nikkytok/Bigstock
nikkytok/Bigstock

It’s time for you to speak up for yourself and find your unique voice. Create the way you want to be treated and live.  How will you ever find peace? If you allow people to treat you like a doormat, then a doormat is exactly what you will become.

Do you find yourself upset, resenting people, and not taking responsibility for what you say? Is your stomach constantly in knots? Do you find yourself swallowing your voice?  Then you might discover that the emotion behind all of this is your anger. You might be angry at your boss, spouse, friends or children –and most of all, you may be angry with yourself.

Are you getting assignments at your job that you don’t want?  You do it anyway, because after all, you’re good at it.  However, you’re now getting overloaded with work and you want to do something different, something with more zest.  But, you’re afraid to take a risk and ask for it.  You’re afraid of your boss, because you have all these misconceptions about him or her – she speaks fast, she shouts when she talks and this intimidates you, for you definitely don’t like confrontation.  You’re frustrated and afraid.  You feel confronted, you don’t know how to build up the courage to ask for what you want. You don’t want to be rejected, and so you suffer in a (loud) silence and continue on with the piles of work on your desk.

With fear of this kind, how will you ever get your boss or anyone to listen to you?  Subconsciously, you decide that you’ll keep doing the work you’re given and not make any waves.  In doing so, you allow yourself to get even more burned out and constantly feel upset.  You feel inadequate.  Now the job you once loved and were hired to do is becoming a very heavy burden. Instead of taking action and using your voice, you continue to get yourself worked up inside (for you dare not express yourself), and ultimately you become angry with yourself for staying silent.

As a result, everything in your life begins to get on your nerves, and you start a cycle of constant complaining.  The job that you once loved and fought so hard to get is now a burden as well.  Why? Because you believe that you are cowardly for refusing to stand up for yourself.  Consequently, you enter a state of constant mental pain and feel sick to your stomach every time you get in the car to go to work.  Furthermore, you’ve wearing out your friends with your constant badgering and you’re bringing that negativity into your home.  As a result, you start contemplating quitting and finding another job.

Quitting: How will this situation make your life better?  The fact of the matter is it’s not the job or the people, it’s you.  You find another job, but the reality is that you will remain the same until you get to the root cause of the issue.  You have not learned to speak up for yourself.  You are at the mercy of other people, hoping they will be able to read your mind. If you don’t make the decision to practice this and learn from your mistakes, you will continue to create this negative scenario over and over again. You start living in your head, creating self pity like “I am not appreciated.”  The more you say it, the more you believe it.  The more you believe it, the more it will show up, as you start looking for this self pity everywhere you go.

Finding your voice is an important achievement; it facilitates your ability to create yourself.  Creating and using your voice are two of the most important ways to have and live the life you want.  Imagine for a second what happens when you don’t have (and use) your own voice?  When you allow others to dictate your life by virtue of what they want because you allow them to control your voice?

Imagine again for a second that you create an abundant love for yourself and your voice. What would you be able to be, to do, to have in your life?  Would you have the ability to create confidence and self-respect? Would you be fully established and free to have a powerful, impactful voice?  Would your voice be an important factor in how you lead your life?  Speaking out our voice is the one thing that separates humans from animals and other primates. Communication using language helps you communicate your needs, wishes and desires to yourself and others.

Furthermore, the implication of not using your voice is the effect this silence has on your personal belief system. It becomes your reality. This is your life and you get to live it how you want.  It takes practice to release our negative habits, ideas and images of fear.  The first step is always the hardest, but if you do it, it will be the most memorable thing you accomplish and the spell will be broken.  Fear nothing, and you can attempt anything and everything.  But most of all, speak up for yourself, find your voice and display your personal power.

If someone asks you for a favor, first be clear that you want (or are able) to help them out. When you’re doing things you don’t want to do, this only creates resentment towards others and yourself.  Many people do favors they don’t want to do, and have not learned to tell someone “no”, or “I’m not the best person to help you with this”. Instead, many of us want to help too much, and when you live like this, you go against your feelings.  When you choose to be honest with yourself by honoring yourself, expect that some people will not like it, or that they could resent you.  People might think you’re selfish.  Nobody wants to be called selfish; everyone wants to look good and not lose face.  This often leads to a feeling of obligation in some way to another.

It is important to make your life, thoughts, goals and time your main priorities.  It is important to commit to yourself every day.  If you do favors you don’t want to do, you will get lost in the other peoples’ desires and expectations, making you feel bitter and upset. These feelings cause uncertainty of where you will be and about your choices. It is critical to be clear about what you will and will not do, as well who you truly are.  You can make your life a priority by being responsible acknowledging your thoughts and feelings when they arise. This commitment lets you be free to make the choices you want and take action, thereby providing you with a strong sense of who you are and allowing you to be happy with the choices you make for yourself and your life.

If you do not honor yourself, you will not be able to honor others. You will know when it is important to be selfless and when to flow with the priorities you have set in your life.

No, you cannot hang out at my apartment at 8:00am.  That might seem harsh to some people, but be honest with yourself what one will and will not do. It helps one feel better about oneself.  It is not one’s intention to hurt another’s feelings and also does not want to hurt one’s own feelings by saying yes when no is what is really meant.

Being honest with your desires provides your life with the respect it desires, as it frees you from creating resentment towards yourself.  Over the years, I have trained myself through pain and suffering that I must be honest with myself or as I honest as I possibly can.  Sometimes, it does not feel good to refuse a friend or a loved one.  However, when we respect our own choices, feeling good or bad has nothing to do with it.  We are just honoring our higher self and learn that we are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. And we realize that we cannot choose another’s happiness for them.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

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