“I ain’t worth squat, shit, nothing.”

These are some of the things that you say about yourself. Maybe it is something that people that loved you said to you when you were not behaving in a way they wanted you to. “You’re a lazy good-for-nothing and worthless.” This is one of my old “recordings” (something that used to play over and over in my mind when I was stuck) and it was one of the things my father used to say to me frequently. He said it because my bedroom was always a mess; it was his way of shaming me into cleaning it up. I felt awful when it was happening. However, it did nothing to inspire me to clean the room or even keep it tidy. I had all kinds of responses for his and critical ways. I would just resist what he wanted me to do. However, I know that it did affect me. It affected me in a way that made me want to be really good at all the things that I put my mind to do. I would always be trying to prove something to myself to prove I was not worthless.

My dad has been dead for a number of years and I am used to having his voice ringing in my head when things used to not go my way. It impacted my life in many ways. If I wanted to lounge on my couch, I could not because I would hear his voice. After recognizing this pattern, I decided to work on this mindset because I was and am not lazy, I had to learn to lounge on my couch in peace! I love to work. However, I loved to work at things that I was interested in. It took a minute to clear up that mess and turn off his voice. I always thought I had to work hard to get the things I desired. I discovered that my self-esteem was low because of those conversations in my mind.

How I was able to address this incessant “tape” was to first notice, then recreate the disempowering thought patterns and then retrain my mind. I had to understand that my life was not a representation of what I had, what I was or what I did. I used to be terrified of making mistakes. I had to transform my opinion of myself. Even though my father tried to pump me up with one conversation, saying that I was worthy, he had no idea that he was disempowering me with another.

Changing my opinion of myself and being present to empowered conversations, I have been able to change my internal conversations from negative to positive. The more I felt positive, the higher my self-value became and I am noticeably confident and powerful. I was not born this way. I created myself through sincere examination and transformation. Only then did I begin to experience more opportunities and take more risks. That’s not to say I do not have fear now. The difference is that I do not let fear control me. As a result, I started to become much more present to my ways of being. I discovered the better I thought of myself the more people and invitations I received (I would get invited to the Ball!). In essence, I am becoming the Ball.

The more positive you are about yourself and your life, the more you will attract what you want, whether it be customers, friends, etc. When you feel good about yourself and you have self-esteem, you develop a sense that you can take more risks.

When you have good self-esteem your level of creativity expands and you are free to create. You don’t need to know anything until a challenge or problem arises. You start to see life as an opportunity to learn, grow and develop.

What are you saying or believing about yourself that is an old conversation, and what have you done, or not done, to change it? Consider it might be impacting your life and self-esteem and creating negative conversations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach