you might even say that I objectified men.

Some time ago, I had a relationship with a man and this time, I completely allowed myself to enjoy my interaction with him, spending times when we were just being together. During my interactions with him I felt loving, kind and generous. I discovered that the missing ingredient was me.  As it turned out, the relationship did not last, however the experience left me wondering and feeling wonderful. I had love for this man, which was great.  I had learned to express love.

After that relationship, it dawned on me that what I desire is a committed loving relationship with a man. However, as an adult woman, I had no idea what it would take or who I had to become to have one.  So I started to inquire about what having that kind of relationship would take.  That is when I found the book, Calling in the One I started reading it and saw all the exercises and realized that I had no interest in going through the book alone and invited some women into having me facilitate a group where we would go through it together.

Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop
Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop

It was a wild and woolly experience that ended a nine week experience with all I could say was WOW.  It was emotional, I cried buckets of tears, and I discovered things about myself that I did not know. During one of the exercises on releasing, I experienced what I can best describe as synchronistic: boyfriends, ex-husband, ex-lovers all turned up almost from out of the blue with apologies for things they had said or done in the relationship.  Memories came flooding back of the kind of relationship my mother and father had.  Long and difficult conversations with my former husband were had. I developed a new and profound respect for myself and men, the discovery of what love as an expression really is for me and for others.

Although I was the facilitator of the workshop, I was doing the work alongside the other women. The workshop had me go places that no ordinary woman would want to go.  The women who participated in this workshop were and are an extraordinary class of women who made it safe for everyone to go to those places.  This workshop is a microcosm of life on the court. The heavy lifting and removing obstacles and the resulting lightness of being afterwards has left me more accepting of men than ever before, which is resulting in the beginnings of new friendships. I could not have done this work without the other women in the group. What I saw was that thriving relationships are not for the weak at heart.  In relationships one is compelled to look at oneself in the face through the reflection of another. This workshop is for all women who love who they love, where women who are looking at themselves get to see themselves through the nonjudgmental listening of other women.

As previously mentioned, I based this workshop on the book, Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and what I provided was a support structure with respect and a safe space for women to express themselves.  I will be facilitating another workshop later this summer.

Come to our Introduction Party on June 15th, 2014 at 3:00 p.m. to learn more about this wonderful workshop!

cito2.jpg TESTIMONIALS

“I love this workshop! When I started this workshop I was single for three years, not really having any luck in the dating scene. As a lesbian in NYC, your outlets to meet new women are limited to a handful of bars and I wasn’t having any luck on online dating. I felt lost navigating through the urban jungle and through social life of the LGBTQ scene. I eventually threw in the towel and told myself I was never going to meet anyone, ever again. 

The moment I started this workshop things started moving for me! I was able to forgive my exes and let go of past wrongs and hurt from all relationships in my life. I started working on powerful affirmations for my life, on my self-confidence, and creating my dream woman. Two weeks into the course, I had the courage to ask out a woman that I really admire. Now, you must know I NEVER would have taken the chance! I had no idea how it would go and I was terrified – I didn’t even know if she was into women! I “made of move” and it’s been a blast ever since! Dating someone while taking this workshop has made the biggest difference. Weekly I come and share what I want to create and let go of insecurities so I can have a healthy relationship.  I’m committed to going from a “me” to a “we.” And, the woman I am dating is the woman of my dreams!” – Kat Pactong

“I am so simply amazed that Noreen just kind of fell into my life and presented me with the gift of being a part of a group that is so life changing and touching. Before CITO  I just didn’t know how to articulate my feelings or express them correctly or effectively , through each week I am now able to be authentic and open in a way that sharing is as natural to me as breathing. I feel a greater sense of well being & belonging. I learned so much from the women in the group. I have shared the most recent phases of my journey with them. What made me feel a greater sense of powerful vulnerability is when Noreen would share . I realized through her that wherever we are in life we are all human. CITO changed my life & I am so ecstatic to pass this message along! I BELIEVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART IT WILL CHANGE YOURS TOO!” – Aleisha D. Stewart

I would love to connect with you on social media. Please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook

Removing Emotional Armor

I first noticed I was hiding behind emotional armor with a friend of mine that I loved very much. It was difficult and I choose to give up my emotional armor and become vulnerable.  We used to go skating in Central Park every Sunday, she, her husband and my husband (now ex) and I.  They were all good at skating. I was awful and gradually over time I became better. One Sunday we had a skating picnic for a friend’s birthday in the Central Park. My friend wanted me to skate with her like we always did and I said “in a minute.” However, that minute never happened she got angry because I didn’t skate with her that Sunday.

We lived in the same building; we were neighbors, so I couldn’t avoid my friend who got really angry at me and we started fussing, me standing my ground that I did not have to skate.  During those times I did not have the context of having it all, I lived in a one-or-the-other world. We both went home to our respective houses upset.  However, the fussing continued with our respective husbands until they became fed up.  My husband called friend’s husband and they both came down to our apartment and we all came together.  Our husbands knew that they would not be getting any peace while we were upset with each other.  They let us hash it out. I was by the bathroom with my arms crossed and my lower lip pushed out sulking, she was on the corner of our couch, arms crossed in a slouched position.

Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions.
Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions inside.

I loved my friend very much, and I felt the love and the upset I could feel both emotions were whirling around inside me. I did not want to acknowledge either of them.  It was in that moment that I accepted that I had armor. I wanted to be right, and upset, rather than ask her to forgive me and admit that she was disappointed. I knew that if I continued this way I would lose my friend, which would meant losing all the fun that we had together, the skating, parties, cocktail hours, conversations in the garden, shopping, everything and most of all the intimacy and trust we ever had.  This was the first time that I realized that this is the way I acted when I felt attacked or made wrong.  I would just cut off the relationship.  I saw that I was prone to suffering rather than cleaning up the messes.

I took a leap of faith and took responsibility for my armor. It was a protective shield that I had created years ago to avoid feeling vulnerable.  Being vulnerable for me was a weakness and I didn’t want to look or feel weak.  Accepting my fear of vulnerability opened me up to a sense of power. I became honest with myself and my friend. I’m human, at some point in my relationships and interactions I will experience or cause upsets, disappointments and communication breakdowns. Life is not black and white and my fears were valid, and my actions or inactions have consequences.

I’ve learned that anger is an important emotion and if not expressed it ends up becoming resentment.  Anger is here to help us deal with our perceived violations and perpetrations. I can choose to express it or repress it.  If repressed it becomes a vicious cycle and I will continue experience lack of control. I feared my anger because I felt that it was bigger than me. I repressed anger not knowing it was the same experience, Ieaving me with feelings of constant defensiveness.

Today, I feel that there really is nothing to be fearful of about my anger.  Owning anger and using it as an alarm system to realize when our boundaries have been breached. Note that when we are angry it looks like we are angry at the other person.  However, if we are honest with ourselves we see that we are angry at ourselves when we distinguish this, it become a form of sadness, and I have now learned to deal with it in a way that supports me.  I can be with my anger.  I listen to what aspect of my boundaries have been breached. Katherine Woodward Thomas so eloquently says:

“Listen to its power and its fury.  Underneath the resounding whirlwind of rage is a very important message that we obviously need to hear.  When anger consumes us, there is information present that is much like gold that must be searched for and minded.”

We can then restore our integrity and personal safety.  Anger becomes an opportunity to take positive action – where relationships thrive, friendships are maintained and love is present.  It is a powerful opportunity for balance in relationships.

We cannot have or keep love and friendship alive without experiencing our emotions and growing without doing the work we are resisting.

You do not have to answer the questions below – however, by doing so and taking action you might be able to put your boundaries back in place and restore your personal integrity.  You might see and opportunity for true forgiveness.

  • Who are you angry at?
  • What are you most afraid of?
  • What are the violations of your boundaries?
  • What is your responsibility?
  • What if any actions are you willing to take or not take?
  • What could happen if you take no action?
  • When will you take these actions or have the matter be complete?
  • Is there a place for forgiveness of yourself or the person involved?

NoreenSumpterCoach.com

I would love to connect with you on social media. Please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook.

 

 

An Interview with Actress Cece Abbassi

Cece Abbassi

 

I’d like to introduce and welcome <a href=”http://www.backstage.com/ceceabbassi/”>Cece Abbassi</a>, who is originally from London England.  Cece has come to New York to follow her dream of being an actor.  This is not Cece’s first time in New York.    Her experience in England was not inspiring or successful.  She was not getting any auditions.  She noticed all the best actors of color like Idris Elba left England and are making it in America.  She wants create her chance.

Cece is my niece and she out talking to people, making contacts so that she can learn what she needs to know about working in NY.  Cece is Jamaican, and Iranian. She stands 5’6” and has a shiny energy.  She is described as bubbly and charismatic.  She walks into a room and her energy takes over.

She’s in New York City pursuing her dream of becoming an actor.  So without further ado, here is Cece’s interview.

