Man Energy and It’s Variations in Jamaica

Man energy and its variations in Jamaica, I received a tremendous amount of man energy.  Ladies, do you know that Man energy is everywhere?  Oh my word.  I discovered that man energy as I already know is something that comes in all shapes, sizes and textures. There are men that can give you more energy than you can ever dream about. 
 
There are men that can make you feel like the most amazing woman just by virtue of the way they are, what they say and how they are. They will pamper and cater to you every wish, dream or desire. They will make you feel warm, invited and give you a strong sense of belonging. There are men that have the most amount of patience. They can provide for you without you uttering a thought. However, don’t get it twisted. They love it when you think for yourself.  
 I uncovered some amazing things about myself on this trip.  Things that I never allowed myself to face, things that I could not know until I knew them. Thoughts and feelings that completely robbed me of my ability to be a confident vulnerable woman, I am so honored to uncover these things, I am a personal Life Coach and my niche is Confidence and Self Esteem. How can I serve if my confidence and self-esteem is hindered in anyway? I am very excited to uncover them because uncovering adds value to my life and service.

What I discovered about myself is that I am very impatient when it comes to men. I have limiting beliefs of how I believe men are supposed to communicate with me, with the last and biggest one is that I do not trust men so no man has a real chance with me. That was a horrible uncovering.

Now I want to look at the last one because that is the one that I had the biggest breakthrough with. It was the uncovering of the last one that had me wailing and crying through my sunglasses making it hard for me to see. Messy stuff that was the one that I had the most shame, and regret about.

Now, if you know me, I do not believe in regret. Because I believe regret just interferes with going forward in my life. What I uncovered was I am an inner control freak. My, (ICF) inner control freak has me date men that want to do for me but their circumstances cannot. My inner control freak says that the only thing that a man can do for me is F@#$ me. My inner control freak believes that a man will never ever be able to take care of me and most of all they cannot be trusted.

Imagine my upset when I uncovered this. Imagine, I am a woman that loves men. I love everything about men. I honor them in amazing ways, I allow them to serve me, but I just don’t trust me. When it comes to me being with men. I don’t trust that I can give up the control and allow a man in. That is so incongruent for me. Why?. Well it is incongruent because I say that I want a man that can be a man, a man that can take care of me and love me hard. One that honors me and allows me the same freedoms he gives himself. One that will do for me, be there for me, take care of me and keep me safe, all that I would do for him and more. What made me sad is that I have had men with all of these character traits this in the past, but what I have done is rob them of their ability to be a man for me. By overriding and being incongruent. Asking on one hand and not being able to receive it in on the other. (What a messy business)

Why did this make me sad? Well it made me sad because for the first time, I saw that, what I was asking for and what I was doing was so out of context. My discovery was uncovered on the ride to Montego Bay we were riding on one of the most beautiful strips in Jamaica along the beach and the sun smiling down on us with me drinking water from a coconut. What a way to have a breakthrough. (Perfectly yummy) I am riding with Andy my driver I used him all weekend when I was not with my Male host. Andy is a Rastafarian For those of you who do not know. A Rastafarian and Rastafari is a practice. The men and women are extremely spiritual and believe in natural living, no meat, nothing dead, vegetarian and or fish life style with herbs. Anyway, Andy allowed me the space to express myself, he allowed me to have my tears and share what I had uncovered. Andy also gave me the privilege of what he had heard from my friends’ phone conversation with me before meeting me at the airport. Andy said he figured out that that I was a pretty amazing woman. Thanks Andy. He told me that just because I can take care of myself don’t mean that I do not deserve to have a man take care of me. He said that any person that can make people laugh as much as I can has a tremendous amount of love; it was my responsibility to be happy and that I should allow a man the right to be happy taking care of me.

