Are You Sexy?

Are You Sexy?

Are you sexy, hot, the cat’s meow, all that, and a bag of chips? It’s a lot – and you might think it’s a crazy thing to think about. Whatever this question triggers, I want you to think about it and let it massage your mind. Then answer the question honestly. Do you think you’re sexy? And, who do you think you are? These questions are meant to be taken in a positive way without judgement and tone. What I mean is, who am I speaking to? Who are you intuitively? Do you have the confidence to say you’re sexy proudly?  Is who you are so clear you don’t have to say anything? If you’re confident about your sexuality, it’ll be clear to everyone and it will get reverberated back at you in your world.

Here’s another question for you – have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you’re feeling so sexy you hear it whispered in the wind?  It’s just who you are at that present instance.  You know you’re the cat’s meow, all that, and a bag of chips. You’re sexy.  And, you get to say it and feel it for yourself.  

So again, who you think you are can be translated to read, me for example: I’m a woman, I’m black, I’m tall, I’m English, I’m a Confidence and Self-esteem Coach, I’m the daughter of Mr. and Ms. Johnson, I’m 5’8”.  Who do you think you are has nothing to do with that.  It’s important for you to know exactly who you are from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes. You don’t need anyone telling you what or who you are.  That’s the kind of “who do you think you are?” that I’m  interested in. However, that’s not to say that those descriptions aren’t interesting.  They’re the kinds of facts you share with people when you first meet them.  Somewhat boring and mundane; not the “meat and potatoes” of who you are facts.

What makes you sexy, the cat’s meow, all that, and a bag of chips? If you can’t answer this question truthfully for yourself, you might have an issue with sexiness. If you think the statement is presumptuous, consider you might have an issue with being sexy. If you agree with this statement, good for you! What is it that makes some people appear sexy and attractive and others not? Is it confidence?  Is it feeling good about themselves?  Or are they just plain ole sexy?  Do you think you’re sexy? And, if so, what’s sexy about you? After all, it’s how you feel about yourself.

Sexy has come a long way.  Back in the 1930s, ankles were considered sexy.  In some cases, women would be hidden by a long curtain where only the ankles were exposed, and, of course, they would be judged by men.  There was a time when women’s bodies were covered pretty much from head to toe.  Women went swimming in long dresses, and sometimes, in pants, tights, and dresses, where every part of the body was covered.

However, a breakthrough was made when, in 1907, Annette Kellerman, a woman who dared to wear her short one-piece swimsuit (bodysuit) for a swimming competition in Boston, was arrested for indecent exposure. Annette faced a judge for her arrest and the judge who tried her case agreed that the suits at the time were cumbersome and not good for exercise.  Because of the verdict, Annette Kellerman went on to design bathing suits that were more adequate for swimming, but they took a decade to catch on.

Women’s clothes have come a long way where now we’re showing a lot of flesh and modesty, is, for the most part, a thing of the past.  Today, we wear less and less clothing and expose more and more of our bodies and share less and less of who we are as human beings.  Confidence is the new black. Confidence is being able to stand up for what you believe in. Sexy, for me, is being confident, honoring your word and believing that you love your life and you love yourself.  Sexy is saying that you do what you say you will.  Being sexy is not the only thing that creates a good relationship with yourself or others.  Sexy is a word that’s used for a lot of ideas and representations, e.g. that’s a sexy job, that’s a sexy car, etc. Today, I think sexy is relative; you’ll see what we would deem a beautiful woman walking down the street with what would be deemed an unattractive man and they’re happy.  You, in turn, would see a man that looks like a God walking down the street with a woman who’s considered overweight and unattractive, and, in both cases, people would ask what’s up with that.  Beauty and sexiness are in the eye of the beholder.  Sexy is someone who gets you because you get yourself.  Sexy is a reflection of your confidence; someone you can hold a wonderful conversation and communicate with well.  

Today, you get to say what is sexy for you.  It’s none of your business what people or the media says about you as a person.  Your way of being is sexy.  Size, shape, or form has nothing to do with what sexy is for you.  I think what’s considered sexy in popular magazines is out of date.  They’re not marketing to the masses; they’re marketing to a few demographics that might not have as much confidence due to age and where they are in the world.  I believe confidence and sexy go hand-in-hand, and when you have confidence, you’re sexy.  When you walk into a room and you light up the place with your confidence, you’re sexy.  When you’re a pleasure to be around, you’re sexy.  When people have crushes on you because you bring the love and light and you create a space that people love to be around, you’re sexy.  

Little back story. I went out with a male friend. When I got in his car, he said to me, “You look sexy tonight.”  I replied, “Thank you. Just tonight? Honey, I’m sexy all the time.” He said, “who told you that?” I replied, “I did.” He then said, “You’re not sexy until I tell you you are.”  I laughed.  I also told him, “I’m like a self-cleaning oven. I create the sexy that I am.  It’s called confidence and love of self.”

Sexy is made up of the following:

  • It’s sexy to know what it is that you love about your life and that you can speak up for it.  No matter what it is you love.  It yours; you honor it and that is sexy.  
  • Passion is sexy.  Knowing what you’re passionate about and being able to share your passion without forcing it upon people; sharing it as joy and excitement is a very sexy thing
  • Being able to know what your interests are and being able to share them is also very sexy  

What are you proud of? You have to feel proud of yourself and that you’re happy with your life.  Your happiness is contagious.  You can be proud that you keep even the smallest promise.  You’re happy and know that people are motivated by people they trust; that in itself is sexy. You know that you’re the kind of person that people can count on.  

To that end, it’s important you create yourself the way you see yourself.  That you’re sexy and confident or confident and sexy; the order doesn’t matter.  Don’t allow others to determine who you are.  The way you feel about yourself speaks volumes.  When you’re happy about yourself and you can go from good to great about yourself and people know, like, and trust you, you can become whoever you say you are.

So I ask this question again.  Are you sexy?  The answer is HELL YEAH!

Not sure if you’re sexy or not? Talk to me and we can see why you don’t feel sexy. Visit www.noreensumptercoach.com to sign up for a FREE 15-minute Hello Call!

Love yourself. Until next time!

Live Life by Your Own Design, Pt. 2

Live Life by Your Own Design, Pt. 2

Hello Friends! Welcome to Part 2 of the list of 13 ways to Life Life Your Way™. This will continue to put things into perspective and help you live the large life you desire.

  1. Make your appearance your own

Make sure you like what you wear, have your own personal style, and look the way you want. You don’t have to have the latest fashions but it’s good to have your own look that’s unique to you.  

With regard to your body and your clothes, do you slouch to cover up certain flaws? Could your arms or legs do with a little firming and you find yourself complaining about them? If so, work on them or shut up! You’re in charge of what you look like. If you don’t feel great in your body, exercise and eat healthier to keep yourself in shape.

Your style has a lot to do with how you carry yourself.  Be bold and move with boldness.  Generate your energy. Mousiness will never look great; even in the best of clothes. For example, you could go out wearing sweatpants and give an air of confidence while wearing them because you feel confident, not because you’re trying to hide something about yourself.  

When you go out to shop, make sure you shop for what you really like; bring a trusted friend who can share with you his/her honest opinions about how you look.  The ultimate truth is – if you’re confident in your image, you will find clothes that will state that as a fact.

 

  1. Create a go-to Group

Create a go-to group. A go-to group is a group of friends that you respect and trust; friends that when you hit a wall or experience anything that derails you, they create a bigger stand for you in your life and they’ve got your back. They’ll remind you gently when you need a good shake up.  

If you can’t afford a coach, a go-to group is perfect.  Your group must not oach you or tell you what to do; what they’ll do is remind you who you are and the commitment and goals that you’re creating for your life.  They’ll provide you with pep talks and reality checks.

Also, make sure you’re a positive contributor to your go-to group to continue the circle of positivity.

 

  1. Do something silly that makes you laugh until your tummy hurts

Go and see a really silly movie – there are a ton of them out there! When you go to a silly movie, you should laugh naturally, what I mean by naturally is at your own noise level and length of time. Be you; don’t go to the movie and do what everyone does – the movie laugh track, when everyone starts laughing at the same time and finishes at the same time.  So unnatural.  That is censoring a natural emotion.  Laugh until you are completely done.

I went to the movies on a date with a guy.  We went to see Fat Albert http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=fat+albert+movie&view=detail&mid=B326DD89B259A34501CFB326DD89B259A34501CF&first=0&FORM=NVPFVR&qpvt=fat+albert+movie  The movie was so corny! It made me laugh so much that even after people stopped laughing I was still laughing.  It was great to just laugh.  However, my date said aloud, “Note to self – never take you to see a movie again.” Ask me if I cared.  

I feel that laughing at a movie is a compliment to all the hard work it took to bring it to the big screen. I had a great time and felt completely free! Laughing makes you feel better and is good for you. Laugh often and laugh loud –  it’s contagious! Make and share jokes, engage your peeps, and laugh at lot. Every time you laugh, a comedian get his chops. LOL!

 

  1. Be emotionally okay

Be okay with your emotions; you have emotions so you can express them.  Unexpressed emotions can cause a lot of emotional pain. If you’re sad, express it, however, express it in a way that allows you to complete the cycle.  

Don’t go digging for sadness; don’t go dredging up old relationships and add them to your new ones. If you need a good cry, cry and complete it. Don’t blame other people for your sadness, your need to cry, or for your crying.  

If you’re stressed out, look at what’s causing the stress and create new actions to relieve it.  Stress is a big killer and I’m sure you don’t want to die or suffer stress-induced illness.  Don’t cover your emotions, express them. Release all emotions, frustrations, and anger in a healthy and responsible way.  You’ll feel so much better after the release.

 

  1. Write things down

Conversations and thoughts disappear, so write them down.  Get yourself a little notebook and any time you have a great idea, learn something valuable from a conversation you’re having, or go to a yummy restaurant, write it down. Because let’s be honest, you live a big life, you have tons sitting in your brain, and you won’t remember. Save your brain cells!

Also, when you whip out your little book in front of a loved one, you’re actually telling that person that what they’re saying is valuable enough to write down and you make him/her feel special.

 

  1. Accept yourself as you are

Make an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept, and love yourself every moment.  Don’t think about things that you haven’t achieved yet.  Love yourself and accept yourself without reservation.  You’re very different and unique from everyone else. You’re one-of-a-kind and quite beautiful.  Accept your uniqueness; your path is different from everyone else’s.  

Start loving yourself by stopping the comparisons of yourself to others.  Loving yourself means stepping outside of guilt.   Detach yourself from the reactions of others. Assert yourself with some compassion.  Show people who you are.  When you show people who you are they get a chance to share themselves with you.  When you judge yourself, you stand in the way of your self-love and you separate yourself from others. Stop separating and accept yourself now.  You don’t have to change anything about yourself.

Now go out there with the advice from this two-paper series and start living your biggest and best life!

If you need help with any of the points on this list, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at noreensumptercoach.com to make an appointment for a FREE 15-minute hello call! I’m looking forward to speaking with to help you start your journey towards your best self! Love yourself! Until next time!

Live Life by Your Own Design, Pt 1

Live Life by Your Own Design, Pt 1

The truth is you’ll always have time for busy; do whatever you want to take care of you.

There will always be times in life when you have a lot of things going on, especially if you’re a person that wants a huge life. There will always be a situation where things will and can always go wrong or don’t work out. I can guarantee that. There will be deadlines at work. You’ll have a medical emergency. You’ll feel guilty about what you did last night, last week, and last year. The world, hell, the Universe will be screaming for your attention! This blog is a two-part series that includes a list of 13 ways to Live Life Your Way™ and live by your own design. In the first part, we will break down the first 7:

1. NO is what you say to anything that isn’t important to you
Laundry isn’t important to me. Having clean clothes is what’s important, and I don’t have to do it. I can give it to someone else to do for me, and I can use the time saved to do something else for myself. If “no” is too hard for you to say, start simple by saying “no” but offer an alternative option that you’d prefer more.

2. Ask for Help
Asking for help is really important. A lot of people would rather sit in their misery than ask for help. Does this sound like you? Don’t be afraid to ask for help and when you do ask, make sure you use it. Don’t waste people’s time talking about help and then don’t use it. Most people revel in seeing you become successful and happy; it makes them feel useful and important. But also remember that people have the right to say yes or no when asked for help. People are grown and responsible for the choices they make; it’s not your position to choose for them. Don’t underestimate people and try to take advantage of them in a negative way. You’ll turn them off, and they’ll never agree to help you again.

3. Stay in contact
It’s important to stay in contact with your friends. People like to be acknowledged and feel like their friendships are important. There are 6+ billion people on the planet, and if you feel like you have no friends and no one loves you, then you know that you’re not being a good friend. You need to express love and share love. Love is addictive. Giving love and expressing love feels good. Try it. Send a text, email, or make a quick call to let someone know you’re thinking of them; it’ll make a world of difference to your friend. Try this on for size – send out “I was thinking about you” messages to your friends and people that you want to be friends with and see what comes back. It’s not weird. I’m doing five right now. Stop what you’re doing and just do it. The first five people in your phone to start. I just sent out eight instead of five and got three responses already in eight minutes! Generally, the people you keep in your phone are friends. You don’t have to keep in contact with everyone; most will be okay with it. However, keep in touch with people as best as you can – it will keep you happy and keep you inspired in your life.

4. Surround yourself with things you like
Surround yourself with things you enjoy or like. Don’t buy or bring into your emotional space things you don’t enjoy or like as they will pull emotional energy from you. When you’re in a dumpy mood or have low energy, having things around you that you enjoy can cheer you up and bring up your energy levels. For example, the social media platform, Pinterest, is an awesome mood booster, and you can view it on your computer or phone when you need a pick-me-up or a little inspiration.

5. Create a Gratitude List
I usually provide this as a tool to my clients. At first, they find it difficult as in another thing in life to do; another chore in a list of things I don’t have time for. Once they start it, they realize that when they’re grateful about what they have in their lives, they don’t have time to whine about the things they don’t have.

Gratitude provides you with a tool to protect yourself against negative influences, whether you have a tendency to make negative decisions or have negative people around you. Our negative thoughts and influences usually work through our subconscious mind and are often difficult to detect. Create a daily gratitude list – one where you share back and forth with like-minded friends who will empower you; creating dialogue instead of monologue – where negative thoughts don’t have a chance to pollute your mind. Gratitude has the power to move you forward.

Keep a gratitude journal that you can go back to whenever you need a little boost. My clients who keep a gratitude journal and write in it on a continual basis experience a fuller and more expansive life and see their goals develop faster.

6. Keep a planner to stay organized
Keeping a planner makes life less crazy. It’s good practice to put all the things that are important to you into it, including all things fun! Many people put in doctor’s appointments, work meetings, and children’s play dates, but they don’t really schedule time for fun. Get into the habit of adding fun time to your planner. It’s a really exciting thing to look in your planner and see that you’ve scheduled time for vacation, but it’s also great to see that you’ve scheduled time for fun things with friends or on your own. Balance your time and give yourself the right to say “no thank you” to an appointment you don’t have time for or don’t want to have.

7. Keep track of your wins
Write down your wins and keep notes on your achievements. For example, I got a write up in an online magazine http://www.t2conline.com/a-call-for-coaching – that’s a big win for me so I wrote it down. If I hadn’t written it down, I wouldn’t have remembered it. Writing down your wins, achievements, and milestones will help you when you feel that you’ve hit a wall in your personal life and allow you to see your positive contributions.

If you need help with any of the points on this list, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at noreensumptercoach.com to make an appointment for a FREE 15-minute hello call! I’m looking forward to speaking with you and helping you start your journey towards your best self! Don’t forget to check back next week for Part 2 where we will cover points 8-13! Love yourself! Until next time!

What People Say About You is None of Your Business

What People Say About You is None of Your Business

Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. It doesn’t have to be saving the world; you don’t have to find a cure for cancer, you just have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life. So it is your birthright to get on with it.

Many people fear what they want to do; they believe that one is really happy in their life when happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%. They’re afraid of what people will think of them. They have no idea what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% happiness they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to do. No going after what they want because they are afraid of what their parents, family, friends, and even strangers might think of them. They do things to please other people and neglect themselves. They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%.

Do what you want to do and be truly happy. Who cares what people think of you. It’s no one’s business what you choose to do. Make sure that what you do is as great as you believe it to be; no one has to agree or disagree with it. Just be committed to providing a contribution and your happiness is already fulfilled. The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.

Discovery

What I’ve discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others. It’s always described as, “I want to help people. I want to teach people and I want to make people happy.” It’s always for other people. It’s important that we understand what we share. In order to share, we have to have. So to give happy, you must be happy so you can share happy.

Sitting & Listening

I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievably exciting! The artist is a woman, in her sixties, who paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure. When I met this extremely talented woman, she was feeling very unhappy, unproductive, and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art and it all sounded very exciting to me.

She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to the beat of her own drum; lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art to heal people and free them from their self loathing issues, caused by various negative experiences.

As she described how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by a belief. The belief was what a friend and colleague had once said about her who she highly respected. Basically, she didn’t allow this person to have an opinion. She realized that what her colleague had said about her work was none of his business and she, unfortunately, had believed his opinion to be her truth.

In a single moment, this woman, like many others, was killing herself off. She wasn’t being an artist; she wasn’t being successful or vibrant. She became doubtful, fearful, scared, and wasn’t minding her own business. By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her. This hexing had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment-to-moment basis. She felt that she couldn’t paint. That her creativity was gone. She was lost and slowly going into energy and financial bankruptcy. How can a woman that had had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity? Well, when you don’t mind your business closely, you allow other people’s thoughts and opinions rob you of your passion. If hexing someone was a crime, many people would be found guilty.

You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative. However, people, just like you, have the right to say anything they want and you also have the right to listen or not. Where you get caught and hooked is when people say negative things about you. Simple example: Your friend says, “ I don’t like that painting.” You interpret it as, “I’m not a good artist,” and, “I can’t create,” and it goes on and on. So now you walk around with that belief. “I’m not a good artist,” “I can’t paint,” “I have no creativity,” and, “no one will buy my work”. The belief gets bigger and bigger and you, in turn, get smaller and smaller; you begin to feel insecure and shut down.

It’s important to learn that what people say is none of your business. Your business is your life, your own thoughts about yourself. It’s important that you develop the tools to expand your thoughts about you. It’s important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements/comments are not personal to you. That is what happened with this woman. She forgot who or what she was up to in her life. She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art. She forgot that she had a mission; her, in her world, and that, and only that, was her business.

When we learn that it’s none of your business what others say or think about you, you can say thank you for your opinion and mean it. Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling our life mission.

The learning is: IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT OTHERS THINK.

If you need a little guidance when it comes to working on minding your own business, don’t forget you can sign on to my website, www.noreensumptercoach.com to schedule a FREE 15 minute Hello Call at anytime.

Love yourself. Until next time!

Fall In Love With Yourself – Know, Like, and Trust –then there’s no turning back.

Fall In Love With Yourself – Know, Like, and Trust –then there’s no turning back.

The first step with regards to doing anything is more often than not the most difficult.  However, Martin Luther King, a.k.a. my birthday twin and hero said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

The first step is like a breath of fresh air. “Fear nothing, attempt everything, unknow!” -Unknown

Take the first step to owning your voice, speaking your truth, and fall in love with yourself.

Like most things in life, what it commonly boils down to is simple: we need each other – whether we like it or not. If we are to exist and live, we require healthy relationships that can teach us how to know and expand ourselves. How we speak to ourselves, the opinions we have, and labels we give ourselves are a telltale sign of how we manage ourselves and will determine how we choose to share and treat others. I like to base this on the three phases of creating relationships, which is widely used in business networking, and I’ll use here to show how we love ourselves.  An example of this is the Know, Like, and Trust Factor.  To have a successful relationship, consider that if you understand these three phases, and use them on yourself and others to create relationships.  

There’s no difference between having a relationship with yourself or another person. Having a relationship with another person gives you a mirror to see yourself. It’s important that we take these phases, put them into action, and then practice them. Adopting these steps will help you build meaningful connections which can result in meaningful, stable relationships.  

Step 1: Know

Just like you would get to know another human being, it’s important to get to know yourself. It’s important to know yourself in a way that allows you to know and share what you’re about.  What you say about yourself becomes law in your universe. So asking yourself questions is important to know and understand what you’re saying about yourself and how you show up in the world amongst your friends, colleagues, family, and everyone.  Such as:

-What do I do?

-What do I know?

-Where am I from?

-What am I interested in?

-What inspires me?

-What am I committed to?

-What do I care about?

-Who am I as a human being?

-What do I love about my life? Myself? (This one’s my favorite)

As we all know, there are a million-and-one questions one could ask and know about oneself. However, the key is to be able to share your discoveries so that others can be related to what you know about yourself and, in turn, feel free to share themselves.

The more you know about yourself, and the more you can share, the more open and secure you will be. Personal freedom provides a space for others to know you and, in turn, you will get to know them.  However, there are no guarantees.  No one has to share themselves with you.  Consider what it takes for you to learn about yourself.  It might’ve not been easy.  It calls for a particular level of trust which brings us to step number 2:

Step 2: Like

The “Like” I’m talking about is how you feel about yourself.  It’s not the kind of “like” where you compromise yourself because you want to be validated.  That kind lives as no respect; no sense of self  “like me; please like me.” The kind where one is not very confident and will compromise themselves.  That is not the same  “like.”  

“Do you like yourself?” is one of the first questions I often ask my clients. What I’ve found is some people have a difficult time with this question.  If you experience hesitation, take a long pause, or hear crickets when you find yourself sitting in your head not being present, waiting for answers; then this should be a clue to you that you might not like yourself.  

This kind of person excites me and saddens me at the same time.  A person that likes themselves, usually answers the question as soon as it’s asked. There’s no hesitation; they’re not making themselves wrong.

Am I pleasant?

Am I respectful?

Do I do as I say I will when I say I will do it?

Do I have things in common with others?

What are my values?

Can I trust myself?

Do I accept myself?

Am I likable?

Am I generous?

Do I find myself attractive?

Do I care about myself?

Do I nurture myself, my dreams, and aspirations?

How are my confidence and self-esteem?

How do I see myself?

These questions seem easy. However, if you can’t answer them, you might find yourself experiencing difficulty sharing with people.

Step 3: Trust

Trust is the fuel in your tank of life.  If you trust yourself, you can and will trust others, as you ultimately know that you’re the person that is choosing to trust.  You know that you’re the one that is responsible for your belief to believe in trust.  With that, you create a sense of freedom.  You have power and, you can, in turn, depend on yourself to take care of yourself and ask the right questions, so you don’t wallow in regret and mess.  Trusting yourself provides you the power to listen to your instincts and follow your wisdom, discover the places that get activated; for instance, your gut when you don’t feel trust. You make yourself your authority on what is right for you.  Which helps develop the confidence that you can provide others. You’ll go within yourself rather than looking for answers outside yourself or from others; always being aware that no one has your answers.  However, not negating that there will be times when you’ll have to seek guidance from others. Seeking help will be a form of contrast in areas of your life that you are unfamiliar.  People will give their tuppence worth; ultimately you still have to choose what’s true for you based upon your level of self-trust.

Do I trust myself?

Do I trust my behaviors? Habits?

Can I trust myself to handle life challenges?

Do I trust and stand for myself?

Do I trust and believe in myself?

Can I trust my judgments?

Can I trust that I’m working in my best interest?

Do I believe that I’m growing and developing as a human being?

Do I know if I have trust in myself?

Can I be trusted?

Do people trust me?

Do I honor my word?

 

Consequently, until you have gone through these three phases personally, you will have a hard time going through them with others.  Without self-trust, you will always be looking outside of yourself, consider that you’ll experience challenging times growing, creating, and developing yourself.

Have faith, stay strong, and be interested in yourself so that you can be interested in others.  

From time to time you may feel as though your life isn’t working.  One thing to remember is that you’re not an object nor are you static.  You are a fluid human being who is forever changing, growing, shifting, and transforming in your life.  

Be consistent and play with these phases. Commit know, like, and trust to memory. Go easy, and most of all have fun, own your voice, speak your truth, and Live Life Your Way!

If you want to start exploring yourself a bit more, don’t forget you can sign on to my website, www.noreensumptercoach.com to schedule a FREE 15 minute Hello Call at anytime.

Love yourself. Until next time!

The London Workshop

Are you dissatisfied with life?
Are parts of your life not working the way you want?
Do you feel like you’ve tried everything & nothing works?

The Workshop is a LIVE small group workshop created to help you remove blocks in your life and release yourself from being stuck. This program is designed to help you take steps towards expanding and inventing yourself to create the life of your dreams! Jam packed with discovery sessions,investigative homework assignments and introspective questions  encouraging you to dig deep, this LIVE, four week workshop is sure to make a change in your life. The Workshop begins Tuesday April 11th 7:30pm (GMT)

If You Think the Workshop Might Be For You
Click here for more info! 

If you feel constantly stuck and are ready to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, OWN YOUR VOICE and LIVE LIFE YOUR WAY, then click below to sign up and join us April 11th! For all session dates and payment info click link below.

Yes, I’m Interested in LIVING LIFE MY WAY!

What you don’t’ face will and can hurt you

face your

To face what’s not working in your life, you must take an action step to complete it. By completing I mean letting go of all the drama that you have surrounding the things you are choosing to face. Do not make it wrong or make yourself wrong about it, release it and let it be. No more complaining.

You might have to take action and even risk not being right or even not being liked.

From time to time we all experience situations that we do not like or that seem remarkable, uncomfortable, embarrassing and/or painful. These situations might often cause vulnerability. These feelings or situations can be lived with. You might not relish them, but you have survived the year experiencing them. The situation might be one area of life that is not working so that unconscious voice inside orders you indirectly to hide the experience behind clichés, myths and points of view. All the while, you are not realizing or accepting that self-denial is what is in the driving seat. Hello Baby!

Some of these clichés might live in the following statements:

It’s none of my business.

Don’t air your dirty laundry with me.

One drink before bed is fine, granny did it for years.

One more cigarette I’ll quit tomorrow, what can one do.

I hate the job but it pays the bills.

He does not mean to ___ me.

It’s just this one time what can it hurt.

I’m sure he’s going to pay me back he said he would.

Credit cards debt is normal everybody has some.

Someone else will do it. It’s not my job anyway.

People like us __________.

Those kinds of people ____________.

A good percentage of the time, it is human to make up reasons why things are the way they are. If you don’t accept the denial of making up reasons, you create more reasons on top the first set of reasons. That is what we do. One denial brings a mountain of reasons that we automatically believe to be real. By not facing why the problem turned up in the first place, we fail to acknowledge the situation quickly. When we face our problems, we experience less pain to begin with and the problem becomes easier to resolve.

Sometimes reasons why something is not working the way they ought to is a bunch of bubble wrap. The car would not have broken down on the highway if I had taken it to the shop sooner. Now there’s a tow truck and repairs to pay for. One top of that, the triple AAA membership expired just a day or so ago. This is a perfect example of what could have been avoided had the situation been taken care of when it first came up. It would have been cheaper, saved time and if some integrity had been put in the situation might never have happened.

Ask yourself: are you willing to take steps to get past your states of denial? Are you willing to face your states and situations sooner than later instead of hiding out with it in denial? Real power exists when you face life head on, even when you do not feel like it.

Jump in, get help, clear the denial so you can breathe. You know who you are.

Take responsibility for your life, for all the things that you do and do not do. No more pretending not notice that something is missing, not working or was not done.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

YOU’RE INVITED. JOIN US!

Calling In The One Unapologetically – Completion Celebration
Saturday, March 19, 2016 from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Calling In The One

REGISTER HERE!

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous.

The Story of the Veil

“Goddess World” is an amazing world and Calling In The One Unapologetically is an amazing workshop.  Women honoring themselves provides a world of generosity that is paramount to the kind of generosity that we know, abolishing obsolete conversations about women and catfight conversations of no power. Where we have power, to work as a human collective that expands our capacity to give and receive love. CALLINGINTHEONE (2)

The story of the veil.  How did the veil come around?  I was at a party with Goddess, the pussy power was off the charts.  Goddesses were excited, happy and we were fanning a flames of desires all over the place. There were younger, older Goddesses.  There were African Goddess, Asian Goddesses and White Goddesses.  There were tall and short, petite and full bodies.  To top it off there were Goddesses of all description.  The one thing that we all had in common was that we were having fun.  We were enjoying ourselves.  Pussy had a place to be powerful that night.

Then here comes Helen, she has a veil and I ask her if she is going to get married, and she said no.  That she had just gotten married and she was happy with the man that she had chosen to marry.  She described him as a good man.  A good man.  Wow, I would love a good man.  I have had men that were good.  However, it is been a long time since I have a good man that I am happy with and would have welcomed him into my life to stay.  I said “I would love to have a good man in my life.”  She asked me if I would like her wedding veil.

Her veil was used on one of the happiest days of her life. I looked at her and immediately said no.  How could I take her veil?  I thought for a moment about her generosity, could I be that generous? I thought again and heard something specific for myself, and that was that I would love to be married to a good man.

I then said to her that I would love her veil and that she had to be sure if she wanted to give it away.  She looked at me and thought for a moment. Here we were, a black woman and a white woman sharing what was important to us in the area of love.  Love was the connection that was present for us.  She asked me again, if I really wanted to be married to which I said yes.  Yes, as my heart and my body had a reaction which I could feel the adrenaline racing through my body.  I said yes.  I would love your veil as I saw it as a beautiful amazing gift from one woman to another. She veiled me, and with that I lowered my head as she placed it on me.  It was amazing.  Love and marriage for me and all women who wanted it.  All women, no woman left behind. If it is something that we desire, it is possible. 

Marriage and a great man of my wildest dreams felt truly possible.  So the veil was integrated into Calling In The One Unapologetically.  I thank you Helen for your love, commitment and generosity and I look forward to passing it on.

And that is the story of the veil.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

YOU’RE INVITED. JOIN US!
Saturday, March 19, 2016 from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Calling In The One

 

REGISTER HERE! IT’S FREE TO ATTEND!

Why Are Relationships So Difficult

Why do relationships have to be so difficult?  That is the chant of everyone going through buy cialis a breakup.  Why take your breakups so personally? When you are going through a breakup, do you dig recall conversations that you can use to sooth your pain, to use as an excuse to make the other party into a despicable person? Do you look for  anything to make yourself look good and the other person look bad?  It takes resilience and honor to remain a balanced loving individual that understands that a breakup is not personal.  If you have difficulty in any area of a breakup, you’ll dredge up past hurts, thoughts and feelings to help justify why things are not going the way you want.

Breakup and hurt feelings are really not meant to be personal; because no matter how long it takes, our feelings are a reaction to an interaction that is not working out.  Women want to know why men become silent, and cannot communicate. Men cannot deal with the constant rehashing of old conversations commonly known or referred to as nagging. There are a lot of things that you cannot seem to understand when you are experiencing breakdowns in your relationships.  In most relationships, there is a breakdown in communication long before there is a breakup.  Sometimes there is a warning sign. Sometimes there is not.  The warning signs differs with your personal perspective.

How can a breakdown be good?  A breakdown is an opportunity to really look at what is in your relationship that is not working so that you can take the necessary actions to remedy or fix the problem in a manner that works for both parties.  However, you know that a breakup is inevitable when you haven’t taken any action in the breakdown phase.  Here is a story of a friend who is going through a breakdown/breakup:

My friend is in the midst of a challenge/breakup with her boyfriend.  She started our conversation by describing that she was not having a good day.  As she said this, she put on her sunglasses apologized for her feelings and began to cry behind her glasses. ( Humans never want to look bad not matter what).  I told her to cry as I think it best to be straight with our emotions. She had just broken up with my boyfriend.  They argued and she threw him out of her apartment (they were not living together).  Living together was the reason for the argument.  She could not understand why he was not moving in with her. She was frustrated sad, and disappointed.  The haven’t spoken for 5 weeks but that morning on the phone they spoke.  “He loves me but relationships should not have to be this hard.”

“I love him, why did he not want to move in with me?” What we want in life will only happen if we take the necessary actions to have them materialize.  What actions did you take to have him move in with you?  Did you have a deadline?  No.  I was waiting on him.  He said he did not have the money to move into our space.  I said it was okay and I will pay the bulk of the rent.  “He said no way.” Some men no matter how their situations are were not built to live off a woman.  Some men just don’t care.  No matter how liberal a woman may be.  Men will still be men. They still insist on pulling their weight.  “I thought it was his machismo shit” she said.  Well, it may be but that was really what it was for him.  He did not have the money.

She would not hear it.  She confessed to hearing was what she wanted.  Sometimes you are so in love with love and what you want, that you cannot hear what your partner has to say.   By no means is there anything wrong with what you want, but you need to take action.  What steps was she taking?  Or were she just continually talking about it so that it turned into nagging.  She realized she did not take any steps or create a deadline.  She really just waited, talked/nagged, cried and said I love you, why it was not going the way I wanted it to go?

When you are ready and willing to get straightforward and honest with yourself, you can cast off all the things that numb your mind and have you mentally and physically stuck  in your life.  She immediately saw where she was not thinking and only had thoughts that were a part of the recycling of past conversations.

More on her story next week.

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The Power of Choice

Choice is an amazingly powerful tool for creating what you desire.

However, it has to be pure choice, devoid of ambiguity.

Be Bold, Responsible and Direct.  You have to feel it deep; you have to own it with responsibility.  Responsibility is about ownership – ownership of your life.

Sometimes you may be afraid to make tough choices or to realize your dreams because you don’t want to fail and take the necessary action to fulfill and manifest them.  Fear feels so real and runs so deep for people that many don’t know that fear is running the show the suffering that comes from this.  Fear is not personal, and it affects each and every one of us.

Your beliefs and self-image are woven into the very fabric of your reality.  Your self-image lives inside your subconscious mind and is always leading the way for the life you are creating.  If you have a certain self-image of someone that is always failing or losing, you may create a similar looking universe where you are always failing or losing.

For myself, I discovered that I created a world in which I never attracted the right man.  I always got the wrong guy.  I created beautiful men who were picture perfect when I wasn’t dating them.  But the moment I start dating a man – whoever he was – he quickly became the wrong guy for me.  With this discovery, it became imperative that I raise my awareness of my self-image.  My self-image was running the show.  We looked awesome together, and then, he was wrong. I had to choose if I wanted to keep this kind of self –sabotaging of my self-this world where I always choose the wrong guy.  This self-image impacted all of my life.  Wrong guys led to wrong friends, never enough, wrong areas, wrong apartments, never enough, and not good enough. All of these were beliefs that I had to decide if I wanted to hold on to or change.

This self-image concealed the best that life has to offer, and I could no longer picture what the best looked like.  This kind of discovery of the self takes courage to put us directly on Front Street, aka exposure, transparency, truth, or whatever we wish to call it.

Personally, I do not want to put myself out there and be vulnerable and transparent.  My tiny self would rather hide out than risk exposure.  However, my big self, my powerful self-image desires amazing relationships with an abundant life, and concealing myself and not knowing what my self-image is will not afford me the life that I truly desire.

If I maintain this self-image and let it take over, I’ll never experience positive change and growth in my life or anyone else’s. I’ll have a tiny life and be a tiny, miserable, ball of yuck! That’s not a life for me. I am committed to having a powerful, loving, supportive self-image and respecting myself. That is the life that I’m observing right now.

What about you? What are you observing and creating in your life?  If it is not your best life… then quit it. 

Calling in the One Unapologetically is for women who are ready to live and recreate themselves by expanding their capacity to give and receive love in their live and live their best life.   So make sure your self-image is really yours and exactly what you want to live your best life.

Why Are Relationships So Difficult Part II

Last week we were talking about why we make our relationships so difficult. I was describing the story of a friend of mine.  She wants her boy friend to move in with her, but he cannot because he is restricted by his income.  She is interpreting this as a lack of interest and has created a dramatic break-up.

During her break-up/separation, she has been talking to her friends.  You all know what talking to your friends can mean when you’re in this condition.  It builds you up for a moment. They tell you how beautiful you are, how smart you are and to dump that loser.  Most of you will agree with them for the moment and then continue to feel bad about yourself for being in love with a man that is a ‘loser’.  Then you become wrapped up in shame about your feelings.  With all of that, you begin to cry with your friends comments reverberating in your head.  “Girl, you look good.  You can find someone better”. When all along, you just want your own comfortable ‘loser’. You don’t care, you love him.   He is yours.

Well, it did not occur to me that the guy was not a loser, here was a man that had something he was having a hard time with and needed to workout.  Maybe they will go back together, maybe they won’t. But my friend seems to be handling things in a mature way.  She loves this man and it was clear because she by no means made him wrong.  She actually made herself wrong.  We looked at her actions and she got to see that she did not take any real action in preparing for or having her boyfriend move in with her. In actuality, she was crying about regrets and upsets of not knowing what to do differently.

The first things we created a promise for her to quit crying over the phone when she spoke with him.  If she did want to talk to him, then talk to him in a way that empowered her. Instead of crying, she could share what she was up to – developments with her business, her family, friends, opportunities successes, people they knew in common, etc.  Her man was clearly in her corner and wanted her to be successful when they were together, so she should continue to share her wins with him.  In return she could acknowledge how he is doing in his world with his music, congratulate him on being busy in the studio and doing his gigs.  She could continue to share love for him in a way that has her empowered, fully self-expressing herself instead of confused, upset, feeling weak and hurt all the time.

We focused on the areas of her life that were working; her business, her money/finances, her family, her friendships. She distinguished that the only things that were not working was her relationship with this man.  However, what she was doing, like many people, is that she was losing energy by focusing on the one thing that was not working.  Focusing on one problem, would inevitably collapse all that she was committed to building.   By the time we had finished talking and laughing, the color came back to her cheeks; she was sitting taller, her eyes were sparkling again.  She was expressing herself by thanking me for supporting her to think about herself and her relationship in a way that had her walk away feeling powerfully empowered and good about herself.

If my friends relationship with this man overcomes their challenge, their lives and relationship will never be the same again.  Never again will she place herself in a disempowered way. She will not live in regret, upset and confusion by living in the past and wondering what she could have done differently.  She will take risks, speak up, by taking action in her love life and life going forward.  By being a person who takes action, she will never date like that again. She will Date Like She Means It, speaking her truth, creating what is important to her in all relationships.

So, if you are reading this and or you know anyone who is just had a breakup and they are stuck in a vicious cycle of crying themselves to sleep and slowly sabotaging themselves.  Please have them read this article and if they find value send me an email or contact me at 718-834-9450.

I love having people complete old ways of being in a relationship in a way that has them feel empowered and leave the vicious cycle of heartbreak by changing their thoughts and creating a new relationship with themselves and their partners that has them love and create in an empowering way.

READ PART 1 HERE.

Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

I have been studying the works of Barbara Y. Martin, writer of the book Change Your Aura, Change Your Life for a few weeks now. Initially, I didn’t realize that I read this book and I knew her work from a while back. It was amazing to read this book again, as I am a huge proponent of Metaphysical studies.  In fact, I’ve been interested in the world of Metaphysics ever since I was 13 years old, when I did not even know what it was called at the time. It has helped me expand, live powerfully and dream big.

Of all the negative emotions, fear is one of the strongest impediments to reaching our goals and achieving success. Fear can cut to the very core of our being and paralyze us. Hate is also a powerful emotion, and has the power to inspire us to take action. Fear encourages us to take no action whatsoever. How can we go after our lives if are afraid to take action?

Fear reaches deep into our instinctual level of consciousness. Yet, our fear does not have to be a big one. We can have small fears that build up and may go unnoticed. Over time, they begin to add up. You can fear something very real or have neurotic fears wherein an innocent situation can spark terror. If it continues, fear can lead to sustained worry and depression. And most of all, fear can breed fear.

To fear something, you essentially see yourself as separate from who your true self. Fear creates separateness. Fearing something, you adhere to the belief that something or someone has power over you, and you’re powerless to do anything about it. If you return to your real self, you can see the ludicrousness in your thinking. –Barbara Y Martin

You have to face your fears with dynamic power and boundless courage. Most of us are afraid of failing. I am an optimist and I believe that every failure is a series of sequential wins – truth is, there is no such thing as failure even though it might feel as though it’s real. Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times and inside his numerous failures were equally numerous wins that became opportunities for inventions. In response to a question about his missteps, Edison once said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

Michael Jordan failed to shoot the ball 1000s of times and went on to win multiple playoff games and titles.  Jorden once exclaimed, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Based on these two people, along with thousands of others starting to realize what fear really is, they all see opportunities to understand where our amazingness lives.

Fear of failure is an illusion, one that I have experienced and suffered from countless times (truthfully, more times then I care to admit). I have also been barricaded in by my fear. Even with me being an optimist.  The difference is that I don’t dwell in my fear and I don’t linger in it as long as I used to.  I remember back to a time when I did though, a time when I had no idea of what failure or success was. Even when I appeared to be failing, success happened and ultimately success was right there.  Recently, I learned that life is a series of successes and is filled with successive moments of clarity. Success without fear and failure is something entirely different, however. Both failure and success are powerful learning experiences. Daring to ride with (and through) our fear starts to break down our weaknesses and build up strength in our thoughts and character.

Fear and failure are ever-present. Alongside fear and failure, success is constantly happening in the background and is always in expansion. For example, I have been doing my Calling in the One Unapologetically workshop for some time now and each and every time, fear finds its way into our meetings.  Now, I am not going to lie – I sometimes get frightened, because I want people to show up, I want to do a fabulous job, I love doing the work I do, and I sometimes fear that nobody will show up. I fear that it will be just me in an otherwise empty room.  However, I put this fear aside and keep moving ahead.  I do not allow fear to stop me. Do I get back on track? Yes, I clear myself and ride on.  Often times, it is just the uncertain feeling of not knowing when fear is going to come up. However, I expect it will come up, and this actualization makes me stronger.  I often wonder, if Oprah, Jordan, and all these famous people ever experience fear.  I wonder if TD Jakes or Steve Harvey experience fear on the stage in the moment.  I am sure they do; after all, they are only human.  We all have concerns like I don’t know how to do it, I get stopped by fear of the unknown, etc. I am sure we all at some point get stopped by our fear.   I won’t let it pull me out of the game. I look for the answer and get back into action. The workshops were born out of my need to find a mate. Dating is an all-in, on-the-court game that is a powerful blend of fear, failure and disappointment – but if you continue to play, you will find a way to win.

The thought of creating a mate of my own accord, without a team to support me was really boring. So, I invited a few women over to work with me. They said yes and my workshop was born. I have been Coaching Calling in the One Unapologetically for a good while now. You would think that after the first workshop and the beginning of the 2nd workshop, my fears and concerns would be eliminated by the time I got to the 3rd workshop. What happens instead is different fears and concerns show up before each workshop, which test my resolve and provide me with an opportunity to see my life in new ways. I’m eternally grateful for my continued courage to face, experience and overcome my fears quickly. Although creating workshops have become easier, I know that for anything that is of value in life, fears and concerns will always come up because that is where our courage and power live.

It’s normal to have fear and not let fear have you, or permit fear to take you off course. Fear, together with courage and power, is an essential ingredient to living life outside the lines and is critical for the success that we seek.

“Know this, you cannot enjoy the sweet taste of success if you don’t know how failure tastes.” -Unknown

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Personal Life Coach

Find Your Voice. Gain Your Power.

Find Your Voice. Gain Your Power.

nikkytok/Bigstock
nikkytok/Bigstock

It’s time for you to speak up for yourself and find your unique voice. Create the way you want to be treated and live.  How will you ever find peace? If you allow people to treat you like a doormat, then a doormat is exactly what you will become.

Do you find yourself upset, resenting people, and not taking responsibility for what you say? Is your stomach constantly in knots? Do you find yourself swallowing your voice?  Then you might discover that the emotion behind all of this is your anger. You might be angry at your boss, spouse, friends or children –and most of all, you may be angry with yourself.

Are you getting assignments at your job that you don’t want?  You do it anyway, because after all, you’re good at it.  However, you’re now getting overloaded with work and you want to do something different, something with more zest.  But, you’re afraid to take a risk and ask for it.  You’re afraid of your boss, because you have all these misconceptions about him or her – she speaks fast, she shouts when she talks and this intimidates you, for you definitely don’t like confrontation.  You’re frustrated and afraid.  You feel confronted, you don’t know how to build up the courage to ask for what you want. You don’t want to be rejected, and so you suffer in a (loud) silence and continue on with the piles of work on your desk.

With fear of this kind, how will you ever get your boss or anyone to listen to you?  Subconsciously, you decide that you’ll keep doing the work you’re given and not make any waves.  In doing so, you allow yourself to get even more burned out and constantly feel upset.  You feel inadequate.  Now the job you once loved and were hired to do is becoming a very heavy burden. Instead of taking action and using your voice, you continue to get yourself worked up inside (for you dare not express yourself), and ultimately you become angry with yourself for staying silent.

As a result, everything in your life begins to get on your nerves, and you start a cycle of constant complaining.  The job that you once loved and fought so hard to get is now a burden as well.  Why? Because you believe that you are cowardly for refusing to stand up for yourself.  Consequently, you enter a state of constant mental pain and feel sick to your stomach every time you get in the car to go to work.  Furthermore, you’ve wearing out your friends with your constant badgering and you’re bringing that negativity into your home.  As a result, you start contemplating quitting and finding another job.

Quitting: How will this situation make your life better?  The fact of the matter is it’s not the job or the people, it’s you.  You find another job, but the reality is that you will remain the same until you get to the root cause of the issue.  You have not learned to speak up for yourself.  You are at the mercy of other people, hoping they will be able to read your mind. If you don’t make the decision to practice this and learn from your mistakes, you will continue to create this negative scenario over and over again. You start living in your head, creating self pity like “I am not appreciated.”  The more you say it, the more you believe it.  The more you believe it, the more it will show up, as you start looking for this self pity everywhere you go.

Finding your voice is an important achievement; it facilitates your ability to create yourself.  Creating and using your voice are two of the most important ways to have and live the life you want.  Imagine for a second what happens when you don’t have (and use) your own voice?  When you allow others to dictate your life by virtue of what they want because you allow them to control your voice?

Imagine again for a second that you create an abundant love for yourself and your voice. What would you be able to be, to do, to have in your life?  Would you have the ability to create confidence and self-respect? Would you be fully established and free to have a powerful, impactful voice?  Would your voice be an important factor in how you lead your life?  Speaking out our voice is the one thing that separates humans from animals and other primates. Communication using language helps you communicate your needs, wishes and desires to yourself and others.

Furthermore, the implication of not using your voice is the effect this silence has on your personal belief system. It becomes your reality. This is your life and you get to live it how you want.  It takes practice to release our negative habits, ideas and images of fear.  The first step is always the hardest, but if you do it, it will be the most memorable thing you accomplish and the spell will be broken.  Fear nothing, and you can attempt anything and everything.  But most of all, speak up for yourself, find your voice and display your personal power.

If someone asks you for a favor, first be clear that you want (or are able) to help them out. When you’re doing things you don’t want to do, this only creates resentment towards others and yourself.  Many people do favors they don’t want to do, and have not learned to tell someone “no”, or “I’m not the best person to help you with this”. Instead, many of us want to help too much, and when you live like this, you go against your feelings.  When you choose to be honest with yourself by honoring yourself, expect that some people will not like it, or that they could resent you.  People might think you’re selfish.  Nobody wants to be called selfish; everyone wants to look good and not lose face.  This often leads to a feeling of obligation in some way to another.

It is important to make your life, thoughts, goals and time your main priorities.  It is important to commit to yourself every day.  If you do favors you don’t want to do, you will get lost in the other peoples’ desires and expectations, making you feel bitter and upset. These feelings cause uncertainty of where you will be and about your choices. It is critical to be clear about what you will and will not do, as well who you truly are.  You can make your life a priority by being responsible acknowledging your thoughts and feelings when they arise. This commitment lets you be free to make the choices you want and take action, thereby providing you with a strong sense of who you are and allowing you to be happy with the choices you make for yourself and your life.

If you do not honor yourself, you will not be able to honor others. You will know when it is important to be selfless and when to flow with the priorities you have set in your life.

No, you cannot hang out at my apartment at 8:00am.  That might seem harsh to some people, but be honest with yourself what one will and will not do. It helps one feel better about oneself.  It is not one’s intention to hurt another’s feelings and also does not want to hurt one’s own feelings by saying yes when no is what is really meant.

Being honest with your desires provides your life with the respect it desires, as it frees you from creating resentment towards yourself.  Over the years, I have trained myself through pain and suffering that I must be honest with myself or as I honest as I possibly can.  Sometimes, it does not feel good to refuse a friend or a loved one.  However, when we respect our own choices, feeling good or bad has nothing to do with it.  We are just honoring our higher self and learn that we are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. And we realize that we cannot choose another’s happiness for them.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

I Have a Dream

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Was one of my favorite speeches long before I knew who Martin Luther King was.  I knew Martin Luther, regarding the Lutheran Church and I soon discovered Martin Luther King through my reading in school. As I write this I Really do not recall how I even knew about Martin Luther King.  I was born in 1963.  Martin Luther King was Assassinated: April 4, 1968, Memphis, TN. Anyway, he did give his speech.  I Have a Dream Speech in my life time, I was 4 months old, probably drooling somewhere while it was on the radio or TV and it poured into me as the silence fell upon my home. However, at 15 it touched me when I was doing my Secondary School Oral Exams for my final year at school.  I choose it because it spoke to me. In a way that it was powerful, romantic and captivating in the only way my teenage self would know.

Fast forward when I arrived in the New York and I started to hear more about this man and His Dream.  I fell in love with his power and real grounded idealism.  His power and Idealism that changed a world.  So when they fought and won to give MLK is own day, I vowed that I would never work on that day.  I would do what I love and find my own dream.  So today, I have my dream.  I empower people to live their dream, to own their voice and speak their truth and live life their way.  I love Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I love his stand for the world.  I love that is power and commitment to life was so powerful that he went for it.  That he went to jail, he got stabbed, chased and bitten by dogs and finally gave is life for His Dream.  To me it was a selfless life.  A full life.  He was a very young man and I am honored to share the same date of birth with him.  I am honored to be able to live my dream as a Black Women in America and to have adopted America as my homeland.

What are you willing to give your, what is your passion?  Find it, speak it and life it.

Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Calling in the One Unapologetically Begins Wednesday, January 20th and Thursday, January 21st

Noreen Calling in the One_Logo-HC[6]

citou2016
In this 9 week workshop you will expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life. The theme and vibration of CITOU is LoveX4 Expanded.

CITOU is attracting love in all of life. It is about being love, having love in all areas of your life.  Your career, finances, health and well-being in area of your life.  It’s about creating what love is for you.  It about you’re having appreciation of who you really are, it’s about expanding yourself, going for everything that is important to you being bold owning your power.  CITOU helps you live your life and loving it without apology.  It is about getting started now! from where you are in your life.  It’s about having the things you want passionately, focusing and clarifying with your goals and having them materialize.  It about owing that you are creator of your life and the things you desire.  That you have value and are valuable, that you’re past is the past and that you have and are no such thing as failure.  Come release fears, empower yourself and your life, developing your self-awareness by being courageous.  Finding your rockets of desire and shooting for them.  Creating your life deliberately and ride.  Don’t know what you want, stuck in conversations.  Blank to your desires.  Bring it all.  Calling in the one will have you muddle through and create what you want authentically from yourself and your life.

January 20th   Brooklyn – The Herb Shoppe
Cost: $390.00
394 Atlantic Ave Brooklyn, NY
January 21st NYC –   Pearl Studio’s
Cost: $497.00  
500 8th Ave New York, NY

Times: 7:00 pm – 9:30 pm.  
Please RSVP  
917 945 5907 or noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Tea and Coaching with Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Healthy tea cup jar of honey dry lavender flowers and teapot on background. Selective focus. Retro styled.

Location: The Herbshoppe

394 Atlantic Avenue Brooklyn NY 11217

Date: Saturday, January 23rd

Start Time: 1:00pm to 2:45
Price: $20.00

Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically. Expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life authentically while having tea.  Start expressing the love that you are by taking action owning your true self and loving it.

The participants said the Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically was such a wonderful experience.

“I really learned a lot about myself from this one evening and it wasn’t even the workshop. I am happy I came and it was better than what I expected.”

Please RSVP – space is very limited.

917 945 5907

Noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Click here to pay

What do you want in your life and in love?

citou2016
In this 9 week workshop you will expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life. The theme and vibration of CITOU is LoveX4 Expanded.

CITOU is attracting love in all of life. It is about being love, having love in all areas of your life.  Your career, finances, health and well-being in area of your life.  It’s about creating what love is for you.  It about you’re having appreciation of who you really are, it’s about expanding yourself, going for everything that is important to you being bold owning your power.  CITOU helps you live your life and loving it without apology.  It is about getting started now! from where you are in your life.  It’s about having the things you want passionately, focusing and clarifying with your goals and having them materialize.  It about owing that you are creator of your life and the things you desire.  That you have value and are valuable, that you’re past is the past and that you have and are no such thing as failure.  Come release fears, empower yourself and your life, developing your self-awareness by being courageous.  Finding your rockets of desire and shooting for them.  Creating your life deliberately and ride.  Don’t know what you want, stuck in conversations.  Blank to your desires.  Bring it all.  Calling in the one will have you muddle through and create what you want authentically from yourself and your life.

January 20th   Brooklyn – The Herb Shoppe
Cost: $390.00
394 Atlantic Ave Brooklyn, NY
January 21st NYC –   Pearl Studio’s
Cost: $497.00  
500 8th Ave New York, NY

Times: 7:00 pm – 9:30 pm.  
Please RSVP  
917 945 5907 or noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

You Have The Light, We All Have The Light

Natural landscape and sun rising at skyline

For a long time, I could not grasp conversations about the Light.  Your light, “She shines so bright”. “Your presence lights up the room”. “She brings the light.”  “She’s so bright”, and so on. What I used say about myself instead was: “I bring the party!” I never thought of myself as someone who brings the light. People would often talk about this concept with me and I had no idea what the light meant.  It would make me feel uncomfortable; I thought they knew something I should know and I just didn’t.  I would get frustrated – not angry really, just uncomfortable. However, I really had no clue about what the light meant.

I was used to hearing priests, vicars, and people of the clergy speak about the light and I’ve read about the light in the Bible.  I always thought the light was something that only people who were deeply religious experienced.  But I started to rethink my ideas when I started to hear it being said to me.

I was embarrassed because I did not really consider myself a “good person”.  I was the girl that always got into trouble in school. I was the sneaky, giggly girl with my conniving face, always cracking jokes.  I became the girl who was known to be a distraction.  Only good people or good girls had the light, people that could focus, pay attention and follow rules.  Not me.  I loved to giggle and laugh and I attracted (and distracted) many people in my desire for fun.

I now understand that everyone has the light and everyone is here to shine their light. It is the Godly, spirit light; no matter what you believe in, it still shines.  “You have a light”, I’d hear from complete strangers, people I just met, people I worked with – all kinds of people clued me in on this.  I’ve also heard you have a light that shines all over the place.  In the beginning of my understanding, I would think: “what the hell” they are talking about? To be honest, I was uncomfortable because I knew intuitively that the light came with some kind of responsibility that I did not know and I didn’t want to take on. I also knew I would find out and have to deal with it eventually.  It made my stomach hurt, triggering congestion in my solar plexus. I wanted to throw up but never could, and luckily the feeling would eventually pass.  Writing this article and sharing about the light, I feel vulnerable and exposed and still want to throw up to this day.

In life, sometimes understanding takes a (colloquial) minute for things to register – by register, I mean grow into a full understanding where it goes from theory to practice and then assimilation.  I soon started to realize what the light truly meant.

I have a light.  I started to own my light, fully embrace its power and build my confidence.  I started to do the things that were important to me, no matter what it looked like.  Honing my truth was not easy, and I had to take risks and be willing to fail, to feel hurt.  I did not and still do not want to feel hurt, disappointed or rejected.  I had to be willing to experience these lessons, and as a Personal Life Coach, I had to be a model for who I was teaching through my work.  Now don’t get me wrong here – I have my own unique journey, and as a Personal Life Coach, I respect that people each have their own journey.  I didn’t want to be like everyone else – knowing that I am just like everyone else, it is like fashion, we want something new and unique only to realize that everyone else is wearing NY black, we all have the ability to choose and make choices, take risks and fail.

I’ve seen the light in babies, I feel the light in people and I know that all people have this light somewhere inside themselves.  My clients learn to harness this energy by doing the things that expand their life and light when they work with me on their goals and partner with me as their Personal Life Coach.  I started to experience my own light and feel it, when I let go of my fears and concerns about things I could not control.  I started to understand and learn how to build my light.  It is built by the good, positive energy that we give to the world through our thoughts, actions and deeds.  I started to understand how to gain light. I did so by focusing on my work, coaching clients, saying generous compliments, sending out positive energy, loving myself and enjoying my work.  All of these actions honor both my clients and my own gifts. I see the light when I am happy and even when I am not as happy, and I know this light will never disappear.

I love when I have experiences which I now celebrate and call “Kiss Noreen Day”.  One Wednesday morning, at the Business Networking International Group (BNI), I was awarded the Golden Microphone by one of my colleagues after he had won it the prior year.  He awarded it to me for supporting him in an area of his life that was affecting his business and impacting his confidence.  I was truly honored and this was another opportunity to build even more light.  I appreciate love and light, I appreciate that he was able to accept my coaching, hear my suggestions and take necessary action to transform his life and business.  For me, making a difference as a Personal Life Coach is what I dedicate all of myself to.  I love it.

Today, I honor the gift of being a Personal Life Coach.  I honor my light profoundly, and because of this discovery, I can fully honor the light in my clients and everyone around me.  I love my clients and encourage people to see their own light and grow it.  Being fearless, forgiving others (and themselves) and displaying strength helps them expand their confidence and self-esteem.  I love the light, and I honor the light so that the light will honor me.

Here are parts of the past that we love to dwell on and sometimes wallow in. The present is where life exists; it’s what is happening now and is alive. The future is what we pray, hope and desire to live in and get to.

The past has teeth – or maybe dentures

The past has really strong teeth. The bite of the past can be one that is either relished or resisted. The bite depends on whether your teeth are real, or if they are dentures.  The strength of the past is clever, as it works with all human emotions.  It also works with our perceptions of the world – not the way things truly are but the way we see it or believe it. If we are stronger than the bite of the past, we display the courage to let go of the past and cut off the supply of nutrients it requires to feed off our memory.  Doing so will then lead us to making more realistic, workable choices. Our minds automatically use only the parts of the past that it thinks are valuable and rarely allows us to play in the now. Before we realize it, we take the same small steps into the future we have always taken, which rapidly become our past again.

The past can resemble an elderly person who has lived life from a place of complete joy, or it can look like a place of pure sadness. One of these pictures is happy and full of life, able to see things in a new way that brings continued happiness and joy. On the other hand, the person who has chosen to live an unhappy, distressed life sees everything as a burden, where every day is heavy and they are depressed, angry and don’t want to transform their situation; they are dying inside and out. They aren’t willing to attempt anything new or see life as a series of opportunities.  The past runs their life and they cease to grow.

The present is full of possibilities

Life in the present is spontaneous, open and full of possibilities.  The past is worthless and has no real place in the present. The past thinks it needs to be there in order to “protect” us.  In many ways, this is a good thing, because otherwise we would get run over, or fall down the stairs, etc. The present, however, is committed to the things that bring us joy, and moves life forward step by step, moment by moment.  The present is full of endless possibilities and where issues are forgiven and put aside; when a lesson is learned, what results from that situation can always be useful. There is never any right or wrong answers; there is only what actually happened. The present allows us to live our lives from a very powerful place, with a deep sense of awareness that creates a life of creativity, imagination and wow! The present makes room for trusting our intuitions, and is a place where many doors are always open in the now. It is place where we can live with a fresh outlook. In the now, all issues become relatively easy and accessible to us, helping us to achieve our goals that much faster.

The future makes no promises

The future makes no promises; it merely depends on one’s perceptions of life. Its view depends on how one holds onto that gentle glimmer of hope. The future has lots of different textures.  Some are soft and smooth, and others are hard and rough. The textures of the future are like the textures of life.  It all depends on the ones that one wants or feels attached to.  The future also can be held in the grip of fear – fear of the past.  Fear of repeating past mistakes.   The future makes no promises that your goals will be met, and it is always met in the now.

The future is patient; it allows for one step at a time in the now.  It likes the structure of making plans.  However, it is more likely to work out when a plan is flexible, yet unwavering in its commitment, and dedicated to being free from any type of attachment.  This is no easy task!

The future likes when you are clear about your requests and do not operate from a perspective of complaints. In combination with the present and the universe (life unfolding moment by moment), such a way of operating can only bring what is desired. It is required that you monitor your thoughts and remain present, free of doubt and fear, meticulous and present to negativity that enters your thoughts. Being free of all concerns is truly an impossibility – what is possible is noticing that you have doubts (or fears, concerns or considerations) and put them off to one side (do not operate from those concerns/considerations) because this is how you sustain your power. This means you can just be human and be superhuman at the same time.  To be both though means that you must be able to catch yourself when you do (or think) the things that don’t work for you.

The more authentic you are, the more you become aware of the powers of the past and what is in your now; only then can you feel the present clearly.  The future will take care of itself because of the observations and declarations you make in the now. You will see that the trio will be obedient to your wishes; keep in mind though that the past is always poised to infiltrate into whichever way you choose to go.

The past, present and future all hold incredible power. By using your mind to catch yourself, you can learn discipline and work consistently in the now! The key is working only in the NOW, as everything else is either in the past or the future.  These are places where you have absolutely no control, so there is no need to be concerned about the past or the future at all!

Noreen Sumpter

 

Happy New Year

May this new year bring lots of crazy colour and fun to your life.

I had the most moving and insightful year.  I grew, and I expanded.  I loved and lost and grew some more.  I had my share of ups and down  and through it all. I love my life and my life is amazing.  I am truly grateful.  So with that. I Charge you with having an amazing New Year.  

Expect the unexpected.  

Embrace the unknown

Welcome your failures, 

Truth is, we never fail.  For through these experiences we have balance and we will have the Best of 2016.  HAPPY NEW YEAR.  

Tea is Served: Please Join Me on Saturday, January 9th

Healthy tea cup jar of honey dry lavender flowers and teapot on background. Selective focus. Retro styled.

Tea and Coaching with Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Location: The Herbshoppe

394 Atlantic Avenue Brooklyn NY 11217
Date: Saturday, January 9th

Start Time: 1:00pm to 2:45
Price: $20.00

Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically. Expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life authentically while having tea.  Start expressing the love that you are by taking action owning your true self and loving it.

The participants said the Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically was such a wonderful experience.

“I really learned a lot about myself from this one evening and it wasn’t even the workshop. I am happy I came and it was better than what I expected.”

Please RSVP – space is very limited.

917 945 5907

Noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Click here to pay

Tea is Served: Please Join Me This Saturday, December 19th

Healthy tea cup jar of honey dry lavender flowers and teapot on background. Selective focus. Retro styled.

Just a reminder!

Tea and Coaching with Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Location: The Herbshoppe

394 Atlantic Avenue Brooklyn NY 11217
Date: Saturday, December 19th

Start Time: 1:00pm to 2:45
Price: $20.00

Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically. Expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life authentically while having tea.  Start expressing the love that you are by taking action owning your true self and loving it.

The participants said the Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically was such a wonderful experience.

“I really learned a lot about myself from this one evening and it wasn’t even the workshop. I am happy I came and it was better than what I expected.”

Please RSVP – space is very limited.

917 945 5907

Noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Click here to pay

Be Thankful

Thanksgiving background. Autumn fruit with Thanksgiving letters. Thanksgiving dinner

Today is a day for giving thanks.  I woke from my bed this morning feeling emotionally challenged. In my daily practice of gratitude. I thought about Thanksgiving.  In that moment, I choose to see Thanksgiving for what it means to me.

I’m not American and I often forget about it until the week before.  However, I saw my gratitude for my life in all its iterations. Whether, in its present state of being up or down, life going the way I want and or not at all how I’d like.  Either way, I am grateful.

I’m grateful for the amazing opportunities this year. Grateful for love. Being in a relationship, which at times was beautiful and other times not.  Grateful for learning to keep my heart open, when at times I wanted to put it in a vault, slam the door and keep it there – Thank you

I’m grateful for having the opportunity to expand my capacity to give, receive love and be open in ways that I never experienced as possible.

I’m grateful to have loved people who have not always loved me back the way I wanted, yet loved me the way they could. (I’ve been that person. I now have a view from both sides of the love table.) I am thankful for my family. For the love, I have for my brothers though their love seems so distance.

I am grateful for the people and friendship that are no longer physically present in my life. Friends who have supported me with my dreams no matter how dreamy. When times were not so good or great, you will never be forgotten and the memories we created will live in my cells – for they have helped me grow.

I am grateful and thankful for my health for Diabetes even though I wish it were not there.  I own it, I accept it and I will manage it completely.  For the pain of exercise walking/running moving the tool which is my body and being able to forgive myself when I didn’t.  For being able to make myself right where as before I would have trashed myself for failing and given up altogether.

“I’m grateful to know love’s secret. To receive love it must be given with no thought of its return. Love is a gift that no return is demanded.”  Og Mandino

For my economic challenge, I am grateful for learning and putting into practice the understanding that money is a tool and it is not an actual measure of my worth.

I am grateful for all the books, that I’ve read and for the authors, teachers, lovers, friends for if your dream did not manifest, I could not expand.

The history of Thanksgiving might not be so relevant these days.  However, the sentiment is still important.

Giving thanks. I give thanks for the power to love, think, will, and laugh, imagine, create, plan and speak.  I give that for choosing to honor my gifts knowing that I can choose to cry for my unfulfilled dreams, let failure beat me down, let circumstances trample my self-esteem, sacrifice my personal potential for the illusion of security, dishonor my individuality, deem myself incorrect and or I can misuse my talents or hide them in a trunk (Hell No).  I am grateful for the knowing and the actions that I can take.  Thank you for my humanity and the humanity of us all on this planet.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, If you wish, find one thing that you can be authentically thankful for and be thankful and then share it with another soul.

Noreen Sumpter

Personal Life Coach

 

I am a Woman. Not a Bitch.

Bitch, what a Bitch, I cannot believe she’s so Bitchy, She is one hard Bitch. People will say all sorts of thing about you, Have you noticed when a woman is confident and feels truly good about herself, knows what she wants, has clear concise boundaries, is on her way to developing her personal power and awareness in a healthy way she is often referred to as Bitch or something else quite negative. Some of her friends might even say things like she has changed.  Of course she changed who wants to stay the same. Who wants to remain ignorant and insecure?  I don’t think any woman wants that.  Life is a series of choices and so we change. 10407999_10202924996459871_1227667475578912505_n

Well, I say to hell with it.  It is time to stop seeking external validation, being nice and living in guilt and being afraid and people pleaser, by downplaying your needs by putting yourself last. It’s time to own your personal power and deal with yourself by:

  • Owning the Power
  • Standing up for yourself,
  • Learning to be Selfish and pleasing yourself
  • Going for your desires.
  • Playing a bigger life game
  • Bringing forth your personal power

Yes, so what. The word Bitch might have negative connotations; but in some areas of life if you’re a woman on a mission and up to big things at some point you will be called a bitch to your face, but more often than not it’s behind your back.  It’s important to become okay with yourself the way you are and not feel you have to defend yourself against stupidity.

Human’s gossip, it’s normal. When people don’t know you they will make up all kinds of stories about you until they find out the truth.  I have a saying, if no one is talking about you, you really not up to much.  but, when you’ve learned to deal with fear and yourself the term bitch, will no longer have control over you and you’ll experience major growth and personal power, that any comment made about your persons will no longer produced a negative feeling or result, it will be like water of a ducks back.

A Woman Owning the Power Within

Loving your power within, In order to love the bitch, you have to know and own that bitch.  In this article, the power I’m referring to or creating is a strong, confident loving person that has healthy boundaries, knows that nothing is personal.  This Bitch accepts herself for all she are and all she is not.  She is grateful for her mind, potential and life and is willing to create anything she wants and experiences she know the mistakes she makes are a part of the journey of growth and development, knowing that nothing is ever really wrong, she is responsible for their life the way it is and the way it is not.  She is open to living a joyous life knowing that things happen for her greater good.  She knows she has choices and can complain or be a victim in a continuous cycle of negativity and righteousness rightly or wrongly.  However, she knows that life is a series of polarities.  The Bitch I speak too she is someone that has experiences in her past that cause her to have a limited perspective.  However, she has chosen to let go of them over and over again and remain present in her view of their life when the past presents itself, and having the past and all its negative experience fall off her like water off a ducks back.

Standing up for self

This Bitch she is okay with herself.  She sees no need in fighting fights of no possibility. She is smiling more often than not.  She is aware of the noise in her head and can silence it when it presents itself.  She has compassion for herself and lovingly let’s go when she is not being compassionate over and over again.  She knows how to use her past as a reflection of what she’s learned and knows that she has learned it so well that it will never have to be relearned again, she does this by acknowledging her positive past.  She is confident and can stand for herself and her beliefs without making another wrong.  Her belief are her beliefs and she shares them knowing that no one has to have them or agree with them.  They are hers until they too are discarded with her growth.

Learning to be Selfish and please self

She knows how to be selfish, however, the kind of selfish that she is, is knowing that she does not come from a deficit in any area in her life.  She is abundant in her way of being.  She does not give away what she cannot and does not have.  She gives 100% because she coming from a place of self-love, abundance and generosity.  Love of self, self-value, honoring and of worth.  Self-love is a heartfelt experience, being kind, gentle and giving unconditionally the love she has 100%.  This is not the kind of woman that is aggressive and negates other people’s rights.  She is empowered and thus empowers others.  She is willing to take responsible for her life and give up making excuses.  This is not the kind of selfishness that does not care about her effects on other people.  She is not aggressive with self-dominating or controlling others.  Being Selfish means that you make sure that you take care of self and when you are completely taken care of intuitively you have an abundance of self to give away.   When you say yes, you mean yes.  When say no, you mean no there is no questioning of choice.  Everything is sent out for the highest good and everyone receives the highest good back.   Now that’s not to say that you have never screwed up.  Screwing up help you see where you have no power.  So those nights and days spent upset afraid and hurt, have help you grow and develop yourself and your power.

Going for your desire.

She goes for, knows and asks clearly for exactly what she wants.  She also knows that clarity is one of the keys to having so she does not have to settle for less than what she wants.  Saying, she does not know is okay because she’ll find out.  She also knows that if she has the right to go for her desires so does everyone else.  Abundance is not just for her it is for the world.  Being fulfilled in all of her desires is important.  Furthermore, she has the power to reject rejection on all fronts so with that everything she desire is hers for the asking and expecting because rejection doesn’t really exist.  Rejection is really an inherited concept rooted in fear that’s been passed on and is rooted in one’s concept of life.  Desires are important.  She will ask as many times as it is necessary to get what she really wants.  She knows when she stops asking for her desires, it not that she cannot have it.  It’s that something better has shown up and taken it place. Desires are continuous and so we keep on asking until old desires are met and new ones are created.

Playing a bigger game

She knows that playing a bigger game in life does not have anything to do with size or amount, it means being authentic and honest with one’s, thoughts feelings not being attached to anything and any one.  Having the freedom live in expectation of one’s dream but always being unattached.  Being happy with her choices so that her energy can be directed where she would like it to be and free of anxiety.  She believes in herself and she believes that all things are possible.  She knows to achieve the life she wants and the game she wants to play believing in herself is a choice.  It’s an attitude that she has developed for herself overtime.  She does not blame her family for the hand that she was dealt, or the race, physical size or class that she was born into or with she knows that she is responsible for her own concepts and she can change them.  Her game in life is personal to her and no one ever has to agree or want to play.  She is okay about other people’s opinions about her games as she knows their opinions are none of her business.  She knows that opinion as like bellybuttons and everyone has one.  However, playing her game in accordance to her truth is paramount it’s a peaceful process so that her energy can flow so her thoughts and idea can come easily.

Bringing forth your personal power

The Complete Bitch has personal power is personal power she needs no reason, she just is.  It is your very own.  It is hers and hers alone.  She knows that I speak too knows that if she is going to be successful in her life in her own right, she knows that it’s the way she handles herself that has her be who she wants to be and Owning the power within.  She says who she is and it is none of her business what people think about her.  Personal Power is within us to create the lives want, the life we dream about and the life that we were born to live.  You have to claim your personal power.

Consider, what if you owned the Bitch within, gave up complaining, took responsibility and started being your full power. would your life look like?

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Tea is Served

 

grahamhills/flickr
grahamhills/flickr

The participants said the Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically was such a wonderful experience.

“I really learned a lot about myself from this one evening and it wasn’t even the workshop. I am happy I came and it was better than what I expected.”

“I heard you, I listened and I went back to my office and I created.”

Noreen Sumpter, founder and creator of the Program “Live Life Your Way” who was born and raised in South East London, will be combining Great Britain’s love of tea and her love of Personal Life Coaching while introducing Calling in the One Unapologetically as an afternoon High Tea Conversation.

If you’d like to expand your capacity to give and receive love in all areas of your life that matter and are important to you, Introduction to Calling in the One Unapologetically is for you.

Noreen Calling in the One_Logo-HC[6]Location: The Herbshoppe, 394 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn NY
Date: Saturday, November 21st
Start Time: 1:00pm to 2:45; and more tea at 3:00 – 4:45 pm
Price: $40.00

Please RSVP – space is very limited.

Tea is Served!

 

Identifying Core Values: What Do You Choose to Live By?

As I grow as a person/human being, it is important to understand values from which I develop my world and my life. No one has to agree with my values.  However, I have to share them.  These are the 20 core values that I choose to live by.

Fun, laughter and joy are important to me.
Fun, laughter & joy are important to me.
  1. I love myself freely so I can love others
  2. Making myself right so I will not make others wrong
  3. Embracing my dreams, so I can live into my visions
  4. Honoring my difference and rarity
  5. People can say whatever they want as I am in control of the meaning I make in my life
  6. Having a curious mind and trusting myself
  7. Being a lifelong learner and discovering what works for me
  8. I am enough and I have enough and there is enough
  9. Expressing my passion, owning and being responsible for my drama
  10. Having the courage to have courage and knowing sometimes I have fear
  11. I am grateful for my life and all that happens
  12. Knowing I have free will
  13. Knowing I have choice and I make my own choices
  14. I am a blessing
  15. I am a reflection of the beauty and the beauty that surrounds me
  16. I have many gifts and I am generosity it is an important tool for me
  17. Having healthy relationships are important
  18. Fun, laughter and joy, happiness with myself
  19. Compassion with myself and others
  20. Living life my way, with my truth, is important

What are your core values and what do you choose to live by? I would love to hear them.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

You’re Invited!

Noreen Calling in the One_Logo-HC[6]

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY 

 

Intro:  Calling in the One Unapologetically

Date:  Monday, November 10, 2015

Time:  7:00 – 9:00pm

Introduction Fee: $20

Address:  394 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn NY 

 

Calling in the One Unapologetically is a workshop for women and men, who would like to expand their capacity to give and receive love in all areas of their life and live their Best Life.

 

What is calling in the One Unapologetically?

 

Calling in the One Unapologetically is a powerful 7 week workshop that is designed to create intentions to expand your capacity to give and receive love.  It outlines clear, specific steps to have your intentions become reality.  By understanding the true understand of “You cannot get what you want until you know what you want.” What does that mean?  It means living your “Best Life” becoming real with opportunities moment by moment.

 

In the workshop you will step into your power, tap into your fun and playful side and get a new insight into your Authentic self.

 

For further information and registration please call:  917 945 5907 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com.

 

Presented by: Noreen Sumpter

 

Noreen has been in Private Practice as a Personal Life Coach of over 10 years and has been running her workshops for over two years. She is certified by New York University and various other training centers.  Noreen has taken the work bestselling author and life coach Katherine Woodward Thomas and made  into an experience where participants get to fully be themselves by recreating and owning  themselves authentically.  In her workshops you will see Noreen put her butt on the line for transformation and life.  She is not afraid to be transparent in “Speaking her truth and Living life her way”. Noreen understands as a Personal Life Coach to serve others she must be open to being served. Noreen is featured in O Magazine November and December 2015 issues “Fix My Life” column with Iylanla Vanzant. Noreen is a coach’s coach and is not open to vulnerability.  She supports her clients to focus, clarify and align with their goals.

Setting Boundaries at Work

Group of Multiethnic Busy People Working in an Office

When you get hired to do a job or work for a corporation they’ve hired you because you are the right person for the job, you fit their needs and you have their desired skill set.  In turn, you’re excited about being the one chosen.  You fought the good fight and won the job.  Whoo hoo.

You’re excited about your job description.  You fit their budget; you’re fine with the prescribed salary and if you’re not they’ve hooked you with some sort of promise of a bonus or perk.  The day that you joined the company of your dreams, you received a large binder with all you need to know about the company.  If you’re anything like me, you’ll skim through it and you’re golden.  The binder is filled with the do’s and don’ts and the musts and must nots, it’s clear that these are the company boundaries and rules for being a member of company.  In essence they are rules of their game.

Fast Forward: the novelty of being the new person has worn off now. You fit snugly into your position. You have been on the job a few weeks or months, you’re smart enough and you pretty much have a general lay of the land by now.  In space of those months, you are seeing or should be seeing your boundaries or the boundaries that you see that you have to create for yourself.

As an employee do you have clear concise boundaries that you play by?  If so, are they something that can be laid out clearly to your bosses and co-workers, or are they boundaries that only you know about and everyone else has to read your mind to understand?  Do you have boundaries for your performance on the job?

It is important that you understand what it is you will and will not tolerate so you can discover what works for you and what does not work, so you can organize yourself in a way that is makes your life on the job comfortable.  This is an opportunity to help you to see where you compromise and how it can affect you mentally, physically, and emotionally.   Is it important for you have timelines for your work?  Is it important that you take lunch and breaks for effective productivity throughout the day.  How important is it for your co-workers to respect your space and the work that you do?  Can you and do you welcome positive criticism or do you see criticism as a put down?  How important is it for you to take vacation of wellbeing days with the confines of you allowable time off.  Is overtime mandatory and if it is mandatory is it something that you can balance so that your life is balanced or is overtime something that you need  to meet your economic obligation?  How important is it for you to get positive feedback and approval from your bosses? Is feedback something that you can share so that you can do your work and feel appreciated?  Are you confident sharing that something is not in your job description in a respectful manner or are you the kind of person that catches an attitude readily?  Are you comfortable stating these needs in a confident way.  How important is the way you’re spoken to on the job to you and if this need is not met, can you handle it in a way that it is not deem personal and sort it out.  As a coach, I often tell people that anyone can ask you for anything, and if you have healthy boundaries your answers can be from a healthy place none personal place. If your boundaries are unhealthy you will take everything person and be on the defensive side of the fence.

Practicing truth with yourself gives you clarity and peace of mind which helps know what  your  boundaries and rules are.   It is important that your boundaries are clear in who you are being on the job.  It helps you be clear about your responsibilities, your attitudes and how you get along with others.   It is also important that you be clear in your communication and the promises that you make to yourself and to others.

Practicing self care on your job is really important:

  • Scheduling a regular lunch hour. (Especially for people that are busy and love their jobs.)
  • Having regular breaks (giving your mind and body a rest period)
  • Taking time off for your medical checkups and when you are sick (infecting others with flu virus etc)
  • Being honest about deadlines. (Can I deliver or not)
  • Taking your vacation
  • Being an honest team player
  • Teaching people how you want to be treated.
  • Respecting your space and others
  • Being gentle with yourself regarding your abilities
  • Not making your co-workers or yourself wrong
  • Being responsible with amount of overtime you (families and friends need you also)
  • Practice work and Life Balance

Last and not least, it is very important that you enjoy your job and you feel productive to generate a feeling of contribution.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

I am featured in O Magazine November Issue on the Iyanla, Fix My Life! Column

How this came about:  I was sent an email through a dear friend of mine, Carol Kelly who is an amazing journalist. She suggested that maybe I should consider entering the request that O Magazine had made. Carol said “Maybe Iylanla can support you with your family issue.”  You know when you see something and you know that you must do it, but you have this feeling of !@#$ it, but you know that your spirit is telling you it is the right thing to do? Well that is what happened to me. I saw it, walked away from my computer for about 2 seconds and walked back and took action. Then I emailed the following:

I am a Personal Life Coach and I am experiencing a challenge that I would love to have Iyanla Vanzant support me with my brothers. 

I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters all together there are 7 of us.  We are currently divided. 3 of my brothers are not speaking to 1 brother and 2 sisters.  

Mother has Alzheimer’s in England.  Upset, hurt, anger and disagreements are looming. 

I have been reaching out to my brothers for a good amount of time (years).  I am a Personal Life Coach and I support everyone to win in their lives, and this is my challenge that I am not winning.  I love my brothers and am at the end of my tether.  

Yes, I would welcome Iyanla’s support in winning and having our family back by having us transform this very sticky situation. I love my brothers and would never have thought in 100 years that we would be in this situation.  The coach needs a coach. Yes, I am open to transforming my current relationship with my brothers.   

Noreen Sumpter

That e-mail resulted in an opportunity to Coach with Iyanla Vanzant. I can tell you that it was an amazing opportunity.  Iyanla is incredible.  I did what I was told for 40 days.  It was amazing. Confronting myself and doing the work daily. The shoe was on the other foot.

I am still doing a lot of what she requested of me.  What it has provided me is a clearer picture of who I am, what I am here to accomplish and a lot of the issues that I am dealing with or not dealing with are not real.  They are opportunities to grow when we as humans are confronted in life. I am coach and it is great to know that I am human and I remain open to life’s challenges.

O Magazine[2]

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Week Three of Calling in the One Unapologetically: Releasing people, places, things, experiences, regrets

CItou picture 1[2]

 

It is ok to allow yourself to be human by allowing yourself to mess up, dress down, fall short, bomb out.  It is okay to do what you want with you yourself, your life, body and dreams.  Understand that there a chance that you will not please everyone all the time not even yourself.  There will be times when you will disappoint people and with that they will be people close to you such as your parents, friends and relatives and again even yourself.  It is important to know that life is always changing and transforming.  You are transforming in ways that you will or will not see.  There are things that we’ll experience, for instance, we’ll be economically, emotionally, educationally and physically challenged.  I was recently, economically challenged after not experiencing any challenges in years.  In addition, I have also, been physically challenged with Diabetes and weight gain.  I have been overweight for years.  I triumphed over both these physical challenges and will continue to overcome them for the rest of my life.  Hence, lifestyle changes. I never once thought that being economically challenged, would be an opportunity to grow.  It is, I am still learning and exploring. There is an ebb and flow up and down experience to money.  It is not static experience, even though it is not something, that is tangible it is a mindset conversation that I am learning the fundamental shifting.  I never once thought that I would ever say that being economically challenged is interesting and that I could learn about and transform.   Also our dreams can take a turn and become difficult to manifest. It is also a learning experience.  We have choices and we can choose to be successful or unsuccessful we will be successful or unsuccessful positive and negative of our overall success. Within the realm of success there are times when success does not feel the way we think it should be.  It is an individual discovery.

Last week was week 3 of Calling in the One Unapologetically. It was The Release, we released ways, behavior, thoughts etc. that no longer worked for us like blame, shame etc., and we embraced forgiveness, power new behaviors and experiences. We created an environment fit for the intention of   release to happen.  We released through a water ceremony and used candles. We supported each other in ways that we needed.  So that we could choose newly and live life and see vast array of gifts the universe has to offer.  I’m was and remain excited about life and its constant changes.  I released many experiences that no longer fit in my life or that I no longer have space for.  Below are a few things I removed from my life.

I released: worthlessness: Worthlessness came from my Jamaican father who called me (Watless) worthless because I did not do wash dishes or chores, I sucked my thumb and played with my hair, or that my room was always messy. The haunting of worthless gave me no peace even into adulthood and rears it head from time to time when things in my life are not working or going as well as I’d like them to.  I have had to always prove my worthiness even though my father has been dead well over 20 plus years. His words still rang and something ring in my ear when or if I did not meet a certain standard.  It provided me no freedom.  So I am ever vigilant of the noise.

Some the things I released and embraced were as followed:

I embraced:  That I am worthy, I have purpose and I bring light.

I release: Shame and being shamed

I embrace:  There is nothing about me to be ashamed of.  I have an opportunity to pass through whatever shame I have made up to experience the other side of what I desire and see the miracle I am.

I release: myself from negative conversations about money and results.