<strong>Idris Elba is a popular British actor, what do you think about him being the new James Bond?</strong>
I love this man, every time I pass the Mandela posters that line the walls of my local subway station I’m filled with much pride. Now, Idris Elba as James Bond? I think it’s great that Idris is a candidate but I’m somewhat torn between tradition and the character evolving further. For me, Bond is Roger Moore. I wasn’t best pleased when Daniel Craig was cast as 007. There’s an infinite amount of room to create and establish strong and new 007-esque inspired characters. Come on, let’s get creative.

<strong>What do you think of American Men and are there any differences between men here and men across the pond?</strong>
Comparatively it’s hard to say as we’re all individuals and have all had various levels of cultural conditioning especially if I’m to compare two major cities that are as culturally diverse as London and New York. I feel there are probably far many more similarities than differences especially if we are considering television and film as our cultural gage, as our exposure is essentially the same. Having said that though one distinct difference in character is confidence; an American doesn’t need the help of three or four pints in order to tell you that they think you’re gorgeous.

<strong>You have been in Brooklyn before what is it that brings you back?</strong>
Apart from me loving New York’s infectious get up and go energy, I’m here to further my career as an actress as you have a hell of a lot more opportunity for actors of color. Television and Film is usually a medium that reflects its society and in the UK the African Diaspora makes up something like just under 2 million of a population of 63 million, so obviously there would be more opportunity over here as the African Diaspora in the US makes up a much larger percentage of the population.

<strong>When did you realize that you had this burning passion to become an actor? </strong>
I had always wanted to try my hand at acting but it took me a while before I expressed it.  As a child, I went to a performing arts school in London called The Brit School and my priority back then was art and music. The realization happened when I was living in Madrid and I saw an advertisement for a bilingual theater production. I fell in love with acting, the city and its people – a pretty significant part of my heart is still there.

<strong>What fears and concerns did you have to give up in order to pursue your career?</strong>
That annoying internal voice that would preach social conformity, yes that used to concern me – it’s terrified of me now so it knows to stay away.
<strong>

Who and what inspired you to pursue your dreams as an actor?</strong>
My creative practice inspires me to connect and help people connect with themselves. As an artist the best feeling for me is when I help someone connect with a part of him or herself that they wouldn’t usually give themselves access to.
I know that I’m fortunate to know exactly what it is that I want and because of that I’m on a relentless pursuit to make it happen. I know for many this isn’t the case and if you’re reading this and you so happen to be one of those people the best advice I can give is to go and try something new, something out of your comfort zone, even if  its volunteering for a few hours a week. I see it as a process of elimination in the shape of a life sized sieve. Eventually you’ll figure it out and when you do you won’t be able to imagine yourself doing anything else. I love acting, it feels like every experience I’ve ever had makes sense and can be put to use. Also I recommend getting yourself a life coach – hire Noreen Sumpter – she’s brilliant.

<strong>In one year where would you like to have your career be? </strong>
Lead in a feature film.

<strong>What do you believe is your right as a woman to be do and have the life you want? </strong>
I believe as a human for me to have complete rights is for me to be autonomous achieved by educating myself mentally, spiritually, physically and by having financial independence. Unfortunately in most parts of the world financial independence equates to freedom.

<strong>What kind of actor are you? And what and how inspires you? </strong>
Every person I’ve come into contact with, I believe that every person you meet whether it is for all of five seconds leaves a little fragment of themselves with you. So to answer your question connecting is what inspires me.

<strong>What is the most difficult thing that you have overcome and what is the mindset that you created to get over it? </strong>
Choosing to no longer facilitate a relationship with a family member based on my relatives’ terms. I believe ‘how you do anything is how you do everything’ I carry that philosophy into every aspect of my life.

<strong>You describe yourself as colored; do you know that this is a reference that African Americans no longer use to describe themselves? Knowing this why do you describe yourself as colored? Are you confident enough to deal with the backlash that this could cause? </strong>
Well, I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen a black person nor a white person. We come in many shades and I feel like the word “colored” is inclusive of our various different forms (my father is Middle Eastern and my mother is Caribbean). To answer your question about whether I can deal with any backlash that my using the word colored might cause, like everything in this world, words are no different. They take on their own evolution but also stand as a reference point to what they once stood for. I feel we could view this once derogatory word and see it as marker to how far we’ve come. I’m a paradigm shifter, what can I say.

<strong>If you were to describe yourself what are some of the key adjectives that you would use?</strong>
Lovely – thought I’d throw it in there for you Americans. Boundless, creative, adventurous, dynamic, smart, loyal, fun and kind.
<strong>

Acting is not an easy career, there are a lot of rejections, and what do you do to keep yourself grounded? </strong>
I see every audition a bit like dating: you could go on a date and you’re both exactly what the other is looking for. Sometimes it’s one sided, and other times there could be just no chemistry at all. Now, I love dating and I’ve experienced all three scenarios. Am I going to give up on creating new possibilities because I fear that every audition or date may not land me the role or have me not meet one of the big loves of my life… absolutely not.

<strong>What’s the most helpful piece of advice you can offer to anyone wanting to pursue his or her dream?</strong>
The answer to that is in the question, to ask for help, there’s no shame in it. We can’t achieve anything alone, we need each other so ask, and you might just be surprised at how willing people are to help you. I was given that piece of advice by my life coach Noreen Sumpter and it’s constantly in action.

http://www.backstage.com/ceceabbassi/

Give Your Word Away

Photo by neverendingx1
Photo by neverendingx1

Giving your word helps your creativity soar.  I am as guilty as the next person – saying I am going to do something, start creating it and not finishing it. Whatever reason I had for stopping what I was creating, my reasons are never real. My reasons are things that live in my head and impact the way I communicate.  I speak curtly to myself. I get annoyed and irritated with myself. My energy feels dis-empowered and I have no self-compassion.
When I look at this, what it came down to is that there areas of my life that are important but at the same time difficult.  I noticed I was rarely honoring my word to myself.  No matter what I created, whatever needed to occur, was not going to happen because my word was weak.  In order to break this pattern, I created a stand for myself called “The Royal Word.”
It was not that I did not deserve to be treated well; it was that I did not get the impact of keeping my word to myself.   I just made myself wrong for not finishing the things I said I was going to do.  Why? Because I made up the idea that along with my new ideas, I was supposed to know how to get them done.  How could that be?  My new idea was something I never did before and something I never created before. I would see it in my mind’s eye, but when it came to manifesting it, I was making myself wrong because I thought I was also supposed to know what to do.  Because I could not make it happen, I believed I had failed myself and therefore hid the idea from myself and others. I moved on, however I would repeat this pattern over and over again.   Duh!
What I recently learned to do was to forgive myself and let go of my need to know how to do something.  How many of you have a need to know how things are supposed to go?  Millions of us.  When I had a need to know I felt dis-empowered, and experienced a loss of power. With the loss of power I felt confused, upset and angry at myself.  My anger at myself was like having a low grade fever.  I felt ashamed, and just plain bad.

 

What I learned was to switch myself on full blast.  I learned it works to share my upset, and tell on myself.  With this I also discovered that when I am creating something new, I can give myself permission to not know how it is going to go. I can be like a newborn baby that came into the world.  My new idea is just an idea. I have a general idea and I will develop it and give myself permission to fail.  I am allowed to get it wrong.  I give myself permission to be like a child is learning to walk, it falls down a million times.  I don’t have to worry about what my peers are going to say about me.  I can just fail and fail and fail, until I get it to succeed.
I have learned to give my word to my friends.  I give my word to people who are on the same path as me.  Have you noticed how it is easy for us to provide for others and when it comes to ourselves we just give up?  Well, I am committed to being a success in all areas of my life, doing the things that I deem successful.

 

What works for me is giving my word to another person.  It lives like when a close friend asks you to do something, you do it, no matter how long it takes for you to do it.  You get it done on the wire; you meet the friend’s deadline, right?  Have you noticed how that happens?  Now, on the flip side, when you have to give your word to yourself, you fiddle around and almost never get it done.

 

I give my word to a friend – someone who I respect – so that I now have an anchor for my word.  This anchor has been helping me fulfill my word.  I am learning and taking on my dreams. It helps me not to forget that I count, that I am important, and that I have a unique and special contribution to make in the world.  I know that my dreams, fantasies and goals are as important as anyone else’s in the world.  So, Give Your Word Away.

How to Repair a Broken Friendship

Photo by Arne Hendriks
Photo by Arne Hendriks

Last week I talked about friendships and what happens when they suddenly end. I have been pondering my friendships to understand what happens and what it will take for me to be a great friend as well as an incredible Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self Esteem.

What I saw in myself and my friendships was shocking.  I’ve been being a bratty demanding friend and ending relationships with the Kiss of Death.  I want you to know, that I have been doing some powerful work in and around my friendships. I have taken  immediate action, cleaned up and have gotten rid of olds way of behaving that no longer work or serve me.