The conversation with Andy was very simple very plain. Sometimes, words get in the way, but with Andy they was so clear and so precise that I just started wailing because what he had just said to me resonated. I realized how difficult it must be for my ex-boyfriends and ex-husband to be with me. I realized that who I have been being in my relationships as controlling, fearful insecure and not trusting – for no apparent reason. So after Andy’s reasoning, I immediately chose to shift my mindset, believing that a man can and will choose to love, support and look after me. That I am deserving of all the love I desire. After, I finished wailing, Andy made me promise that I will allow love, true love into my life and that I will be the Empress that I will allow a man his rightful place to serve me. That is what he saw for me. So on that note, I solemnly promise to allow the love I truly desire into my life. So on going to Jamaica, I received man energy in the most abundant way “My truth.”

 Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com  www.BeYourselfAlready.com
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Quick Tips to Expand Your Life, Confidence and Self-Esteem

You’re Assignment:

Make a list of the things that are not working in your life. Clear out resentments.
Who are the people you need to have conversations with so that you can relief yourself of the resentments that have been brewing far too long? What kind of physical exercise can you do at least 30 minutes per day so that you will feel good about yourself?

What are the things that you find yourself obsessing about and that interfere with you?
Yes, yes that thing, that thing that you have been talking about for a long time. That thing that you know will transform an aspect of your life and make you feel good, but you feel confronted by. Is it about your weight, lack of relationship, finances and career?

I had a conversation this week with someone who was complaining about her health and well being, mostly her weight. She said that she was fat and she was doing all kinds of pills and potions to get in shape. She’s spending money on diet drugs. She knows she should get in the gym or work out with a trainer. Her conversation is that she has to lose weight before she goes to the gym because she was ashamed of being seen. I have heard this before. The idea of getting in shape before you start to get in shape.

Taking care of yourself is not just about losing weight and looking good. taking care of yourself is in everyday things as well. What my friend was doing was not avoiding going to the gym. It was avoiding taking car of herself. It was avoiding building her confidence and self-esteem.

Take care of yourself. Make sure that you eat healthy meals. It is said the 80% all diseases are preventable with a change in diet by adding 30 min of exercise to your day, and a fruit and vegetable to each meal.

Make an integrity list of all the things you would like to do that you have not done.
Completing an integrity list gives you power and frees you up to think clearly which allows you to be confident. Once you have the list set up an action plan that put things in time and space also know as time and date. Here are some examples:

– Remove summer clothes from closets.
– Remove all clothes that you do not feel comfortable in.
– Make appointments with your various doctors for check-ups.
– Request a raise.
– Renewal of licenses etc.
– Update your closet with items that make you feel good.
– Set up an exercise plan of action.
– Remove clutter mental, emotional and physical.
– Update you mental image: Is it time to remove ideas, thoughts and reason that negatively impact your life.

These are just a few for starters.

Until next week.

You are not too old, just start something

Are you fed up of wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true. You are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the television that you cannot even think let alone dream. Some of you might even think that your way too old to dream anymore. I heard two women speaking and one asked the other if she sings anymore. Her friend looked away as if searching for a distant memory. No, I do not sing anymore. You know after you get to 40 your washed up and nobody wants to hear you. That is pretty sad. It is sad when you give up something that gives you pleasure because you belief you are too old. If that were true, what would we look forward to.

Photo Courtesy of The Round Peg

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming: think of people who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, who have gotten married. I am sure they were not thinking that they were too old. They were just being in the moment and being happy.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether it your lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected bootie up – and make something happen. I know that it is difficult at any time to drag any part of our anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that you make up about yourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs block your creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

Listen , No one wants to hear whining least of all you don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person that when you meet a friend in the street and complains? It does not have to be a close friend, it can be just a street neighbor. You know the one that lives up the street who you see now and then who you start to drop all you woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight up misery to. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. Please give yourself a break! No one wants to hear about your not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are etc. It is depressing and upsetting and least of all you’re reminding people of there own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change directions.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there. Now that you know that. Can you believe that is an Adventure play-ground? What adventures do you want? Are you willing to go after them?

