Friends, Love and Understanding

Friends are important to me.

One thing I know is that I have a gift for making friends and I love the friends I have.  It has nothing to do with the length of time that I know them.  It has to do with the love that I can now share. I do not like releasing friendships.

What I didn’t know about myself until recently is that I never gave myself permission to not be a friend.  I believe that I can find the best in everyone, I  didn’t have to not like a person because they had certain characteristics that didn’t not work for me.  I thought that if I found the qualities that I liked in them, it would outweigh the ones I didn’t.

My Personal Story

My trip to Jamaica with a friend was an experience. I will forgive yes but forget because it was a valuable learning tool.  It was an extremely volatile and sad experience for me.  I accept that I had been avoiding some harsh realities.  My friend whom I have grown to love, had some behaviors that were not personal to me, but they were bad behaviors never-the-less and though I knew they existed, I did not want to see them in my world.  These behaviors had been exhibited last year, so I was knowledgeable about her extremes.  Even though I knew her behavior might be something that I would experience first hand, I neglected to accept it.  I did not face my own truth and follow my intuition.
Therefore, May 2011 became my turn.  Based on my commitment to supporting people develop confidence and self-esteem with my commitment to myself to not to have vulgar exchanges with any other human beings, I left my friend to experience her volatile tantrums on her own in the parking lot of our beautiful resort.
My friend is a very intelligent and professional woman who is a little stuck and unhappy.  When upset like many individuals, she finds it difficult to express herself and is taken away with emotion that is too much for her to handle.

What I Discovered


Anyway, being a Personal Life Coach and working in the area of confidence and self-esteem while also being committed to using my words to empower. (I like all humans feel the fight or flight emotion)  I knew my friend’s behavior was volatile, I recognized it very early on in our relationship.  I recognized all the signs, but because it was a very young friend, I chose to allow her to be who she was.   In the beginning, I would mention her behavior.  However, since she did not hire me or ask for my support, I decided to choose which hill I wanted to die on.  Plus, people do not welcome unsolicited instruction.  So, I would leave it at that.
What I have discovered, and now own and accept, is that there were people in my life that had a lot of behaviors I did not agree with, but I chose to keep them in my life always seeking the good, repeating my personal mantras “They’re nice” or “They’re fun” which there were, at times.  But not realizing that I was also fun, I was also nice and that it was time for me to let these people go.

I also realized that I wanted some new friends that had similar qualities that were important to me.  Example:  Friends that liked people, who shared themselves freely, with similar interests, and for the relationship to have a loving quality to it.  What I discovered was that it is not my friend’s responsibility to bring the fun or anything I wanted, it was mine.   I realized that these relationships were my doing!  I had created these people from a lack of value that I had about myself.  It was my choice, I had brought these people into my world, and it was my responsibility to value myself and recreate friendships from a place of inner confidence and self-esteem in my world.
Removing them did not mean I had to disregard them and or make them wrong.  What it meant for me was being truthful with myself and cutting the cord with this friend, as painful as I thought it was.  It was important to cut cords and still feel love for them with no upset, no jellies in the pit of my stomach.  I could still be polite, loving and wishing them happiness in their respective lives yet moving on in mine.
I learned in that precious moment that I could still love my friend.  The experience showed me that I loved and valued myself and releasing the friend was just releasing.  It was nothing else.

My Life Now


So I have released this friend and few others in a very short space of time, I have opened the door and attracted new people into my life that I am enjoying and love to be around.  I’m enjoy being with these people and they share that they really enjoy being with me.   All the things that I bring to my friendships are reflected back at me.
Ask yourself these questions:
What can you see from this learning experience?
Where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
If you want something new, are you open to having it come from anywhere, anyplace, anyone?
This experience happened to have me get aware of new opportunities.  Where are your opportunities?
What are you tolerating in your life?
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Be Yourself Already

Many women are stuck in their old ways of being.  They have limiting beliefs that are so far out of alignment with who they are today, that their concepts of themselves are out of balance.   They know that something in their lives is missing.  It is not a tangible thing.  It is a way of being, doing and having.  They know that their head and heart are out of sync.  They continue to harp on, talk about and create the same things all of the time.  They date the same men, or none at all.  They attract the same things or none at all.  They know intuitively that there is something that they desire but they cannot find the right magnetic energy.  They do not understand that their words have power and through their words they are recreating the same situations.   In response to this, I created a salon – Be Yourself Already.
Are you being yourself or are you stuck?