I embrace: Positive and negative energy around money as an opportunity to see what I am dealing with and as a result to use them as a tool.  I honor myself and my energy to constantly create from nothing everything I desire and to know that results are always changing.

I release stories that are made up about me and that are not mine

I embrace: Accepting that people will make up stories about me and that the only story that matters are the ones that I make up about myself.  I have choice

I release: All thoughts, feelings, ideas, and actions and ways of being that I have not yet released and don’t know I am to release

I embrace: Courage to release things that are not for my higher good, people, places and things.

 

I am also letting go of some of the kind of friendships that no longer serve or inspired or where I am not being inspiring.  However, letting go does not mean ending.  It just means releasing them in a way where I have space to recreate what I truly desire.  We cannot hoard relationships like objects, waiting for them to shift.  The shift must happen with you.  We cannot expect anything from them we have to have the freedom to create and love freely.  We all have needs and expectations that are different they arrive at different times when you are able to learn, and experience our needs.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

 

 

Remembrance

The day the planes hit the towers was a day I will never forget.

I was in a BNI meeting in the Grand Central area, when one of the members came into the meeting laughing and saying that the World Trade Center has been hit by a plane.  Now, I did not think that was funny even if it had been his idea of a sick joke.  As I looked at him in disgust and horror I said “That’s not fucking funny”.  Cut my eye (dirty look) and continued in the meeting. I had no idea whether a plane had hit the WTC was true or not until I went outside and saw a television in I think a bank and there it was as plain as the nose on my face the tower on fire.  A plane crashing into the World Trade Center.  My thought instantly was about my friends who worked at the Landmark Center in the World Trade Center.  Were they ok? OMG, I was supposed to be there at 10:00am for my Introduction Leaders Assisting Agreement.  Surely, this was not real, I thought to myself.  It couldn’t be.  My mind was in a tizzy trying to connect the dots and have this all make sense.

My first thought was there was no way I was going to go back down town.  Let alone go across any bridge.  I saw people on various televisions that I passed walking across the bridge covered in dust and papers and ashes strewn in the air.  I was not going to walk across that bridge.  My thought was God only knows what could be waiting on the bridge and then the next thing was all the ash, God only knows what’s in it.  I really don’t need that on my body.  I decided to go as far uptown as possible.  Whatever they were bombing, I doubted they would go uptown.  That was my thought.  I started walking, I had a plan that morning.  I would go to my Bloomingdales to return a suit that I had bought because I had gotten the same suit at Century for 50% off the original cost.  So I decided then even if it was the end of NY, I would return the suit as it gave me something to do, until I tried to work out what to do.  So I walked to Bloomingdales.  Please don’t ask me how I got there.  All I know is I did, I got there in a daze.  I could not stop crying.  While in Bloomingdales, I got into squabbles with foreigners who were talking smack about America.  I was upset as this was not the time for squabbling.  I walked around Bloomingdales like a zombie.  Crying and sitting and crying some more.  It was time to get out of Bloomingdales and make another plan.

My cellphone was not working.  I could not reach anyone and no one could reach me.  Thank God for payphones, what few there were and every now and then I would get a signal. I met a women who was hysterical crying in the Chicken shop.  “You still have to eat in a crisis.”  She was crying because she said she looked Arab and was afraid that she would be attacked.  I hugged her and told her she would be fine.  She was actually West Indian, Trinidadian she was fine.  We ate chicken and cried a little because that was all I could do as I had no idea what to do.

As I was sitting in the Chicken place eating my chicken and crying.  I had a thought.  Where the hell was Will Smith?  How come he did not swoop in and save the day?  My brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening.  I did not have a real past experience of what was happening.  My brain needed to make meaning out of this situation.  Will Smith was my reality.  Independence Day was what was happening in NY and Will would save me and save us all.  Not like a leading lady or any of that stuff, just he would make it better.  Make this planes, fire and the bombs go away by killing whatever Alien has done this.  That was my reality or the unreality of this.

Finally, I was able to reach my ILP coach Laurie who suggested we should all meet at Tim’s house on Park Avenue.  Ok, I walked to Tim’s house his beautiful large studio that was immaculate with his huge bed.  I was emotionally spent that day.  I walked into Tim’s house and plopped on his bed and went to sleep.  I wake up to them saying lets go to church. I got myself together and we went to a Catholic church.  On the way out of the church walking near Bryant Park.  It was late into the night now and I really wanted to go home.  I happened to meet some people who I recognized from my neighborhood.  It amazing that a crisis brings us close together were we are no longer strangers.  I called to them.  They recognized me just as much as I did them. However, this was different kind of day. Today, we just didn’t nod and go on we connected, were interested in each other’s welfare.  I then said goodbye to my people my coach and Tim, they checked if I would be okay with these people.  I got on the C train or one of those trains and rode home.  The funny thing though, I felt like an alien on the train.  I sat next to a women who I started talking to, she looked me dead in the face and did not respond.  I swear, I felt as though I had died and gone to zombie land because everyone on the train was disconnected.  My train took me home fast and without issue.  I came home where I connected with my neighbors.  Only to discover that a few neighbors worked in the center or close by.  One was late for work that day so the fire turned around and went home, another was at work in a building close by and had witness people jumping to their deaths and bodies exploding on the sidewalk.  She was devastated.  For her, I left my door open and my apartment became a respite for her to express and talk so she could be supported or just to cry and lastly, neighbor upstairs was killed when the building fell down.  It was said, hearsay that she was in the basement when the towers came down trying to get people out.  That was the kind of person she was, providing support the best way she could from me with my bike to people in a bombed building.

I try not to think about 9/11 as a terrible day as I know it was.  I think of the upside if I can call it that.  I think of a city of people who banded together.  To hug, give hope, and continue to make our city great.  I Love New York.  For the people that perished in the World Trade Center.  You are gone and you will never be forgotten.

September_11th_Tribute_in_Light_from_Bayonne,_New_Jersey

Life is Beautiful. Life is What You Say It Is.

"Free Spirit" by Amanda Cass
“Free Spirit” by Amanda Cass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.

Martin Luther King Jr.

These women took a leap of faith into Calling in the One Unapologetically. They made the commitment to open their hearts, unlock the ability to give and receive powerful love. Here’s what they had to say.
 

“Noreen’s coaching of CITOU, came at a time that I was going through some life transitions and it made a remarkable difference in the way I began to live my life. In each session we explored who we were and what we really want and need in our life. CITOU works in mysterious ways that I would consider very sacred and safe as you start to see life and what we experience in new empowering ways. It shifts our usual thinking and reacting to open up something more. It is about getting who you are and letting go of things that stop us. The way the group was structured contributed to the richness of the course by allowing everyone’s experiences to be heard and understood. Noreen’s style is fun and funny, she is cheeky, chic and coaches us to be and life our best life. Call it in!” -S. Shah, NY

 

“I loved participating in CITOU. For me, this workshop was an opportunity for me to clear away my past regrets and let go. I literally had phone conversations and email dialogues with past romantic interests where I happily admitted to and subsequently released my months (or in one case, years) of negativity, bad feelings, and/or withheld communication. This is was something that I would never had done before.  CITOU provided me the freedom to honor my thoughts and feelings about my past and thus allowed me to leave them in the past. The only way that I was able to communicate with each person in such a transparent way was because I had released the shame and embarrassment that I had around my romantic attractions gone awry. This workshop cleared away the pains of my romantic past. I am ready and excited to create new, sexy, intimate romantic love in my life!” -Jackie, Brooklyn, NY

 

“Noreen is a super-dynamic and caring leader! Through, she will lead you through many various and delightful stages of growth and discovery in CITOU! CITOU will rock your world!!!” -H. Sells, NY

 

“The Calling in the One Unapologetically course has been both eye opening and fulfilling. With a history of dead end and often heartbreaking relationships, I was at a point where I was giving up. Then, I met Noreen. Her work as facilitator of our group has brought us together to work hard and look at where we’ve been inauthentic about ourselves and our actions in having a solid, loving relationship come into our lives. I’ve gotten so much compassion and support from her. My awareness of how much I settle and how little value I give myself when it comes to love is both confronting and cathartic. I now have a new outlook for my future and am gaining a new understanding for what I really want AND what I don’t want… am committed to continuing to build myself up and love myself so that I have that overflow to give to another. I am experiencing a shift into seeing that what I want is possible and that I can truly have real, unconditional love in my life. Thank you so much for this course.” -Rachel, NY

Honor Yourself So You Can Honor Others

If someone asks you for a favor, be clear that you want to do this favor. When you’re doing things you don’t want to do, this only creates resentment towards the other person and yourself.  Many of people do favors they don’t want to do, but when you live like that you go against your feelings.  When you choose to be honest with yourself by honoring yourself, expect that some people will not like it, or you.  People might say you’re selfish.  No one wants to be called selfish, everyone wants to look good and not suffer losing face, so you feel obligated in some way or another.

Inspirational Typographic Quote - Whatever's good for your soul go do that

It is important to make your life, thoughts, goals and time important.  It is important to commit to yourself.  If you do favors you don’t want to do, you will can be lost in the world of other people’s desires, and expectations which will only lead to bitterness and upset. Which cause uncertainty of where you will be and feel uncertain about your own choices. I think it is critical to be clear about what you will and will not do and who you are.  You can make your life a priority by being responsible where you acknowledge your thoughts and feeling which lets you be free to make choices and take actions, thereby providing you with a strong sense of who you are and allows you to be happy with the choices you make for yourself and your life.

If you do not honor yourself, you will not be able to honor others. You will know when it is important for you to be selfless and when to flow with things.

No, you cannot hang out at my apartment at 8:00am.  That might seem harsh to some people, but be honest with what one will and will not do. It helps one feel better about oneself.  It is not one’s intention to hurt another’s feelings and does not want to hurt one’s own feelings by saying yes when no is what is really meant.

Being honest with my desires provides me the respect for your desires, as it frees me from resentment of myself.  I have trained myself for a long time to be honest with myself.  Sometimes, it does not feel good to refuse a friend or a loved one.  However, when you respect your own choices, feeling good or bad has nothing to do with it.  You are just honoring your higher self and you learn that you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness, and you know that you cannot choose another’s happiness.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

www.callinginthe1unapologetically.com

Begins september 7th 2015 (2)

Special: One-Hour “Get Acquainted” Life Coaching Call

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For those of you who have been wanting to experience my services, I now have a campaign on LivingSocial.

It is an opportunity to get some valuable coaching at an affordable, rock-bottom price. The price is the only thing that is different – the coaching you will receive is still about focus, clarity and alignment in the areas that are most important to you.

Check out the deal here, share it with a friend and let’s talk!

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

 

Love is Everywhere. It is Never Far.

Calling in the One Unapologetically completed July 2nd 2015.  

What joy, happiness and wonder.

CALLINGINTHEONE

What We Experienced

Lovers, men and partnerships created.  

Health restored and taken on, 

Businesses launched, 

Giving, receiving and expanding in good portion, 

Jobs and joys fulfilled  

Money was understood and dreams came true

 

Who I am Now

Stretched

I am stronger

Compassionate and passionate

Vulnerable  

Full of self-expression

Fear and fearlessness taken on

  

CITOU has been infused with love of who we are fully at our core.  Love is everywhere. It is never far.

 

Calling in the One was amazing. We are doing it again in September. Don’t miss it.

 

I am, we are, powerful and strong. We are women.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

The Release: Move Life Forward and Create Power, Freedom & Self-Expression

The release flyer 7-21

The Release is very powerful.  People who have done The Release walked away free from (shit). Shit that has been lingering in their lives for an inordinate amount of time.

Look, there is no point in me mincing words. Celebrate your humanity. We are human, after all. We have a lot of shit in our lives that is worrisome to us.

“I have shit that I am still discovering life after 15 years of transformational work. Am I the same person I was 15 years ago no. Do I still have shit? Yes. Will I be unloading shit and creating new shit in life yes and yes”.

Join us for The Releasing of: Old hurts, dead and lifeless relationships, Toxic relationships, Toxic Ties, old agreements, wounds, old barriers, upsets, disappointment, shame, sexual, body, financial. Guilt, not good enough, fear, inferiority, indecisiveness, procrastination, promises, old pattern, unhealthy behaviors, broken agreements with self and others, habits that no longer work, loss.

These are all conversations that one might be hoarding about self that no longer, or have never, empowered or moved your life forward.

Truth, if you are human you have things you want to release. Let’s not belabor this conversation. If you would like to attend, or considering attending, contact:

WWW.NoreenSumpterCoach.com

917 945 5907

The Herbshoppe

394 Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11217

(718) 422-7981

Let’s move life forward and create power freedom and full self-expression. So you can live your life being happy, fulfilled and having made a difference in the world.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Strengthen What Remains

Strengthen What Remains

I met Toni Hatton at a conference a few years ago.  We had always “threatened” to do something together and had not up until now. 

I will be participating in her “Strengthen What Remains” Speaker’s Summit on Monday, June 29th.

Who Toni is for me is a dynamic lady who cares about people having what they desire in life.  She is about manifestation.  Toni is a woman who enjoys creating partnerships with everyone she meets.  She loves to share and she is shiny.  The beauty is that she does it  about being an Attractive Thinker. Hence her company is the http://www.theattractivethinker.guru/

It’s not that we cannot have what we desire.  It is that we have a difficult time holding onto our dreams. We get caught up in the time it takes to manifest them.  We get caught up in having them exactly the way we create them and it provides with no room for magic to happen. Everyone has confidence where they are strong. However, there are areas where we are not and in this talk you will discover there is power in pain, nothing in your life is wasted. 

Together, we will break down limiting beliefs, have straight communications, be transparent and most of all we will have fun.  I am offering a free 15-minute consultation to you. You will come away excited to have a conversation that will be the beginning of a life transformation.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

What Do I Stand For?

What Do I Stand For?

I stand for love.

I stand for myself and my understanding.

I stand for risk and learning.

I stand for not being afraid to fuck up.

Friends may leave and not forgive the fuck up.

It’s God/Universes way of paring down the baggage

And letting me know they have the right to change their minds.

That’s deep learning.

I stand for fearlessness. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Own the fear, its ugly. Really ugly.

I stand for truth because it always prevails.

I stand for making my life and making my life right.

Sometimes life and the choices I make are right. However, they just don’t work.

I stand for feeling my feelings no matter how much it seems they hurt.

I stand for Victory. Doing what’s right even though I want to throw my hands in the air and say fuck it all.

At the end of it and inside of all of these experiences, I can look myself in the mirror and say, I fucking love you Noreen. You are indeed powerful and you are love.

I can feel good about myself and remain in alignment with the world and all its people no matter what is said.  I can walk the streets of my hood naked and feel the feeling but good with myself. I can express my scars and wounds with pride. I can carry my head high. I’ll smile when I see you. I’ll feel good about myself. I’ll know my worth, my love. I am safe in the world, I’m confident that love is present, I’ll have no regrets, I took the risk. I remain courageous in the unknown. I’ll be giddy with joy, that I’m truly free. Scoop myself up in my arms and say in a loud voice:

“Bring on the next adventure.”

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Fit Mind, Fit Body: Personal Life Coaching While Walking!

Fit Mind, Fit Body: Personal Life Coaching While Walking!

walking flyer

 

Starting June 1, 2015

HAVE YOU BEEN WANTING TO WORK OUT IN THE MORNING AND YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM GET OUT OF BED? DO YOU WAKE UP AND RENEGOTIATE YOUR PROMISE TO EXERCISE, TURN OVER IN BED AND SAY @#$@ IT, OR DO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS:

  • GET UP AND GO WORKOUT
  • PULL THE BLANKET OVER YOUR HEAD, SNUGGLE DOWN AND GO BACK TO SLEEP
  • SAY, OH, I’LL DO IT TOMORROW – BUT TOMORROW NEVER COMES
  • SAY, I’LL DO IT SOON, AND SOON NEVER COMES BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A PLAN
  • SAY, I CAN’T BE BOTHERED, I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO, AND I’M TIRED.
  • IT’S TOO COLD, TOO HOT OUTSIDE
  • GOSH, I SAY THIS EVERYMORNING, DO YOU FIND YOU’RE REPEATING THESE THOUGHTS EVERY DAY?

YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP AND ANOTHER DAY PASSES. 

Noreen Sumpter is a Personal Life Coach and resident of Clinton Hill before it was Trendy and FABULOUS.

Noreen was born and bred in South (Saff) East London, England. A Certified Life Coach with over 10 years’ experience, she is passionate, bright, funny and full of energy.  Noreen has spent a large part of her life in Clinton Hill.

I used to be that person, I used promise myself to get out of bed and exercise. Sometimes, I did.  However, it was more like wishing to exercise.  Wishing to get up.  I would often play mind games and try to work out in bed.  Not. I would promise to go out. I’d make every excuse known to man to find a way out. I even created workout buddies and pray they would punk out and they did.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Diabetes and I swung into action, within 6 months my glucose went from 10.5 to 6.4 and lost 40lbs of body fat thus reversing my Diabetes. Sexy, sexy…  Using my knowledge and gifts as a Personal Life Coach, I am here to support others to take action, create a purpose to get in shape by getting out of bed and help you redesign your body using your thoughts and taking actions to have your body be the tool it was designed for.  No more excuses. I will provide you with knowledge to take deliberate actions to live life your way fulfilling your dreams, and desires and rekindling an amazing relationship with your mind and body.

Join me on 3 weekly 45-60 minute walks, where you will move your energy and receive Personal coaching that will empower you to love you and the body you’re in using the Law of Attraction and other transformational tools to create positive results in your life

For more information, Contact 917 945 5907 or noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
www.Noreensumptercoach.com

Project “90 Days to the Nanee”

Bigstock/Dudarev Mikhail
Bigstock/Dudarev Mikhail

Hey Ladies, I want to share something with you.

So, I had not been dating for over a year. Truth is I don’t want to date. I desire to be in a committed relationship that will lead to marriage.   I have had this conversation brewing that I needed to have men ask me out because I was sick of asking men out that I was attracted too. Instead of celebrating this freedom, I saw where I was making it wrong.

However, I had a conversation about it and came to the conclusion that I have been leading this course for over a year now, and I was not dating. Out of integrity for me. The truth is that I desired to meet a man that I was attracted to and that there was a spiritual component to it. After all, I’m a leader. Exasperated, I declared that I was going to go back to my old way of being. Within a day, I got a swipe from a guy on Okcupid and I put away my concerns and stories and had a date that Sunday. On this date, I discovered all the things I was avoiding and not accepting. The Okcupid guy was short, I did not want to be like my parents. My mother was tall 5.9 and my father was 5.6; to me, as a child they looked odd and I said that “I was never going to marry a man shorter than me” said by a child of about 7, that child was me. I had a story that I did not want to be dominated and that a small man would dominate me and tell me what to do like my father. The Okcupid date was a breakthrough for me. It was a great opportunity to see something, do something different and grow. That guy is no longer in my space, and I shared with him, how I felt and I could honestly, complete my interaction with and start from a place that is just friendship.

Last week, I discovered that I had a prototype of the men that I dated. Even though the men that were the loves of my life were complete opposites from my prototype. So come Wednesday, I’m going about my business in the city and enter a shop and there in the shop was my prototype. I immediately start with the eyes and the vagina and as luck would have it I had an opportunity to see to see myself in action. I got to be present and see my eyes and my vagina in action. Where was I, I was in an exclusive designer store and my prototype was an executive sales associate he comes around as I was speaking with a female sales person about a dress on the mannequin.   Immediately, I start flirting. To be honest, I have no real idea about what I was saying. I just know that I was grinning from ear to ear and my eyes were batting everywhere around this guy’s face. I noticed his smile, his lips omg he was attractive. I ask about the women section, it was upstairs. The female assistance apologies in advance about the slow elevator. I say not to worry, I will all the more look forward with enthusiasm, excitement and expectancy when I arrive at the 2nd floor destination, also known as the principles we start each Calling in “The One” Unapologetically session with.   Anyway, I ride the elevator and finally get to the 2nd floor which I could have walked up to but, I choose to ride. When the door opened I was greeted with the most beautiful dashing smile and it was the guy that I was flirting with on the main floor. I asked him if he ran up the stairs or did he have a twin brother. He said he was the twin and I had to choose. I laughed and continued to flirt. Fast forward we trade numbers, I take pictures of him giggled and flirted.

After having a joke about it with a friend. The following Wednesday after discovering more things about myself regarding my man prototype, I met a guy who is exactly my prototype down to the accent. French Colonial. To be specific Haitian. Laughing at a friend who said she would not allow a man to touch her taking a page out of Steve Harvey’s book. I thought about it and took it on. I have always had sex whenever I felt like it. I have never gone a month without having sex with a man. I enjoy sex and like getting it on. It never proved if a man liked me more or less, if he respected me more or less. However, I wanted to have an experience of myself not having sex with a man for 90 days. Not just any man, a man that I found attractive and sexy. So I declared that I was going refrain from having sex for with any man I was attracted or meet for 90 days so “Project 90 days to the Nanee” was born. I thought that this would be a struggle and I would not be able to make the request or get my request honored and I would do and be the same as I have always been about sex.

However, the truth is I wanted to be how I wanted to be which was not to talk about it but insert my demand that the guy gives me what I want and he’d be okay with it. This current choice was for myself. I wanted to see and experience myself clearly and completely without sex being connected with a man. That we would choose a time that we both agreed to have sex, we would be clear and adult about. This experience is important and it is for my self and the man can choose yes or no I would be fine with his choice. I would still continue on with my experience.

I desire this because I want to get to know the guy without sex in the game, without objectifying him. I know I want to have sex with him. Seriously my body is burning and I am having sensations that I have only had an experience of for a moment. I told him what I was doing and he agreed to play the game with me. Consequently, we have slept in bed now since we have met, 3 nights out of 12. It has been great. We have had no sexual interplay. We have both had sensations played, laughed, eat, talk and gone out together. No sexual interplay. I am actually enjoying being sexually expressed in my non-sexual self with this man. In fact, I would be enjoying myself with any man in this situation. It’s not like I could not or have never asked for anything. It is that I got what I wanted in my relationships by being demanding and with an attitude that didn’t serve me or the relationship. The experience was not generative and expression. Which did not allow for freedom and choice. What I discovered is that the kind of sex I was having was taking away from being present and I did not experience an opportunity to being present thus rendering me open.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

 

 

 

I’m No Longer Dating With My Eyes and Vagina

Romantic couple on the date, abstract ripped paper background

 

What does that look like when I date with my eyes? I look for the hot guy. When I date with my vagina it’s all about lust. The hot guy for me is the guy that fits my proto-type of what I find attractive and enjoy. I couldn’t help it and now I understand it was my automatic when it came to dating.

What’s a proto-type? A proto-type for me is the type of man that does it for me. I found that I dated that same dynamic over and over again. An example of my proto-type is a man that is tall, 6.2 to 6.5ft, bald, preferably West African or a French colony, his complexion is jet black. He is loving kind, a little bottled-up sexually and wants to fully sexually express, that last part is not that specific I just noticed that. That’s what I’m attracted to and that is what turns my head. I also noticed that this is completely the opposite of the first man in my life which was my dad. My dad was 5.6ft my mother was 5.9ft and they looked odd. So I was working on avoiding that dynamic. My father had a Napoleon complex and I believed that a little man would try to dominate me. My father was moody, bossy and the boss. In a lot of ways he was great and in a lot of ways he was exactly how he had to be with me.

I’ve always envied people who did not have a proto-type until I discovered we all have our thing, some physical some not. Whatever it is, we all have our proto-type. However, I am smart enough to know that we all have something that does it for us. Don’t ask me why. That is the physical aspect of what’s attractive to me and I have been attracted to it over and over.

What happens is whenever I’d meet my proto-type, it was as though my mind would go blank – I didn’t see anything other than what they looked like and what I described. Oh, I forgot to add, I love great teeth. Great teeth do it for me. There are no questions, it’s all physical and it will go no further than that because I have no foundation for anything else. It is a fantasy. I don’t ask the questions that we would normally ask of a date, because I’m not operating from any place other than my eyes and my vagina. Lust and my sense of beauty. There is no future in this regard. This connection is base, it can go on for a long time with no future. It’s all about looking good and sex.

With my proto-type there is no future to create because I was never present. My proto-type is purely feel good, look good and wow! Basically, I was disconnected, shallow and was operating at a base level. No judgement it was just what it was.

It’s so great that I have discovered that this is what I have been doing with relationships. I want you to know that I am not saying that what I did was wrong or right, good or bad. I am just being responsible and not allowing my vagina to go on a date without the rest of me. The dynamic that I was creating has now expired because I’m creating relationship, commitment and connection in a relationship.

It is the knowledge that I have about myself, I have the tools and ability to be responsible, present in my relationships going forward and the outcome of that is that on Sunday, I had a date, the 1st in a long time, the first one when I did not worry about height or concern myself that he was not my proto-type and I was settled inside myself as I was completely present and experienced a really great date. I had a good time. I stayed on my side of the date. It was my job to enjoy myself and have fun and I did that. I asked questions, shared myself. Ate good food. Laughed at his funny and corny jokes. Had some silly jokes corny jokes of my own. I even got moved that I could actually be on a date with a man that was not my proto-type and I gave myself an opportunity to wonder what it would be like to be with a man that was smaller than anyone that I have ever dated. I saw that what I had been avoiding this whole time in my relationship was looking like my parents. My mother was taller than my father and this guy was 1 inch taller than me.

People, I have been avoiding dating my father, forever a short man. I had an internal conversation and limiting belief that had me create the complete opposite of what I did not know I was avoiding. Me, a tall woman with a short man. That conversation, going forward can be buried and put in the past. I had been dating with my eyes and vagina pretty much all my adult life. I did not have a barometer to distinguish anything going forward. The difference now, is I’m dating with curiosity and being present.

Noreen is ready to engage in a full adult relationship that is inspiring where I know myself as generative, creative, loving and kind. One where I am sharing myself openly, intimately with a man that is amazing and beyond my wildest dreams. Now, I know I am not naïve. I’m open to knowing whatever concerns I will show up and I embrace them as opportunities to grow.

Passion and love is courageous and all-encompassing.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Pay Attention to What is of Value to You

The thing that you’re looking for is everywhere. The moment you know what you’re looking for it becomes available.

Why is this so? It’s because the thing that you want has value to you. It does not matter what the thing is. For most of us it’s a job, business or in my case a man. When you know that you are looking for the opportunities and information become apparent. If you know don’t know what you’re looking for, you will never find it.

It is also true for things that you cannot be straight about. If you can’t say what you’re looking for you’ll will never have it, even if it is something that you might have the opportunity to see every day. I remember dating a guy that drove a big orange diesel power Mercedes Benz. I’d never seen anything like it before in fact, I was embarrassed to ride in it. Anyway, the moment, I started dating him and driving around in his big orange/yellow Benz, it was as though the car was everywhere. Why? Because he drove the car. And as much as I did not like the car, he was important to me, so replicas of his car would show up everywhere.

It is important to pay attention to what is of value to you because it becomes easier to find and or attract it.

Diabetes, Stay the Hell Out of My Yard

 

I was diagnosed with Diabetes on October 8, 2014. I went into my doctor’s office for a routine blood pressure check. Routine for me because my blood pressure had soared and I could not distinguish what has it go so high? I was afraid and got myself in action to lower it. However, on this day it was lowered. The nurse asked me if I had any pain. I did, I had a slight pain in my stomach. You know one of those ones that you know will pass nothing serious. She said give me a urine sample, gave me a cup and off I went.

Copy of _DSC0173-86Anyway after a little while the nurse came back gave it to the my doctor, who is absolutely fabulous I might add and she broke the news that I had Ketones in my urine and wanted to know if I had any systems. Well, I had and I had been monitoring them. I had told myself if they continued for more than two weeks I would go visit Dr. Allison. Well, Dr. Allison told me I had classic systems of Diabetes. Tingling in toes and fingers. I was not thirsty and I was not peeing a lot. She told me, she was going to do an A1C which is a Diabetes and Hemoglobin test. I should make an appointment to come back in the morning. Seriously though, I knew I had Diabetes.

