Breaking Down Barriers & Relying on Others

Breaking Down Barriers & Relying on Others

In a relationship, you have to being willing to rely on others.

Couple In Love On A Bench

What is a real relationship to you? A relationship is what you say it is. However, often times it is not what’s coming out of your mouth that breaks down our relationships, it’s what we are not saying and what we are doing that ends them.

For instance, if you believe that you can’t rely on anyone, that is the hidden message that you are sending out into the universe and others. Do you find yourself attracting the same dynamic – such as the dates that always rely on you to plan the date, make the call etc., and you don’t know why? What you do know is you cannot rely on them.

That’s your unconscious action of not relying people because you’re afraid you will be kept waiting, disappointed, hurt, crying, lost and they will only leave you broken hearted and alone. So you do things on your own. Do you want to continue doing that? How would that experience feel? Truth is you won’t feel anything because it is an internal conversation that you are blind to.

How will you be able to rely on a person you are in a relationship with? You can’t. When you say that you cannot rely on people you are actually saying that you cannot trust people. So no matter what people do for you, in your background they’re not doing it well enough. Judgments are at the head of your table. Truth is you might not even be aware this because you are blind to your to your actions. Being in a relationship, a real relationship, one has to be willing to rely on another person. When you cannot rely on people, you’re saying you don’t trust people and so you will never trust a relationship, because you cannot trust yourself, and deeper than that you cannot trust the divine.

When you cannot trust you or the divine, you will not be able to experience the things that are important to you and you can experience difficulty creating the very things that are important to you in because creation lives in the world of trusting the unseen. So you might be a person who is extremely reliable and trusted by many people. However, you are not aware of your behavior and you might feel alone, and maybe you do not have the experience of people wanting to help and support you. The following might give you some insight as to what is operating out of your perception.

Here is a classic example of failure to rely on someone else:

You ask someone to help you with a problem. They agree to help you and as fast as the request came out of your mouth. You’ve done it on your own.

The person is doing the task at hand:

  • You go behind them and redo the task i.e. reset the table.
  • You hesitate or don’t to ask for help because you believe no one can do it the way you would like or as good as you.
  • You ask a man for help, then wind up being disappointed because you could have done it yourself.
  • You share with a friend something important to you that you want to accomplish. You friends start relating to you in the way of the accomplishment and you get upset and call it pressuring.
  • You ask for advice or help, and then when the person is talking, you interrupt by not allowing them to support you…because you believe you know it all.
  • Friends ask you how they can help you. You refuse to share what you need because you are so accustomed to doing things yourself that it feels like an intrusion.

If you really are committed to having a relationship, practice relying on people and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

You Are NOT Too Old. Just Start Something!

You Are NOT Too Old. Just Start Something!

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Are you fed up with wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true, you are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the TV that you cannot even think, let alone dream. Some of you might even think that you’re way too old to dream any more. I heard two women speaking, one asked the other, “do you sing any more?” The woman who was asked looked away as if searching for a distant memory. “No, I don’t sing any more. You know after you get to 40 you’re washed up and nobody wants to hear you.” I thought that was pretty depressing. It is sad and disappointing when we give up something that gives pleasure because we believe we are too old. If that really was true, what would we look forward to for the rest of our lives if our dreams die off as we age?

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming and dreams: think of women who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, gotten married, travelled the world. A woman who is living her dream and going after things that are important, is expanding her capacity to dream and make her dreams a reality. I am also sure that they were not thinking that they were too old, and even if they did, they did not heed that thought for a moment.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected … bootie up and make something happen. It is difficult at times to drag any part of your anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that we make up about ourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs can block creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

No-one wants to hear whining, least of all you. You don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person who complains a lot? It does not have to be to a close friend, it can be to a co-worker or neighbor. You know, the person who lives up the street who you see now and then, who you start to drop all your woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight-up misery onto. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. The constant complaint is that you’re trying to release your upset. Please give yourself a break and stop! No-one really wants to hear about you not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are, etc. It is depressing and upsetting and most of all you’re reminding people of their own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change direction.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there! Now that you know that life is a wonderful adventure play-ground, play in it! What adventures do you want? What games do you want to play, what dreams do you want to dream? Can you or would you be willing to put your age in the background and start creating, and are you willing to go after a dream or two?

So, honey, you might not have any idea what you want. You might say, “I want to be happy.” All the people on Planet Earth want to be happy, and that is a great start. Start looking at the things that would make you happy and I would say be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression of what people feel when they are doing things that make them happy. A baby lying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say, “Mother dear, I just want to be happy … if only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy.” NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby.   You understand conscious and subconscious, right? You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your mind could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If you don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe; it will not make you wrong. You make yourself wrong. You add the feelings of guilt. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special. What is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what that good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(Please note, however: not all things that create good feelings are healthy, e.g., illegal drugs create a good feeling, however, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol can give some people a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it brings tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh-air feeling that just goes straight to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy and you experience happiness. Instead of having those non-productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being an energy drainer, you now become a person who is glowing and sharing.   People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas into your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something!

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

“Live Life Your Way”    www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com  www.BeYourselfAlready.com

Call 917-945-5907 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com

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