New Decade: Time to Turn on Your Dream Machine

It’s a new decade! Let’s dream big!

Noreen Sumpter came from England in 1985 for the love of a man who soon became her husband. A risk-taker, Noreen believes that life is for living. She is now a personal life coach, a career she chose after 15 years as a real estate broker. She came to realize that most people do not love their life and are frustrated with the choices they have made and how their life has turned out. Her love for people motivated her to become a life coach, and she has helped many men and women of all races and classes to live life fully and go after what they want.

One has to be willing to build confidence and self-esteem by owning their voice and speaking their truth. At this Lunch Lady event, Noreen will ask you to activate your dream machine. It’s time to look ahead to a new decade and dream big, envision your future, and take action to have the life you want.

 

Save your spot today!

 

About the presenter:

Noreen Sumpter has been a personal life coach for 14 years and self-employed for 27 years. She is the creator of the Live Life Your Way coaching program and host the Talk Radio NYC radio show Beyond Potential: Live Life Your Way. In addition, Noreen is a past Business Networking International (BNI) mentor, a Manhattan Chamber of Commerce ambassador, President of the Business Referral Group 3 (BRG3), and past VP of Member Engagement for the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO). She has been featured on Oprah.com, This American Life, and Reader’s Digest.

Who is the Lunch Lady?

The Lunch Lady is a platform for women (and man-bassadors) in business. Lunch Lady is about education, networking and creating opportunities that grow and develop yourself and business.

What is Lunch Lady’s Mission?

The mission is to provide a courageous space for you to access your internal blueprint to grow your life and business by connecting you with people who will be a demand for you to have money, grow your business, and discover what it will take for you to live your best life. Lunch Lady wants you on the court, not the sidelines of your life, talking about your business or talking about what you need, whether it is finding your magic number that flips your business over to profitability, creating and finding your ideal client, or getting clear about the kind of business experience you want to have. It’s about learning to view your mistakes as an opportunity for success so you don’t stay stuck and can continue to grow and succeed in your business using your higher purpose.

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.”

~ Peter Drucker

 

Register Here

 

Lunch Lady knows:

  • You started a business to do what you love and get paid for doing it
  • It is not easy
  • Crippling fear can stop you from taking action
  • Business has a language all of its own. We want you to find your own language and create the courage to share it so that you can have an impact on your business, finances, and world.
  • For many women, there is no plan B.

Register Here

LinkedIn Profile Roast

“I’m on LinkedIn, but I’m not sure what to do.” I hear this all the time! LinkedIn is far more than just another social media platform. It’s THE social media platform for business and it can help you in many ways.

October’s Lunch Lady was an interactive presentation from LinkedIn expert and content marketing strategist, Judi Hays.

 

What is a LinkedIn Profile Roast?

If you’ve ever roasted a marshmallow, you know that marshmallows start out perfectly perfect white poofs of sugar. But when carefully roasted they please different palettes.

You are like a marshmallow. Perfect just as you are.

However, to effectively optimize your LinkedIn profile, you need to be able to communicate your perfection to your ideal audience. During this live LinkedIn Profile roast, Judi Hays took the LinkedIn profile — your marshmallow — and roasted it to please the palette of your target LinkedIn audience.

Judi went over each section of the LinkedIn profile and provided attendees with an overarching assessment followed by strategic and actionable tips to guide them to get the most from their profile.

In this session Judi covered the following:

✔️Establishing your professional brand

✔️Finding, connecting and engaging with the right people

✔️Building meaningful relationships

✔️Engaging with Insights

✔️Plus some really cool “ninja” tricks to make the most of your LinkedIn experience.

Attendees left this Lunch Lady Event with a clear understanding of how to leverage LinkedIn to grow their brand and their business.

 

Who is Judi?

Judi Hays is a data-driven marketing strategist who specializes in LinkedIn. She is the owner of Judi Hays, Inc. a digital marketing consulting firm that provides turn-key LinkedIn campaign management, sales team training, and profile makeovers. Judi’s innovative and analytical point of view to creating strategies, tactics, and stories is foundational to her approach to mastering LinkedIn. Her philosophy is centered around creating compelling content that leads a targeted audience to the client’s solution, ultimately driving conversion and high ROI.

Judi is also a published author of 12 books including Restaurant Design, Menu Design, and Shopping Bag Design. She’s lived in Austin TX, San Francisco, and New York.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Burning Down the House | Live Life Your Way

For audio only, click play below:

 

We can change our lives if we want. The Bible said that God created the world in 7 days. He created the heaven and the earth and said “Let there be light.” Join Noreen as she talks about her new program, Ten Tips in Ten Weeks Challenge. Consciously transform your life from within.