What I know is that I love my friends. My friends love me and love being with me.  However, what I saw about myself is that I do not have space for them to make mistakes in their friendship with me.  I want my friends to be perfect and not cause me any concerns or hurt me in any way that I deem unsuitable for a friendship. So the moment I experience an upset or cause for concern, real or imagined, I confront them. If they do not act the way I want them to, I end the relationship. I am gone.  They’re dead to me. This has cost me a lot of friends.

This is just a basic example of what I do:

I send them a text or email which is filled with love and the Kiss of Death.
I erase them from all my communications, Facebook, phone etc.,
When I see them around, I ignore them.
I don’t want to know anything about them ever because I’ll get upset.
Whenever I think about them and have unresolved emotions.

This is what I am left with:

Friends that I have ignored or mentally killed off.
Friends who even if they wanted to be in communication, cannot reach me they’re blocked or ignored.
I have am upset, angry and miss my friends.
I am left with longing with memories of great friends and times that are no long present in my life.
Continuous conversations and stories about what happened or did not happen.

What I’m already being is:

Stubborn – I’ll be dammed, l’ll no longer communicate with them.
Justified – They are wrong, I am right.
Angry and pissed off – To hell with them!
Sad and replaying memories– I’m stubborn and I will not surrender.  They have to say they are sorry first and confess the wrong they have done me.

In the end, what I discovered is that I need to accept my friends as humans. They are going to do and say things that I do not agree with.  Whatever happens in my friendships is not personal. I can accept them anyway they are and are not. I realize what was missing is: vulnerability, integrity, love, patience, kindness and graciousness.

I took on what was missing in my life and what I saw was the piles up upset feelings I created for myself and for my friends.  I realize that this way of being is not who I want to be in my life. I proceeded to call my friends and send email to them and one by one.  I put the integrity back in my life and my relationships by sharing my experiences and how I felt about our relationship.  I let them know I could be counted on going forward.

The response has been great. They got to share how it was for them being on the other end of my stuff (crap.) For those I spoke on the phone with, I have declared that I will clean up with them in person as well.  I shared with them what was there for me, what had me kill off the relationship and how the fear of being told what to do, of being wrong, judged and evaluated, actually impacted our friendship.  I had no compassion for my friends and was being a spoiled brat. The person who was being hard on me was me.

Going forward, my friends get to choose powerfully if they want to engage in a relationship with me from nothing.  I get to accept them as they are and as they are not. If I cannot accept them how they are, then I have no right calling myself a friend.  I don’t have to make them wrong and me right.  This approach does not work. I am a Life Coach and create transformation in other people’s lives.  It was a young conversation which caused me to get reactivated and where I did not have language.  Well, I have the language now and I will use it.

With all that said, I want my friends to know that I love them. I am transforming my old friendships into friendships where I have understanding and communication, where I will be being vulnerable, loving, gracious, and kind. They get to be however they are and choose powerfully if they wish to be friends with me. Together, we create relationships that work.  With that I no longer have to experience fear of loss, upset or some impending hurt.  Whatever way my friends choose to be is fine.

Where in your life are you willing to take action and reclaim your friendship with people you have killed off by giving them The Kiss of Death?

Love, Noreen Sumpter

Boston We Have You In Our Heart

I cannot express how the people of Boston must be feeling.  All I can remember is the day 9/11 happened, I couldn’t make sense of what happened. I couldn’t find a place in my mind to make sense of what was happening.  Today, years later, it’s still not clear to me that this kind of atrocity is still happening and will continue to happen. And for what?  Difference of a opinion, religious belief, human separations.

Boston Harbor by Prayitno
Boston Harbor by Prayitno

When this kind of thing occurs, it feels as it is not real. I find it  incomprehensible that human lives are ended and blood is being spilled for no reason that I can understand.

The day of 9/11, the  only place that I could look was fiction, as it was hard for me to believe that this was really happening.  I was looking for Will Smith to come and save us.  Independence Day style.  That was fiction and that is where my mind went.   Today, some years later, I cannot make sense of all this madness that is happening in our cities.   All can say is that Boston, you are in our hearts and mind. You are not alone.

The Secret to Great Sex

Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 
Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.

So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.

If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.

Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off
Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?

What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

vermox

levitra

Do You Know How To Protect Your Heart?

Photo by Katerha
Photo by Katerha

As a Confidence Coach, I believe setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of yourself, your heart and not allowing this get twisted by people comments, thoughts or feelings about you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to you and to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.
I coach my clients to you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how they feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings and you know that you are not your feelings you have feelings and they can change from situation to situation, moment to moment. By affirming your feelings it allows you to  take responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self-ownership, allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.
Some people might say that setting and having boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. So they are set boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy,give people choices and allows you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do, by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion has you

create outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life. How well do you set boundaries?  

What Women Want From a Partner

Though some of these following requests might appear to be self-centered and over indulged, they are what many women would like from a partner. However, if you look at the request for what they are really saying, you can hear that they want love and attention. These women like all women want to be loved and adored. They require what sounds like simple things. They want to be appreciated for the woman and feminine beings that that they are. Here are some of the requests I have heard form women over the years:

  • Spend time with me
  • Allow me to share my feelings
  • Share your pleasure with me
  • Be open with your feelings
  • Feel good about us or leave
  • Knows where to stand as a man
  • Have confidence
  • Be romantic
  • Offer me protection
  • Takes pride in our relationship
  • Respect me
  • Be thoughtful
  • Give me the gift of time…
  • Listen
  • Tell me I am beautiful and appreciated
  • Asking my opinion regarding a life decision that you are thinking about making…
  • Kiss me on my forehead after serving him dinner
  • Kiss me on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, left boobie and right boobie 5:30 in the morning when he leaves for work
  • Text me he made it to work and that he can’t wait to get back home.
  • Give me reasons to giggle
  • Compliment me in detail
  • Randomly express how he appreciates me in his life
  • Kiss tears away when they fall
  • Put a warm rag on my tummy during that time, hand me 2 Aleve, and some water, make me some tea, and hold me to distract from the pain and discomfort until I fall asleep
  • Give me words of encouragement
  • Be loyal
  • Acknowledgment my accomplishments
  • Give me emotional support coupled with physical touch (such as a hug, human touch doesn’t mean sexual)
  • Hold me tighter when the alarm goes off
  • Speak about our future together in detail
  • Motivate me, it shows your belief in who I am and what I do

Simple things mean a lot to every girl. Small talks, weird topics, smiles, a thank you, and a lot more. But nothing beats the respect, thoughtfulness, time and sincerity of what a man can give to his woman. 🙂 It’s the simple things, not so much the grandeur gestures.

If The Condom Fits…

I was reading an article called “Flip the Script” in the current Sex and Love Sextember section of Essence magazine as I prepared for my Date Like You Mean It Event.  Everything that I read seemed very weighty about dating or human interaction.
This article was about men and condoms.  The argument was that men try to get out of using condoms.  Their mission was to prepare women with comebacks on how to protect themselves and still keep the mood.  They gave instructions about what to do when he was trying to run game.   For me the article had its usual advertising opportunity and consumer awareness which is not a bad thing.
Well, to flip the script again, this time the script is to prepare men with comebacks.  It is been said and thought by people that it is always the man that does not want to use a condom. However, I know that is not always the situation.  More often than recognized or confessed it’s the woman.  Again more often than not, it is older women, not girls in their 20’s.  But using a condom helps to prevent the spread of STSs.
If you are being responsible around your sexual health, you never have to plan your reasons to use a condom.  What’s the worst that could happen if the person, man or woman, does not want to use a condom?  They leave upset, but you can never compromise your values or choice and feel good with yourself.   The article gave individual scenarios for condom endorsements, here are some straight forward to the point examples.
Man/Woman/Your Response
  • I can’t feel anything. –  Too bad my rule is if you cannot use a condom.  You won’t be feeling anything with me.
  • I don’t have a condom.  Let’s just keep going. –  No condom, no sex we can go get some or wait.
  • Let me just put the tip, I won’t go any further. –  My doctor calls it rim play. Condom please!
  • Don’t you trust me? – I trust that I will use a condom with or without you.
  • I can never find a condom that fits. –  Aw! How unfortunate, but they come in all different sizes.
  • I don’t have a condom. –  Don’t worry I carry my own. I am a person in control of my sex life.
After speaking with a few male friends of mine, they told me that they have been in the situation where women did not want to use a condom.  One man said that he was with a woman who tried to guilt him into not using a condom. She told him, in an explicit way, that it feels better.  It was very uncomfortable as he wanted to have sex, but insisted that he would wear a condom.
They said that a woman that did not wear a condom was a deal breaker and made them feel uncomfortable. It is a myth that all men want to have sex without a condom.  I read a tweet on Monday by a fellow relationship coach who said carrying a condom showed that you were prepared to practice safe sex, but it also showed that you had no discipline.  I feel that practicing safe sex is very disciplined.   If you do not have a condom, than you don’t and won’t have sex.
*Its important to have your own condom as some people do not know how to store them and or think about the expiration dates.  Condoms should be stored in a cool dry place, away from both excess heat and extremely low temperatures. Storing condoms in the pocket, valet or car compartment may damage them.

diovan

Why Is Dating So Confusing?