Fast forward, the next morning at 9:00 am. I am sitting in Dr. Allison office and she tells me I have Diabetes. She was so sad. I think she was sadder than I was. I’m sitting thinking “oh boy I’d wished it had passed me by”. Then I retracted my thought “no because I am the perfect one because I’ll right this situation.” My brothers and sisters might not and they have not. Anyway, I did not know if I should react, was I numb. I listened carefully to what Dr. Allison was telling me because I know enough to know I could have been checked out of the conversation that Dr. A. was having with me. So I listened acutely. She said don’t worry we can fix this, we can manage this.” I asked can this be reversed. She said “Yes”. However, I’m going to start you on Metformin”. Which is what is given to people with Diabetes. She also told me if my glucose was just a little higher she would have sent me to the hospital where they would have shout me up with Insulin and I was to take 2 Metformin a day.

One in the first week and increase to two the following week. I asked if I could do this without meds. She said that you could with medication, diet and exercise it can be reversed.

As I sat in her office, I made up my mind right there that I was going to reverse this situation. I asked her to give me 6 months. As In six months, I knew I could have this shit beat. Fuck that. This girls got work to do. Life to live and I need all my finger, toes and my sex drive. Seriously, it was my sex drive and looking good that got me into action. I like mittens and I want to wear them with choice not because I don’t have fingers. My toes are ugly to me, and I want them so I can wear sandals. I literally sprung in to action. Lose 10% of my body weight in fat and I would see a difference. Well I in that moment choose to lose the 52lbs that was living on my body and not paying rent.

She signed me up for diabetes education with Toni Aronstein. Toni a hippy like woman, which I liked immediately because she was weird. I love weird people. I made and appointment to see her and actually got to see her almost immediately. Toni, wanted me to take 4 tablets per day. I said not. In turn, I told her that I could have this beat in 6 months. She said “it’s was recommended’. I said “no”. It’s recommended. It is not required. Since, October 9, I have been taking 1 tablet per day and I have only missed 3 days.

I educated myself and learned a lot about Diabetes, created a video, enrolled my friends in my journey with Diabetes to support me and call me out if I don’t live inside my commitment. The saying goes that “It takes a community to raise a child”. I discovered, it takes a community to help me heal. Especially if we can’t heal on our own. The people in my coffee shop supported me, they don’t sell me cakes. Today, March 30, 2015, I am back in the normal range of a person that never had Diabetes.

People, I am a Personal Life Coach, I motivate people to take on their lives and live with Freedom and power. I believe in Happy Woman Happy World, can you imagine what that would look like. Women being able to accomplish anything that they desire. I have lost 39lbs thus far and have 16lbs to go. I love my work, I love what I do. I run workshops for women in New York City. As with anything some people just will not change. I believe that, I have to walk my own talk. If I cannot walk my own talk than for me what is the point. I might as well take down my shingle and go the hell on.

Some people will take on what I provide and transform their lives, others will put the information in the closet and continue to do things their own way not even giving what they paid for a shot or take action. While, this can be heartbreaking it comes with the territory. Some people are terrified and scared of change and other believe that they are set in their ways. All of it is fine. Not everyone will benefit for having a coach.

My Diabetes educator, loves me my doctor loves me. Why because I have made her job worthy. They job is to educate me to take actions to get the results I desire. I desire to be healthy. Of the 100s of people that she works with only a handful will do what she had prescribed. A small amount will do exercise, eat correctly and get the sugar down. They did not believe that I would do what was needed to reduce my sugar. The thing is I know me. I was committed to doing it. Most people want change in their lives and they do not want to take the actions to get the change they desire. I don’t want change. I am creating transformation. Most people do not want to take the steps to create the results they want. Most people want the quick fix, the get rich schemes, instant health which does not exist. So they give up. They give up on their dreams, desired, health, love in some cases everything that is important to them. My being healthy, has my doctor fulfill on their dreams for being doctors and making a difference and I am happy about that.

They is a large turn around in the field of motivational help and coaching, health wellbeing, relationship, finances people have interest and are curious. However, most people are still not willing to do what it takes to heal themselves.

The bottom line is I am a personal life coach, I love my life and my work. I am committed to myself and my life and I am committed to the people I work with.

Thanks for the knowledge I have and the commitment I am. Diabetes, AKA Betes stay the hell out of my yard.

 

 

 

I know how you feel

My life had no single “defining moment.” I faced times in my life when I needed to take a stand for myself, or be lost forever, living my life by someone else’s design.

I know how you feel

Lack of confidence and anger ruled my world, I felt misunderstood and I was a runner. My anger was deep and turned in on myself. My stomach always in knots and tumbling, I swallowed my voice, by sulking, disconnecting myself and shutting down. Or, I could go react in an instant.

My parents taught me to keep myself to myself: “You only give 99% of yourself to anyone and the other 1% you keep, don’t lose yourself by loving too deeply.  Furthermore, never ever let anyone know what you are thinking and or let anyone know your business because they could use it against you.” That was how I was raised; that is what I knew and how I survived? I was emotionally disconnected and stunted!  I gave myself permission to only laugh or be angry, those where my only forms of self-expression.  Never sad, for sadness was weakness and so was vulnerability.  I was left feeling like a clown with smile slapped on my face being disconnected, sad and cutoff from the world of sharing myself.

I knew choose to marry and settle in NY that I could not continue to live like this my parents had done a great job, and that way of being no longer worked for me. My family and I were close and self-expressed if we were laughing, having fun or fussing.  However, intimacy was awkward and was only expressed in as a third person.  In NY I asked myself, who would I talk to; who would tell or hear my secrets? As I had kept my secrets to myself. I was lost and alone. I kept myself busy so I did not have to be with myself and I could go on working and working. I had to be good at whatever I did because I had to do it alone. I never asked for anything. It took me a long time to learn how ask for what I wanted. I had to learn to speak up for myself in a way that had people listen to me. I dominated myself and people to avoid being dominated by them.

I always thought I was confident, until the day my marriage ended. It taken a long time to do end it.  It was a confusing experience not having the words to express my feelings because I had not created relationships to share myself with.  It took a long time to discover what freedom was for me. I had never lived by myself, I was afraid and my confidence and self-esteem were in the crapper.

I kept that hidden except for when I had to make personal choices. I had none. I existed in the world of no self-worth that were run by limiting beliefs that rendered me filled with negative internal conversations about myself that ran my life: I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. I never had enough, money, time, attention and love.  These were all my internal conversations.  I did how had a lot of physical energy.  I was likable, charismatic and this made no sense to me. How could I be this will all these feelings. It was a confusing time.

Today, my life is such a pleasure to know that these were just a series of conversations that rattled around my head like marbles when I was faced with generating my power. Do you know that these conversation, never actually go away? And now, I know they are not real, they don’t mean anything.  I gave them meaning. If you reading this, consider if you desire a great life, It takes commitment to live my life. Today, I feel connected to others, and because of that, today I express myself freely. I own my voice, speak my truth and live life my way and you can also.

I Lost Weight on My FOPA

I Lost Weight on My FOPA

Screen Shot 2015-03-27 at 4.48.47 PM

 

I had no idea how fat I was until I lost weight. When I look at pictures of myself, I look like a completely different person. To people that know me, they have done a double take, creep slowly up to me and say my name. “Noreen, is that you. Oh my. I did not know it was you.” That is the constant conversations, I am hearing these days.

Well heck, I don’t even recognize me. I do a double take when I see my reflection. Where on earth did my body store 52 lbs? I had no idea what 52 lbs looked like. I thought it was all in my tummy. I thought that I could keep my butt and lose my tummy. Fat is everywhere and it was in every aspect of my body. Omg, the places where I did not know fat lived it lived. I have never heard anyone talk about where fat lives. Well, I am her to tell you that I had fat on my vagina. My vagina had fat on it. Yes, that might be too much information, but it was information that I would have liked to know about. We talk about bellies and butts losing weight, and it is on my vagina that I noticed a significant amount of weight loss. I had no idea that I would lose weight on my vagina. It was shocking. Not only was my butt going through a transition where it never really felt what it was like to sit on a chair and feel my butt bones reacting. My vagina, or my Fopa (Fat Outer Pussy Area) as my sister and I like to refer to the fat on our public bone also vagina. It was thinner leaner, like lean beef. I have not test driven my new thinner vagina yet. However, I will let you know when I do. I am a little afraid and excited all at the same time.
Anyway, go forward, I lost weight in my cheeks, my armpits, and every place that you could think of where fat lived. Ears, nose, every place. I have bone touching bone.

nsskinny

Yes, I am flabbergasted. I would be lying if I said that I did not miss it. I do, I miss the warmth of my fat. I could wear a tee-shirt under my coat and be warm. Now, I have to layer. Ask me if I like layering, I do not layering is uncomfortable plus it produces way too much laundry.

Losing weight is a strange experience and I am here to tell you that dieting does not work. I thought it would be difficult and actually it was not when I just did it and did not obsess about it.

What I learned in the fat loss experience is that being consistent even though you might not see movement of the needle on the scale changing from day to day one have to be consistent. Some weeks you can lost 2lbs and other 1lbs and sometimes none at all. Consistency is the key to fat loss.

You know what else is funny, people love weight loss stories, and people get really excited for you when you lose weight. I like to say release weight.

Anyway, I am still releasing, shedding and losing. I will keep you posted about my weight loss journey.

Just a quick note. I loved my body when it was fat. I will let you know how my new experience with this leaner body is going.

Cro-Magnon Sex. Oh My.

Cro-Magnon Sex. Oh My.

Caveman With Club Cartoon CharacterI love sex and really, I cannot fathom what has had me go without it for so long. I wrote an article before called “how long is too long without sex.” I can answer that question. If you are an active person, any amount of time can be too long, it’s personal. I love and really enjoy sex. I think I am pretty good at it. I know I am good at it for myself as I know what I like and I am confident enough to request it. I have even been known to command it.

I am actually gearing up for some good sex, but I have no idea with who. However, I see myself in a very engaging and fantastic relationship with an amazing man very soon. Ladies, it’s okay to tell a man or partner what you want in the bedroom, living room, and kitchen or where ever you want to get it on, what you desire.

I love that word desire, it just zips across my tongue.

To have an amazing time while having sex, you have to be willing to do a little training, to get what it is you desire. Confidence is really important in all areas of your life and confidence is even sexier in the bedroom. It provides you with the idea, answer and everything you could possibly want or don’t want.

I dated this guy who I had known for a really long time, we were good friends and he had always wanted to date me. I liked him and he was kind of sexy. Key word there was kind of sexy. In life one has to learn a few things and gosh did I learn. It helps one discover what works and what doesn’t. Well, we started dating and low and behold sex with him was terrible.

He was like a frigging Cro-Magnon man. Sex with him was horrible and sex and horrible are not two words I like to put together. He was rough and terrible it was like he was running a race with a sack of potatoes on his back. Honestly, the relationship ended right there. He was not willing to take direction, he had these belief that sex was supposed to be rough and hard and he did not want to be told what to do with MY Vagina. So no more to be said, that was the end of the experience. It did impact our friendship. However, me being me we were able to re-establish our friendship after he got over his embarrassment.   Lovely, guy but not for me. We were very different.

It is important to know what you want and what you will deal with in the bedroom. We all have our likes and dislikes and one has to know what they are willing to do and want to do. If you choose to do what your partner wants, make sure it is because you are participating freely so you don’t have any resentments.

I could be okay with my friend, the Cro-Magnon man because I am secure and know what I will do and won’t do. I am not willing to feel bad about myself and can stop any action the moment if does not fit or suit my needs.

I love and enjoy sex and I think that it is important that we all find our sexual groove.

  • Love your body the way it is and if you do not love your body the way it is, do the work that will have you grow to love it. The truth is it’s the only one you have.
  • If you don’t like the fat on your hips – take action and lose it.
  • If you are holding shame in some area of your body – take action and go see someone to help you work it out – keeping it in will rub you of your life.
  • Your sexual energy is your power express it freely, honor it – do not abuse it.
  • During sex be present and enjoy the ride – there is no one sexier than you. Different yes, they have their sexy and you have yours. Ask for what you desire.
  • Drunken sex – go figure.
  • Get close and personal with your Vagina. Use a mirror take a look – so that your partner can get close and personal with it and you can be comfortable.
  • Use your hands and explore yourself through masturbation. It’s good and healthy for you.

Take the steps and get to know yourself fully.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be a Happy Woman – Create a Happy World

Be a Happy Woman – Create a Happy World

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Did you know that happiness is a choice and you can make up your mind to be happy today? Happiness is a moment to moment choice and with that choice it becomes your expression.

Omg when a women is happy, it is the sweetest thing on the planet. Happiness brings health, which brings wealth and abundance. When you are happy everything that could be wrong is immediately in that moment made right. I am so happy. I am generating myself and creating my mission had having a life filled with Truth, Voice, and Power. “Happy Woman Happy World.” Is alive and well on the planet. Its, Monday morning and I am great. I had my coffee, my allotted 2 pieces of toast that was dripping in butter, and a hardboiled egg. Now, I am at my desk and I am in action.

In my life there are things that are working and things that are not working. Things like, credit card bills, basic bills, I have not yet unearthed the man of my wildest dreams or should I say that he has not yet unearthed me or heard my enormous joyous laugh which will lead him to me. I still have Diabetes and 16lbs left to release off of my body and yet my heart is busting at the seams with joy. I have this vision of stars and fairy dust being sprinkle all over the planet from my heart. Yeah!

Anyway, that’s me. What will it take to have you make up your mind to be a happy today?

You can be happy no matter what your circumstance, the key is to accept them.

  • You can be overweight and happy,
  • Single and happy,
  • In debt and happy,
  • Going through a divorce/breaking up and happy
  • Losing your job and happy
  • Sick and happy

_DSC0008-4All of these things can be happening and you can still choose to be happy right here right now.

You can also support a friend who might be going through these things with your happiness. Happiness is an energy that is shared and expressed. Just as being around someone who is miserable is contagious. Being around people who are happy is also contagious. I used to be a black cloud. I had no idea how I affected others when I was being miserable, until I discovered that I am energy and I can choose to be happy no matter what is going on. I was such as black cloud that people were afraid of me. They could not contribute to me. When I found that out I was really sad. However, the confession to me was proof that I was no longer that person because they had space to share how I impacted their life. Whew! Thank God that’s over.

I have experienced divorce and breakup and I was still happy.   I am single, looking and I am happy, I am living with a dis-ease Diabetes and I am happy working on managing it.

I have found that if I can be happy with all of these circumstances, I can just be happy. Most people feel that they will be happy when the master some desire or need they think of happiness as a side effect. I am here to tell you that happiness just is. Be happy and create a life that lights you up like a bottle rocket.

  • Think about something that makes you happy
  • Make yourself a happiness log
  • When feeling down, remember 2 actions that will make you happy
  • Smile no matter how your feeling – Smile at 5 strangers – Smile for 60 seconds
  • Think of a silly song and hum it to yourself

Stand strong, make an affirmative choice to be happy today! Love you.

Live Life Your Way

Noreen Sumpter Personal Life Coach

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who Do You Think You Are?

578foot/Bigstock
578foot/Bigstock

I think I’m sexy, all that and a bag of chips.

If you cannot answer this question openly, you might have an issue. If you think the statement is presumptuous then you might have an issue. If you agree with this statement, you might have an issue with others. But do you care? I think I am all that and a bag of chips.

I went out with a male friend of mine the other night who, on making plans, said to me: “look sexy tonight.” I replied with “I am sexy all the time.” He asked “who told you that?” I replied “I did.” He then said, “you’re not sexy until I tell you that.” I laughed. I told him that I am like a self-cleaning oven and I can also self-validate. We laughed. I’m sure for different reasons. I, for my ability to self-validate and he, for God only knows what. What I do know is sexy is a tone, it is a way of being, not something one has to do and you can be as sexy as you choose.

Take a minute to hold that question and let it infuse on your mind then answer this question. Are you sexy, hot, the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips? Don’t automatically assume that it’s the kind of “who do you think you are” that belonged to your elders, and makes you feel uncomfortable where you are judging yourself against another person and making yourself wrong.

The kind of “who do you think you are” that I am speaking to and interested in is the kind where you know who you are intuitively and you have the confidence to share it proudly. Actually, it’s so clear you don’t even have to say anything. Its gets reverberated in your life.

It’s an experience of the days you recognize when you’re being so sexy that you hear it whispered in the wind, it’s just who you are in that moment. You are the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips. You know who you are. That’s the kind of “who do you think you are” that I am talking about. It has no words. It’s all being.

“Who do you think you are” can be translated for me: I am a woman, I am black, I am tall, I am English, and I’m a Confidence and self-esteem coach, daughter of Mr. and Ms. Johnson, 5’8″. “Who do you think you are” has nothing to do with any of those identifiers. That is not the kind of “who do you think I am” that I am even remotely interested in. However, that is not to say that those descriptions are not interesting. They are just facts that I am not interested in. They are the kinds of fact that you share with people to make acquaintances with. The meat and potatoes of whom you are.

The kind of who do you think you are that I am interested is an inside job.

  • What do you love about your life?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • What are you interested in?
  • What do you want to be remembered for?
  • What are you proud of?
  • What do people say they love about you?
  • What contribution have you made and to whom?
  • What’s one thing that no one knows about you and you wish they did?
  • What are you willing to share about yourself?
  • What are you afraid of?
  • What are you excited about?
  • What’s the most courageous thing that you have ever done for another?

The kind of “who do you think you are,” is the kind that rocks your boat and excite you. It’s the question that has you get up in the morning and look forward, it’s the kind of question when you think about it your mouth salivates or your fingers itch and you cannot wait to get back to or share. It is the kind of who do you think you are that you make pictures of it in the air. If you were a cartoon character it would pop out as an air bubble in the sky. That is the kind of who do you think you are that is generates your energy it interesting.

The sad thing is that many of you have had the “who do you think you are” beaten out of you. When the question gets asked of you, you find yourself shrinking, experiencing confusion and feeling put out. Very few of you can answer this question and get excited about sharing. Most of you were taught not to brag about yourselves or your interests, it was as though you never got emotionally fed. You had to find ways feed yourselves which kept many of your interests squashed.

So what happens when you feel squashed, many of my clients experience a hard time going after what they desire. They are good at their jobs, they have successful businesses, make money, but when it comes to their personal needs it gets put on the back burner of their life. They have a hard time going for what they want for fear of not getting it right. Adults need to get things right which gives them no freedom.

Their dreams can get so clouded over they don’t know what they want for themselves and their lives. They have a difficult time with themselves. They have a hard time asking for help and support and don’t believe that they can get it. They also feel that something is wrong with them if they seek the support of a coaches or a support system for many they don’t believe they deserve and they will sabotage their successes by not doing the work. However, when this becomes clear with commitment and understanding of their behavior they flourish. This sabotage is because they are always the person doing the helping and are confused and frustrated when they need the help. Lots of confusion and fear kick in.

Most of all you’re afraid to go after what you want as you are so afraid that you will be less attractive seen as aggressive, in some cases odd if you go after what you want with fervor you fear you might will be all alone you can’t have a life of, fun, happiness or a life partner with your endeavors.

It is important to really think about who you think you are. What is important to you? It is important to gain clarity and live in the world that you create for yourself with your rules. When you know what is important to you and take the steps develop the confidence to go after it you will be confident in the world of who do you think you are. It will not only be a thought it will become your reality. Also, when you know who you are you will learn that you are an evolving individual who is and can recreate yourself as often as you like. If you feel that you’re sexy, hot, the cat’s meow, you will be a bag of chips and all that. Furthermore, your way of being will echo it in the world.

Who do you think you are? Think about it and be it.

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Calling In The One (7)

An amazing piece of work, lively, revealing, challenging, provoking. Not for the faint of heart. Clear out the old, make room for a new and appropriate relationship. Leave old lovers in the past.  Expand your capacity to give and receive love courageous. Register now!

How to Stop Judging Yourself

How to Stop Judging Yourself

devon/Bigstock
devon/Bigstock

We are all guilty of judging ourselves at one time or another and at times we are harder on ourselves then we would be with others. Thinking about how you would treat someone else in the same situation can help. Pretend you saw someone commit whatever sin you are judging yourself for. What would you think of what you witnessed? Would you think they were stupid? Would you even care?

The Spirit and the Universe never judge us, so why do we have the right to judge ourselves? What standards are we judging ourselves against? If you have a high standard of judgment your going to judge yourself harder and much more unsympathetically than anyone would ever judge you. As humans, we judge ourselves about everything. We judge our actions, our thoughts, our feelings, and we even judge our dreams. In turn, we judge others based on our own visions; then we judge ourselves for judging other people. It is a form of madness created out of confusion.

We live in a real world made up of mistakes, learning and evolving. What a beauty it is that all people learn differently and at different times. Our ideas and thoughts are just like flowers: some come up and bud early, some bud and bloom later, some go half way between budding and blooming then die. Some just die as seeds in the ground or buds on the vine. It is not right or wrong, it is just what happens.

Many of us internalize the criticism we learn from our parents and friends. We transfer those judgments to other people who we feel seem to judge us. However many of the people that we project onto act as our mirrors and reflect our own disappointment.

I have heard people describe situations in their life as wrong. Nothing is or was wrong, it just didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to. They see what happened as some form of punishment from God. They see God as a stern parent that gives out rewards and punishment, rewards if you do well and punishment if you do wrong.   The God that I know did not create morals, people did. Our spirit does not dish out judgment, it never judges us. The spirit gives us opportunities to balance and learn. If we made a mistake we can create an opportunity to balance it. What if we gave ourselves the same opportunity that the spirit gave us? We could give ourselves the same opportunity to stop judging ourselves.

The higher our ideals, the more prone we are to become to self judging. We experience pressure when we are always trying to improve ourselves by living in the world fearing that we will fall short or not meet our own standards.   What if we looked at our high visions and discovered that we had the lowest self-worth. The more we judge ourselves, the more people we attract that criticize us and make us wrong.

Judgment blocks energy and blocked energy sets up resistance, makes us defensive and we end up holding on to negative patterns. When you release judgment it opens a way for you to transform your life.

What would it be like to live the as best you can, accept your mistakes, learn from and do a little better each time? What if you completely accepted yourself and others for all they are and all they are not? What if you accepted your mistakes, learned from them, what kind of life would you have? What if there was nothing to prove and there was just a great life to live. What could your life look like if you were to Live Life Your Way?

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.

“Live Life Your Way”    www.noreensumptercoach.com

Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Be Your Own Valentine, Darn It!

Be Your Own Valentine, Darn It!

hands holding a string of paper hearts up to the sun during sun

Valentine’s Day is an idea of celebration of how much you love someone or how much you are loved by another person. Valentines can be a double-edged sword. This is the time of year when people get engaged, receive tons of flowers on the job. Receiving flowers at your workplace might make you feel good. However, it might make the other single women want to run and hide. So women/people who have not received gifts might internalize their self-loathing of not have received flowers because they don’t have a significant other.

This is the time year where your local restaurant turns into massive orgy of a place for gluttony of chocolate, dinner and torrid sex. (Yum) If you’re not in a relationship you might feel that you want to escape the all-around experience of happy lovers on Valentines. You might experience feelings of bitterness. Watch that. Bitterness create ugliness. You don’t want to be ugly. Put your hater feelings in check.

Sure, people celebrate Valentine’s Day to show how much they love that very special someone in their lives. This Valentine make yourself special. Be your special person by being your own Valentines this year. Feel good about yourself and celebrate with yourself and or friends.  

  1. Organize a Valentine’s dinner with a group of friends and express your appreciation and love for your friendship.
  2. Indulge in your pleasure’s on Valentine’s Day and enjoy
  3. Get out your favorite sex toy and lubrication if needed and have a torrid sexual experience on your own.
  4. Send yourself something you would like to receive from a lover
  5. Have a night in with friends and watch romantic comedy.
  6. Empower yourself and go out alone spend an evening by doing something you wouldn’t ordinarily do. 

What you should not do on Valentines:

  1. Disempower yourself and make yourself wrong for not having a relationship for the umpteenth.
  2. Drink yourself into a stouter to numb out some fictional relationship pain.
  3. Isolate yourself
  4. Buy yourself a ton of chocolate guzzle the whole lot and then complain about how fat you are. Instead guzzle the whole and share the pleasure you got.
  5. Do not ruminate about lost love.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Breaking Down Barriers & Relying on Others

Breaking Down Barriers & Relying on Others

In a relationship, you have to being willing to rely on others.

Couple In Love On A Bench

What is a real relationship to you? A relationship is what you say it is. However, often times it is not what’s coming out of your mouth that breaks down our relationships, it’s what we are not saying and what we are doing that ends them.

For instance, if you believe that you can’t rely on anyone, that is the hidden message that you are sending out into the universe and others. Do you find yourself attracting the same dynamic – such as the dates that always rely on you to plan the date, make the call etc., and you don’t know why? What you do know is you cannot rely on them.

That’s your unconscious action of not relying people because you’re afraid you will be kept waiting, disappointed, hurt, crying, lost and they will only leave you broken hearted and alone. So you do things on your own. Do you want to continue doing that? How would that experience feel? Truth is you won’t feel anything because it is an internal conversation that you are blind to.

How will you be able to rely on a person you are in a relationship with? You can’t. When you say that you cannot rely on people you are actually saying that you cannot trust people. So no matter what people do for you, in your background they’re not doing it well enough. Judgments are at the head of your table. Truth is you might not even be aware this because you are blind to your to your actions. Being in a relationship, a real relationship, one has to be willing to rely on another person. When you cannot rely on people, you’re saying you don’t trust people and so you will never trust a relationship, because you cannot trust yourself, and deeper than that you cannot trust the divine.

When you cannot trust you or the divine, you will not be able to experience the things that are important to you and you can experience difficulty creating the very things that are important to you in because creation lives in the world of trusting the unseen. So you might be a person who is extremely reliable and trusted by many people. However, you are not aware of your behavior and you might feel alone, and maybe you do not have the experience of people wanting to help and support you. The following might give you some insight as to what is operating out of your perception.

Here is a classic example of failure to rely on someone else:

You ask someone to help you with a problem. They agree to help you and as fast as the request came out of your mouth. You’ve done it on your own.

The person is doing the task at hand:

  • You go behind them and redo the task i.e. reset the table.
  • You hesitate or don’t to ask for help because you believe no one can do it the way you would like or as good as you.
  • You ask a man for help, then wind up being disappointed because you could have done it yourself.
  • You share with a friend something important to you that you want to accomplish. You friends start relating to you in the way of the accomplishment and you get upset and call it pressuring.
  • You ask for advice or help, and then when the person is talking, you interrupt by not allowing them to support you…because you believe you know it all.
  • Friends ask you how they can help you. You refuse to share what you need because you are so accustomed to doing things yourself that it feels like an intrusion.

If you really are committed to having a relationship, practice relying on people and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Happy Thanksgiving To You

Happy Thanksgiving To You

Happy Thanksgiving (6)

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, business associates and neighbors.

In this time of year I have a lot to be Thankful for. I am thankful for all that I have accomplished this year. I am thankful all the women that joined me in my workshops. Participants and Doulas. We had a wonderful time. We created awesome things and opportunities, we received things we did not know we wanted and let go and released things we no longer wanted.

I am thankful for all my friends and wonderful friendships, the people who have worked with me this year. I am thankful for my health and wellbeing, I am thankful that my Diabetes was discovered. For if it were not discovered. That would have been terrible. I am thankful for my doctors and health professionals. I am thankful for my neighbors, friend and the love that they provide me in my community. I am thankful for the shopkeepers in my community and the services they provide. I am thankful for my networking partners.

Thanksgiving is not a holiday I grew up having. It is something that I adopted in coming to America. I think it is a wonderful time to get together with people and make contact with people to share how thankful you are to have them in your life. It is a time to express and share love.

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and the energy of being thankful every day in your life.

Noreen Sumpter

You Are NOT Too Old. Just Start Something!

You Are NOT Too Old. Just Start Something!

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Are you fed up with wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true, you are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the TV that you cannot even think, let alone dream. Some of you might even think that you’re way too old to dream any more. I heard two women speaking, one asked the other, “do you sing any more?” The woman who was asked looked away as if searching for a distant memory. “No, I don’t sing any more. You know after you get to 40 you’re washed up and nobody wants to hear you.” I thought that was pretty depressing. It is sad and disappointing when we give up something that gives pleasure because we believe we are too old. If that really was true, what would we look forward to for the rest of our lives if our dreams die off as we age?