The questions I ask you are:
Who are you being?  Are you being yourself or are you being something that is completely out of alignment with your true God and Universal spirit?  Do you know that the more you become aware of who you are, you will become aware of your inner guidance and personal power?
Are you using material things to insulate you from really being yourself? Have you insulated yourself so much with things that the even the sheer thought of losing these things hurt so much that it shuts you down?
Do you really know yourself?  Have you ever taken time to be with you in silence?  Without the hum of the television, without drugs and alcohol, comfort food, you’re shopping jones, the constant chatter on the phone and having multiple mindless relationships or booty calls?  Do you know yourself without whatever vice you are using to cover up whatever it is you’re avoiding?
My big request is:
Be Yourself Already!  If you were to strip yourself naked, down to the core of who you are, would you know yourself, would you like yourself?  Furthermore, would you be comfortable?  Let’s go a little further- you lost your job, your house, your car, everything, all you had was just you.  Would you be comfortable with yourself, would you be yourself already?  Close your eyes for one minute and imagine if all you had was yourself and your imagination, how would you begin the process of recreation?  Do you think it is important to be yourself openly and honestly? Being who you are and not who you think you should be?
Are you speaking from a place of lacking or a place of abundance:
When you speak with your friends and people you know, do you continually speak about your problems and pain or do you speak about your abundant life and how happy you are?  Well when you speak of your pain and problems, people begin to form images as you speak and you transmit radio waves of emotions to them.  So if you’re a person that is continually sharing from the place of pain, then pain and problems will be how you show up in the world.  If you are a person that says they don’t trust or like people, or believes that continual happiness isn’t possible, then the life you have is the life you’ve created with the words that you’ve uttered.

Woman Without

My story of lacking vs. abundance
A few years ago after I finished my coaching certification at NYU I created a seminar with two women who were in my class.  I was very excited about the seminar and was sort of at a cross roads in my life.  I was giving up real estate which had been a large source of my income and identity for a number of years.  As a Realtor, I was used making great money.  The following nibble will clarify my lack.   My career as a real estate broker had a profound impact on me.  I was well known in the community, I was good at what I did, and I made money.  Real Estate had become my identity.
Becoming a Personal Life Coach and stepping out into an unknown field to do something that I was emotionally and spiritually drawn to was daunting.   I became  anxious as I did not know my capabilities yet in my new field. I was unsure if i could make a difference, attract clients, find my niche and lastly make an income.  So my conversations became one of lack.
At that time, all I could see was my bank account being sapped and me becoming poor which was one of my fears. (No longer)  This was not my truth.  I had been expressing myself to the two ladies who I was to partnered with to produce the seminar.  I had been expressing myself from a place of lack yet I did not know it.
Then, an issue arose that gave me clarity and transformed my life, we had to pay for the rental space.  One of the ladies, Jane, paid my share and I had to pay her back.  Paying her back was no problem at all.  However, my continuous conversation about lack had created a world for them where I would be unable to pay them back.  The night of the seminar, I had the money for Jane in my pocket.  But, we were so busy with everything that I got distracted and neglected to give her the money.  The money stayed in my pocket until I got home.
In the morning I was speaking with the other woman, Geraldine. I told Geraldine that I had Jane’s money.  Geraldine proceeded to tell me that both she and Jane were concerned that Jane would not get her money back.   My a heart sunk.  I have a commitment to always pay back my debts. Furthermore, the money I owed wasn’t even a large sum.  It was barely enough for me to have a great lunch and definitely was not enough to feed me for a week.  Regardless of the fact, in that moment Jane and Geraldine taught me a valuable lesson.  I learned that I had created a world for my partners, Jane and Geraldine, out of my conversation about lack.  Before that experience, I had no idea that I was speaking of lack and that I was creating a world for them where they saw me as poor.  In the moment from that conversation, I became extremely responsible for my speaking and learned to speak responsibly from a place of power.
With Jane and Geraldine, what I had been doing was planting and replanting seeds of lack.   I experience the power of my words.   I have a commitment to using my words and creating myself from a place of my own personal power.  I might at times slip up, like a child who sometimes does not have the skill to handle everything in my life perfectly or even beautifully.  But, what I do know is that I am being myself already! I have the power to know that I am growing every moment and that I do not have to go back to creating images that speak of or create images of disempowerment to others.
I accept myself already.

The woman I am is power, success, creativity and abundance.  That is who I am.  This is why I have created a special salon. I want others to be themselves already.  I hope you will join me.



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