You Have The Light, We All Have The Light

Natural landscape and sun rising at skyline

For a long time, I could not grasp conversations about the Light.  Your light, “She shines so bright”. “Your presence lights up the room”. “She brings the light.”  “She’s so bright”, and so on. What I used say about myself instead was: “I bring the party!” I never thought of myself as someone who brings the light. People would often talk about this concept with me and I had no idea what the light meant.  It would make me feel uncomfortable; I thought they knew something I should know and I just didn’t.  I would get frustrated – not angry really, just uncomfortable. However, I really had no clue about what the light meant.

I was used to hearing priests, vicars, and people of the clergy speak about the light and I’ve read about the light in the Bible.  I always thought the light was something that only people who were deeply religious experienced.  But I started to rethink my ideas when I started to hear it being said to me.

I was embarrassed because I did not really consider myself a “good person”.  I was the girl that always got into trouble in school. I was the sneaky, giggly girl with my conniving face, always cracking jokes.  I became the girl who was known to be a distraction.  Only good people or good girls had the light, people that could focus, pay attention and follow rules.  Not me.  I loved to giggle and laugh and I attracted (and distracted) many people in my desire for fun.

I now understand that everyone has the light and everyone is here to shine their light. It is the Godly, spirit light; no matter what you believe in, it still shines.  “You have a light”, I’d hear from complete strangers, people I just met, people I worked with – all kinds of people clued me in on this.  I’ve also heard you have a light that shines all over the place.  In the beginning of my understanding, I would think: “what the hell” they are talking about? To be honest, I was uncomfortable because I knew intuitively that the light came with some kind of responsibility that I did not know and I didn’t want to take on. I also knew I would find out and have to deal with it eventually.  It made my stomach hurt, triggering congestion in my solar plexus. I wanted to throw up but never could, and luckily the feeling would eventually pass.  Writing this article and sharing about the light, I feel vulnerable and exposed and still want to throw up to this day.

In life, sometimes understanding takes a (colloquial) minute for things to register – by register, I mean grow into a full understanding where it goes from theory to practice and then assimilation.  I soon started to realize what the light truly meant.

I have a light.  I started to own my light, fully embrace its power and build my confidence.  I started to do the things that were important to me, no matter what it looked like.  Honing my truth was not easy, and I had to take risks and be willing to fail, to feel hurt.  I did not and still do not want to feel hurt, disappointed or rejected.  I had to be willing to experience these lessons, and as a Personal Life Coach, I had to be a model for who I was teaching through my work.  Now don’t get me wrong here – I have my own unique journey, and as a Personal Life Coach, I respect that people each have their own journey.  I didn’t want to be like everyone else – knowing that I am just like everyone else, it is like fashion, we want something new and unique only to realize that everyone else is wearing NY black, we all have the ability to choose and make choices, take risks and fail.

I’ve seen the light in babies, I feel the light in people and I know that all people have this light somewhere inside themselves.  My clients learn to harness this energy by doing the things that expand their life and light when they work with me on their goals and partner with me as their Personal Life Coach.  I started to experience my own light and feel it, when I let go of my fears and concerns about things I could not control.  I started to understand and learn how to build my light.  It is built by the good, positive energy that we give to the world through our thoughts, actions and deeds.  I started to understand how to gain light. I did so by focusing on my work, coaching clients, saying generous compliments, sending out positive energy, loving myself and enjoying my work.  All of these actions honor both my clients and my own gifts. I see the light when I am happy and even when I am not as happy, and I know this light will never disappear.

I love when I have experiences which I now celebrate and call “Kiss Noreen Day”.  One Wednesday morning, at the Business Networking International Group (BNI), I was awarded the Golden Microphone by one of my colleagues after he had won it the prior year.  He awarded it to me for supporting him in an area of his life that was affecting his business and impacting his confidence.  I was truly honored and this was another opportunity to build even more light.  I appreciate love and light, I appreciate that he was able to accept my coaching, hear my suggestions and take necessary action to transform his life and business.  For me, making a difference as a Personal Life Coach is what I dedicate all of myself to.  I love it.

Today, I honor the gift of being a Personal Life Coach.  I honor my light profoundly, and because of this discovery, I can fully honor the light in my clients and everyone around me.  I love my clients and encourage people to see their own light and grow it.  Being fearless, forgiving others (and themselves) and displaying strength helps them expand their confidence and self-esteem.  I love the light, and I honor the light so that the light will honor me.

Here are parts of the past that we love to dwell on and sometimes wallow in. The present is where life exists; it’s what is happening now and is alive. The future is what we pray, hope and desire to live in and get to.