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming and dreams: think of women who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, gotten married, travelled the world. A woman who is living her dream and going after things that are important, is expanding her capacity to dream and make her dreams a reality. I am also sure that they were not thinking that they were too old, and even if they did, they did not heed that thought for a moment.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected … bootie up and make something happen. It is difficult at times to drag any part of your anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that we make up about ourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs can block creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

No-one wants to hear whining, least of all you. You don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person who complains a lot? It does not have to be to a close friend, it can be to a co-worker or neighbor. You know, the person who lives up the street who you see now and then, who you start to drop all your woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight-up misery onto. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. The constant complaint is that you’re trying to release your upset. Please give yourself a break and stop! No-one really wants to hear about you not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are, etc. It is depressing and upsetting and most of all you’re reminding people of their own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change direction.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there! Now that you know that life is a wonderful adventure play-ground, play in it! What adventures do you want? What games do you want to play, what dreams do you want to dream? Can you or would you be willing to put your age in the background and start creating, and are you willing to go after a dream or two?

So, honey, you might not have any idea what you want. You might say, “I want to be happy.” All the people on Planet Earth want to be happy, and that is a great start. Start looking at the things that would make you happy and I would say be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression of what people feel when they are doing things that make them happy. A baby lying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say, “Mother dear, I just want to be happy … if only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy.” NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby.   You understand conscious and subconscious, right? You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your mind could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If you don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe; it will not make you wrong. You make yourself wrong. You add the feelings of guilt. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special. What is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what that good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(Please note, however: not all things that create good feelings are healthy, e.g., illegal drugs create a good feeling, however, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol can give some people a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it brings tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh-air feeling that just goes straight to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy and you experience happiness. Instead of having those non-productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being an energy drainer, you now become a person who is glowing and sharing.   People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas into your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something!

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

“Live Life Your Way”    www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com  www.BeYourselfAlready.com

Call 917-945-5907 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com

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Calling In The One Unapologetically: Not for the Weak of Heart

Calling In The One Unapologetically: Not for the Weak of Heart

Calling In the oneunapologetically (7)

The Calling In the One Unapologetically workshop is complete and we will be starting a new one on January 15th 2015. I could not have asked for a better 2014. I really had a fantastic time leading the workshop this year. Ladies, I have been given a divine responsibility to transform myself and to make sure that women on the planet have courage and truly be able to give and receive love in a way that is personal to them. The women who completed the workshop find themselves in a space of gratitude, love and happiness. They’ve that they have control in all realms of their life – from dating, work and career, their homes community and their environment in a definite way. The women discover themselves fully in all areas of their life and they reclaim their power, freedom and full self-expression.

In Calling In the One, my heart expanded in such a way I could never have imagined. The women, with the support and help of their personal Doula (Woman Servant), expanded themselves in relationships with men, women, work, finances and many other areas. They discovered that dating is just one aspect of loving. In other areas of their life CITOU allowed them to give love and receive love with courage and freedom. They now realize how love and the honesty of love is very important to them and it’s their birthright. However, what they also experience is love as something they already are, not something they must seek; they learn to trust themselves and share it.

In Calling In the One Unapologetically the women who have participated range in age from 20’s to 60’s; they come in on an equal footing. Everyone comes looking for ways to transform themselves and create love in their lives. Some of the women have never had long-term relationships, some are 40- somethings who have never been married, and some have been married one or more times. We have lesbians and transgender people. They are no differences; all are expanding their capacity to give and receive love – powerful love. Calling In the One Unapologetically is for all women: married, single, gay, straight, transgender – women. I make no bones about it, it is for all women.

In Calling In the One Unapologetically, the word Unapologetically is added to have women see that they do not or never ever have to apologize for what they desire in life. Every area in life can get transformed in the workshop, whatever is important to you, so you can live a life fully engaged in all areas, never stalled waiting for one thing to happen before you can do another thing.

In Calling in the One Unapologetically, rejection is struck from the dictionary. Rejection is a universal concern for all people: In Calling In The One Unapologetically, speaking and acting without certainty is powerless. The women discover that rejection is a method of incongruity. They discover that they cannot be rejected by anyone except themselves. Many of the women who take Calling In the One Unapologetically, although they are committed to creating love in their lives, they have not experienced love in a good while. Many of them have not dated for a number of months or years and have been on the cycle of dating since they were teenagers. One of the big things that becomes clear in Calling In the One Unapologetically is that without self-love there is no love at all. When self-love becomes evident, that is when life and love opens up.

In Calling In the One Unapologetically, women experience all aspects of dating, from the experience of relationships ending, and choices being made. Apartments being made over, relationship from out of the blue being completed, all kinds of unexpected and inspiring occurrences. This is a magical workshop where anything is possible. If you are interested in growing and expanding your capacity to give and receive love powerfully, join us:

Calling in the One Unapologetically starts January 15th 2015.

Heart-Pounding Calling in the One Unapologetically Celebration – Thank You Deeply

Heart-Pounding Calling in the One Unapologetically Celebration – Thank You Deeply

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Wow, wow, wow. What fun, what happiness did I experience last week! It was heart pounding. I was so excited to have the women in my workshop complete yesterday. We celebrated and shared our hearts out. It was completely amazing. The women who attended were beautiful generous and amazing. They shared so effectively, you would have thought that after a few minutes that they were in a mini version of Calling in the One Unapologetically.

We ate and of course we drank Prosecco, sweeties what’s life without a little bubbly? I of course dressed beautifully in gratitude of our party. (Give me a reason to dress up) Calling in the one Unapologetically is not for the weak of heart. It is not for women who are in a constant complaint about life.

Calling In The One Unapologetically is for that woman who is ready to take on her life by creating the love of her life by taking on herself and live a life filled with love, happiness and freedom.

Last night, we registered a woman who had done Calling in the One by herself. She said it took her two years to do all the work. It only took her to a certain place but she did not fulfill on what it she desired. She became overwhelmed with herself. She became one of the first to register why because she was in the right place at the right time and she knew what she had come for. How exciting was that?

Ladies, there is no shame in saying that you want connection, that you want love in your life. I met another woman yesterday who said that she was putting off creating love in her life for 2 years. How is that possible? Love is everything. One cannot put love on pause. She was going to focus on her career. In calling in the one you focus on everything because life is not linear it does not go in one direction. Putting things off of 2 years. Do you want to know there is no 2 years? All that remains is now. Right now. There is not tomorrow there is only now.

Calling in the One Unapologetically, is for the brave. By brave I mean women who have challenges around their life and they are willing to take the small steps to transform their life. I am honored to be the One who has been given this opportunity to give my life to having myself and others go for what they want in their lives.

Calling in the One is for all women. It is for women who love men and for woman who love women. Love is love and the members of Calling in the One are women who embrace choice powerfully. My personal initiative is Happy Woman Happy World. Big love to you all.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

What’s Right For You?

What’s Right For You?

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What is right for you? That is the question.

When you know what you really, really want, you never have to worry about what you don’t want or what’s not right for you.  However, what you don’t want is a reflection of what you do want.  E.g., you cannot know ‘up’ without knowing ‘down.’  You cannot know ‘right’ without knowing ‘left.’  However, many people get stuck in repeating what they don’t want and get stuck, not creating what they do want.

What do you really, really want?  When you find out what you want it provides you with passion.  You start to take action, regardless of fears.  You create an opportunity to open your heart, trust your ability, and succeed.   There is a strong confident sense of knowing that does not need to be explained when what you want is right for you.

When you know what you want to do and you don’t do it – you do what your parents want you to do, your friends want you to do, and society wants you to do – it stifles your self-expression and, energy, thoughts and creativity.  You experience a loss of power, creativity, personal success and abundance.  You become bogged down and you lose sight of your passions and dreams.   You stuck not knowing where to start.

Start by setting goals.

The first goal is being of service.  Everything you create provides service for others and becomes is a contribution to others.  Set that goal in your mind.

Look at what kind of life you would like to live.  How much money would you like to make?  Set it as a weekly, monthly or yearly goal.  You have to be able to believe with every fiber of your body that you can achieve that sum of money for yourself.  The beauty is that you do not have to know how to get it.  What this will provide is the energy which will fuel the actions you need to take to bring the money to you. Ultimately, it is not about money, it is about the experience.

Set a clear picture of who you would like to serve is it men, woman, animals, the planet, to achieve your goal, or what is the experience you would like that have and provide to reach your goal.  Does, the experience make you happen. When having the experience is your heart happy, are you learning something, is your heart open, does time stand still, can you expand the time you have? Are you energized? Do you feel free. It is an experience that says, “I could do this for free if all my needs were met? If the answer to this question is yes. You know what you want.  You job now is to find out how you will provide and service these people so you can have what you desire.

Everything we want starts in our imagination. We have to be able to see ourselves creating it.  We have to visualize the clients, money, life, love and service we want.  You have to be ready for what you are creating. You have to create the structure.  Create a picture of what it would be like to have what the structure.  Get relax and trust yourself.  Notice the fears that will start bubbling and your conversations about your success or your fear of failure.  It does not matter that you have these feelings.  They are just a feelings, that will show you that you are not present and that will stop you from taking action, push through.

As you begin to create what you want, you will notice new situations and new people coming into your life.  It is important to create time to do what it is you want to get done.  You must not forget to create time to play, be happy, healthy and balanced.  It is important to be diligent and not quit.  It is important to manage your thoughts, opinions and experiences.  Follow your intuition and listen to your ideas.  Follow your inner guidance when you follow what is true for you.  Honor yourself and others.  Everything you do is a win even when you feel you are losing and you are able to look at your life through the eyes of those you serve and those you love.  How do you want your life to serve you?  Using compassion, put yourself into the shoes of others to serve yourself and others in a peaceful way.

What do you really want and what are you willing to give up to get it?   Have a look at what you want and you will certainly find the answers as you have all the tools inside you now to have what you want.

Schedule a conversation with Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: 917 945 5907, noreen@noreensumptercoach.com

Past, Present and Future NOW!

Past, Present and Future NOW!

There are parts of the past that we love to dwell on and sometimes wallow in. The present is where life exists; it’s what is happening now and is alive. The future is what we pray, hope and desire to live into and get to.

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The past has teeth – or maybe dentures

The past has really strong teeth. The bite of the past can be one that is either relished or resisted. The bite depends on whether your teeth are real, or dentures.  The strength of the past is clever as it works with all human emotions; it works with our perceptions of the world – not the way it is but the way we believe it is (or was). If we are stronger than the bite of the past, we have courage to let go of the past, not feed it the nutrients it requires to feed off our memory and have us make unworkable choices. Our minds automatically use only the parts of the past that it thinks are valuable and rarely allows us to play in the now, and before we realize it we take small steps into the future one step at a time which rapidly become our past again.

The past can be like an elderly person who has lived life from a place of complete joy or can be from a place of complete sadness. One of them is happy and full of life, able to see life newly in a way that continues to bring happiness and joy; they age but continue to grow. On the other hand, the person who has chosen to live from an unhappy, distressed place sees life as a burden, everything is difficult, life is heavy and they are depressed and angry and don’t want or cannot transform their situation; they are dying. They aren’t willing to attempt anything new or see life as an opportunity.  The past runs their life and they are not growing.

The present is full of possibilities

Life in the present is spontaneous, open and full of possibilities.  The past is worthless and has no real place in the present other than it needs to be there (it thinks) in order to “protect” us.  It’s a good thing, because otherwise we would get run over, or fall down the stairs, etc. The present is committed to the things that bring joy and moves life forward step by step, moment by moment.  It is full of endless possibilities where issues are forgiven and put aside; when a lesson is learned, what occurs from that situation can always be useful. There is never any right or wrong: only what happened. The present allows life to be lived from a very powerful place with a sense of awareness that creates a life of creativity, imagination and wow! The present makes room for trusting intuitions where many doors are always open in the now; living with a fresh outlook. In the now, life issues become easy and accessible bringing your goals to you faster.

The future makes no promises

The future makes no promises; it only depends on one’s perceptions of life. Its view depends on how one holds that gentle glimmer of hope. The future has lots of different textures.  Some are soft, hard, rough and smooth. The textures of the future are like the textures of life.  It all depends on the ones that are wanted or attached to.  It also can be held in the grip of the fear of the past. The future makes no promises that your goals will be met, and it is always met in the now.

The future is patient; it allows for one step at a time in the now.  It likes the structure of making plans.  However, it is more likely to work out when a plan is flexible yet unwavering in its commitment, and dedicated while being free from any type of attachment.  No easy task!

The future likes that you are clear about your requests and does not operate from complaints. In combination with the present and the universe (life unfolding moment by moment) such a way of operating can only bring what is desired. It is required that you monitor your thoughts and remain present, free of doubt and fear, meticulous and present to negativity (they come from the past) into your thoughts. Being free of all concerns is truly an impossibility – what is possible is noticing that you have doubt (or fear or any kind of concern or consideration) and put it to one side (do not operate from those concerns/considerations) because that is where you have power. This means you can just be human and be superhuman at the same time to the degree that you catch yourself doing (or thinking) the things that don’t work for you.

The more authentic you are, the more you become aware of the powers of the past on what is in your now; only then can you can feel the present clearly and the future will just take care of itself because of the observations and declarations you make in the now. You will see that the trio will be obedient to your requirements, keeping in mind that the past is always poised to infiltrate into whatever way you go.

The past, present and future have power. By using your mind to catch yourself, you can learn discipline that will help you handle and work with them in the now! The key is working only in the NOW – as everything else is just either in the past or in the future where you have absolutely no control, so there is no need to be concerned about the past or the future at all!

Noreen Sumpter
Personal Life Coach
718 834 9450

Whatever You Can Do, Or Dream You Can, Begin It

Whatever You Can Do, Or Dream You Can, Begin It

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Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment definitely commits oneself, and then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of event issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect of one of Goethe’s couplets.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

W. H. Murray

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

You Ain’t Worth Squat

You Ain’t Worth Squat

Don't put yourself out with the trash.
Don’t put yourself out with the trash.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I ain’t worth squat, shit, nothing.”

These are some of the things that you say about yourself. Maybe it is something that people that loved you said to you when you were not behaving in a way they wanted you to. “You’re a lazy good-for-nothing and worthless.” This is one of my old “recordings” (something that used to play over and over in my mind when I was stuck) and it was one of the things my father used to say to me frequently. He said it because my bedroom was always a mess; it was his way of shaming me into cleaning it up. I felt awful when it was happening. However, it did nothing to inspire me to clean the room or even keep it tidy. I had all kinds of responses for his and critical ways. I would just resist what he wanted me to do. However, I know that it did affect me. It affected me in a way that made me want to be really good at all the things that I put my mind to do. I would always be trying to prove something to myself to prove I was not worthless.

My dad has been dead for a number of years and I am used to having his voice ringing in my head when things used to not go my way. It impacted my life in many ways. If I wanted to lounge on my couch, I could not because I would hear his voice. After recognizing this pattern, I decided to work on this mindset because I was and am not lazy, I had to learn to lounge on my couch in peace! I love to work. However, I loved to work at things that I was interested in. It took a minute to clear up that mess and turn off his voice. I always thought I had to work hard to get the things I desired. I discovered that my self-esteem was low because of those conversations in my mind.

How I was able to address this incessant “tape” was to first notice, then recreate the disempowering thought patterns and then retrain my mind. I had to understand that my life was not a representation of what I had, what I was or what I did. I used to be terrified of making mistakes. I had to transform my opinion of myself. Even though my father tried to pump me up with one conversation, saying that I was worthy, he had no idea that he was disempowering me with another.

Changing my opinion of myself and being present to empowered conversations, I have been able to change my internal conversations from negative to positive. The more I felt positive, the higher my self-value became and I am noticeably confident and powerful. I was not born this way. I created myself through sincere examination and transformation. Only then did I begin to experience more opportunities and take more risks. That’s not to say I do not have fear now. The difference is that I do not let fear control me. As a result, I started to become much more present to my ways of being. I discovered the better I thought of myself the more people and invitations I received (I would get invited to the Ball!). In essence, I am becoming the Ball.

The more positive you are about yourself and your life, the more you will attract what you want, whether it be customers, friends, etc. When you feel good about yourself and you have self-esteem, you develop a sense that you can take more risks.

When you have good self-esteem your level of creativity expands and you are free to create. You don’t need to know anything until a challenge or problem arises. You start to see life as an opportunity to learn, grow and develop.

What are you saying or believing about yourself that is an old conversation, and what have you done, or not done, to change it? Consider it might be impacting your life and self-esteem and creating negative conversations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

What Do You Want?

What Do You Want?

Do I look scary here? This is what I look like when I don't know what I want.
Do I look scary here? This is what I look like when I don’t know what I want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first 10 people who read this article and email me at noreen@noreensumptercoach.com will receive a 15 minute focus session to discover what it is they are really looking for! 

In reading a copy of Dr. Robert Anthony’s Advanced Formula For Total Success (which is so old it’s falling apart; the edges are brown), this book now my new favorite thing.

What are you looking for? Last year, I could not find a date even if I paid for one (I’m exaggerating). That was what life and dating looked like for me. So I created a workshop entitled Calling in the One Unapologetically with the intention of sharing the course with other women. This year I have dates coming out of the woodwork! Men are complimenting me all over the place. Men are looking me up and down and smiling. Also, men who want to date but have some issue that blocks them, such as a devastating disappointment and heart break they cannot even pull the trigger to show up on a date.

Instead of the upset I used to have, I now have compassion. Because through leading this workshop, I too am learning about myself as well as learning about others. I am making available what I uncover for myself and providing the space for other women to uncover what is going on for them, also – having a relationship of their dreams, a love of their lives. Whether it be a man or a woman, they get to experience what the vision of their relationship would look like and they get to have an experience of who they would like to be in a relationship.

When you know what you are looking for in a relationship you can have it. Consider that you’re looking to have a relationship, or you are already in one. Notice that as soon as you settle yourself into what you want, you are able to see it all over the place. The moment I settled myself into having a relationship, all kinds of men started showing up. It’s like with anything, the moment you decide – whether it’s a job, or clients, a lover, or an amount of money – the opportunities start showing up and the information becomes available.

When I had no idea of what I wanted in a man, I could not see men and they were passing by all of the time. For years I was having the hardest time dating! Knowing exactly what kind of relationship I wanted helped me distinguished the kind of man I wanted and then my awareness of all this helped me obtain it.

If you don’t know what you want, whatever that is, the information on how to get it will not come through. And if somehow it does magically come through, you will most likely not notice it. No matter what you want in your life, you have to start saying something different and something that has value before you can have it – so it is important to always stay in tune with your declarations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Once Upon A Time…

Once Upon A Time…

My workshop, Calling in the One Unapologetically, officially started last week on September 18th 2014. The experience was wonderful to see women who describe themselves as shy show up powerfully in their lives. They now realize how their self-declaration of “shy” had disempowered and impacted their lives. They can now see how they were not able to express themselves fully when it came to their personal lives.

In one exercise the women were invited to write about their quest for love in the form of a fairytale. Who doesn’t love a fairytale?

"Zonnestralen" by Onderwijsgek - Own work. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5-nl via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Zonnestralen.JPG#mediaviewer/File:Zonnestralen.JPG
“Zonnestralen” by Onderwijsgek – Own work. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5-nl via Wikimedia Commons – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Zonnestralen.JPG#mediaviewer/File:Zonnestralen.JPG

Once upon a time there was a maiden who was fair of face and full of joy. Her parents loved her and named her Noreen. When Noreen was born, she was sickly, weak and suffered many bronchial illnesses. However, as she grew up she survived the childhood illnesses and grew into a beautiful woman filled with happiness. Her joy would be experienced all over many lands. Her laughter was contagious, and she loved to dance. She was creative and lived her life out loud.

As she grew and developed into a fine young woman all the men in her court wanted to bask in her sunshine. She learned that some were not so honorable. Due to certain circumstances, many of which were not of her own making, some of her beliefs were inherited from the other women in her court and their stories made her afraid.

Noreen became afraid of some of the men and soon the fear cut her off from much of humanity. She became tough and she learned to defend and protect her heart in the worst way. She began to carry a heavy mallet within the folds of her gown. The mallet gave her a sense of security where she could strike anyone with it in an instant. Noreen became known for using her mallet without discretion and the men at court became more afraid of her than the dragons they slayed.

By now, Noreen’s heart was shut down, lonely and remained ever lonely until one day, while sitting in the garden wondering if she was doomed to spend her life lonely and sad, without the love and protection of a man, she wondered, was she to experience a life without passion, romance and affection and always be at the ready to use her mallet? There must be more to this meager, painful existence, she thought. Then, it was almost as if the gods had heard her plea when Veroesjka, one of the princesses who was known for her beauty and kindness came by and asked “why so glum dear Noreen?” Noreen shared her fears and concerns around her lack of love and then Veroesjka gave her a book called “Calling in the One,” the work of Katherine Woodward Thomas. Though resigned and shut down not believing, Noreen read the book and almost like magic a feeling of possibility and wonder exploded from her heart and surrounded her in 100 diamond pieces around her heart and head. Noreen instantly fell in love with her life. The book transformed her life and her relationship to herself so much so that she decided to put down her mallet and turned it into a beautiful wand and it is now a mystical tool.

With wand in hand, Noreen set about experiencing herself as love which was her new power. She discovered that her wand is a mystical power tool.   Her heart was glowing, growing and expanding every day. Noreen set out on a journey and shared love with women of the court. She saw that a happy woman makes a happy world and that it was a gift that was given to her to share with all the woman of the lands. And her sense of love grew with strength and softness and she continued to share her message of Happy Woman Happy World with other women who too had been afraid and closed down around love; women who had forgotten their passion, dreams and desires. They had lost their trust in love and romance.

Noreen, together with these women banded and branded themselves as Doulas, women who served other women to rebirth themselves, their passion, dreams and desires and be there for others. Upon coming together, each doula was bestowed a wand and they went out into the world with reopened hearts.

During this time Noreen began to be courted by the men of Court OkCupid and sometimes the men of Court Tinder. With the men of Court OkCupid and Tinder Noreen would go for long walks in the Forest of Fort Greene. Her walks became known as the Walk of Knowledge. During the walks she found that if she shared openly her desires, the men would do the same and share their secret wants, needs and desires of their heart. Noreen soon discovered that some men’s hearts were a deep and lonely place. They wanted nothing in the world than to serve women and to be useful, to love and be loved in return. They wanted to give their attention to a woman. During,these walks, she saw the hearts of men were just as tender as that of the women. It was a wonderful experience and during the walks men returned healed, heard and complete.

The moral of the story is that we are men and women. We are similar yet obviously different. Love is just as universal as pain. We are all seeking to express the love we have within. We all have a choice to love and be loved by whomever we choose and our power is rooted inside of our love. Noreen continues to work in the Forest of Fort Greene with the men of Court OkCupid and Tinder. She has found her eternal love and knows it exists within her and she is sure that she will find the man of her dreams.

Noreen Sumpter is a Personal Life Coach. Her workshop for women in NYC is called Calling in the One Unapologetically. In this workshop women expand their capacity to give and receive love and reclaim parts of themselves that they have long disowned. www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com

Calling In The One Unapologetically 4.0 Has Begun!

Calling In The One Unapologetically 4.0 Has Begun!

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Last week I had the profound pleasure of starting my workshop Calling in the One Unapologetically (CITOU) and it was amazing. The women came in and I watched with awe as their faces beamed with anticipation and excitement. I stood filled with my own anticipation in the back of the room and watched my dreams begin to materialize. I felt my future husband. I saw/felt CITOU being conducted in the islands, women being healed and taking care of themselves and sharing their dreams and desires, of living their life their way, abundant woman filled up with happiness. Noreen Sumpter is making a difference in the lives of all woman. I am excited. I am so hungry for this experience. I could eat them up. You know that saying when you see a cute little baby and you say “I could just eat you up?” That is how I feel about the women in CITOU. I could just eat them up. I love them so much.

The women who have participated in Calling in the One Unapologetically I am proud to say they have created some amazing things, business, houses, poetry, books, fashion, photography, dating, Jobs, all out of love. September 18 will mark our 4th iteration of CITOU and the women who are in this group are exciting and excited. I cannot wait to see what they will be creating going forward.

As for myself, I am having a wonderful time creating the love of my life. I cannot begin to tell you how my online dating is going. Last year this time, I could not buy a date. Over the last few weeks my profile is being bombarded with amazing men. All the men that are contacting me are amazing even if I do not want to date them. The level of generosity that is being expressed to me by these men is staggering. The men are sharing with me things that they say they would not share with anyone. This year, after creating CITOU, I am a space of unlimited love. I am in love with myself and in love with others. I know in my heart that I will be in a relationship with amazing man very soon. I can feel it. I am nervous and excited.

What have I done differently? I created a safe community for other women. I created a space where they can literally leave their crap behind. I created a space that is free where around me they can say anything they so desire and they can create courage, take risks, create actions and take them. They can find their beauty and begin to feel themselves healthy doses of love every day. People, can I tell you, I am in love with life and in this workshop and I found that the love that I am looking for that I want to last a life time. It is my love. My love lasts an eternity. I do not have to look for it. I have it right here with me. My job is to share it and give it away. When I started doing this workshop and doing transformational work, I did not know that I was not acknowledging that I was hurt, my heart with empty and I was afraid. Today, what I have found is that I had unconsciously made up my mind to heal my heart. Then, I did not have the words to describe my feelings. Today, I also know that love may not come when you want, but it is right on time and my truth about love would never have been revealed until I accepted that aching space within me.

The Workshop Calling in the One Unapologetically is the second to the most amazing things that I have ever created in my life.

Come and Join us Thursday September 18th at 500 8th Avenue, New York, NY 10018 Studio #401, at 7:00 pm.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

20 Things To Do To Maintain Your Friendships

20 Things To Do To Maintain Your Friendships

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I am so excited to know that as long as I have an abundance of happiness and love, I am rich beyond measure. This fills my heart. My relationships with my friends and family are the cornerstone of who I am and how I live my life. If I kill off one person in my life, I feel a deficit.

What my friends can count on from me is that I will always clean up any mess I have with you. I will be 100% responsible for what I say and do not say, how I was being or not being. Just because our relationship is over does not mean I don’t and won’t love you. My love for you will never die, because there is a fine line between love and hate, if I resist my love for you I’ll be mad. So, I will use my love, where it will live as a warm memory in my heart.

Use these 20 tips to keep your friendships healthy.

1. Accept your friends as they are and not as you think they are (do this and you won’t be disappointed).
2. You and your friends might be similar however, you are different in a lot of unknown ways (this experience is sometime a bitch to learn).
3. Your experiences are yours, they are not theirs (share, share, share and don’t expect them to know everything).
4. Give your friends the same freedom you want in your life (don’t blame them for their choices).
5. Differences in friendship are what makes the friendship exciting and powerful (opposites create fun, courage and risk. Hello!).
6. Tell your friends what you expect. (They cannot and don’t want to read your mind)
7. Happiness is a subjective phenomenon; and is experienced differently by everyone. It means different things to each of you. (Variety is the spice of life)
8. Focus on what you have in the friendship and not what you don’t have.
9. Create with your friends what you are committed to in your friendship (Recreate it daily)
10. Honor you word in your friendship. (Do what you say you’ll do. If you can’t ,say so)
11. Know what you value in yourself so you can share it with you friends (Now they know)
12. Let your friends know that you value and love them
13. Don’t forget how it feels to receive respect and affection from your friends. (Express and share it)
14. Take time to celebrate yourself, and your friendship openly (I am so glad we are friends. I love you).
15. Recognize your friends and their strengths (My friend Kim has style, Jacquelyn is great with structure, Mike rocks the house with music. My sister makes my stomach muscles hurt with jokes).
16. We are humans and we all make mistakes, do not kill off your friends for mistakes (Gee, thinks everyone is a stalker because they love her)
17. Give to your friendships with an open heart
18. Don’t take your friendships for granted (furthermore, practice not taking yourself for granted).
19. If you have negative thoughts toward a friend challenge it and immediately create a positive thought (This takes mega practice).
20. Open your heart in your friendships. Be willing to be moved, touched and inspired with your friends. (I feel weepy, that was so special)
The happiest people have lots of friends, and have the ability to build supportive relationships and they spend time with happy people. Knowing your communication style is important as knowing how to share your affections and emotions, as well as building trust. It is important to spend time investing in and maintaining your relationship if you want to build a great friendships.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

20 Things To Contribute To Your Life’s Happiness

20 Things To Contribute To Your Life’s Happiness

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Photo Source

Contribute these 20 things to your life. If you practice them, they will make you happy.