So, Honey, you might not have any idea about what you want. You might just say “I want to be happy.” All the people on planet earth want to be happy. I would say just be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression. A baby laying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full, does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say. Mother dear, I just want to be happy. If only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy. NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby. You understand conscious and subconscious. You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Photo Courtesy of Navy Blue Stripes

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your minds could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If we don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe, it will not make you wrong. You make you wrong. You add the guilt and feel guilty. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special, what is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what a good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(However, please note. Not all things that create good feelings are healthy. ie, illegal drugs create a good feeling. However, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol has a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it bring tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh air feeling to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, because you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy you experience happiness. Instead of having those non productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being a energy drainer, you now become a person that is glowing and sharing. People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas in your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something.

Making Your New Year’s Resolutions

You can make one of these kinds of resolutions, but I am going to request that as one of my readers you go deeper. If you do, you can achieve all of these resolutions and more, from a place of who you are being, not what you are doing?
Here are some of the usual resolutions:

Spend time with family
Get fit, loose weight and fight the battle of the bulge
Quit Smoking
Get present and enjoy life
Quit Drinking
Get out of debt
Learn something new
Have fun

Photo Courtesy of Isabel Bloedwater

Would you be willing to throw out making a resolution this year and make a commitment? Would you be willing to be honest with yourself? This year would you be willing to try on BEING YOU. Being who you are completely?

Being you is one of the most attractive FULLING presents that you could ever give and be. One where when you make a choice fulfilled from a place of your word and love of yourself? How many of you would be willing to do that? This resolution will be coming from your being. Your human beingness not like the resolutions which comes from doingness.

What would your life look like if you truly made a commitment to just be yourself this year? Suppose you made a resolution to really get real with yourself. It would mean that you would have to get down to the root of you. You would could take on being vulnerable and courageous and living a life were you could have a life that you live, not a the life that you made up to look good and please others. But the life that is truly yours. It would mean looking at the things that you love about yourself. As for the things that you do not love about yourself, you would be committed to learn to accept them for all that they are and all that they are not.

Photo Courtesy of Jeff_Golden

Falling in love with you is the best resolution for 2012

So could you imagine for a moment a part of your body that you are always working on and are just being okay with it? For me it was the band of fat that lives around my stomach. But it just your stomach. When you are ready to release it, you just do. You do not have to make it wrong. I have learned to love that band of fat around my stomach because I have discovered the more I detest or hate it, the more it grows. What we resist, persists. So can you imagine for one second falling in love with your band of fat or those legs or thighs or that nose or whatever it is that you say you hate. What if you just accepted it as a part of you and learned to honor it.

So what if this year you gave yourself the gift of finding out who you really are and bring that you everywhere you went, instead of hiding out and not being yourself. So being who you really are and not who you think that you are supposed to be. Can you imagine the peace you would have knowing what pressure and stress you could release from your life instead of trying to be someone or something different from your true self. What if you just focused on being yourself completely. What if you focused on your life by the contributions that you make from just being you? What does it feel like to be known, heard and understood on a real open level? When you are being you, there is no longer any noise. There is just you being present in the moment and time.

Being yourself takes courage; courage is whole heartedly just being you. When you make a commitment to just being yourself and let go of all the false conversations that disempower you and make you feel bad about yourself. In this kind of commitment, when you are living in the now, there is nothing wrong. You are enough. You don’t have to look good, you can just look. There are no right people, there are just people. You don’t have to be smart. Whatever you say is the right thing. You don’t have to please people or be anything other than who you are. Being yourself is liberating. At first it can be uncomfortable, but once you get the distinguish that there is not right way or wrong way for you to be, life begins to unfold in a very exciting and amazing way, the worries and stress disappear. Life happens.

In 2012 be honest with yourself. Tell the truth to yourself be insightful. Your self worth is not based on what you do or how you look. Your self worth is personal. Having external definitions of who you are keep you trapped and rob you of your peace of mind, freedom and full self expression. It robs you of your God given opportunity of your creative source. When you get straight and honest with yourself, you are giving yourself an opportunity to know yourself for who you really are and then you share that with everyone and you begin to see people as the human that you become. Your life then becomes fuller. The meaning that you will give to your life will have purpose.

This year 2012, go to work on being who you really are. I would say practice but to be honest, your life is not a test drive, you are not practicing life. So this is why I say go to work on being honest with yourself. A lot of people might think that you are crazy. Don’t worry about it. You know you are not crazy. You are having fun with you, showing up being who you really are, bringing you to the party. When you bring you to the party of life, you will have more fun that you can imagine. You will realize that you are the party. You bring the party and the party comes to you. You will never ever again sit around waiting for any party to happen. Because you will bring the party in you. You will never have to censor your thoughts, dreams, and ideas. You will be present. You will be aware of the life that surges through your body. Your confidence will bloom. Your self-esteem will expand. You will be and become attractive- strangers will feel your energy and want to know you. Your friends will notice a difference in your way of being. You will notice a difference in your being. You will learn that there is no doing anything right. You will just let go and just be. How yummy could your life look like?

Being yourself

Be honest, speak your truth.
Fall in love with you.
When your integrity or your promises go out, put that back in.
Forgive yourself and others.
Get present- live in the moment.
You deserve to live the expression of you.
You are amazing.
You’re perfect inside your imperfections.
Be courageous with your choices and decisions.
Appreciate and integrate gratitude in your life.

If you would like help being you and want find out more about being yourself completely without the extraneous internal conversations. Contact me. I would love to speak with you. I am offering all the Readers a 40% of coupon for a Get Acquainted Call. Write to Tanya@NoreenSumpterCoach.com to set up your one on one call with me. HAPPY NEW YEAR. (Offer expires 1/15/2012. Offer transferable.)

How to Feel More Secure

Security exists internally.  Most people look for security as an external experience.  They think it is either something or someone in the world that can give security to them and that makes them feel secure.  No one or nothing can make you feel secure.  Security is something that you give to yourself first.  Like most things, if you cannot give it to yourself then no one can give it to you.  Nothing or no one can give you the security you are looking for, so if you are seeking it in a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, money, none of these things can make you feel secure until you feel internally secure.

 

Image of Woman typing on computer

 

Security, acknowledgement, and praise are all individual personal feelings.  One of the only ways you can ever feel secure is by giving security to yourself. The love that you need, a sense of belonging, a feeling of safety in your world, being able to self-validate, acknowledging yourself and recognizing your own accomplishments are the gifts that you give yourself.  Ultimately only you can fill your needs.

 

Security is a sense of having something in your life that calls you, that is bigger than you are it pulls you, your attracted to it.  When you are secure in your life the petty upsets are small in comparison to what  you’re up to.  When you are secure you have projects, you are growing and you are not looking outside of yourself for love.  You don’t have unattainable rules in place to give you a sense of security.  You are busy loving you and loving another in that order. You are not looking for the person to love you.  You’re not looking for the person to call you to check in, or you are not waiting to hear the words I love you.  You are being I love you- it becomes your natural way of being and your experience of love lives freely.  That kind of love is not a demand that is practiced in a specific way of so many calls a week, so many hugs, keeping score of how many times the person says I love you. The bickering about who always says what first.   That kind of love is not secure and has no space for freedom in it and the joy is sucked out of the love in a way that causes insecurity and you can become shut down or anxiety driven.

 

Woman looking out window

 

When you are secure you have an experience of growth and expansion in your life.  Your view of the world is a bigger place and the feel of the universe is abundant you feel known. When you feel secure you are open, you share yourself abundantly, you are willing to take risks and you experience an opportunity to be who you really are.

 

Many people are on a mission to keep their world safe by not speaking up for themselves, or no speaking at all.  Feeling like they cannot trust anyone and always living in a space of fear.  Consequently, when you live in a space of fear your world gets smaller and you experience even more insecurity.  However, when you face your fears your world expands and you feel stronger and secure in other areas of your life and you discover that you true feeling of security exists when you can meet your own needs without being a demand for security from others.  Give yourself a life filled with happiness where security is your own responsibility and what comes from others is a blessing that is received with gratitude.

 

 

 

What Does Present Mean To You

I would like to you to take a few minutes and really think about the word present and what it means to you.  Present.

Fall leaves

 

Are you being present to everything in your life? I want you to just stop for a moment and watch your thoughts go by as you focus on the word present and how it occurs for you in your life.