The past has teeth – or maybe dentures

The past has really strong teeth. The bite of the past can be one that is either relished or resisted. The bite depends on whether your teeth are real, or if they are dentures.  The strength of the past is clever, as it works with all human emotions.  It also works with our perceptions of the world – not the way things truly are but the way we see it or believe it. If we are stronger than the bite of the past, we display the courage to let go of the past and cut off the supply of nutrients it requires to feed off our memory.  Doing so will then lead us to making more realistic, workable choices. Our minds automatically use only the parts of the past that it thinks are valuable and rarely allows us to play in the now. Before we realize it, we take the same small steps into the future we have always taken, which rapidly become our past again.

The past can resemble an elderly person who has lived life from a place of complete joy, or it can look like a place of pure sadness. One of these pictures is happy and full of life, able to see things in a new way that brings continued happiness and joy. On the other hand, the person who has chosen to live an unhappy, distressed life sees everything as a burden, where every day is heavy and they are depressed, angry and don’t want to transform their situation; they are dying inside and out. They aren’t willing to attempt anything new or see life as a series of opportunities.  The past runs their life and they cease to grow.

The present is full of possibilities

Life in the present is spontaneous, open and full of possibilities.  The past is worthless and has no real place in the present. The past thinks it needs to be there in order to “protect” us.  In many ways, this is a good thing, because otherwise we would get run over, or fall down the stairs, etc. The present, however, is committed to the things that bring us joy, and moves life forward step by step, moment by moment.  The present is full of endless possibilities and where issues are forgiven and put aside; when a lesson is learned, what results from that situation can always be useful. There is never any right or wrong answers; there is only what actually happened. The present allows us to live our lives from a very powerful place, with a deep sense of awareness that creates a life of creativity, imagination and wow! The present makes room for trusting our intuitions, and is a place where many doors are always open in the now. It is place where we can live with a fresh outlook. In the now, all issues become relatively easy and accessible to us, helping us to achieve our goals that much faster.

The future makes no promises

The future makes no promises; it merely depends on one’s perceptions of life. Its view depends on how one holds onto that gentle glimmer of hope. The future has lots of different textures.  Some are soft and smooth, and others are hard and rough. The textures of the future are like the textures of life.  It all depends on the ones that one wants or feels attached to.  The future also can be held in the grip of fear – fear of the past.  Fear of repeating past mistakes.   The future makes no promises that your goals will be met, and it is always met in the now.

The future is patient; it allows for one step at a time in the now.  It likes the structure of making plans.  However, it is more likely to work out when a plan is flexible, yet unwavering in its commitment, and dedicated to being free from any type of attachment.  This is no easy task!

The future likes when you are clear about your requests and do not operate from a perspective of complaints. In combination with the present and the universe (life unfolding moment by moment), such a way of operating can only bring what is desired. It is required that you monitor your thoughts and remain present, free of doubt and fear, meticulous and present to negativity that enters your thoughts. Being free of all concerns is truly an impossibility – what is possible is noticing that you have doubts (or fears, concerns or considerations) and put them off to one side (do not operate from those concerns/considerations) because this is how you sustain your power. This means you can just be human and be superhuman at the same time.  To be both though means that you must be able to catch yourself when you do (or think) the things that don’t work for you.

The more authentic you are, the more you become aware of the powers of the past and what is in your now; only then can you feel the present clearly.  The future will take care of itself because of the observations and declarations you make in the now. You will see that the trio will be obedient to your wishes; keep in mind though that the past is always poised to infiltrate into whichever way you choose to go.

The past, present and future all hold incredible power. By using your mind to catch yourself, you can learn discipline and work consistently in the now! The key is working only in the NOW, as everything else is either in the past or the future.  These are places where you have absolutely no control, so there is no need to be concerned about the past or the future at all!

Noreen Sumpter

 

20 Things To Do To Maintain Your Friendships

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I am so excited to know that as long as I have an abundance of happiness and love, I am rich beyond measure. This fills my heart. My relationships with my friends and family are the cornerstone of who I am and how I live my life. If I kill off one person in my life, I feel a deficit.

What my friends can count on from me is that I will always clean up any mess I have with you. I will be 100% responsible for what I say and do not say, how I was being or not being. Just because our relationship is over does not mean I don’t and won’t love you. My love for you will never die, because there is a fine line between love and hate, if I resist my love for you I’ll be mad. So, I will use my love, where it will live as a warm memory in my heart.

Use these 20 tips to keep your friendships healthy.