  1. Stop all negative thoughts dead in their tracks as soon as they show up
  2. Do not, text, email, or call anyone when you are angry (I am practicing this one)
  3. When angry find the source of the anger and flush it down the toilet.
  4. Know that love starts and ends with you  (Love never ends, that’s why we get mad)
  5. Start accepting that you and your thoughts are the cause of everything in your life
  6. Happiness is a result of how you feel about yourself moment to moment (Is that why my hair is so great LOL)
  7. Cause someone else to be happy and you will be happy (Who wants to be happy? Lets play)
  8. If happiness is something you desire make something exciting happen for yourself instead of waiting for something to happen
  9. Be happy instead of in reaction. The only thing to react to is Joy and laughter
  10. Laugh 20 times per day. (Don’t question it Just do it!)
  11. Be a yes to love, joy and happiness
  12. Be ready to create a space of forgiveness
  13. Have enthusiasm and passion live together in the same space
  14. Honor your freedom and let others have theirs
  15. Spend time being grateful for how happy and great your life is, and if it does not look happy, fake it until you make it.  One baby gratitude at a time (something like, “I’m amazing when I smile”)
  16. The less judgmental you are of yourself the happier you will become.
  17. Do not put limits on who, what or how you love. Just love
  18. Do not complain to yourself or to others (This is a huge one, I still have a hard time with this one)
  19. The more you love the bigger your vison of life
  20. The more love you give away, the more love you receive back.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give yourself that you truly give.”  Kahlil Gibran

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

Hello Ducky!

ducks

Rubber ducks can help your give up the past and its problems.  With a duck you can end a constant complaint that you have in your life.

Wait. “What you talking about, Willis?”

Well, last weekend I assisted at a Wisdom Seminar. Wisdom is a yearlong course where we the members meet collectively every quarter to talk about things we love in our lives and want, it is a training and development seminar like no other.  The workshop gives you tools to dream, create and play in your life.

Ducks were used to change negative constant complaining conversations. 

duck3

 

We were throwing ducks (aka playing). The idea was when I threw a duck I had to say quack and when I caught a duck I’d say quack.  We coupled that with a complaint.  The gist of the game is I find a complaint that I cannot let go one that I really complain about and then complain about it for 5 minutes then throw the duck. I threw it intensely as I do not get an opportunity to throw things ever. So throw it for 5 minutes then go back and talk about the complaint again.  I discovered when I went back to talk about the complaint, it was as though my mind had rewired the complaint and it did not have the same flavor. The complaint disappeared!

The irony is that Ducks can help you get rid of your complaints.  Who knew?

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

What’s Your Self-Accepting Promise?

Accepting yourself is a big step, but it is the most important one of your life.

acceptingAffirmations are part of accepting yourself. Go through your day and say “I accept myself” over and over again.  Keep saying it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Eventually, it will start to break through and you will understand that you need to accept yourself.

I encourage you to try writing what I call a “Self-Accepting Promise.” Write down all the things you need to start to believe about yourself.  If you cannot think of anything, take all of the negative things you say about yourself and reverse them.  For example, change “I will never find a good partner” to “I deserve a loving relationship.” Here is my Self-Accepting Promise to myself:

I love myself and that helps melove those in my life and those who come into my life

I will accept myself for all that I am and all that I am not.

I am beautiful, loving and kind.

I will not place judgment on myself or others.

My life is a contribution to the world.

Without me the world would not be the same

I will never force love from another.

I am worthy of all relationships that honor me.

For, I am a woman of grace, dignity, courage and joy.

I am a reflection of life itself.

I respect myself and I respect others.

I love myself and so others love me.

I honor myself and so others honor me.

There is no other me ever.

I am compassion for myself and so others are compassionate with me.

I promise myself that I will always speak my truth with love.

I will be forgiving when I have forgotten who I am.

I will be compassion.

I am power, success creative and abundance.

I am fully provided for.

I have fear but fear does not have me.

What is your self accepting promise? I invite you to share your own affirmations.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

5 Signs You’re Lacking Confidence

“Confidence is a characteristic that people recognize immediately it is a way of being, you either have it or you don’t, but it is often apparent on first meeting.  A person with confidence is like a ray of sunshine on a really gray day. Confidence… thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.” Franklin D. Roosevelt 

confidence

In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, confidence is a way of being. The first question that one should ask oneself is: Do I feel confident? If so, in what areas of my life do I feel confident? If you feel your confidence is missing, what areas of your life is it missing from?  How can you develop your confidence?

Confidence is something that is important in all aspect of one’s life.  It is important to have a healthy dose of confidence so that you can live your life comfortably and happily! It helps you connect to people in ways that open you up to say what you want, and allows you to share yourself and create feelings of connection.

Here are five key signs that you may be lacking confidence in your life:

  • Not being present in the moment
  • Not being responsible
  • Not having personal boundaries
  • Not having an authentic sense of self value
  • Not asking for what you want authentically & with integrity

You may find confidence to be missing in these areas/circumstances: career, relationships, after a divorce or loss of something or someone important, emotional loss, or loss of a personal experience that mattered in your life.

Understanding the power that having personal confidence provides open doors and enables you to create the life you want. Confidence is a development of self and that it is something that you can grow and develop within your life.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter Life Coach

 

 

Stop Resisting Your Higher Self And Listen To Your Instincts

Stop Resisting Your Higher Self And Listen To Your Instincts

Photo Source: createandconnect.org
Photo Source: createandconnect.org

Do you ever get a feeling of heaviness when you are doing something that you don’t want to do? For instance, there are people who are working at jobs they don’t want or do not like; dating people or hanging out with people who leave you feeling as though you have just run a race with ten sacks of potatoes on your back.

You are not following your higher self, or your instincts. When higher self and instinct speak to you, you feel joyful and happy, giddy with laugher. If you are forcing yourself to do something that is in the realm of “should,” you’re not listening to your higher self or your instincts.

I had a friend who was always negative and you could never tell whether she would be in a happy or a foul mood. We would go out and men would speak to us and she would get into an argument. We would go to restaurants and she would get into a fight with the wait staff or treat them like poo. I hung out with her on and off for years because we were from England and we had a few things in common. It did not dawn on me that we were incompatible, until one night after going out with her I came home drained. I had to ask myself why I’m so drained – did I have a good time? My answer was no.

The universe is a wonderful friend because not long after that, she cursed me out the way she did the wait staff. I listened and when she was done I shared with her that I could no longer hang out with her any more and we ended our relationship. It was that simple.  Simple, yes, and a little difficult too because we do not make friends with people to end the friendship. However, more often than not, people are in our lives to teach us who we were or are. We might not like it and it is okay.  We learn the lesson and we move on.  My energy level went up and I started embracing people who were in alignment with my new energy.  People who love people, people who love sharing and enjoying life, giving and receiving compliments.

Do you find yourself resisting and sabotaging yourself?  Now to answer this question you have to be insightfully straight and honest with yourself. In order to tell on yourself, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable for a moment, but it’s well worth it.

Live Life Your Way,

Noreen Sumpter

Last Chance To Sign Up For Calling in the One Unapologetically (CITOU)

Few days left to go Calling in the One Unapologetically (CITOU) – RECORDING

If you missed the introduction on Sunday, you really missed something great. It was amazing, fabulous and wonderful. We sipped chilled Champagne in frosted flutes – like the bubbles and fizz of life – and ate the season’s juiciest fruits to remind us of the deliciousness of life.

INTOR PARTY.jpg

We had graduates of the course in attendance and I do not have words to describe the texture and flavor that these ladies brought to the evening. The women who took the workshop had discovered their passion and we all are now passionate about our journeys. They became courageous where courage was missing, now taking risks and walking out on the skinny branches by facing fear in the face. We are women and we have fear, fear does not have us.

CITOU women rock their internal houses like never before.

If you are weak of heart, CITOU might not be for you.

In this workshop you lay your heart on the line, you expose your underbelly so that you can step into the woman that you truly are.
• You speak up boldly
• You tell your truth
• You are listened to with passion and compassion
• Judgment gets left at the door.
• The space is filled to the brim with support; you take on your power
• You get to face your fears no matter what they are
• We have the Vegas Rule – everyone’s confidentiality is protected

At the introduction to the Calling In the One Unapologetically workshop, the guests were honored and cherished and they had an opportunity to get a sense of what CITOU is about from women who participated in the last two courses. The introduction was powerful because not only did the guests hear about the power and magic of the workshop, but the previous participants shared some of their personal experiences. Some women had not dated in a number of years and are now having dates where dating is no longer a daunting experience. Women who for years had been trying to fit into some mythical club, are now members of their own fan club and found their own inner peace.

A woman shared about going on a date with an ex-boyfriend and described how she changed her attitude powerfully by seeing her own beauty and experiencing him afresh – and their get together turned intimate and he told her she was “astonishing.”

A gay woman found that she could either feminine herself up or butch it up when she felt like it, discovering the only rules she has to follow are her own.

Within CITOU, the women discovered a myriad of inner and external gifts they already had but weren’t aware of.

Calling in the One Unapologetically calls you in to look at your life and find out what you desire so you can actually receive it.

CALLING IN THE ONE UNAPOLOGETICALLY STARTS SOON!
THE WORKSHOP FEE IS: $250.00 – A DEPOSIT AGREEMENT OF $125.00 SECURES YOUR SPACE
LAST DAY FOR REGISTRATION IS WEDNESDAY JUNE 25TH 2014

CITOU is a 9-week workshop and the next one begins THURSDAY JUNE 26TH 2014 AT 7:00PM

Location:

Pearl Studios

500 Eighth Ave

New York, NY 10018
Room 401 

SPACE IS LIMITED
FIRST COME FIRST SERVED

What Women Said About Calling In The One Unapologetically Workshop

What Women Said About Calling In The One Unapologetically Workshop

What can I say about this workshop? It was phenomenal! My experience of the workshop has transformed my communication and relationship to men.  If I can be candid with you, since my divorce some good many years ago, I believed that there was nothing a man could do for me that I could not do for myself. Truth be told, the only thing that a man could do for me was sex – a good roll in the hay and I knew what I liked and was not very open to anything else.  Sex was one of the few things that a man could provide for me, plus a few handyman things.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love men and there were other things that they could do for me, but sex was the prime ingredient.  I was not looking for a partner. Furthermore, from where I stood, there was not much I could see.  Yes, you might even say that I objectified men.

Some time ago, I had a relationship with a man and this time, I completely allowed myself to enjoy my interaction with him, spending times when we were just being together. During my interactions with him I felt loving, kind and generous. I discovered that the missing ingredient was me.  As it turned out, the relationship did not last, however the experience left me wondering and feeling wonderful. I had love for this man, which was great.  I had learned to express love.

After that relationship, it dawned on me that what I desire is a committed loving relationship with a man. However, as an adult woman, I had no idea what it would take or who I had to become to have one.  So I started to inquire about what having that kind of relationship would take.  That is when I found the book, Calling in the One I started reading it and saw all the exercises and realized that I had no interest in going through the book alone and invited some women into having me facilitate a group where we would go through it together.

Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop
Completion Party for the last Calling In The One workshop

It was a wild and woolly experience that ended a nine week experience with all I could say was WOW.  It was emotional, I cried buckets of tears, and I discovered things about myself that I did not know. During one of the exercises on releasing, I experienced what I can best describe as synchronistic: boyfriends, ex-husband, ex-lovers all turned up almost from out of the blue with apologies for things they had said or done in the relationship.  Memories came flooding back of the kind of relationship my mother and father had.  Long and difficult conversations with my former husband were had. I developed a new and profound respect for myself and men, the discovery of what love as an expression really is for me and for others.

Although I was the facilitator of the workshop, I was doing the work alongside the other women. The workshop had me go places that no ordinary woman would want to go.  The women who participated in this workshop were and are an extraordinary class of women who made it safe for everyone to go to those places.  This workshop is a microcosm of life on the court. The heavy lifting and removing obstacles and the resulting lightness of being afterwards has left me more accepting of men than ever before, which is resulting in the beginnings of new friendships. I could not have done this work without the other women in the group. What I saw was that thriving relationships are not for the weak at heart.  In relationships one is compelled to look at oneself in the face through the reflection of another. This workshop is for all women who love who they love, where women who are looking at themselves get to see themselves through the nonjudgmental listening of other women.

As previously mentioned, I based this workshop on the book, Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and what I provided was a support structure with respect and a safe space for women to express themselves.  I will be facilitating another workshop later this summer.

Come to our Introduction Party on June 15th, 2014 at 3:00 p.m. to learn more about this wonderful workshop!

cito2.jpg TESTIMONIALS

“I love this workshop! When I started this workshop I was single for three years, not really having any luck in the dating scene. As a lesbian in NYC, your outlets to meet new women are limited to a handful of bars and I wasn’t having any luck on online dating. I felt lost navigating through the urban jungle and through social life of the LGBTQ scene. I eventually threw in the towel and told myself I was never going to meet anyone, ever again. 

The moment I started this workshop things started moving for me! I was able to forgive my exes and let go of past wrongs and hurt from all relationships in my life. I started working on powerful affirmations for my life, on my self-confidence, and creating my dream woman. Two weeks into the course, I had the courage to ask out a woman that I really admire. Now, you must know I NEVER would have taken the chance! I had no idea how it would go and I was terrified – I didn’t even know if she was into women! I “made of move” and it’s been a blast ever since! Dating someone while taking this workshop has made the biggest difference. Weekly I come and share what I want to create and let go of insecurities so I can have a healthy relationship.  I’m committed to going from a “me” to a “we.” And, the woman I am dating is the woman of my dreams!” – Kat Pactong

“I am so simply amazed that Noreen just kind of fell into my life and presented me with the gift of being a part of a group that is so life changing and touching. Before CITO  I just didn’t know how to articulate my feelings or express them correctly or effectively , through each week I am now able to be authentic and open in a way that sharing is as natural to me as breathing. I feel a greater sense of well being & belonging. I learned so much from the women in the group. I have shared the most recent phases of my journey with them. What made me feel a greater sense of powerful vulnerability is when Noreen would share . I realized through her that wherever we are in life we are all human. CITO changed my life & I am so ecstatic to pass this message along! I BELIEVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART IT WILL CHANGE YOURS TOO!” – Aleisha D. Stewart

I would love to connect with you on social media. Please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook

Removing Emotional Armor

Removing Emotional Armor

I first noticed I was hiding behind emotional armor with a friend of mine that I loved very much. It was difficult and I choose to give up my emotional armor and become vulnerable.  We used to go skating in Central Park every Sunday, she, her husband and my husband (now ex) and I.  They were all good at skating. I was awful and gradually over time I became better. One Sunday we had a skating picnic for a friend’s birthday in the Central Park. My friend wanted me to skate with her like we always did and I said “in a minute.” However, that minute never happened she got angry because I didn’t skate with her that Sunday.

We lived in the same building; we were neighbors, so I couldn’t avoid my friend who got really angry at me and we started fussing, me standing my ground that I did not have to skate.  During those times I did not have the context of having it all, I lived in a one-or-the-other world. We both went home to our respective houses upset.  However, the fussing continued with our respective husbands until they became fed up.  My husband called friend’s husband and they both came down to our apartment and we all came together.  Our husbands knew that they would not be getting any peace while we were upset with each other.  They let us hash it out. I was by the bathroom with my arms crossed and my lower lip pushed out sulking, she was on the corner of our couch, arms crossed in a slouched position.

Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions.
Keeping on your emotional armor creates a whirlwind of emotions inside.

I loved my friend very much, and I felt the love and the upset I could feel both emotions were whirling around inside me. I did not want to acknowledge either of them.  It was in that moment that I accepted that I had armor. I wanted to be right, and upset, rather than ask her to forgive me and admit that she was disappointed. I knew that if I continued this way I would lose my friend, which would meant losing all the fun that we had together, the skating, parties, cocktail hours, conversations in the garden, shopping, everything and most of all the intimacy and trust we ever had.  This was the first time that I realized that this is the way I acted when I felt attacked or made wrong.  I would just cut off the relationship.  I saw that I was prone to suffering rather than cleaning up the messes.

I took a leap of faith and took responsibility for my armor. It was a protective shield that I had created years ago to avoid feeling vulnerable.  Being vulnerable for me was a weakness and I didn’t want to look or feel weak.  Accepting my fear of vulnerability opened me up to a sense of power. I became honest with myself and my friend. I’m human, at some point in my relationships and interactions I will experience or cause upsets, disappointments and communication breakdowns. Life is not black and white and my fears were valid, and my actions or inactions have consequences.

I’ve learned that anger is an important emotion and if not expressed it ends up becoming resentment.  Anger is here to help us deal with our perceived violations and perpetrations. I can choose to express it or repress it.  If repressed it becomes a vicious cycle and I will continue experience lack of control. I feared my anger because I felt that it was bigger than me. I repressed anger not knowing it was the same experience, Ieaving me with feelings of constant defensiveness.

Today, I feel that there really is nothing to be fearful of about my anger.  Owning anger and using it as an alarm system to realize when our boundaries have been breached. Note that when we are angry it looks like we are angry at the other person.  However, if we are honest with ourselves we see that we are angry at ourselves when we distinguish this, it become a form of sadness, and I have now learned to deal with it in a way that supports me.  I can be with my anger.  I listen to what aspect of my boundaries have been breached. Katherine Woodward Thomas so eloquently says:

“Listen to its power and its fury.  Underneath the resounding whirlwind of rage is a very important message that we obviously need to hear.  When anger consumes us, there is information present that is much like gold that must be searched for and minded.”

We can then restore our integrity and personal safety.  Anger becomes an opportunity to take positive action – where relationships thrive, friendships are maintained and love is present.  It is a powerful opportunity for balance in relationships.

We cannot have or keep love and friendship alive without experiencing our emotions and growing without doing the work we are resisting.

You do not have to answer the questions below – however, by doing so and taking action you might be able to put your boundaries back in place and restore your personal integrity.  You might see and opportunity for true forgiveness.

  • Who are you angry at?
  • What are you most afraid of?
  • What are the violations of your boundaries?
  • What is your responsibility?
  • What if any actions are you willing to take or not take?
  • What could happen if you take no action?
  • When will you take these actions or have the matter be complete?
  • Is there a place for forgiveness of yourself or the person involved?

NoreenSumpterCoach.com

I would love to connect with you on social media. Please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook.

 

 

Brooklyn Life Coach. Serious Business

 

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Why do I need a life coach?
You are highly intelligent and well put together, you got it going on but you feel that you’re not going anywhere. The only thing that’s changing is time and your age. (Yes, I went there) you have the trappings of a good life, but something’s missing? You feel empty and confused and you don’t know why. Do you come home from a successful day of work and you look in the mirror, see a beautiful woman but your just not happy. How is it for you? What do you want? What is important to you. What do you really care about? Are you afraid to take personal risks? Are you afraid to put yourself out there to be truly heard?

What can a life coach do for me?
After working with me, you will have inner confidence. You will achieve true sense of happiness by creating a strong sense of who you truly are, letting go of your fears, gaining the courage to take personal risks and action. You will begin to take deliberate steps to go after, find and do what is important to you. By removing the shame of things you have kept hidden for a lifetime, you will begin to really take care of yourself and develop relationships that recognize your inner value and self-worth. By developing a long lasting relationship with yourself first. You will develop the freedom you want for your life. By creating time and relationships, you will get tools that will last a life time.

What others have gained coaching with me. “Noreen does exactly what a coach should do – listen, support and encourage. I appreciate how flexible, realistic and down to earth she is, and I can tell that she has a real passion for her work. I experienced results much faster than I ever expected, and I have her to thank for that.”
– Robin G., New York

“I put my trust in Noreen, the process, myself, and the universe to provide. To my surprise, within a couple months, the perfect job came my way. From that point forward, I became a true believer in this process and what it is capable of.” – Laurie K., Michigan

Who am I?
Hi, I’m Noreen Sumpter, a certified Life and Personal Coach based in Brooklyn, New York. I have been practicing coaching all my life, helping people achieving their goals comes naturally for me. I absolutely love what I do for a living. I am an honest, straightforward coach, who cares about my clients, practice and community. I will be open, supportive, and firm. I provide loving guidance in your aim to have what you desire. I am here to help you be your best self. If you would like to learn more about me, please visit my website or contact me.

Brooklyn: Living the Dream Larger Than Life

Over the next few weeks, Noreen Sumpter, a Personal http://ts4arts.org/sales/ Life Coach will be interviewing people in a series called “Brooklyn: Living the Dream Larger Than Life.”

Brooklyn: Living the Dream Larger Than Life’s Noreen Sumpter will be talking with amazing people who are doing just that: living their dream. “Living the dream” means going after what it is you say you want to do, who you want to be and what you want to have in your life.  You are creating your life by doing the things that you are passionate about.  You’re taking risks and receiving what you want.

This week, Living the Dream Larger Than Life features Tony Taylor, owner of the Brooklyn hosiery, Look From London.
Tony can be described as a man who loves, adores and worships the legs of women.  He loves to dress women’s legs, ankles, thighs, and feet.   Winter for Tony is his best and most favorite time of year.

Lokk For London
Tell us why you think you are living the dream larger than life.
I am living the dream larger than life because I’m doing what I love and making a living at it.  I love working in hosiery.  I love women and I love their legs.  My hosiery makes things beautiful and edgy.
<strong>
Why is winter the best time of year for you?</strong>
Winter is when the hosiery business comes alive. This is the time of year when I become a super hero to women’s legs.  It’s when my mission takes effect.  My mission is beauty, protection and empowerment.  I protect and beatify women’s legs from the harshness of the cold, wet and winter weather.  It is during winter when I can get into action and enjoy the fruits of my labor as women begin to wear my designs and new orders come rushing in.
<strong>
How did you get into the hosiery business?</strong>
While in the music business and looking for a record deal in London twenty years ago I saw a lot of interesting legwear in London that I did not see in America.  I was a singer in a Reggae band at the time.  Women were wearing amazing hosiery at the record companies.  We purchased a few and brought them back to USA with us.  Music and fashion go hand in hand.  The rest is, as they say, history.  Look From London was officially started in 1989.  It was music, sex and rock ‘n roll. a winning combo.  I love dressing women.  But most of all I love dressing their legs.

<strong>How come you love dressing women’s legs? What is it about legs that fascinates and inspires you so much?</strong>
Well, the waist to toes is a huge area.  Hosiery draws a lot of attention from men and women, especially when one is wearing a great design.  With a pop of color, the legs get transformed into a vibrant expression, coupled with shape and motion – ready for business.  Hosiery adds a taste and flavor to any fashion trend.  Also, in times of recession, hosiery can transform and update your closet in a very refreshing way by brightening and enlivening any outfit by recycling it and making it perpetually new.  It tells people to focus on my legs.

<strong>What are you passionate about?</strong>
I am passionate about my family, my daughter and my creations.   I love my designs from conceptualization to actualization to when a woman is wearing Look From London in the street, strutting her stuff.  I just love it.
What separates your hosiery from the other hosiery companies?
My hosiery is loud, bold and not for the faint of heart.  Look From London calls for a person who is confident, open and fully self-expressed.  We service everyone in all communities to wear Look From London.  All genders and all sexual orientations wear our hosiery.

<strong>Your hosiery energy is so bold and big.</strong>
Well, what’s the point in skirting on the edge of life when you can be in life making a statement that packs a big punch?  Look From London hosiery makes a strong statement. Look From London is for the person who is edgy. I sometimes hear that Look From London is a little too much for some people, but there are items that may appeal to people who when ready want to stretch the boundaries.  If you know yourself as loud, proud, and living larger than life, then Look from London is for you. www.LookfromLondon.com.

<strong>How long have you been in Brooklyn and why Brooklyn?</strong>
Brooklyn is and has always been a place that has a lot of power and is filled with all kinds of things going on with different kinds of people and it is because of its diversity that Brooklyn has always provided me with a lot of inspiration and creativity.  One of my favorite things to say about Look from London is “Born in London; raised in Brooklyn” That is my motto and that’s how I see it. It took being in Brooklyn to raise my company.

<strong>How long has Look From London been around? </strong>
Look From London has been in Brooklyn for twenty years.  We employ people from Brooklyn, we create almost everything in Brooklyn.  Our factory is right here on Hart Street in Clinton Hill.  We are “Brooklyn Massive.”

<strong>Do you think it is important for you to do what you love?</strong>
Absolutely, without a doubt.  I could not think of doing something I do not enjoy or that does not challenge me.  In business just like my hosiery, I have to be bold, creative and self-expressed.  I love what I do and it’s not up for discussion. Things that I don’t enjoy I don’t give energy to.
Is your voiced expressed in the business?

Not only is my voice expressed, but the voice of everyone who wears hosiery from Look From London is fully self-expressed.  I still sing and create music. Hosiery provides me another form of expression.

Visit Look From London at www.LookfromLondon.com or call: 718 403 9035

Take Your Time: 365 Days to Start Anew.

What have you in mind for New Year’s Day, 2014?  What do you need to say and do to have 2013 be finished so you can step into this shiny New Year of 2014?
What doubts and concerns do you have right now, and are you willing to accept and let go of them?  How do you want to spend the brand new days ahead?  The countdown starts at 12 midnight the last day of December. Take your time and ask yourself, who will you be kissing and counting down the seconds with?  Will you be at a party reveling with others celebrating?  Will you be at home settled in with friends or family.  Will you be home watching TV or sleep through it?
How will you bring in the New Year?  Will you have paper and pen at the ready to create your new resolutions?  Do you even create resolutions? Will it be the typical conversation you have with yourself about weight loss, losing the excess weight that has been stuck to your body for the last few years? Or spending less on lattes and frappes?
So we have a New Year. What are the goals that you want to set to have your mind take massive actions to achieve them?
What is the vision that you will create for yourself so that you will live a life of fulfillment and satisfaction?   Create a vision. Live your vision.

Photo by Brett Jordan
It’s 2014 soon, and ahead you have 365 brand new days to Live Your Vision.
The past:

What is the past?
Where do you think the past lives?
What is the past to you?
Is your past in your face, like it is going on right now in the present?
If you put your past where it is belongs (in the past) what do you have available?
Is there anything that your past can contribute to your life in 2014?
If you were to put the past where it belonged, what is it that you think that you might have that’s new or different from before?

The Future:

What do you have in store for those brand new 365 days ahead?
What will you ask for in 2014?
What will you create for yourself and your life in 2014?
What are you willing to throw out of your life this year and put in newly?
What unreasonable requests will you be willing to make in the New Year 2014?
What fears, upsets, hurts are you willing to learn from and release in 2014?
What and who will you choose to forgive in 2014?
Now imagine: it is 2014 and this is a brand new year.  Many things will happen in 2014. 2014 will have 524,160 minutes in total for the year.  When we break it down in this way what is your experience of time?
However, it is the same amount of time that each and every one of us on the planet is allotted if we are lucky.
Will you do what you love this year or will you sit around judging yourself and being afraid that if you do what you love you will be judged by others for it?  What comes naturally for you and what do you have to work on?  This year, is it time for you to look at what you are passionate about or just be a member of the Complaining Committee.
What is your reason for the New Year?  If you take a look at your life, what do you think you are here for? When I say “here for,” I mean in this life.  What are you on this planet for?
•        I am here first and foremost to experience a life that I create.
What does that life look like?
•        I am here to learn and grow in all facets of life.
•        I am here to help and be helped.
•        I am here to expand my human capacities.
•        I am here to heal and forgive
•        I am here to love and be loved
•        I am here to be kind
•        I am here to be happy and share happiness
•        I am here to learn to take risks
•        I am here to learn to trust life and others no matter what
•        I am here to experience life fully no matter what
•        I am here to live in the moment
•        I am here to give up the past
•        I am here to revel in my joy and the joys of others
•        I am here to know that it is okay to fail and it is through failure that I recreate and learn
Can we just be quiet for a moment and start looking at life in a way that focuses us on the things in life that make us happy?
Happy? What is “happy” to you?  People talk about being more happy/happier in their life; they want to be more happy.  How do you become more/happy when you may not have distinguished the happiness that you already have?  There is no such thing as “more happy.”  There is only being happy.  Happy is expansive, happy is our natural way of being.  Happy is all there is.  When we are happy we are being with what is.  We are being authentic and living in the present which is our natural state.  We are at peace with ourselves and all that is happening.  We are not making ourselves wrong, by tearing ourselves down piece by piece.  We are living in the moment.  Oh so happy.
When we are not happy we are asking someone, please show me more happiness.  Happy is like more chicken please when you have a whole roasted chicken on your plate and you have not even stuck your knife in yet. You have not even tasted it and yet you want more chicken, not knowing if the chicken that you have on your plate even tastes good.  Consider that if you work with the happy that you have, the more happiness that you want is already there. It will expand and you will be happy.
Who is responsible for your happiness?  The only person that is responsible for your happiness is you and only you.  No one can make you happy.  (Corollary, no-one can make you unhappy!) Happiness resides in you or not.  Anyhoo, I love that anyhoo, anyhoo, anyhoo, I feel like an owl when I say hoo.  Back to the story at hand.  We as humans talk about peace and happiness in the world and often times we look out into the world for that peace, not realizing that the peace that we seek outside ourselves cannot be found until we find peace and happiness inside ourselves.  The longer we live in upset and not look at what it is that has it be there, the longer we will be upset.
I am the only person that is responsible for my happiness, I am the only person responsible for peace.  Peace lives inside self and when peace is not present inside of self then there comes a time to ask, whose responsibility is it to put it in?
I have friends who are upset with me. We all have friends who are upset with us.  I have been upset, disappointed and sad with this situation.  I don’t like to be upset with anyone.  My friends are wonderful and there are times when our relationships take a turn and they can get ugly.  I do not profess to be an angel.  I am a life coach and I am always learning, expanding, growing as a human being.
I have a commitment to be open and honest with myself and my life.  I have a commitment to be powerful, successful, creative and abundant.   I have a commitment to never cause harm to another person.  Am I guilty of all of these things?  Yes.  I know it can take a lot for me to keep all of these agreements and will I falter?