 

Watch the feelings that the word present conjurers up or even if you get no feeling at all.   Be present to it.  There is no right or wrong way in your feelings – they are yours and yours alone.
Now I want to do a little experiment, this experiment is a contrast.  I would like you to think of the word past and what it means to you.  Past.  I want you to look at not everything but some thing in your past.   Then take a moment and watch your thoughts about your past.  I want you to watch them go by and look at how it occurs in your life.

 

See where in your past are you stuck and what are the feelings that come up or even if there aren’t any feelings at all. Focus on your past.  Look at what you feel, smell or taste.  Just be with it.

 

Now I would like you to do the same with your future.  I would like you to focus on the future.  Look at it for a moment – how does it make you feel or not feel.  Does it look bright or does it seem scary? Do you have control in your future?  Focus on it.  Watch it go by and how it occurs to you.
What are the images that you create about yourself when you speak to other people? Are their people that you can share yourself with completely ?  Are there things about yourself that you can candidly share that lift you up or pull you down?

 

How do certain images about yourself get played out in your life?  Are they healthy?  What do you do to keep them at bay? Do you have external ways of keeping them at bay?

 

I would like you to create a high image of yourself, seeing the things that you really would like to accomplish.

Exercises

1 – I would like you to create an image of yourself and then ask your friends to hold that specific image for you.  Ask them to picture you succeeding at something that you really want to accomplish.  It does not matter what it is, what matters is that it is important to you.  This is a very confronting exercise.  You have to be willing to hold yourself accountable.

 

2 – What is something that you would like to give up in this present moment? How has that thing impacted your life?  Is it something that belongs to you that have created.  Why did you create it?  What was the purpose – Happiness, Protection, or a Value?  What did you use this for? What would your life look like if you gave it up?

Haters

You know you’re a Hater, just admit you hate on everything about yourself. You hate on others who reflect the things you hate about yourself, whether they are successful or not.  You haters are everywhere.  You hate on yourself and you destroy your dreams, by saying things like: ‘Its too hard.’  ‘I don’t have enough time.’  ‘I don’t have the money.’  You’re a hater and some of you are lazy haters.  You use your hate to sabotage yourself and make yourself wrong.  Get real, you know you do.  As a personal life coach working in Brooklyn, I work with people all over the nation.  I also have clients in France and England.  Hating is not a national practice, it is a universal practice.  As a hater, you are always looking for things to hate on yourself about.  You’ve worked really hard to build your confidence and self-esteem only to smash it across the rocks.  How long you’ll sit on the rocks is entirely up to you.

 

Being a hater impacts your world from the inside out, eroding your confidence and self-esteem.  This has you point the perpetual finger at another person or thing, instead of being responsible for your actions.  Haters, hate themselves, that is what they do.
In order to avoid haters, it is important for you to look inside yourself and realize that you are the one true hater.  You are the saboteur; you are the killer of your dreams and ideas.  You’re the one that does not keep your word to yourself or others.  You are the one that is constantly in fear, hiding your greatness.  Many of you believe that the hater is external, when in fact the hater is with you 100% of the time. The big truth is it’s internal.

 

Start a revolution, stop hating your body

 

Babe, you’re the one that hurts you, fills you up with feelings of rejection, no one can reject you ever.  Rejection is rejection when you see it as so.  Someone says something and you get mentally interrupted, pull yourself off course and hurt yourself.  Rejection is not what you think it is.  A person that is committed to their dream goes out looking for the ‘no’s because they know it brings them closer to their dream.  Some see it as failure.  There is no such thing as failure. Thomas J. Watson is attributed with saying “If you want to succeed, double your failure rate”.  There is no such thing as rejection, and no one ever fails.  No man, woman or child on this planet can reject you.  You reject you and you deem yourself as failure.  People can say what they say, but you are the only person that can take that feeling in and hurt your own feelings.  You have the power and the strength to recognize your own pain or the pain that you inflict on yourself.