1. Accept your friends as they are and not as you think they are (do this and you won’t be disappointed).
2. You and your friends might be similar however, you are different in a lot of unknown ways (this experience is sometime a bitch to learn).
3. Your experiences are yours, they are not theirs (share, share, share and don’t expect them to know everything).
4. Give your friends the same freedom you want in your life (don’t blame them for their choices).
5. Differences in friendship are what makes the friendship exciting and powerful (opposites create fun, courage and risk. Hello!).
6. Tell your friends what you expect. (They cannot and don’t want to read your mind)
7. Happiness is a subjective phenomenon; and is experienced differently by everyone. It means different things to each of you. (Variety is the spice of life)
8. Focus on what you have in the friendship and not what you don’t have.
9. Create with your friends what you are committed to in your friendship (Recreate it daily)
10. Honor you word in your friendship. (Do what you say you’ll do. If you can’t ,say so)
11. Know what you value in yourself so you can share it with you friends (Now they know)
12. Let your friends know that you value and love them
13. Don’t forget how it feels to receive respect and affection from your friends. (Express and share it)
14. Take time to celebrate yourself, and your friendship openly (I am so glad we are friends. I love you).
15. Recognize your friends and their strengths (My friend Kim has style, Jacquelyn is great with structure, Mike rocks the house with music. My sister makes my stomach muscles hurt with jokes).
16. We are humans and we all make mistakes, do not kill off your friends for mistakes (Gee, thinks everyone is a stalker because they love her)
17. Give to your friendships with an open heart
18. Don’t take your friendships for granted (furthermore, practice not taking yourself for granted).
19. If you have negative thoughts toward a friend challenge it and immediately create a positive thought (This takes mega practice).
20. Open your heart in your friendships. Be willing to be moved, touched and inspired with your friends. (I feel weepy, that was so special)
The happiest people have lots of friends, and have the ability to build supportive relationships and they spend time with happy people. Knowing your communication style is important as knowing how to share your affections and emotions, as well as building trust. It is important to spend time investing in and maintaining your relationship if you want to build a great friendships.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

20 Things To Contribute To Your Life’s Happiness

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Photo Source

Contribute these 20 things to your life. If you practice them, they will make you happy.

  1. Stop all negative thoughts dead in their tracks as soon as they show up
  2. Do not, text, email, or call anyone when you are angry (I am practicing this one)
  3. When angry find the source of the anger and flush it down the toilet.
  4. Know that love starts and ends with you  (Love never ends, that’s why we get mad)
  5. Start accepting that you and your thoughts are the cause of everything in your life
  6. Happiness is a result of how you feel about yourself moment to moment (Is that why my hair is so great LOL)
  7. Cause someone else to be happy and you will be happy (Who wants to be happy? Lets play)
  8. If happiness is something you desire make something exciting happen for yourself instead of waiting for something to happen
  9. Be happy instead of in reaction. The only thing to react to is Joy and laughter
  10. Laugh 20 times per day. (Don’t question it Just do it!)
  11. Be a yes to love, joy and happiness
  12. Be ready to create a space of forgiveness
  13. Have enthusiasm and passion live together in the same space
  14. Honor your freedom and let others have theirs
  15. Spend time being grateful for how happy and great your life is, and if it does not look happy, fake it until you make it.  One baby gratitude at a time (something like, “I’m amazing when I smile”)
  16. The less judgmental you are of yourself the happier you will become.
  17. Do not put limits on who, what or how you love. Just love
  18. Do not complain to yourself or to others (This is a huge one, I still have a hard time with this one)
  19. The more you love the bigger your vison of life
  20. The more love you give away, the more love you receive back.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give yourself that you truly give.”  Kahlil Gibran

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

What’s Your Self-Accepting Promise?

Accepting yourself is a big step, but it is the most important one of your life.

acceptingAffirmations are part of accepting yourself. Go through your day and say “I accept myself” over and over again.  Keep saying it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Eventually, it will start to break through and you will understand that you need to accept yourself.

I encourage you to try writing what I call a “Self-Accepting Promise.” Write down all the things you need to start to believe about yourself.  If you cannot think of anything, take all of the negative things you say about yourself and reverse them.  For example, change “I will never find a good partner” to “I deserve a loving relationship.” Here is my Self-Accepting Promise to myself:

I love myself and that helps melove those in my life and those who come into my life

I will accept myself for all that I am and all that I am not.

I am beautiful, loving and kind.

I will not place judgment on myself or others.

My life is a contribution to the world.

Without me the world would not be the same

I will never force love from another.

I am worthy of all relationships that honor me.

For, I am a woman of grace, dignity, courage and joy.

I am a reflection of life itself.

I respect myself and I respect others.

I love myself and so others love me.

I honor myself and so others honor me.

There is no other me ever.

I am compassion for myself and so others are compassionate with me.

I promise myself that I will always speak my truth with love.

I will be forgiving when I have forgotten who I am.

I will be compassion.