Dating? What is it? Why is it so confusing? Dating is a form of courtship that focuses mostly on social activities between two people for the sole reason of accessing whether they are suitable for each other as an intimate partner or potential mate. Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which emerged in the last few centuries.

During the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families.  While romance was something that happened before and outside of marriage, discreetly in covert meetings.  Can you imagine being in a loveless marriage that was a business transaction?  The only way that people were able to pursue love and intimacy was by having affairs.   A 12th-century book, The Art of Courtly Love, advised that “True love can have no place between husband and wife”.  Can you imagine?  I think that we are still at that place given the number of divorces we are experiencing in this time.

Dating is two people together in public, exploring if they should become romantically involved. Each person is in chorus evaluating the other as a possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. Dating is stressful. Some of what happens on a date is guided by a mutual understanding of societies rules. In my opinion, dating becomes scary because of a set of mythological rules from our reptilian brains and how its effect on our emotions.  Dating is not based on logic.  It turns smart successful people into confused bumbling idiots.

What is dating anyway? Why does it catch us off guard? Why do we have all of these negative conversations surrounding dating, most of which we make up in our heads?  What is it that has so many people confused, frightened and upset?   I’ll tell you what I think. It’s because we are all trying very hard to avoid the experience of being vulnerable.  We do not want to be responsible for what we really want in relationship and we have a fear of rejection.

We believe that being vulnerable is a weakness, when being vulnerable is actually one of our strengths.  Being vulnerable allows us to be truthful with ourselves and our feelings. Vulnerability does not operate on the side of logic.

My personal experience with being vulnerable was when I was trying avoid my feelings.  I was feeling anxious, worried and outside of myself.  I do not like these feelings.   So, I do not dwell in them for a long time.  The moment I shared my vulnerability and what I was afraid of, I felt like I rebalanced myself.  I experienced a sense of relief.  It gave me power and the self-awareness of how I was shutting myself down and not being open to my feelings.  I found out I was resisting my emotions by constantly complaining to anyone who would listen.   I discovered that I was creating the same problems in every relationship that I encountered.  I didn’t express my feelings and wasn’t vulnerable, then I became distant or resentful.

When you are considering dating, it is important to know what it is that you want to create for yourself.  What is the intention of dating? Be honest and clear with yourself.  Take nothing personally.  Accept that your date is having their own variation of what it is you are going through.   After you gain clarity about your needs, wants, and expectations, be courageous enough to share them, knowing that not every person who wants to date might be on the same page as you.

proscar

I Made a Philanderer Cry

Last night I went out for a drink.  I was feeling pretty sexy and strutted down the street with my 5 inch heels and my very cute purple jeweled dress with the appropriate plunging neckline.  I make my way to the bar.   When I go out alone, I usually sit at the bar because the bar is where you have the best chance of meeting people to talk to.  I love talking to people.  You might say I will only meet men at the bar, but I meet a lot of people.

Anyway, I’m sitting at the bar and here comes this attractive men – tall, dark and well-spoken etc.  He asks if he could talk with me.  Sure! He starts talking about his life and how cute I am, which is always fabulous.  He tells me he finds me sexy. Great! I put in a ten minute effort to get dressed, plus the beautiful Yves Saint Laurent lipstick that I spend $40 dollars on that day with my Mascara that I purchased for $25.00. I had a $100 face on.  Lol.  What the hey, I was looking good, feeling good and yes smelling good.

He pats my hair then tells me he’s been dying to do that.  What the hey; I say.  Men are always wanting to touch my hair.  I guess it the gives them the caveman experience they like re-enacting.  Anyway, he goes on to tell me that he is married; red flag.  30 years, he loves his wife. I say great.

Rule number one I don’t date married men.  So he tells me is wife is on long island tonight with their daughter.  I say great.  He tells me he used to be a NBA player back in the 70s I say great.  He tells me he owns restaurants and he’s got a comfortable life for himself, I say great.  I’m listening.

Then he comes the sob story I have to take out my tiny violin.  I love my wife but my wife and I don’t have sex.  I saw that coming a mile off.  I say Great.  So I ask what is that has you not have with your wife?  He rambles on about she has always let him have one night stand with the rule of not falling in love.  So he has lived his whole married life with this conversation and level of freedom.  So when did you and your wife stop having sex?  One year ago.  She became angry.  She cut him off.  How do you feel about this?  I don’t know.  Are you sad about it? He describes his wife as an elephant.  What do you mean by that?  He says that she has a large memory.  She never forgets the past.  I ask him if he loves his wife.  He says absolutely.  She is the mother of his children.  He is not leaving her.  He has another woman that he has been seeing her for years.  So why are you trolling for another woman.  Least of all me?  He was very straight forward.  He told me he would like to get naked with me.  After he told me he had a full hip replacement because of his life playing sports.  Hey.  Anyway, I asked him a few more questions, do you want to have sex with your wife?  He starts joking about how he want to get naked with me.  I was grossed out but smiling and thinking of a large chunk of plastic.

I asked him what had him marry his wife and stay so long.  She allowed him to do what he wanted, she was sexy etc. They went to college together, she did his papers.  She was available for whatever he wanted.  She traded for the good life.  He said he hurt her emotionally not physically.  He was not rough with her. She is a great woman.  He loves her.

His wife was hurt, she had given him space to be. However, now she was upset about her choices.  She shut down and in-turn shut him down.   He was sad, upset and remorseful. His commitment for his wife is amazing; his love for her is great.   He’s dealing with his behavior.  He’s afraid of losing her and he is about to lose her if he does not taken fast action.  Then I notice his eyes well up with tears, his lips going in and out quivering.  He’s crying now.  Noreen, you made a grown man cry.  I asked him if he was crying and he said yes.  I acknowledged his tears and his commitment to his wife.  It was clear to me.  He cried some more.

I know that he did not get dressed this evening to go out and pick up a woman that would go toe to toe with him about his life and make him cry.  Dude no sex happening over here?  He was moved and talked some more still crying.  He thanked me and said I will talk to my wife. I gave him my number and he said he’d like to talk with me again.  He’s been trying to work this out for ages.

Can you imagine? What I do know is this man loved his wife.  Having sex with strange woman just kept his self-loathing and encouraged his habit of not being responsible and honest with himself in first place.  So that was my night.  It was fun.  I looked sexy. I had a philander cry and made a difference in his life.

Quiz: What are your boundaries?

Taking this self-boundaries quiz will help you understand yourself a little bit more.  Get out a piece of paper and a pen, and number the paper 1-26.  Right down your answer for the corresponding questions.  Choose one of these answers for each question: always, usually, sometimes, rarely or never. Be honest with yourself and choose your first impulse.  The point in life is to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Second guessing your answers can lower your self esteem.  There is no right or wrong answer, only your truth.

1 -Do you carry emotional and physical baggage into your current relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

2 -Have you been hurt and find yourself insecure thinking it will happen again?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

3 -Do you blame yourself for the mental, physical or emotional hurt you allowed to happen to you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

4 -Do you believe that whoever says I love you first loses?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

5 -You tell a partner you love them often but they do not say it back. Does this make you feel rejected and stupid but you still love them anyway?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

6 -Do you look for someone to love you in your relationships instead of giving yourself the love that you have?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

7 -Do you feel that you are not heard, known and seen in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

8 -Do you avoid sharing yourself completely in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

9 -Do you think that people can know who you are solely by spending time with you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

10 -Do you feel unable to express yourself fully in your sexual encounters?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

11 -Do you have sex mainly for the pleasure of another?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

12 -Do you think you when it comes to your sexual and orgasmic pleasure, are you unable to fully allow yourself to be present and enjoy?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

Image by Deep Shot Photography http://deepshot.carbonmade.com/

13 – Do you keep yourself from having time to grieve your upsets and break ups?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

14 – Do you have internal anger?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

15 – Do you not allow yourself the opportunity to get angry?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

16 – Do you say yes to your partner when you want to say no? Do you say no when you want to say yes?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

17 – Do you hide your truth in mind chatter?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

18 -Do you feel that you are not in control of your life?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

19 – Do you believe you lack the tools to make your life happen?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

20 – Do you lack trust in yourself to be faithful to your partner ?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

21 – Do you lack confidence to really let your partner know who you really are?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

22 – Do you lack confidence to state your opinions?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

23 – Do you save hurting people feelings by not telling your truth and then avoid them because you feel uncomfortable?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

24 -Do you have confidence and self esteem issues that no one knows about you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

25 – Are you afraid to stand alone in the world without your job or job title?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

What do you think of your answers? Were you surprised? Are there some areas you want to change? Finding your voice and setting boundaries is important  as it  helps you to create yourself.  Creating and using your voice is one of the most important ways to have and live the life you want.  This is your life and you get to live it how you want.  It takes practice to release negative habits, ideas and images of fear. The first step is always the hardest, but when you do it, it will be the most memorable step as the spell will be broken.  Speaking to a therapist or life coach may help you overcome your fears of being heard and create confidence and self-respect.  Fear nothing, you can attempt everything.  But most of all speak up for yourself and find your voice and gain your personal power.  Congratulations on taking this first step.