 

If there is an image or idea that you are not happy with in yourself recreate it.  Stop deceiving yourself.  Create another truth or reality, then make your own truth of who you are by not seeing yourself as the victim.  You are an incredible human being.  Every time you refuse to accept and acknowledge your power, beauty, truth or wisdom, you’re making yourself a victim.  When you are riding the waves of your own self-pity or are feeling depressed; start by working on recognizing that you’re lying to yourself and not coming from your personal truth.  When you lie to yourself, you carry that feeling around with you and it is replayed back to you in the world by the energy that you are transmitting. Know that energy begets energy.  Believe this, your world begins with your thoughts and words.  You are not a target of some universal lotto that selected your name to be a victim in some universal drama.  It your own personal drama that you created.

Stop Hating Sign

An example is when you traverse, (I like the word traverse) the world thinking you are ‘ugly’, ‘fat’, ‘stupid’, ‘not enough’, then you will begin to set up the resonance in your energy field that you are all those things, the result of this is you will now attract people and events that mirror your thoughts.  You will begin to hear, see and experience those thoughts all around you.  Wah!  As you begin to clean up that energy and shift it to being ‘attractive’, ‘smart’ (you can learn) and ‘enough’, the universe will begin to reflect back at you.  You have recreated and now this becomes your truth.  Whatever you believe be it negative or positive, that is your word and that is what you have now created in your world.

 

Practice holding in your mind and heart a higher vision of yourself, releasing all those things that are negative and shut you down.  Replace them with positive thoughts that open up your heart.  The experience might be scary at first and feel uncomfortable, but the more you practice, like any skill, the better you will become.  Your world will become light, bright and you will be happier.  When you begin to generate higher thoughts about yourself that you are beautiful, powerful and you have enough of what you need, you will see those thoughts reflected back at you. You will see and experience abundance in your world.

 

Consequently, there is no such thing as a hater.  Remember the hater is really you turned in on yourself.

Write a description of your life as you see it and as it is today.

Find two or more qualities that you do not like about yourself and recreate them into something that you do like.

Then create an action that you would like to take to and generate a positive experience.

Finally, dissolve by sharing it with people you love.

Stop Reliving Your Past, Live In The NOW

How Do You Feel


When you think of a bad experience that happened in your past, do you notice how you feel it in the present moment? It feels like it is happening right now.  You feel right now the way you felt when the situation happened, you feel the same sadness and upset.  We rarely focus on the good things that happen, but we can always in a pinch, think of the sad and soul robbing situations.  Do you think that sad or upsetting situation is of any benefit to you?  All this past experience does is make you remember and feel pain.  Does dredging up the past stop you from experiencing it again? Well it can, if you use it as a learning experience.  But it you don’t, it will be an experience that remains painful.  It will be like an instant replay, going around and around in your head, making you into a victim that still feels powerless.

Picture of worried woman

Stop Being A Victim


So if you want to continue to feel sorry for yourself and behave as though you are a victim, by all means go ahead.  But, as a Personal Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self Esteem, I can tell you that you will continue the vicious cycle of pain with no real personal growth, but the choice is up to you.
If you are willing to stop and see what you have learned from this experience you will never have to bring that experience back into your life.  You will learn where you did not take responsibility for yourself, and where you did not truly value your self-worth.  Once you see the lesson, you can give yourself the pleasure of developing character traits that will have you end the replay, enabling you to go forward in your life.

Stop Living As Other People See You

Many people were raised by parents and experienced family members that have a tremendous amount of warranted, and unwarranted complaints, or just plain disdain for them.  But stop for one second and have a look at your life.  Look at the obstacles that you have overcome.  Look at the strengths that you have developed.  We use resistance training to develop our bodies.  Maybe your parents and family members were your resistance, enabling you to develop something within you.  If only you could reflect a minute longer in the positive and look at your life in the now instead of the past, you can see the greatness that resides within you.  If you could step out of the pain and own into your power, you would no longer need to introduce yourself as your past.

Picture of Worried Woman
Case study:

A female professional who worked hard, is extremely smart, and a risk taker despite her external conversations about fear.
Past:  She did not have this or that. She was not loved and lost family members.  She had only her basic needs met as child.
Present day:  On meeting this woman, I had to hear what she went through as a child; what she experienced with the tears and the upset, how she suffered, etc.  She was a victim and decades later she is still a victim.
Actuality:  She is successful in her current career, has impeccable taste in clothes and all things beautiful, and very well put together. She is very loving, but also very defensive, and has difficulty receiving.
Being so entrenched in her past she cannot see her present situation, neither can she see her future.  The thing about the past is that when you are unhealthy regarding your past, you will fight tooth and nail to keep yourself stuck in it.

What You Can Do

If you are experiencing issues from your past, commit to working on being devoted to giving it up and changing direction in your life by being present and thinking differently.  You have a habit.  You are familiar, secure and comfortable with the tears from being upset and angry.   Try on a new coat by giving it up NOW! Keep in mind that if you want it back, it is only a thought away.

 

The moment you realize that you are not your past, you begin to have a past, and learn that life exists in the present moment.  Life gets created in the present and we are always living in the now.  Two minutes from now is the now.  Two days from now will be the now, two years from now will be the now.  We are always in the now, going to into the future and looking at the past from the now.  So place yourself firmly in the now and create NOW!

 
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Be About Expansion

In times when the market is down, all we hear about is how to cut back.  My neighbor, an attorney, says that his job is slow, while another friend says “thank God I have other things to do.”  All around me I hear that times are tough and we all need to cut back. But my friend, a market researcher, is expanding and creating other opportunities.  Instead of cutting back and holding on to every cent like it is the last she will make, she is taking her time and energy and putting it into a new enterprise.

I know that many people can relate to cutting back.  However, how do you cut back on the things that are important to you?  There’s a misconception that cutting your expenses equals saving money. While cutting expenses provides you with a great opportunity to save money, you need to take an additional step to actually make the savings work.

I have recently had a lot of conversations with people who are stressing out about the economical situation.  However, when asked how the stock market has affected them, they actually do not know.  Yes, the stock market has affected us all.  My portfolio has decreased significantly.  However, there are opportunities available.

Now that you have cut back on your expenses and you have that extra money, what steps are you going to take now?  What happens is that many people cut their expenses, then take the money and place it somewhere else other then paying off debt or in putting it in savings.  Most people make a savings in one area, and spend extra in another area, so the saving never materializes.

How can you know if you are saving or losing if you have no idea what your expenses actually are?  As a coach, I have clients who are always looking for opportunities to save money.  However, they have no idea how much money they spend.  They do not have a budget; they do not know what their expenses are. They are afraid to look at their credit report so they assume the worse.

Be Expansion- look for other opportunities, look at your skills, look at things that you are good at: Can you sell them? What do you enjoy doing, can it become a service?  Do not fall into parroting, e.g. people are not hiring, people are not buying, assuming that people do not want and have stopped spending money.  There are people who are not as affected by this economical situation.  People’s houses still have to be cleaned, people still have to eat, children and the elderly still have to be watched, people still want to look good.  Find out what your thing is and create opportunities to get it done.  In NYC, people have created clothes swaps to remain in fashion, offer your services to coordinate clothes swapping parties.    There are a lot of creative opportunities out there, change you conversation about cutting back and create a conversation about expansion.
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Be Yourself Already

Many women are stuck in their old ways of being.  They have limiting beliefs that are so far out of alignment with who they are today, that their concepts of themselves are out of balance.   They know that something in their lives is missing.  It is not a tangible thing.  It is a way of being, doing and having.  They know that their head and heart are out of sync.  They continue to harp on, talk about and create the same things all of the time.  They date the same men, or none at all.  They attract the same things or none at all.  They know intuitively that there is something that they desire but they cannot find the right magnetic energy.  They do not understand that their words have power and through their words they are recreating the same situations.   In response to this, I created a salon – Be Yourself Already.
Are you being yourself or are you stuck?