I am power, success creative and abundance.

I am fully provided for.

I have fear but fear does not have me.

What is your self accepting promise? I invite you to share your own affirmations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

5 Signs You’re Lacking Confidence

“Confidence is a characteristic that people recognize immediately it is a way of being, you either have it or you don’t, but it is often apparent on first meeting.  A person with confidence is like a ray of sunshine on a really gray day. Confidence… thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.” Franklin D. Roosevelt 

confidence

In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, confidence is a way of being. The first question that one should ask oneself is: Do I feel confident? If so, in what areas of my life do I feel confident? If you feel your confidence is missing, what areas of your life is it missing from?  How can you develop your confidence?

Confidence is something that is important in all aspect of one’s life.  It is important to have a healthy dose of confidence so that you can live your life comfortably and happily! It helps you connect to people in ways that open you up to say what you want, and allows you to share yourself and create feelings of connection.

Here are five key signs that you may be lacking confidence in your life:

  • Not being present in the moment
  • Not being responsible
  • Not having personal boundaries
  • Not having an authentic sense of self value
  • Not asking for what you want authentically & with integrity

You may find confidence to be missing in these areas/circumstances: career, relationships, after a divorce or loss of something or someone important, emotional loss, or loss of a personal experience that mattered in your life.

Understanding the power that having personal confidence provides open doors and enables you to create the life you want. Confidence is a development of self and that it is something that you can grow and develop within your life.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

 

 

Why the Monday Morning Blues? Try the Monday Morning Happy.

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Get happy with your choice to be at your job.

I had a fantastic weekend. I did every absolutely everything I wanted to do.  I ate frozen cherries and berries, I watched movies, I read, I slept, I chatted with a few people. I connected with friends on Facebook added and found old friends.  I had a great weekend.

Did the thought of going to work on Monday make you wince? If so, I’m sorry to hear that.  Do you know more people have heart attacks on Mondays? Stress – this is a common experience for a lot of people. When you get on the subway this morning, did you notice the misery on people face in the subway car?  No one seems excited for the work day.  Most of the people riding to work are in a funk and are complain about how much they hate their jobs, bosses or what they do.  People are dissatisfied with the work life.  LET’S CREATE SOME SATISFACTION FOR A JOB WELL DONE TODAY. 

Most people hate their jobs, they hate their bosses and they are in some sort of upset with their co-workers.  Most workers had no idea who they were or what they wanted to do when they took on their jobs/career. The one desire was to make money.  Now that you have been on your job for a number of years, you feel stuck, locked in, and feel you have limited job options. Your money is good and you’re afraid to leave your job or switch career gears. You are afraid that you might be trapped in the same job doing the same thing for the rest of your life.  WHERE COULD YOU GENERATE A SOME COMPASSION FOR A CO-WORKER, COLLEAGUE OR BOSS YOU DISLIKE TODAY? GO ON, JUST TRY!

What Is Your Potential? Most workers do not know their potential. They have settled for whatever it is they have settled for.  Many people find out later that they have gone against their true nature for money and work and so they are not doing the thing they want to do.  I remember when I worked a job where l longed to make a difference and I did not know what I wanted to do. I just knew I wanted to be happy and make a difference.  WHERE COULD YOU USE YOUR POTENTIAL AT WORK TODAY DESPITE HATING YOUR BOSS AND YOUR JOB?

I changed my job because I was sick of pushing papers.  I didn’t love my job, but I liked and I loved the people I worked with and that’s what kept my energy going.  I liked talking to them. Work for me was like a social event, because I love people.  So no matter where I was if there were people present I could make myself happy. WHERE COULD YOU BE WILLING TO FIND SOME HAPPINESS AT WORK TODAY DESPITE THE FACT THE YOU HATE YOUR JOB?

How many times did you hit the snooze this morning? Now, I have life the way I want it. The truth is I always did and so do you.  You are on your job and you chose it.  You may not like you job or enjoy it as much as you did when you first started, but it is yours.  For those of you who are happy on your job, congratulations, and for those of you who are not, I am very sorry to hear that. So, what are you going to do?  If you answer is nothing, stay in your cubby and leave the happy people alone.

Do you feel obligated to go to work?  Do you hate your job? Please, I beg you stop hating it.  Hate is a robber of energy and it doesn’t provide you with anything positive, least of all it does not provide you with room to see your greatness and create newly.  Hating impacts everything in your life and keeps you stuck and keeps everything away that is important to you. No one is forcing you to go to work or to do a job that you do not want to do.  That is a choice you are making every day.The sad news here is that you don’t even know you’re the one making the choice.  You’re the one sucking the energy out of your life. 

Today is Monday and already some of you might be thinking of Friday.  Let go of that thought and come back to the now.  This week start doing One Thing.  One thing that you can be proud or.  Challenge yourself.  I will assure you if you do one thing today, tomorrow up until Friday you will have so much energy by the end of the week and you will be happy.  Stay in the now, be present, and Friday will come without you forcing it

Create a mindset that you will be happy at work and start going within and ask yourself, if you’re not happy in this moment, what can you create right now that will make you happy with your work and yourself?  Maybe you need to clean up something.  Maybe you could do that task you have been putting off.  That conversation you want to have but you’re afraid to have.  Take an action that you are afraid to take.  Or do that one thing that you have been avoiding.

You can spend the next 8 to 10 hours being or you can create it by being happy. The truth is you choose.  So choose, wisely and happily. 

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Stop Resisting Your Higher Self And Listen To Your Instincts

Photo Source: createandconnect.org
Photo Source: createandconnect.org

Do you ever get a feeling of heaviness when you are doing something that you don’t want to do? For instance, there are people who are working at jobs they don’t want or do not like; dating people or hanging out with people who leave you feeling as though you have just run a race with ten sacks of potatoes on your back.

You are not following your higher self, or your instincts. When higher self and instinct speak to you, you feel joyful and happy, giddy with laugher. If you are forcing yourself to do something that is in the realm of “should,” you’re not listening to your higher self or your instincts.

I had a friend who was always negative and you could never tell whether she would be in a happy or a foul mood. We would go out and men would speak to us and she would get into an argument. We would go to restaurants and she would get into a fight with the wait staff or treat them like poo. I hung out with her on and off for years because we were from England and we had a few things in common. It did not dawn on me that we were incompatible, until one night after going out with her I came home drained. I had to ask myself why I’m so drained – did I have a good time? My answer was no.

The universe is a wonderful friend because not long after that, she cursed me out the way she did the wait staff. I listened and when she was done I shared with her that I could no longer hang out with her any more and we ended our relationship. It was that simple.  Simple, yes, and a little difficult too because we do not make friends with people to end the friendship. However, more often than not, people are in our lives to teach us who we were or are. We might not like it and it is okay.  We learn the lesson and we move on.  My energy level went up and I started embracing people who were in alignment with my new energy.  People who love people, people who love sharing and enjoying life, giving and receiving compliments.

Do you find yourself resisting and sabotaging yourself?  Now to answer this question you have to be insightfully straight and honest with yourself. In order to tell on yourself, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable for a moment, but it’s well worth it.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Who Really Says How Your Life Goes?

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What if you had only three months to live, and the only way you could extend your life was by doing the things that you always wanted to do but never did? Take a moment and think about it. The stipulations are as follows: it has to be do-able within three months, it has to be something that you daydreamed about constantly; it has to be something you never fulfilled or completed in the past.

Consider the following:

The first step would be to calm down, because you may be panicking about the impending end.

Think for a moment and pull yourself back together.

Express yourself and don’t censor or edit yourself in any way.

Be how you want to be and create what you want.

It is no one’s business what you choose to do.

It must be something fun that you would derive pleasure from.

It makes you happy and it is important to you and it could if you choose make others happy.

You have only yourself to please.

Ultimately it is nobody’s business but your own.

You do not have to focus on anything other than your daydream and your creations.

These are the rules

  • You must be completely honest with yourself and that may be something you have never done before in a truly conscious way.
  • Full self-expression, it is necessary to unleash your passions and everything that makes you, you.
  • Willingness to fall on your face and risk embarrassment (FYI embarrassment can be eliminated)
  • Speak to someone every week to keep you accountable
  • It must be something you have never done before
  • You have to be willing to fail and fail big.
  • You must be patient
  • You must trust yourself and you cannot ever make yourself wrong (FYI there are ways to resolve it if you do).

You must be willing to experience trusting yourself and creating your dreams so they will materialize. The other side of this experience is that negative thoughts materialize and unlike your daydreams and fantasies, negative thoughts take little or no energy to materialize.  So you must recognize your words have power to create thoughts, and thoughts create actions.

You must be willing to admit when you are afraid. When you do not, your fear becomes worse.  If however, you admit that you are afraid, the fear can disappear and you will discover you have power.  When you admit to your concerns, they too will disappear. When you do not, they stay in your head and they become even bigger.

You must be willing to distinguish each concern and barrier separately, rather than roll them all into one mass, which tends to show up as procrastination.