Creating Boundaries for Great Sex

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.
So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.
If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.
Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off

Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?
What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

No One Wants to Date Your Past

No one wants to experience the pain of your past when they begin dating you.  Everyone wants to date from a blank slate, they want to get to know you on their own terms and dating your past partners is not desirable.  Your prospective partner does not want to hear how your exes hurt you, how you can’t trust anyone now, or what happened to you in the past.  So, clean up that mess and start dating from a new fresh blank state.

What are the things that you would share about yourself at market/dating? People grumble that they cannot find a date.  Why can’t you find a date?   There are 6 billion people on the planet.  So why is it so difficult to find a date?  Is it you or your beliefs? Is it your belief that you are not good enough for anyone or no one is good enough for you?  Ask yourself these questions, as a person, what do you bring to the dating table?

What is special about you?
What do you have to offer in a relationship?
What are your prize winning qualities?
What are you non prize winning qualities?
What areas are you willing to work on?
How do you feel about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically?
How do you feel about sex?
Do you love yourself?
Do you love others?
Are you generous or stingy?
What mess do you need to clean up before you start dating?
Are you overly picky, are you trying to date people that are not attracted to you?
Are you even available?

Photot from the Thomas Lennon Photographic Collection, Powerhouse Museum

If you were to sell yourself at market what are the things that you would present on your ‘stall’? What are the things you would have under the table and not share openly? What are the things you are afraid to hear about yourself and for people to know about you? Maybe these are the things that you are going to have to rewrite in your life script.

I had a client that had a hair loss problem and wore weaves all the time.  She was embarrassed about her hair loss and also ashamed of an unwanted pregnancy she had had sometime ago.  She met a man that she enjoyed being with.  He in turn enjoyed being with her.  However, she was worried that he would not like her because of her severe hair loss due to weaves and alopecia.  After our work together, she was able to come clean first with herself and then she courageously told him her situation.  He heard her and replied “I don’t care about your hair.  Women wear hair pieces all the time, I do not care about your unwanted pregnancies.  I want you. “  After her confession, she was relieved by his love for her and she reflects on how her shame has been hovering over all of her past relationships, bringing them nothing but pain and sorrow.  In the end, they are now happily married and expecting their own baby.

The main lesson to be learned is:   If you are okay with yourself, the man/woman that likes/loves you will be okay with you.

When starting to date, take it easy on yourself.  It is important that you come to terms with all your upsets, fears and concerns.  You have to forgive yourself and make sure you have taken the time to heal from any past relationships.  It’s important to have a heart to heart with yourself and make sure that you are ready to date.  No one wants to date your past.  What past pains are you bringing into your marketplace?

How to Avoid Downward Dating

For the past couple of weeks, we talked about downward dating – dating someone who is not at the same emotional or financial level as you. Here are some tips on how to avoid downward dating:

Remember downward dating unlike Downward Facing Dog Does not tone and strengthen your back. It can however give you great sex for 60 seconds and fabulous eye /arm candy. But, if you’re serious about having a relationship stay away at all costs.

Date people that have the same or similar kinds of interests.

Value yourself so that people will value you and if they don’t, you can walk away intact.

Give yourself permission to do what you desire.

Date people that have interests that interest or might interest you.

Take time to get to know people you date, but first take time to know yourself.

Date people that have similar values by finding out and asking those questions that freak you out.

Date people who value you making plans and can be honest about what they can and cannot do.

Date people that are flexible, will try new things and speak up about them.

Date people who can create and have with clear agreement with you.

Date people who will remember your successes in the relationship not your failures.

Breakdowns are opening for breakthroughs. Life without breakdowns is no life at all.

Date people and do your best and realize that dating is a process which can have you realize your humanness.

Date by expecting the best to happen and know that your will experiences triggers from you past.

Date with an open heart or else don’t date – In fact do your life with an open heart.

Improve the quality of yourself by being open to being fearless and free.

Ask yourself serious heartfelt questions, the one that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Have a look at your attitude and level of gratitude.

What do you like or dislike about your dating habits? Take a look. Don’t judge just investigate.

Get rid of your physical typing,the physical typing was created in your past by a very young you.

Stay in the present moment leave you past relationships in the past.

Live in the now date in the now.

Everyone, as we all know, is different and not everyone is compatible. So, it is important to realize if you cannot accept a person for all they are and all they are not, then you need to leave them alone. Maybe your date has not read a book in a number of years. Maybe they only eat what they was raised on and everything else is off limits. Or you’re a traveler and they’re a couch traveler. Your priorities are so completely different. You find yourself trying to plan things with them and they seem really keen, but when it comes time to commit to the plans, they disappear off the planet and your left wondering is this the same person.

Downward Dating Part Two

Last week we discussed what downward dating was. This week we will discuss its effects on both parties.

It is unfortunate but most of the recipients of downward dating love the idea of dating you. They love what you do, what you have but they subconsciously are frightened that you may not be interested in them. They are subconsciously don’t like what you are, as you represent all that they are not and this dredge’s up their insecurity. Downward dating people derive pleasure from you because it gives them an opportunity to inflate their already timorous ego.

They love what you represent, that you have an education and the social accoutrements or any other accolades whether earned, learned or born with. They love that you have your own money which is oftentimes, more than theirs. On the other hand, with downward dating there is no dedication. It’s just bragging which could later be at your mental expense and discredit.

Some downward dating partners are only capable of trying to break you down. The relationship is lop-sided. Your partner can become spiteful, downright nasty and mean spirited. Downward daters are for the most part only really interested in themselves and making you wrong. Their level of insecurity is very high. The experience of downward dating is one of insecurity and belief that internally that they don’t deserve something.

Downward daters will continual ask questions that you can’t answer in the way they want. “Why are you really interested in me” Duh, you’re interested in them because you like them. They cannot believe that and are extremely adamant that you’re not being truthful. They make statements like that you’re trying to use them They do not hear or listen to what is being said in a conversation. They only hear their internal conversation and make up things that were not being said or experienced. Downward dater is not based in reality. Downward dates and daters come in all shapes and sizes color and crude. This incessant dialogue is very dysfunctional. This is when you leave the interaction (Run now!)

Many people have downward dated at some point in their life. Even if you can fake amnesia and plead the 5th you’ve done it.
Here is my experience in downward dating:

I dated a man with less money then me. I knew upfront that he could not afford to attend a lot of the things that I invited him to, so I would foot the bill if I really wanted to go. I didn’t have a problem with sharing, but when my sharing became a problem, the relationship become uncomfortable. His ego, was getting a little roughed up about not having extra play money. I did not do it deliberately. If I was digging down into my savings or spending above my means, I would say something. Unfortunately, my guy had not mastered this concept, he had difficulty expressing his feelings about my money. Our relationship became increasingly difficult and it became progressively more difficult having certain conversations. So he proceeded to make me wrong. Eventually we broke up.

Today my opinion is if your venturing into a situation like this,you’re probably setting yourself up for failure. Work with me here, you have spent a number of years building up your education and that education has increased your socio economic standing only to find that you are not dating on an level playing field. You have little in common with them and furthermore they resent you for it. It is important to date with clarity. It takes time to get to know the people. It is also important that you give yourself time to get to know the people you’re interacting with and that you do not compromise your spirit.

I know many men and woman complain that they are sad and that they feel alone. Theoretically, we are all. Even in a relationship, amongst family, friends or in a group, we can feel alone. Alone, is a feeling, not our truth. The key is to accepting being alone is checking whether this is true for you. Then choosing what you want to do with what you know. Rejecting your findings that you are alone will not only make you feel better about being alone, it will prevent you from jumping into relationships that do not support your energy and what you are up to in your life. It is healthy to look at yourself with a critical yet compassionate eye so that you can make the decisions that only you can and will say are right for you. If you let lonely choose for you, you’ll be in a relationship that will have you whirling and not in a good way.

I hope you will join me next week for some dating tips.

Downward Dating Part One

Are you dating people that you cannot afford to be with? I don’t just mean fiscally, I mean mentally, emotionally, socially, educationally, spiritually and or economically. When you choose someone new to date, are you on an equal playing field?

Dating on an unequal playing field is a source of frustration and can become out-and-out upsetting. I have coined the phrase “Downward dating.” Downward facing dog is a traditional yoga pose that Stretches and strengthens the whole body while relaxing the mind. Unlike downward dating which only eats away at your sanity and puts you in a pile of confusion. In the end, you wind up blaming yourself for the relationships demise. As with many of life’s choices there is no one to blame and many lessons to learn.

The way your dates treat you and the opportunities that come your way are determined by your attitude, energy and your sense of self. Often times, it feels good to blame others, but you know intuitively that it is not right. One of the only things you can possibly get from downward dating is some instant physical satisfaction which is often very nice but that lasts for about a good sixty seconds. However, you’re not making the kinds of connection that you desire. You are not getting the emotional connection you desire, so you’re left upset, angry and frustrated.

I have heard dating described as a gladiator sport. It is not for the faint of heart. Dating will test you and can shred every ounce of confidence you have or wreck havoc on your self image. While dating, whatever insecurities you are dealing with will surface and leave you not even recognizing yourself.

Do you experience yourself and realize that you are you dating the same physical type of man/woman over and over again. Do you have a physical type, i.e. tall, blonde, bald, hulking, etc. and are not interested in leaving that type behind? In the past, I have been guilty of dating like that. Thus not making room for anyone else to enter my sphere and all the while, still looking for a different response and treatment. Duh! However, are you not ready to leave your type behind but still want something different? Do you want and or are you interested in stopping this kind of behavior? Do you want a different results?
Before you go out on another single date start, looking at what you don’t like about your dating habits.

Start by asking yourself about what you’re experiencing; see if it is a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you cannot change or are not ready to date, you are doomed to continue creating more of the same dating situation. This can be said for any situation that does not work for you anymore. It you want to date differently, you have to start giving yourself something first. If you want to date better people, you have to become a better person. If you want to be respected, you have to give respect to yourself and then to others, if you want to improve the quality of your dates you have to improve the quality of yourself. Start by asking questions “What can I contribute to my dates?” What you receive from any dating situation will transform when you accept yourself.

Relationships Take Work

Thank God I can read. I am reading a wonderful little book called A Fine Romance, The passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage.  This book was written in the 80s, but it’s quite motivating. It describes how we experience life and relationships. 

Everything that is important takes work.  Your career, growing your money, your health, getting in shape, it all takes work. The book explains that you are conscious of all the work life takes, but are not aware of how much work it takes to be in a successful relationship. 

The writer is bloody right. When it comes to matters of the heart, I personally want my relationships to be thunder bolts and lightening.  I want it to be like a fantasy that happens in a Lifetime movie. My lover plants a gentle kiss on my mouth and my eyes shut and next minute, life cuts to me being married, living in the perfect house with the perfect life. The end.  Yeah!  Wake up.  Duh!  None of this is going to happen unless I work at it. 

Relationships takes work because the dating process takes effort. It is not just one step. You have to go through many steps: the dating process, the courting process, getting to know each other, being present with your feelings, thoughts and everything else in between.  Being confident enough go through the process of creating of partnership without getting aggravated requires you to discover what you really want in a relationship. In order to do that, you need to monitor your own behaviors.

What I discovered is there is a challenging universal structure to courtship.  In a nutshell, there are many experiences that can occur. You may one day feel ambivalent or you may have deaf stops where you only hear your own thoughts and ignore anything anyone else has to say. You also have the challenge of dealing with your own personal theories, worries, limiting beliefs and triggers, as well as a list of what your partner should and should not do. There are dramas within ourselves which relate to a complicated array of drives, feelings, expectations and assumptions. Each one determining our individual responses to love and relationships. All along the way, your self-esteem gets battered and bruised. Your confidence gets shattered and you wind up swimming in a world of unhappiness. Your feel like you are glowing one moment while in the next, you feel like an abandoned baby on the steps of a local church, not knowing what the hell happened.   

At times you feel ambivalent. One minute you dig the person and the next minute you wonder what you ever saw in them. Then back again.  Either you’re dumped or you’re dumping them out of exasperation and frustration.  One of the things to be excited about and to know is this is all a part of the relationship experience. It is normal. The important thing to remember is to build a solid foundation within yourself that is separate from the relationship. This will allow you to be like a rock that won’t be swayed by every step of the courting process. If not,  the fears of your past relationships will leach into your new relationships, whether your aware of it or not.

I had the liberty of dating a man I thought was wonderful. In the end, we did not work out. The main reason is because his old relationship filtered into my relationship with him. He may have left his last relationship but it did not leave him. How do I know that he did not truly get rid of his last relationship? He said he had the utmost disdain for his ex-live-in-girlfriend. As time went on, the same concerns and worries from his old relationship filtered into the relationship I was having with him. He had a fear of entrapment. His language was about me trapping him in a cage. He did not want to be in that same type of situation again so all relationships were scary to him. There was no opportunity for me in our relationship as his unconscious behavior made him behave as though all relationships were going to end in the same way. 

The book describes this as the fear of entrapment.  I made his anxiety worse. He feared being locked in an emotional cage. He thought when he was with a woman, he’d lose his freedom.  No matter what I said, it made no real difference.  It was over before it was even allowed to begin.

I could have felt bad about it. I could have blamed myself. But because of a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem, I know that the end of our relationship does not mark me as a failure or a bad person. I know I can give and receive love. The end of a relationship is not a rejection of me and my worth as a person. It is not personal. It is a personal relationship but the behavior is not personal. The thing that is personal is the love I share in any relationship which I will continue to give freely.

How Long is Too Long to go Without Sex?

Sex, Sex, Sex. I am surrounded by sex, I have not had sex in about One year and one month. I have just noticed that in my life I am surrounded by women. I work with women, and I hang out with women. Nothing wrong with my sisters. However, it is time for me to get some Man Energy.

So since I have been focusing on man energy and sex, I have attracted into my life the activities of my neighbors. So, okay, I have not been getting any sex and my Vagina, or as the trendy people say Vajaja, (I have no idea if I have spelled it correctly). Anyway, I have attracted my neighbors’ sex lives. My upstairs neighbor and his boyfriend are having so much sex that I am afraid that the ceiling is going cave in and I end up under their bed. My neighbor to the left of me who has two bedrooms but has just put a new bed in the bedroom that I share a party wall with, he has decided that this will be his new sex room. Well, he and his girlfriend wake me up at 6:00am to the not so sweet sounds of them screaming, groaning wildly and the headboard banging on the party wall. I think the Universe is now telling me something. (Loudly)

So as the founder of I am Pink Bubble, where the intention is nothing is wrong, there is no lack and everything is available, I am answering the Universe and I’m bringing some man energy into my life. My world has be without Man Energy for far too long that my Vagina thinks my throat has been cut. It really thinks if feels I’m dead.

So, this last Thursday, at a party I conjured up a very attractive man who invited me to hang with him in Jamaica, that is another story for another time ladies. So this weekend I am off to Jamaica for a fun time in the sun with some overdue Man Energy. Who knows maybe my Vajaja will come back to life. But I won’t tell. So the questions are:

How long has it been since you have had some Man Energy?
How long is too long?
What are you willing to do about it?

I request that you put on your Man Attracting Energy and go get you some Man Energy.
Do you accept?

 

The importance of creating boundaries in your life

Setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are performing in ways that are not acceptable. It is also important to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is not only your right to protect and defend yourself; it is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.

It is important that you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how you feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings. By affirming your feelings it allows you to begin taking responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self ownership allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.

Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. Some people might say that they are setting boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy and it gives people choices. Also setting boundaries allow you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion creates outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.

It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care of and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life.

Photo Courtesy of SkyWhisper

Below are a few examples of boundaries:

Setting boundaries with people who are upset
Please do not shout at me. Lower, your voice or I will not have this conversation

Setting boundaries when at work
Please do not call me at work to discuss personal issues. I only conduct personal issues at home in the evening.

Setting boundaries for critical people
I thank you for your comment with regard to my personal appearance
It is not okay for you to discuss my hair or weight. I find that it offends me.

Setting boundaries with friends who borrow money
It is important that you pay back money you owe or I will not loan you any money in the future.

There are many kinds of boundaries that you can create. The following is a list of areas that might require setting boundaries:
Boundaries for space
Boundaries for time
Boundaries for money
Boundaries for work
Boundaries for family
Boundaries for adults
Boundaries for sex

I hope that this article gives you some insights into creating boundaries for yourself.

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.noreensumptercoach.com 
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
Subscribe to my weekly Newsletter, join me on Facebook and Twitter

Making Time For Friends

Friends are people you connect with.  They are people who make you feel comfortable enough to  fully share your self.  You become involved with these friends because you’re attracted to their characteristics, energy and personality.  You choose to remain friends with them because you enjoy their company and have a mutually honest and respectful relationship. You trust your friend with your secrets, ideas, thoughts and feelings.  You feel secure with these people you call friends.

