My life didn’t have a single “defining moment.” Instead, I faced times when I had to take a stand for myself or risk being lost forever. I was living by someone else’s design, not my own.

Internal anger and a lack of confidence ruled my world. I was a runner, harboring a deep anger that I turned inward. My stomach was always in knots, and I swallowed my voice, sulking and shutting down. At times, I would erupt in an instant.

My parents taught me, “You only give 99% of yourself to anyone, and the other 1% you keep, because you will go mad if you give yourself away by loving too deeply. Never let anyone know what you are thinking. Never let anyone know your business because they could use it against you.” That was how I was raised; that was what I knew. How would I survive? I was so emotionally disconnected. Who could I talk to? Who would hear my secrets?

I kept my secrets to myself. My way of coping was to work and work. I had to excel at whatever I did. It took a long time to learn how to ask for what I wanted and to speak up for myself in a way that made people listen.

I thought I was confident—until I had to say that I didn’t want to be married anymore. It took a long time to do that and even longer to discover what freedom meant for me. I had never lived by myself. My confidence and self-esteem were in the gutter. I kept that hidden, except when I had to make choices, and I felt like I had none. I lived in a space of not feeling worthy, with negative internal conversations controlling my life: I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, worthy enough.

Today, it’s such a pleasure to know that these are just conversations. They will never go away, but now I know they aren’t real. It takes commitment to live my life. I feel connected to others, and because of that, I express myself freely. I own my voice, speak my truth, and live life my way, running a successful business.