It’s Your Life not Mine, Take Responsibility For it

You’re the only person that is responsible for your life. In life, things happen. You meet different people and experience different events that impact your life that you might feel you cannot control. I am here to let you know that you are the only person that can choose what you do with those experiences. You can use your experiences as tools that are either empowering or dis-empowering, you get to choose.

It is your responsibility to choose what you do with the experiences in your life. “Your Life” not my life. Dreams you want have to be created and you need to take the next step figuring out the actions to take in order to materialize them. The actions steps are usually the most difficult and most rewarding.

It is important that you respond to the events of your life. It is also important that you consider the state of your affairs and decide what is working for you and what is not working. Ask yourself, what is missing and if it were present what would your life look like.

You have the power to take action. You have the power to change your circumstances. Please keep in mind that your circumstances are just that -circumstances and in time, with action, all circumstances change. The only difference is you either take action or remain inactive.

As a coach, I experience clients who live in their lives with a victim’s mentality, blind to their own magnificence. You say your childhood was not so easy and you grew up in an unhealthy environment. You feel weighed down by self defeating cycles. You feel powerless, undervalued, a loser, overwhelmed and the list goes on. Okay, so you had a malicious, hateful relationship or a spiteful co-worker who sabotaged you and got you fired. Yes, it is a bad circumstance and feeling. However, you cannot let that or any experience, take away your power! It is time to rise up. It is time to start being authentic. People who are effective do not stay stuck in the past. Do you want to be powerful?

Get real in your life, your relationships and your job. Take time to add fun, creativity and balance. Know that in your heart that you will survive. If you want a great life, you have no choice but to live. Successful people do not loiter in their past. Successful people learn from their past, take what they need and let it go. Their lives are lived in the present; they plan and create newly for their future. When things happen that they do not desire or like, they reach into their power and deal with the facts. With the facts they take full responsibility and sort out the situation in the way that gets constructive results that reflect their lives in a respectful, positive and self loving way.

Know that you are great. Rise up! Take responsibility for your life.

You are not too old, just start something

Are you fed up of wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true. You are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the television that you cannot even think let alone dream. Some of you might even think that your way too old to dream anymore. I heard two women speaking and one asked the other if she sings anymore. Her friend looked away as if searching for a distant memory. No, I do not sing anymore. You know after you get to 40 your washed up and nobody wants to hear you. That is pretty sad. It is sad when you give up something that gives you pleasure because you belief you are too old. If that were true, what would we look forward to.

Photo Courtesy of The Round Peg

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming: think of people who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, who have gotten married. I am sure they were not thinking that they were too old. They were just being in the moment and being happy.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether it your lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected bootie up – and make something happen. I know that it is difficult at any time to drag any part of our anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that you make up about yourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs block your creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

Listen , No one wants to hear whining least of all you don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person that when you meet a friend in the street and complains? It does not have to be a close friend, it can be just a street neighbor. You know the one that lives up the street who you see now and then who you start to drop all you woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight up misery to. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. Please give yourself a break! No one wants to hear about your not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are etc. It is depressing and upsetting and least of all you’re reminding people of there own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change directions.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there. Now that you know that. Can you believe that is an Adventure play-ground? What adventures do you want? Are you willing to go after them?

So, Honey, you might not have any idea about what you want. You might just say “I want to be happy.” All the people on planet earth want to be happy. I would say just be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression. A baby laying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full, does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say. Mother dear, I just want to be happy. If only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy. NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby. You understand conscious and subconscious. You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Photo Courtesy of Navy Blue Stripes

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your minds could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If we don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe, it will not make you wrong. You make you wrong. You add the guilt and feel guilty. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special, what is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what a good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(However, please note. Not all things that create good feelings are healthy. ie, illegal drugs create a good feeling. However, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol has a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it bring tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh air feeling to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, because you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy you experience happiness. Instead of having those non productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being a energy drainer, you now become a person that is glowing and sharing. People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas in your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something.

Being Honest With Yourself

I was sitting in my bedroom a few days ago and had a floating candle in a container of water. As soon as the candle hit the water, a small pool of water plopped up into the mold of the candle. The flame flickered for a moment and I heard the faint hissing sound of water and fire coming together. The candle flickered a little then the flame dwindled down getting smaller but fighting to stay alight. All of a sudden the flame went out and all that was left was a puff of smoke wafting up from the stem of the candle. As I sat and watched the candle slowly extinguished and the smoke billowing up like a curly fry, I wondered if that is what death would look be like. One minute you are a bright light dancing around in the universe and then, when your time is near, you dwindle down into a puff of smoke trying hard to stay alight.

Photo Courtesy of Angelina

In a moment, your life can be extinguished like the flame of a candle. In that same moment, your live can transform into something that we never ever in our wildest nightmare could ever expect. In a moment, we can make a choice to transform our whole lives for the better. Transformation of ones life takes courage.

It takes courage to say that we are not happy with what it is that we are being, doing or having in our lives. Many of us have no idea what being honest with ourselves could bring. Fear of admitting to ourselves that we are not happy, for some of us, is mind blowing.

We walk around pretending we are happy. When the truth is that we are upset and not taking responsibility for our upset. We blame everyone for our outcomes.

Renee’s Story:
Renee experienced unhappiness in the area of her romantic relationships. She had not been in a solid relationship for quite some time. The last relationship that she experienced was very painful. It lasted one and a half years and it took her another year to get through the experience. One year is equal to 52 weeks. Can you imagine being upset for 78 weeks? Renee wondered how she could be in a relationship with a man that she loved but did not like. Habit.

Photo Courtsey of Birta Ran

Renee realized that she did not feel that she deserved a loving relationship with a man that she wanted. She did not think that she deserved to have a beautiful man. She was not worthy.

So Renee started dating a lot of different men, looking for a man that she was compatible with. But, Renee had issues trusting men. Renee has discovered that she does not believe that she will find a man she can trust. No Belief + Doubt = No trust.

Now, Renee has learned that trusting herself to make the right choices will help her distinguish what is important to her and give her the courage to get the results she was looking for. Renee also discovered that she did not have a criteria for what she wanted from a man past the physical look of the man. Renee has begun create a new perspective for what it is she requires from a relationship.

Gaining clarity helps us all create what it is that we want in our lives. Sometimes we do not have the strength, or courage to gain clarity. It may take us a long time to realize that we cannot gain clarity alone – that is where a coach can come in and help you de-clutter your mind and life.

As a coach, it is very important to help clients visit what it is they want from the things they are trying to create. It is important that we create ideas and take action to get what it is we say we want. When we are in action mode, we begin to reflect and draw to us the man/relationship that is important to us. That is why it is important to be honest with ourselves. Lies to ourselves only begets more lies which begets us more of the same – and that sounds like the definition of insanity.