Friends together
Powerful friendships allow you to give and receive.  They allow you a place to express and share your common interests and find new ones together.  Good friendships allow you to develop your self, obtain new skills and learn to relate.  The power from these kinds of friendships is that they help to meet your needs for acceptance and let you know you belong.

The company of good friends is a beautiful thing.  However, it can be for some people very difficult to cultivate and maintain.  If you remember back when you were young, making friends was easy.  You were exposed to people your own age who had similar interests and life circumstances – who were available to form friendships and whose only responsibilities were generally homework, hobbies and a few chores.  The supply of friendship and time were abundant and not much mattered.  You had plenty of time to have your friendships develop and blossom naturally.

As we grew and left school, adulthood arrived with its many responsibilities of paying bills, developing careers and looking for mating prospects. Friends started to go in various directions.  Creating and developing new friendships does not appear as abundant as they once were.  When you meet new people you’re compatible with, you have to schedule time to develop the relationship.  However, the general truth according to what people say is that they just do not have enough time.  People are constantly complaining about not having enough time.  However, we are are all apportioned the same amount of time-  24 hours per day.  It all depends on what you do with it.  Do you use it or do you waste and lose it?  Are you so booked and scheduled that you can’t muster the energy to make an invitation for lunch?  Are your lunch breaks usually booked?  Do you barely have time to take lunch cause you’re running errands or working at your desk through lunch?

friends arm in arm

Like anything you have to commit.  I have clients who are constantly telling me that they don’t have any friends and they have a hard time making new friends. However, after working with me, you discover that as you begin to align time with your priorities, your opportunities for friendship increase.  You will discover that you are the one who has to decide who you’re going to be friends with.

Trust is one of the issues that people who do not have friends are always concerned about.  However the lack of trust, I have discovered, is internal.  When self trust is developed, you start to give trust differently.  If it is friends and relationship that you want to develop, then you have to start taking risks and being approachable.

Here are some questions that I ask my clients:

What do you want in a friendship?  On a scale of one to ten, how satisfied are you without friendships?
What do you believe that having friends would add to your life?
What actions do you take that allow you to meet and make new friends?
What do you do that keep friends away?
What do you do that pollutes your friendship?
If you were to transform and deepen your friendships what would that be like?

The Art of Manipulation

Have you ever had a friend that just severs ties with you and you don’t know why? 

 

Well, I have.  This was a person that I had known for nearly 20 years.  I considered our relationship to be one that was exceedingly valuable.  It was a friendship filled with fun, laughter and travel.  Even though there were significant differences in each of us, I accepted our friendship for what it was.  I loved to talk; my friend was more of a listener.  I loved to do and take action; my friend would rather leave things alone. I bought things that I loved; my friend bought things based on economical value.  I am a communicator; she left things unsaid. I cleared things up and got on with the business of life; she kept malice.  I know that no two people can ever be alike, not even siblings, so to expect any more of my friendship with her was based on clarity up until our friendship ended.

Photo by woodleywonderworks
Photo by woodleywonderworks

During my friendship, I never judged her; I accepted her and our differences.  Then one day I called her and she did not return my call.  It remained unreturned for one day, which turned into weeks, then turned into months, and now has turned into years.  The fact that she didn’t return my call or contact me still concerns me.  During that time I sent her emails, and I continued to call her worried that something was wrong.  Never once did she pick up the phone and call me.  This type of behavior is selfish and just plain wrong; it is called Manipulation.

 

Manipulation is a very sneaky and cowardly way of behaving.  It is a very disempowering way of being. The manipulator appears to have the upper hand because the person they are trying to victimize has no idea what is going on with them.  It is a way of controlling situations where you clearly do not have any power.  Powerful people state what is going on with them clearly and precisely, they do not feel the need to control or use manipulation as a way ending relationships.

 

Little did I know that my friend had malice toward me, and was using her manipulation to control this one sided situation.  An adult who has strong boundaries and a good sense of esteem allows a person to know that they have been offended or had a boundary broken. A confident person will not have another person going around in confusion, not knowing what it is they have done. With regard to my friend, how was I ever to know what it was that I was supposed to have done to warrant being banished? I was never told.

 

For me, it is not only the loss of the relationship that was upsetting, sad and disappointing, it is also not knowing what it was that I had done;  the incompletion of the end.

 

Today, six and a half years later, I am still in the place where I have no idea what I have done.  This is the kind of non-communicational manipulation that destroys numerous people, leaving them afraid to develop relationships and trust people.  Today, six and a half years later, I am not upset or disappointed for the loss of the relationship.  I now know that these were my expectations not hers.  So, I have given up my disillusionment.

 

Friends have disagreements.  It is important to share what it is you want or don’t want.  It is important that you share with others when you feel that you have been offended in some way or if you have caused some kind of upset, to be able to share in a way that will help clear the upset and help you remain in a positive friendship.  If the relationship should crash and burn, at least both parties will not be left in the dark.  They can agree to disagree and part amicably.

 

Take responsibility for your actions; take responsibility for your upsets.

 

People have feelings and even if you do not value the relationship, stop for a minute and know that it takes two to have a valuable relationship and maybe your friend values this relationship even if you do not. To be in communication within a friendship is learning to accept your friend for all they are and all they are not.  These steps are the makings of great friendships.

Mind Your own Business

Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. 

 

It does not have to be saving the earth, you don’t have to find a cure; you have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life.  So it is your birth right and duty to get on with it. Many people are afraid to do what they desire to do.   They believe happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%.  They are afraid of what people will think of them. The have no idea of what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% that they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to so.   They do things to please other people and neglect themselves.  They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%.  It’s none of your business what people think of you.  Do what you want and just  be happy.   Stand strong, self-validate and commit to being a contribution to someone of something.  Your happiness will be fulfilled. 

 

Discovery

 

What I have discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others.  It is always described as, I want to help people.  I want to teach people and I want to make people happy. It is always for other people.  It is important that we understand that we share.  In order to share, we have to have.  So to give happy, you have happy, so you share happy.  The next thing that happens after a declaration is the fear of what people will think of them.   They start to worry and stress about what they’re afraid of and what people might think about them.  The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.

 

Sitting & Listening

 

I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievable and exciting.  This artist a woman who is in her sixties, she paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure.  This extremely talented woman, this artist was being very unhappy, unproductive and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art; her life sounded like a very exciting life. She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to her own drum, lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art healing people and freeing them of their self loathing issues, cause by various negative experiences.  As she cleared how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by her belief.  That belief was what a friend and colleague had said about her.  This colleague was someone who she had respected.  Basically, she was not allowing this person to have an opinion.  She started to believe what he said was true.

In a moment, this woman, like many people, was killing herself off.  She was not being an artist, she was not being successful, and she was not being vibrant.  She was doubtful, fearful, believing in scarcity, and not minding her own business.  By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her.  This hexing had had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment to moment basis.  She felt that she could not paint – that her creativity had gone.  She was lost and slowly going into energy bankruptcy as well as a financial bankruptcy.  How can a woman that had had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity?  Well, when you do not mind your business closely, you allow other peoples thoughts and opinions to rob you of your passion.  If hexing someone was a crime, then many people would be found guilty.

 

You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative.  However, people just like you have the right to say anything they want and you have the right to listen or not.  Where you get caught and hooked is you that you make what they say mean something.  Simple example:  Person A says: I don’t like that painting.  You make it mean:  I am not a good artist, I can’t create and it goes on and on.  So now you walk around with that belief. I am not a good artist, I can’t paint and I have no creativity and no one will buy your work. It belief gets bigger and bigger and you in turn get smaller and smaller, you begin to feel insecure, and shut down.

 

It is important to learn that what people say is none of your business. 

 

Your business is your life, your thoughts about you.  It is important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements are not personal to you.   That is what happened with this woman.  She forgot who or what she was up to in her life.  She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art.  She forgot that she had a mission her in her world and that and only that was her business.

 

When we learn that it is none of your business what others say or think about you.  You can say thank you for your opinion and mean it.  Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling our life mission.
penis enlargement medicine
breast enlargement pills

Friends, Love and Understanding

Friends are important to me.

One thing I know is that I have a gift for making friends and I love the friends I have.  It has nothing to do with the length of time that I know them.  It has to do with the love that I can now share. I do not like releasing friendships.

What I didn’t know about myself until recently is that I never gave myself permission to not be a friend.  I believe that I can find the best in everyone, I  didn’t have to not like a person because they had certain characteristics that didn’t not work for me.  I thought that if I found the qualities that I liked in them, it would outweigh the ones I didn’t.