The Flipside

The flipside, if you really only had three months, you would start believing in yourself like never before. You would transform your mindset and start playing in the universe; then you would realize it is an abundant playground. You could start believing that you are the captain of your own life. You create and generate your life, job, relationships, finances and you can really have whatever you want. This is because you do it already.  (Don’t believe me, just look at yourself, your nice apartment, crappy apartment, money, no money – you created all of that!) You would either realize that you are amazing, you are beautiful and there is nothing ugly, bad, broke or fat about you.  You would become naturally generous with yourself which in turn would transfer to others who would want to be around you so much more.  Let’s imagine that you created a fabulous week for yourself. You had a wonderful experience this week because on Monday you said everything you needed to say, you were honest with yourself, you honored you word, you did all the things you said you would do. You generated courage to follow through and it’s now Friday and your week went the way you planned it and it all turned out really well.  What’s next?  You get to say.  You always get to say how it goes.

What Women Said About Calling In The One Unapologetically Workshop

What can I say about this workshop? It was phenomenal! My experience of the workshop has transformed my communication and relationship to men.  If I can be candid with you, since my divorce some good many years ago, I believed that there was nothing a man could do for me that I could not do for myself. Truth be told, the only thing that a man could do for me was sex – a good roll in the hay and I knew what I liked and was not very open to anything else.  Sex was one of the few things that a man could provide for me, plus a few handyman things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love men and there were other things that they could do for me, but sex was the prime ingredient.  I was not looking for a partner. Furthermore, from where I stood, there was not much I could see.  Yes, you might even say that I objectified men.

Some time ago, I had a relationship with a man and this time, I completely allowed myself to enjoy my interaction with him, spending times when we were just being together. During my interactions with him I felt loving, kind and generous. I discovered that the missing ingredient was me.  As it turned out, the relationship did not last, however the experience left me wondering and feeling wonderful. I had love for this man, which was great.  I had learned to express love.

After that relationship, it dawned on me that what I desire is a committed loving relationship with a man. However, as an adult woman, I had no idea what it would take or who I had to become to have one.  So I started to inquire about what having that kind of relationship would take.  That is when I found the book, Calling in the One I started reading it and saw all the exercises and realized that I had no interest in going through the book alone and invited some women into having me facilitate a group where we would go through it together.

Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop
Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop

It was a wild and woolly experience that ended a nine week experience with all I could say was WOW.  It was emotional, I cried buckets of tears, and I discovered things about myself that I did not know. During one of the exercises on releasing, I experienced what I can best describe as synchronistic: boyfriends, ex-husband, ex-lovers all turned up almost from out of the blue with apologies for things they had said or done in the relationship.  Memories came flooding back of the kind of relationship my mother and father had.  Long and difficult conversations with my former husband were had. I developed a new and profound respect for myself and men, the discovery of what love as an expression really is for me and for others.

Although I was the facilitator of the workshop, I was doing the work alongside the other women. The workshop had me go places that no ordinary woman would want to go.  The women who participated in this workshop were and are an extraordinary class of women who made it safe for everyone to go to those places.  This workshop is a microcosm of life on the court. The heavy lifting and removing obstacles and the resulting lightness of being afterwards has left me more accepting of men than ever before, which is resulting in the beginnings of new friendships. I could not have done this work without the other women in the group. What I saw was that thriving relationships are not for the weak at heart.  In relationships one is compelled to look at oneself in the face through the reflection of another. This workshop is for all women who love who they love, where women who are looking at themselves get to see themselves through the nonjudgmental listening of other women.

As previously mentioned, I based this workshop on the book, Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and what I provided was a support structure with respect and a safe space for women to express themselves.  I will be facilitating another workshop later this summer.

Come to our Introduction Party on June 15th, 2014 at 3:00 p.m. to learn more about this wonderful workshop!

cito2.jpg TESTIMONIALS

“I love this workshop! When I started this workshop I was single for three years, not really having any luck in the dating scene. As a lesbian in NYC, your outlets to meet new women are limited to a handful of bars and I wasn’t having any luck on online dating. I felt lost navigating through the urban jungle and through social life of the LGBTQ scene. I eventually threw in the towel and told myself I was never going to meet anyone, ever again. 

The moment I started this workshop things started moving for me! I was able to forgive my exes and let go of past wrongs and hurt from all relationships in my life. I started working on powerful affirmations for my life, on my self-confidence, and creating my dream woman. Two weeks into the course, I had the courage to ask out a woman that I really admire. Now, you must know I NEVER would have taken the chance! I had no idea how it would go and I was terrified – I didn’t even know if she was into women! I “made of move” and it’s been a blast ever since! Dating someone while taking this workshop has made the biggest difference. Weekly I come and share what I want to create and let go of insecurities so I can have a healthy relationship.  I’m committed to going from a “me” to a “we.” And, the woman I am dating is the woman of my dreams!” – Kat Pactong