The questions I ask you are:
Who are you being?  Are you being yourself or are you being something that is completely out of alignment with your true God and Universal spirit?  Do you know that the more you become aware of who you are, you will become aware of your inner guidance and personal power?
Are you using material things to insulate you from really being yourself? Have you insulated yourself so much with things that the even the sheer thought of losing these things hurt so much that it shuts you down?
Do you really know yourself?  Have you ever taken time to be with you in silence?  Without the hum of the television, without drugs and alcohol, comfort food, you’re shopping jones, the constant chatter on the phone and having multiple mindless relationships or booty calls?  Do you know yourself without whatever vice you are using to cover up whatever it is you’re avoiding?
My big request is:
Be Yourself Already!  If you were to strip yourself naked, down to the core of who you are, would you know yourself, would you like yourself?  Furthermore, would you be comfortable?  Let’s go a little further- you lost your job, your house, your car, everything, all you had was just you.  Would you be comfortable with yourself, would you be yourself already?  Close your eyes for one minute and imagine if all you had was yourself and your imagination, how would you begin the process of recreation?  Do you think it is important to be yourself openly and honestly? Being who you are and not who you think you should be?
Are you speaking from a place of lacking or a place of abundance:
When you speak with your friends and people you know, do you continually speak about your problems and pain or do you speak about your abundant life and how happy you are?  Well when you speak of your pain and problems, people begin to form images as you speak and you transmit radio waves of emotions to them.  So if you’re a person that is continually sharing from the place of pain, then pain and problems will be how you show up in the world.  If you are a person that says they don’t trust or like people, or believes that continual happiness isn’t possible, then the life you have is the life you’ve created with the words that you’ve uttered.

Woman Without

My story of lacking vs. abundance
A few years ago after I finished my coaching certification at NYU I created a seminar with two women who were in my class.  I was very excited about the seminar and was sort of at a cross roads in my life.  I was giving up real estate which had been a large source of my income and identity for a number of years.  As a Realtor, I was used making great money.  The following nibble will clarify my lack.   My career as a real estate broker had a profound impact on me.  I was well known in the community, I was good at what I did, and I made money.  Real Estate had become my identity.
Becoming a Personal Life Coach and stepping out into an unknown field to do something that I was emotionally and spiritually drawn to was daunting.   I became  anxious as I did not know my capabilities yet in my new field. I was unsure if i could make a difference, attract clients, find my niche and lastly make an income.  So my conversations became one of lack.
At that time, all I could see was my bank account being sapped and me becoming poor which was one of my fears. (No longer)  This was not my truth.  I had been expressing myself to the two ladies who I was to partnered with to produce the seminar.  I had been expressing myself from a place of lack yet I did not know it.
Then, an issue arose that gave me clarity and transformed my life, we had to pay for the rental space.  One of the ladies, Jane, paid my share and I had to pay her back.  Paying her back was no problem at all.  However, my continuous conversation about lack had created a world for them where I would be unable to pay them back.  The night of the seminar, I had the money for Jane in my pocket.  But, we were so busy with everything that I got distracted and neglected to give her the money.  The money stayed in my pocket until I got home.
In the morning I was speaking with the other woman, Geraldine. I told Geraldine that I had Jane’s money.  Geraldine proceeded to tell me that both she and Jane were concerned that Jane would not get her money back.   My a heart sunk.  I have a commitment to always pay back my debts. Furthermore, the money I owed wasn’t even a large sum.  It was barely enough for me to have a great lunch and definitely was not enough to feed me for a week.  Regardless of the fact, in that moment Jane and Geraldine taught me a valuable lesson.  I learned that I had created a world for my partners, Jane and Geraldine, out of my conversation about lack.  Before that experience, I had no idea that I was speaking of lack and that I was creating a world for them where they saw me as poor.  In the moment from that conversation, I became extremely responsible for my speaking and learned to speak responsibly from a place of power.
With Jane and Geraldine, what I had been doing was planting and replanting seeds of lack.   I experience the power of my words.   I have a commitment to using my words and creating myself from a place of my own personal power.  I might at times slip up, like a child who sometimes does not have the skill to handle everything in my life perfectly or even beautifully.  But, what I do know is that I am being myself already! I have the power to know that I am growing every moment and that I do not have to go back to creating images that speak of or create images of disempowerment to others.
I accept myself already.

The woman I am is power, success, creativity and abundance.  That is who I am.  This is why I have created a special salon. I want others to be themselves already.  I hope you will join me.



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