It is that time of year again the holidays, a time for giving and receiving. It is a time for families to get together, have fun, heal old wounds and say sorry for all that has happened or not happened throughout the year. If you have experienced upset, disappointment, hurt or anger by a family member, it might be time to release those feelings and create a new experience with them.

Family is one of the most important things on the planet.  This means your immediate family and the human family. If you are upset with a family member, note that an upset usually goes both ways. You might express the upset differently than them.  Different does not mean wrong or right it’s just that different.

 
Maybe it is time to consider what you be willing to do to clean that up this mess. Consider what you are willing to give up to have a whole and complete  family. Your family is incomplete without your full participation.  Here is what you can do:

1)    Ask for permission to clean up the mess and suggest a future time to talk.
2)    Know why you’re calling and what you want to accomplish.
3)    Here are a few ideas,

  • I love and miss you
  • You are my family
  • I cannot stop thinking about how things were before.
  • It’s to time bring love back

4)    Keep the conversation short and clear.  (This means no stories or reason, just the facts)
5)    Take accountability for your feelings and know that your feelings are your responsibility.
6)    Take responsibility for all that you have said, not said, done and have not done.  The whole kit and caboodle.
7)    Apologize for whatever the “ it ” is. All of it, every single last drop
8)    Apologize for the conversations you have had with others looking for evidence to make your argument stronger i.e. gossip, name calling, you know what it is, the works.
9)    Listen to the other person’s side of the experience without defending yourself or arguing your point.
10)   Watch for and do not say the following:

  • But
  • You did this
  • You did that

11)    If you find yourself looking for ammunition inside your head, please note: you have stopped listening and are not present.  Get present.
12)    Do not push back with defensive statements. It will have you forget why you called.
13)    Keep love present.

Have a Happy New Year!

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