My Personal Story

My trip to Jamaica with a friend was an experience. I will forgive yes but forget because it was a valuable learning tool.  It was an extremely volatile and sad experience for me.  I accept that I had been avoiding some harsh realities.  My friend whom I have grown to love, had some behaviors that were not personal to me, but they were bad behaviors never-the-less and though I knew they existed, I did not want to see them in my world.  These behaviors had been exhibited last year, so I was knowledgeable about her extremes.  Even though I knew her behavior might be something that I would experience first hand, I neglected to accept it.  I did not face my own truth and follow my intuition.
Therefore, May 2011 became my turn.  Based on my commitment to supporting people develop confidence and self-esteem with my commitment to myself to not to have vulgar exchanges with any other human beings, I left my friend to experience her volatile tantrums on her own in the parking lot of our beautiful resort.
My friend is a very intelligent and professional woman who is a little stuck and unhappy.  When upset like many individuals, she finds it difficult to express herself and is taken away with emotion that is too much for her to handle.

What I Discovered


Anyway, being a Personal Life Coach and working in the area of confidence and self-esteem while also being committed to using my words to empower. (I like all humans feel the fight or flight emotion)  I knew my friend’s behavior was volatile, I recognized it very early on in our relationship.  I recognized all the signs, but because it was a very young friend, I chose to allow her to be who she was.   In the beginning, I would mention her behavior.  However, since she did not hire me or ask for my support, I decided to choose which hill I wanted to die on.  Plus, people do not welcome unsolicited instruction.  So, I would leave it at that.
What I have discovered, and now own and accept, is that there were people in my life that had a lot of behaviors I did not agree with, but I chose to keep them in my life always seeking the good, repeating my personal mantras “They’re nice” or “They’re fun” which there were, at times.  But not realizing that I was also fun, I was also nice and that it was time for me to let these people go.

I also realized that I wanted some new friends that had similar qualities that were important to me.  Example:  Friends that liked people, who shared themselves freely, with similar interests, and for the relationship to have a loving quality to it.  What I discovered was that it is not my friend’s responsibility to bring the fun or anything I wanted, it was mine.   I realized that these relationships were my doing!  I had created these people from a lack of value that I had about myself.  It was my choice, I had brought these people into my world, and it was my responsibility to value myself and recreate friendships from a place of inner confidence and self-esteem in my world.
Removing them did not mean I had to disregard them and or make them wrong.  What it meant for me was being truthful with myself and cutting the cord with this friend, as painful as I thought it was.  It was important to cut cords and still feel love for them with no upset, no jellies in the pit of my stomach.  I could still be polite, loving and wishing them happiness in their respective lives yet moving on in mine.
I learned in that precious moment that I could still love my friend.  The experience showed me that I loved and valued myself and releasing the friend was just releasing.  It was nothing else.

My Life Now


So I have released this friend and few others in a very short space of time, I have opened the door and attracted new people into my life that I am enjoying and love to be around.  I’m enjoy being with these people and they share that they really enjoy being with me.   All the things that I bring to my friendships are reflected back at me.
Ask yourself these questions:
What can you see from this learning experience?
Where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
If you want something new, are you open to having it come from anywhere, anyplace, anyone?
This experience happened to have me get aware of new opportunities.  Where are your opportunities?
What are you tolerating in your life?
pills for penis enlargement

Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?

It seems like women are constantly being told what to do with their vaginas.  In the media, woman are told how to date, what to wear and how to think.  They’re constantly telling women what they should be, do and have.  If it’s not the media, then it is women feeling judged based on their circumstances and they are left feeling like they have no control.  For example, if women are unmarried or childless, it is deemed wrong in some way.  It’s time for women to stand up and realize that there’s nothing wrong and start really believing that you are worthy in spite of your imperfections.   If you find that there is something in life that is not perfect for you, only you can change it.  Don’t complain or fret as only you can change what you don’t like about your life.

As a Personal Life Coach, my commitment is in confidence and self esteem. I use the metaphor of the vagina to distinguish your individual self.  No two vaginas are visually the same and only you individually know what is going on in your vagina and its needs.

I’m always asking the question of “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?” when I hear the media directing women on their life choices.  I have a very funny male OB/GYN; he is very good and service orientated.  Our relationship is very good and open. I feel I can ask him any question I can come up with.   Nevertheless, I remember going into him and describing a pain I had in my vagina after eating certain foods.  He told me that was not possible.  I looked at him and asked him “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”, he checked himself, laughed and apologized by saying how could he ever know what pain I was feeling in my vagina as he does not and never had one.  End of story.

 

So, I request of you today to take charge of your vagina and all that you are.  Do not let anyone decide for you what feels good or what you desire.  Just remember it’s your Vagina and you get to say how it goes.  You get to take responsibility.
I am saddened by how many women do not know the power of their Vagina themselves. As a Personal Life Coach, a lot of woman I  encounter don’t know or understand the control they have when it comes to their needs and desires.  They treat themselves and their vaginas, like a stray kitten waiting for somebody to rescue them, feel them up and give them an orgasm.  Then they walk away feeling resentful because they were treated poorly or bitch and moan when it’s doesn’t turn out the way they hoped.

 

Your Vagina, along with the clitoris, is an amazing structure; it is a sensitive organ and its sole purpose is pleasure.   Can you imagine? How fortunate, an organ for the sole purpose of pleasure.  What a beautiful thing!

 

My personal belief is that women should only release their pleasure organ when they want to and when they feel like it, no matter what.  With all the positive information in the media, women are still feeling the pressure to have sex when they are not interested or don’t want to. They feel pressure to be cute, to be accepted or just to not be rejected.  Sex is a wonderful experience when you want to have sex and not because you’re doing it for the approval of another person.

 

You are the pleasure you need, it’s built in.  When you do something for another person you are seeking something from them. This is done because you don’t have enough strength to really take care of yourselves or your needs. This is not just the practice of young women,  this is also the practice of older women as well.  It has nothing to do with age, educational or economical value; it has to do with personal value.  It is important to be able to speak up for yourself in the world, even in the bedroom or other places where you have sex.

 

It is important to know your vagina, and do only things that excite you. It is important to learn what gives you pleasure and turns you on. Get to know every pore, every corner, curve of your body and mind.  Become an expert on yourself and be able to drive yourself to the highest highs. 

 

After all, “Whose Vagina Is It Anyway?”  Consider if you cannot answer that question faithfully, you could consider using a Personal Life Coach until you can answer this question for yourself without hesitation.
anti-wrinkle skin care

No one wants to date your past

No one wants to experience the pain of your past when they begin dating you.  Everyone wants to date from a blank slate, they want to get to know you on their own terms and dating your past partners is not desirable.  Your prospective partner does not want to hear how your exes hurt you, how you can’t trust anyone now, or what happened to you in the past.  So, clean up that mess and start dating from a new fresh blank state.

What are the things that you would share about yourself at market/dating? People grumble that they cannot find a date.  Why can’t you find a date?   There are 6 billion people on the planet.  So why is it so difficult to find a date?  Is it you or your beliefs? Is it your belief that you are not good enough for anyone or no one is good enough for you?

 

What do you bring to the dating table?

Ask yourself these questions, as a person,

What is special about you?
What do you have to offer in a relationship?
What are your prize winning qualities?
What are you non prize winning qualities?
What areas are you willing to work on?
How do you feel about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically?
How do you feel about sex?
Do you love yourself?
Do you love others?
Are you generous or stingy?
What mess do you need to clean up before you start dating?
Are you overly picky, are you trying to date people that are not attracted to you?
Are you even available?

If you were to sell yourself at market what are the things that you would present on your ‘stall’? What are the things you would have under the table and not share openly? What are the things you are afraid to hear about yourself and for people to know about you? Maybe these are the things that you are going to have to rewrite in your life script.

 

A Personal Story

I had a client that had a hair loss problem and wore weaves all the time.  She was embarrassed about her hair loss and also ashamed of an unwanted pregnancy she had had sometime ago.  She met a man that she enjoyed being with.  He in turn enjoyed being with her.  However, she was worried that he would not like her because of her severe hair loss due to weaves and alopecia.  After our work together, she was able to come clean first with herself and then she courageously told him her situation.  He heard her and replied “I don’t care about your hair.  Women wear hair pieces all the time, I do not care about your unwanted pregnancies.  I want you. “  After her confession, she was relieved by his love for her and she reflects on how her shame has been hovering over all of her past relationships, bringing them nothing but pain and sorrow.  In the end, they are now happily married and expecting their own baby.

The main lesson to be learned is:   If you are okay with yourself, the man/woman that likes/loves you will be okay with you.

When starting to date, take it easy on yourself.  It is important that you come to terms with all your upsets, fears and concerns.  You have to forgive yourself and make sure you have taken the time to heal from any past relationships.  It’s important to have a heart to heart with yourself and make sure that you are ready to date.  No one wants to date your past.  What past pains are you bringing into your marketplace?

 
penis pills
natural penis enlargement pills
writing lab report
онлайн заявка на потребительский кредит
заявка на кредит
online assignment help
бесплатный эротический видеочат