“I am so simply amazed that Noreen just kind of fell into my life and presented me with the gift of being a part of a group that is so life changing and touching. Before CITO  I just didn’t know how to articulate my feelings or express them correctly or effectively , through each week I am now able to be authentic and open in a way that sharing is as natural to me as breathing. I feel a greater sense of well being & belonging. I learned so much from the women in the group. I have shared the most recent phases of my journey with them. What made me feel a greater sense of powerful vulnerability is when Noreen would share . I realized through her that wherever we are in life we are all human. CITO changed my life & I am so ecstatic to pass this message along! I BELIEVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART IT WILL CHANGE YOURS TOO!” – Aleisha D. Stewart

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Removing Emotional Armor

I first noticed I was hiding behind emotional armor with a friend of mine that I loved very much. It was difficult and I choose to give up my emotional armor and become vulnerable.  We used to go skating in Central Park every Sunday, she, her husband and my husband (now ex) and I.  They were all good at skating. I was awful and gradually over time I became better. One Sunday we had a skating picnic for a friend’s birthday in the Central Park. My friend wanted me to skate with her like we always did and I said “in a minute.” However, that minute never happened she got angry because I didn’t skate with her that Sunday.

We lived in the same building; we were neighbors, so I couldn’t avoid my friend who got really angry at me and we started fussing, me standing my ground that I did not have to skate.  During those times I did not have the context of having it all, I lived in a one-or-the-other world. We both went home to our respective houses upset.  However, the fussing continued with our respective husbands until they became fed up.  My husband called friend’s husband and they both came down to our apartment and we all came together.  Our husbands knew that they would not be getting any peace while we were upset with each other.  They let us hash it out. I was by the bathroom with my arms crossed and my lower lip pushed out sulking, she was on the corner of our couch, arms crossed in a slouched position.

Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions.
Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions inside.

I loved my friend very much, and I felt the love and the upset I could feel both emotions were whirling around inside me. I did not want to acknowledge either of them.  It was in that moment that I accepted that I had armor. I wanted to be right, and upset, rather than ask her to forgive me and admit that she was disappointed. I knew that if I continued this way I would lose my friend, which would meant losing all the fun that we had together, the skating, parties, cocktail hours, conversations in the garden, shopping, everything and most of all the intimacy and trust we ever had.  This was the first time that I realized that this is the way I acted when I felt attacked or made wrong.  I would just cut off the relationship.  I saw that I was prone to suffering rather than cleaning up the messes.

I took a leap of faith and took responsibility for my armor. It was a protective shield that I had created years ago to avoid feeling vulnerable.  Being vulnerable for me was a weakness and I didn’t want to look or feel weak.  Accepting my fear of vulnerability opened me up to a sense of power. I became honest with myself and my friend. I’m human, at some point in my relationships and interactions I will experience or cause upsets, disappointments and communication breakdowns. Life is not black and white and my fears were valid, and my actions or inactions have consequences.

I’ve learned that anger is an important emotion and if not expressed it ends up becoming resentment.  Anger is here to help us deal with our perceived violations and perpetrations. I can choose to express it or repress it.  If repressed it becomes a vicious cycle and I will continue experience lack of control. I feared my anger because I felt that it was bigger than me. I repressed anger not knowing it was the same experience, Ieaving me with feelings of constant defensiveness.

Today, I feel that there really is nothing to be fearful of about my anger.  Owning anger and using it as an alarm system to realize when our boundaries have been breached. Note that when we are angry it looks like we are angry at the other person.  However, if we are honest with ourselves we see that we are angry at ourselves when we distinguish this, it become a form of sadness, and I have now learned to deal with it in a way that supports me.  I can be with my anger.  I listen to what aspect of my boundaries have been breached. Katherine Woodward Thomas so eloquently says:

“Listen to its power and its fury.  Underneath the resounding whirlwind of rage is a very important message that we obviously need to hear.  When anger consumes us, there is information present that is much like gold that must be searched for and minded.”

We can then restore our integrity and personal safety.  Anger becomes an opportunity to take positive action – where relationships thrive, friendships are maintained and love is present.  It is a powerful opportunity for balance in relationships.

We cannot have or keep love and friendship alive without experiencing our emotions and growing without doing the work we are resisting.

You do not have to answer the questions below – however, by doing so and taking action you might be able to put your boundaries back in place and restore your personal integrity.  You might see and opportunity for true forgiveness.

  • Who are you angry at?
  • What are you most afraid of?
  • What are the violations of your boundaries?
  • What is your responsibility?
  • What if any actions are you willing to take or not take?
  • What could happen if you take no action?
  • When will you take these actions or have the matter be complete?
  • Is there a place for forgiveness of yourself or the person involved?

NoreenSumpterCoach.com

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