Absolutely. I do know, however, that there is peace and happiness as I maintain this commitment now and throughout the New Year.
Noreen Sumpter is a Personal Life Coach who works with High Achievers who have dreams and gifts.
What’s one of your aspirations?  Maybe it’s a dream that you have forgotten or you have begun to give up on.  If that vision were awakened and alive today, what would your life look like?  Take a moment to dream and think about what you want for your life so you can take deliberate steps, owning your voice, speaking your truth, having the freedom to live life your way. “Live Life Your Way”
www.noreensumptercoach.com  917-945-5907  https://www.facebook.com/noreensumptercoach

An Interview with Actress Cece Abbassi

Cece Abbassi

 

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I’d like to introduce and welcome <a href=”http://www.backstage.com/ceceabbassi/”>Cece Abbassi</a>, who is originally from London England.  Cece has come to New York to follow her dream of being an actor.  This is not Cece’s first time in New York.    Her experience in England was not inspiring or successful.  She was not getting any auditions.  She noticed all the best actors of color like Idris Elba left England and are making it in America.  She wants create her chance.

Cece is my niece and she out talking to people, making contacts so that she can learn what she needs to know about working in NY.  Cece is Jamaican, and Iranian. She stands 5’6” and has a shiny energy.  She is described as bubbly and charismatic.  She walks into a room and her energy takes over.

She’s in New York City pursuing her dream of becoming an actor.  So without further ado, here is Cece’s interview.

<strong>Idris Elba is a popular British actor, what do you think about him being the new James Bond?</strong>
I love this man, every time I pass the Mandela posters that line the walls of my local subway station I’m filled with much pride. Now, Idris Elba as James Bond? I think it’s great that Idris is a candidate but I’m somewhat torn between tradition and the character evolving further. For me, Bond is Roger Moore. I wasn’t best pleased when Daniel Craig was cast as 007. There’s an infinite amount of room to create and establish strong and new 007-esque inspired characters. Come on, let’s get creative.

<strong>What do you think of American Men and are there any differences between men here and men across the pond?</strong>
Comparatively it’s hard to say as we’re all individuals and have all had various levels of cultural conditioning especially if I’m to compare two major cities that are as culturally diverse as London and New York. I feel there are probably far many more similarities than differences especially if we are considering television and film as our cultural gage, as our exposure is essentially the same. Having said that though one distinct difference in character is confidence; an American doesn’t need the help of three or four pints in order to tell you that they think you’re gorgeous.

<strong>You have been in Brooklyn before what is it that brings you back?</strong>
Apart from me loving New York’s infectious get up and go energy, I’m here to further my career as an actress as you have a hell of a lot more opportunity for actors of color. Television and Film is usually a medium that reflects its society and in the UK the African Diaspora makes up something like just under 2 million of a population of 63 million, so obviously there would be more opportunity over here as the African Diaspora in the US makes up a much larger percentage of the population.

<strong>When did you realize that you had this burning passion to become an actor? </strong>
I had always wanted to try my hand at acting but it took me a while before I expressed it.  As a child, I went to a performing arts school in London called The Brit School and my priority back then was art and music. The realization happened when I was living in Madrid and I saw an advertisement for a bilingual theater production. I fell in love with acting, the city and its people – a pretty significant part of my heart is still there.

<strong>What fears and concerns did you have to give up in order to pursue your career?</strong>
That annoying internal voice that would preach social conformity, yes that used to concern me – it’s terrified of me now so it knows to stay away.
<strong>

Who and what inspired you to pursue your dreams as an actor?</strong>
My creative practice inspires me to connect and help people connect with themselves. As an artist the best feeling for me is when I help someone connect with a part of him or herself that they wouldn’t usually give themselves access to.
I know that I’m fortunate to know exactly what it is that I want and because of that I’m on a relentless pursuit to make it happen. I know for many this isn’t the case and if you’re reading this and you so happen to be one of those people the best advice I can give is to go and try something new, something out of your comfort zone, even if  its volunteering for a few hours a week. I see it as a process of elimination in the shape of a life sized sieve. Eventually you’ll figure it out and when you do you won’t be able to imagine yourself doing anything else. I love acting, it feels like every experience I’ve ever had makes sense and can be put to use. Also I recommend getting yourself a life coach – hire Noreen Sumpter – she’s brilliant.

<strong>In one year where would you like to have your career be? </strong>
Lead in a feature film.

<strong>What do you believe is your right as a woman to be do and have the life you want? </strong>
I believe as a human for me to have complete rights is for me to be autonomous achieved by educating myself mentally, spiritually, physically and by having financial independence. Unfortunately in most parts of the world financial independence equates to freedom.

<strong>What kind of actor are you? And what and how inspires you? </strong>
Every person I’ve come into contact with, I believe that every person you meet whether it is for all of five seconds leaves a little fragment of themselves with you. So to answer your question connecting is what inspires me.

<strong>What is the most difficult thing that you have overcome and what is the mindset that you created to get over it? </strong>
Choosing to no longer facilitate a relationship with a family member based on my relatives’ terms. I believe ‘how you do anything is how you do everything’ I carry that philosophy into every aspect of my life.

<strong>You describe yourself as colored; do you know that this is a reference that African Americans no longer use to describe themselves? Knowing this why do you describe yourself as colored? Are you confident enough to deal with the backlash that this could cause? </strong>
Well, I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen a black person nor a white person. We come in many shades and I feel like the word “colored” is inclusive of our various different forms (my father is Middle Eastern and my mother is Caribbean). To answer your question about whether I can deal with any backlash that my using the word colored might cause, like everything in this world, words are no different. They take on their own evolution but also stand as a reference point to what they once stood for. I feel we could view this once derogatory word and see it as marker to how far we’ve come. I’m a paradigm shifter, what can I say.

<strong>If you were to describe yourself what are some of the key adjectives that you would use?</strong>
Lovely – thought I’d throw it in there for you Americans. Boundless, creative, adventurous, dynamic, smart, loyal, fun and kind.
<strong>

Acting is not an easy career, there are a lot of rejections, and what do you do to keep yourself grounded? </strong>
I see every audition a bit like dating: you could go on a date and you’re both exactly what the other is looking for. Sometimes it’s one sided, and other times there could be just no chemistry at all. Now, I love dating and I’ve experienced all three scenarios. Am I going to give up on creating new possibilities because I fear that every audition or date may not land me the role or have me not meet one of the big loves of my life… absolutely not.

<strong>What’s the most helpful piece of advice you can offer to anyone wanting to pursue his or her dream?</strong>
The answer to that is in the question, to ask for help, there’s no shame in it. We can’t achieve anything alone, we need each other so ask, and you might just be surprised at how willing people are to help you. I was given that piece of advice by my life coach Noreen Sumpter and it’s constantly in action.

http://www.backstage.com/ceceabbassi/

What do you want from your life?

Photo by Son of Groucho
Photo by Son of Groucho

 

At the end of the day, what do you really want for yourself and your life? What are the results and benefits that you want to accomplish? What will you do to walk away a winner, having what you want?

Below is a list of the tangible, measurable results that you may want:

1. Confidence

2. Accomplishment of your personal goals

3. A strong self-esteem that rockets

4. Trust in yourself and in others

5. An experience of happiness with yourself

6. Creating your own truth and thus making it your reality

7. Freedom

8. Strong, generative passionate relationships

9. Grounded, connected and at ease with life

10. The past in its place

11. Abundance of health, wealth, love, power, success and creativity

12. Creating your passion and sharing it unabashedly

Some very simple questions to ask yourself.

Is there anywhere in your life that you are not recognizing your power, your strength? Think about it.

Do you know who you are?

Do people really know you?

What do you like about yourself?

What do you love about yourself?

Who do you have disagreements with and are you willing to clean them up?

Would you like to create a new image of yourself that reflects your true being?

What’s the quality that you would like to express: courage, compassion, love, trust, etc?

What is in the way of you developing those qualities?

What would you look like with your new quality?

What would it provide for your life?

How can you make your life a priority?

Are disempowered thoughts keeping you trapped and robbing you of your self-worth?

Give Your Word Away

Photo by neverendingx1
Photo by neverendingx1

Giving your word helps your creativity soar.  I am as guilty as the next person – saying I am going to do something, start creating it and not finishing it. Whatever reason I had for stopping what I was creating, my reasons are never real. My reasons are things that live in my head and impact the way I communicate.  I speak curtly to myself. I get annoyed and irritated with myself. My energy feels dis-empowered and I have no self-compassion.
When I look at this, what it came down to is that there areas of my life that are important but at the same time difficult.  I noticed I was rarely honoring my word to myself.  No matter what I created, whatever needed to occur, was not going to happen because my word was weak.  In order to break this pattern, I created a stand for myself called “The Royal Word.”
It was not that I did not deserve to be treated well; it was that I did not get the impact of keeping my word to myself.   I just made myself wrong Buy cialis drugs for not finishing the things I said I was going to do.  Why? Because I made up the idea that along with my new ideas, I was supposed to know how to get them done.  How could that be?  My new idea was something I never did before and something I never created before. I would see it in my mind’s eye, but when it came to manifesting it, I was making myself wrong because I thought I was also supposed to know what to do.  Because I could not make it happen, I believed I had failed myself and therefore hid the idea from myself and others. I moved on, however I would repeat this pattern over and over again.   Duh!
What I recently learned to do was to forgive myself and let go of my need to know how to do something.  How many of you have a need to know how things are supposed to go?  Millions of us.  When I had a need to know I felt dis-empowered, and experienced a loss of power. With the loss of power I felt confused, upset and angry at myself.  My anger at myself was like having a low grade fever.  I felt ashamed, and just plain bad.

 

What I learned was to switch myself on full blast.  I learned it works to share my upset, and tell on myself.  With this I also discovered that when I am creating something new, I can give myself permission to not know how it is going to go. I can be like a newborn baby that came into the world.  My new idea is just an idea. I have a general idea and I will develop it and give myself permission to fail.  I am allowed to get it wrong.  I give myself permission to be like a child is learning to walk, it falls down a million times.  I don’t have to worry about what my peers are going to say about me.  I can just fail and fail and fail, until I get it to succeed.
I have learned to give my word to my friends.  I give my word to people who are on the same path as me.  Have you noticed how it is easy for us to provide for others and when it comes to ourselves we just give up?  Well, I am committed to being a success in all areas of my life, doing the things that I deem successful.

 

What works for me is giving my word to another person.  It lives like when a close friend asks you to do something, you do it, no matter how long it takes for you to do it.  You get it done on the wire; you meet the friend’s deadline, right?  Have you noticed how that happens?  Now, on the flip side, when you have to give your word to yourself, you fiddle around and almost never get it done.

 

I give my word to a friend – someone who I respect – so that I now have an anchor for my word.  This anchor has been helping me fulfill my word.  I am learning and taking on my dreams. It helps me not to forget that I count, that I am important, and that I have a unique and special contribution to make in the world.  I know that my dreams, fantasies and goals are as important as anyone else’s in the world.  So, Give Your Word Away.

How to Repair a Broken Friendship

Photo by Arne Hendriks
Photo by Arne Hendriks

Last week I talked about friendships and what happens when they suddenly end. I have been pondering my friendships to understand what happens and what it will take for me to be a great friend as well as an incredible Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self Esteem.

What I saw in myself and my friendships was shocking.  I’ve been being a bratty demanding friend and ending relationships with the Kiss of Death.  I want you to know, that I have been doing some powerful work in and around my friendships. I have taken  immediate action, cleaned up and have gotten rid of olds way of behaving that no longer work or serve me.

What I know is that I love my friends. My friends love me and love being with me.  However, what I saw about myself is that I do not have space for them to make mistakes in their friendship with me.  I want my friends to be perfect and not cause me any concerns or hurt me in any way that I deem unsuitable for a friendship. So the moment I experience an upset or cause for concern, real or imagined, I confront them. If they do not act the way I want them to, I end the relationship. I am gone.  They’re dead to me. This has cost me a lot of friends.

This is just a basic example of what I do:

I send them a text or email which is filled with love and the Kiss of Death.
I erase them from all my communications, Facebook, phone etc.,
When I see them around, I ignore them.
I don’t want to know anything about them ever because I’ll get upset.
Whenever I think about them and have unresolved emotions.

This is what I am left with:

Friends that I have ignored or mentally killed off.
Friends who even if they wanted to be in communication, cannot reach me they’re blocked or ignored.
I have am upset, angry and miss my friends.
I am left with longing with memories of great friends and times that are no long present in my life.
Continuous conversations and stories about what happened or did not happen.

What I’m already being is:

Stubborn – I’ll be dammed, l’ll no longer communicate with them.
Justified – They are wrong, I am right.
Angry and pissed off – To hell with them!
Sad and replaying memories– I’m stubborn and I will not surrender.  They have to say they are sorry first and confess the wrong they have done me.

In the end, what I discovered is that I need to accept my friends as humans. They are going to do and say things that I do not agree with.  Whatever happens in my friendships is not personal. I can accept them anyway they are and are not. I realize what was missing is: vulnerability, integrity, love, patience, kindness and graciousness.

I took on what was missing in my life and what I saw was the piles up upset feelings I created for myself and for my friends.  I realize that this way of being is not who I want to be in my life. I proceeded to call my friends and send email to them and one by one.  I put the integrity back in my life and my relationships by sharing my experiences and how I felt about our relationship.  I let them know I could be counted on going forward.

The response has been great. They got to share how it was for them being on the other end of my stuff (crap.) For those I spoke on the phone with, I have declared that I will clean up with them in person as well.  I shared with them what was there for me, what had me kill off the relationship and how the fear of being told what to do, of being wrong, judged and evaluated, actually impacted our friendship.  I had no compassion for my friends and was being a spoiled brat. The person who was being hard on me was me.

Going forward, my friends get to choose powerfully if they want to engage in a relationship with me from nothing.  I get to accept them as they are and as they are not. If I cannot accept them how they are, then I have no right calling myself a friend.  I don’t have to make them wrong and me right.  This approach does not work. I am a Life Coach and create transformation in other people’s lives.  It was a young conversation which caused me to get reactivated and where I did not have language.  Well, I have the language now and I will use it.

With all that said, I want my friends to know that I love them. I am transforming my old friendships into friendships where I have understanding and communication, where I will be being vulnerable, loving, gracious, and kind. They get to be however they are and choose powerfully if they wish to be friends with me. Together, we create relationships that work.  With that I no longer have to experience fear of loss, upset or some impending hurt.  Whatever way my friends choose to be is fine.

Where in your life are you willing to take action and reclaim your friendship with people you have killed off by giving them The Kiss of Death?

Love, Noreen Sumpter

What are you willing to do to put fun back in your life?

Last week I was exploring how the past impacts my life in areas that are so young that I did not know that I even had those barriers. I don’t realize these barriers exist until something triggers a response. I do not have the memory of what happened just the response I created to survive.  I also got to see that even though I am playing and having fun in my life,  I am not really playing in areas of my life that matter to me.  One area is a love relationship as I don’t have a man. I also saw that while I am very serious about my business, there is no play in that area at all.
I also got to see a big fat area of my life where there is no play.  I have no play in the area of money and that I do not relate to money as a fun tool.  My adult life has no real spontaneity of play.  So, knowing that I am taking a look from where I am now and creating where I would like to go. What will it take to upgrade my inner conversations t0 first class so I have a first class that is created with ease, grace and freedom.

 

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There is an old adage that says whatever you want, give it away. So I am creating having a first class life in all areas of my life with a focus of love, and abundance and I plan on sharing this with you.

Photo by AForestFrolic
Photo by AForestFrolic

The questions below are something for you to ask yourself.

  • Where in your life is play missing and what would you be willing to do to put play back in?
  • Answer these questions honestly to yourself. You can even answer them with another person.
  • When you talk with others, are you in monologue or dialogue? Could you share more of yourself by being in a open and free dialogue?  Yes or No?  If yes, try it?

Play exists in conversations and is a back and forth experience.

  • What is your experience of play? Is it hard work, easy or do you just not play at all?
  • Are you having relationships and conversations that are back and forth – free of jumping to conclusions, experiences upsets, releasing anger and losing control?
  • Does playing make you feel uncomfortable?

Think back to when you were a child and were really good at playing:

 

  • What were your favorite games?
  • When you became an adult, did you notice that you stopped playing in your life? When and why did you stopped playing?
  • What are the nature of the kinds of conversations you are currently having in your life? Are they complaints? Are your conversations exciting and happy? Or are your conversations leaving you exhausted or afraid?

 

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Have you forgot to play in your life?

This weekend I had a fabulous time.  I went to a seminar called Wisdom Unlimited, a community event where you could invite your loved ones and play.  The cornerstone of Wisdom Unlimited is play. People who came got to explore the qualities of a child at play—such as curiosity, wonderment, invention, and engagement – with the maturity and wisdom of adulthood. It was the sheer enjoyment of “being” in the moment of daily life with no motives or agendas. Where does one get to live like that? I feel that this experience will have me growing throughout the year. During the event, I saw people being touched, moved and inspired by their own humanity. They got an opportunity to share themselves without barriers, with people they knew and strangers.
In the seminar, I decided to create a 1st class life. It showed up immediately! At the airport, I was bumped up to a seat with extra legroom. We received free food. I realized on my return that I only spent in total $35 for the whole weekend.  Why? because I allowed myself to be taken care of.  How does one do that? By approaching life differently.  What I am taking on in my bones is knowing that anything I want for my life is right under my nose and all I have to do is reach out and ask.  I am taking on asking without fear and accepting that it comes naturally.

Photo by epSos.de
Photo by epSos.de

Do you know that we stop growing unless we deliberately take action in our growth and development? Our lives are a series of conversations that we have with people. If we examine at our conversations, we will get a complete look at that kinds of lives that we are living and creating.  Some of us are not creating lives, as we are stuck in our limiting conversations.  I’ll tell you more of my story next week.

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Boston We Have You In Our Heart

I cannot express how the people of Boston must be feeling.  All I can remember is the day 9/11 happened, I http://drik.net/generic-cialis-price couldn’t make sense of what happened. I couldn’t find a place in my mind to make sense of what was happening.  Today, years later, it’s still not clear to me that this kind of atrocity is still happening and will continue to happen. And for what?  Difference of a opinion, religious belief, human separations.

Boston Harbor by Prayitno
Boston Harbor by Prayitno

When this kind of thing occurs, it feels as it is not real. I find it  incomprehensible that human lives are ended and blood is being spilled for no reason that I can understand.

The day of 9/11, the  only place that I could look was fiction, as it was hard for me to believe that this was really happening.  I was looking for Will Smith to come and save us.  Independence Day style.  That was fiction and that is where my mind went.   Today, some years later, I cannot make sense of all this madness that is happening in our cities.   All can say is that Boston, you are in our hearts and mind. You are not alone.

The Secret to Great Sex

Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 
Photo by Lies Thru a Lens 

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.

So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.

If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.

Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off
Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?

What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

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Do You Know How To Protect Your Heart?

Photo by Katerha
Photo by Katerha

As a Confidence Coach, I believe setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of yourself, your heart and not allowing this get twisted by people comments, thoughts or feelings about you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to you and to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.
I coach my clients to you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how they feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings and you know that you are not your feelings you have feelings and they can change from situation to situation, moment to moment. By affirming your feelings it allows you to  take responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self-ownership, allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.
Some people might say that setting and having boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. So they are set boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy,give people choices and allows you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do, by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion has you

create outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life. How well do you set boundaries?  

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You Have The Power To Create The Life You Want

What state do you have to be in before you seek help to transform your
circumstances?

Napoleon Hill was a great man of our time.  He masterminded with the most
powerful men in the world.  He believed that we had the power to create anything we want.  I agree. We can create anything we want.  He created some questions and here are a few of them. (If you want the all the questions contact me at Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com)

Please look these questions over and answer them thoroughly.  Be straight
with yourself. If you cannot answer the questions, ask your friends and
see how they see you.

We all have fears: fear of death, poverty, illness, loss of love, criticism and old age.  It is important that we know that negative influences can
work through our subconscious mind and that makes it difficult to
recognize them.

* Do you like what you do for a living?
* Do you often complain about “feeling bad”? And if so, what is the cause?
* Are you envious of people who excel?
* Do you cater to people because of their social or financial status?
* How much time do you spend working about success or failure?
* Who are you inspired or influenced by?
* Do you permit others to think for you?
* Do you neglect to mentally cleanse until auto-intoxication makes you crazy?
* How many needless disturbances annoy you, and why do you tolerate them?
* Do you resort to liquor, narcotics, or cigarettes to quiet your nerves?
* Do you face circumstances that make you unhappy?
* What is your greatest worry?
* Why do you tolerate it when you have access to coaching what is that stops you from taking it?

These are the questions that I am asking people this week. The more
you know about yourself, the stronger your control over your thoughts.
You have to protect you mind from negative thoughts that drag you off
course when trying to accomplish your dreams.   If you fail to have
control of your thoughts, you may be sure you will not control
anything else.

How to Make Amends

It is that time of year again the holidays, a time for giving and receiving. It is a time for families cialis online rx to get together, have fun, heal old wounds and say sorry for all that has happened or not happened throughout the year. If you have experienced upset, disappointment, hurt or anger by a family member, it might be time to release those feelings and create a new experience with them.

Family is one of the most important things on the planet.  This means your immediate family and the human family. If you are upset with a family member, note that an upset usually goes both ways. You might express the cialis online samples upset differently than them.  Different does not mean wrong or right it’s just that different.

 
Maybe it is time to consider what you be willing to do to clean that up this mess. Consider what you are willing to give up to have a whole and complete  family. Your family is incomplete without your full participation.  Here is what you can do:

1)    Ask for permission to clean up the mess and suggest a future time to talk.
2)    Know why you’re calling and what you want to accomplish.
3)    Here are a few ideas,

  • I love and miss you
  • You are my family
  • I cannot stop thinking about how things were before.
  • It’s to time bring love back

4)    Keep the conversation short and clear.  (This means no stories or reason, just the facts)
5)    Take accountability for your feelings and know that your feelings are your responsibility.
6)    Take responsibility for all that you have said, not said, done and have not done.  The whole kit and caboodle.
7)    Apologize for whatever the “ it ” is. All of it, every single last drop
8)    Apologize for the conversations you have had with others looking for evidence to make your argument stronger i.e. gossip, name calling, you know what it is, the works.
9)    Listen to the other person’s side of the experience without defending yourself or arguing your point.
10)   Watch for and do not say the following:

  • But
  • You did this
  • You did that

11)    If you find yourself looking for ammunition inside your head, please note: you have stopped listening and are not present.  Get present.
12)    Do not push back with defensive statements. It will have you forget why you called.
13)    Keep love present.

Have a Happy New Year!

Go for the life that you want NOW! Stop talking, stop making yourself wrong.
Make yourself RIGHT – Today, Tomorrow, Always. Call me to see how 718 834 9450.r

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What Women Want From a Partner

Though some of these following requests might appear to be self-centered and over indulged, they are what many women would like from a partner. However, if you look at the request for what they are really saying, you can hear that they want love and attention. These women like all women want to be loved and adored. They require what sounds like simple things. They want to be appreciated for the woman and feminine beings that that they are. Here are some of the requests I have heard form women over the years:

  • Spend time with me
  • Allow me to share my feelings
  • Share your pleasure with me
  • Be open with your feelings
  • Feel good about us or leave
  • Knows where to stand as a man
  • Have confidence
  • Be romantic
  • Offer me protection
  • Takes pride in our relationship
  • Respect me
  • Be thoughtful
  • Give me the gift of time…
  • Listen
  • Tell me I am beautiful and appreciated
  • Asking my opinion regarding a life decision that you are thinking about making…
  • Kiss me on my forehead after serving him dinner
  • Kiss me on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, left boobie and right boobie 5:30 in the morning when he leaves for work
  • Text me he made it to work and that he can’t wait to get back home.
  • Give me reasons to giggle
  • Compliment me in detail
  • Randomly express how he appreciates me in his life
  • Kiss tears away when they fall
  • Put a warm rag on my tummy during that time, hand me 2 Aleve, and some water, make me some tea, and hold me to distract from the pain and discomfort until I fall asleep
  • Give me words of encouragement
  • Be loyal
  • Acknowledgment my accomplishments
  • Give me emotional support coupled with physical touch (such as a hug, human touch doesn’t mean sexual)
  • Hold me tighter when the alarm goes off
  • Speak about our future together in detail
  • Motivate me, it shows your belief in who I am and what I do

Simple things mean a lot to every girl. Small talks, weird topics, smiles, a thank you, and a lot more. But nothing beats the respect, thoughtfulness, time and sincerity of what a man can give to his woman. 🙂 It’s the simple things, not so much the grandeur gestures.

If The Condom Fits…

I was reading an article called “Flip the Script” in the current Sex and Love Sextember section of Essence magazine as I prepared for my Date Like You Mean It Event.  Everything that I read seemed very weighty about dating or human interaction.
This article was about men and condoms.  The argument was that men try to get out of using condoms.  Their mission was to prepare women with comebacks on how to protect themselves and still keep the mood.  They gave instructions about what to do when he was trying to run game.   For me the article had its usual advertising opportunity and consumer awareness which is not a bad thing.
Well, to flip the script again, this time the script is to prepare men with comebacks.  It is been said and thought by people that it is always the man that does not want to use a condom. However, I know that is not always the situation.  More often than recognized or confessed it’s the woman.  Again more often than not, it is older women, not girls in their 20’s.  But using a condom helps to prevent the spread of STSs.
If you are being responsible around your sexual health, you never have to plan your reasons to use a condom.  What’s the worst that could happen if the person, man or woman, does not want to use a condom?  They leave upset, but you can never compromise your values or choice and feel good with yourself.   The article gave individual scenarios for condom endorsements, here are some straight forward to the point examples.
Man/Woman/Your Response
  • I can’t feel anything. –  Too bad my rule is if you cannot use a condom.  You won’t be feeling anything with me.
  • I don’t have a condom.  Let’s just keep going. –  No condom, no sex we can go get some or wait.
  • Let me just put the tip, I won’t go any further. –  My doctor calls it rim play. Condom please!
  • Don’t you trust me? – I trust that I will use a condom with or without you.
  • I can never find a condom that fits. –  Aw! How unfortunate, but they come in all different sizes.
  • I don’t have a condom. –  Don’t worry I carry my own. I am a person in control of my sex life.
After speaking with a few male friends of mine, they told me that they have been in the situation where women did not want to use a condom.  One man said that he was with a woman who tried to guilt him into not using a condom. She told him, in an explicit way, that it feels better.  It was very uncomfortable as he wanted to have sex, but insisted that he would wear a condom.
They said that a woman that did not wear a condom was a deal breaker and made them feel uncomfortable. It is a myth that all men want to have sex without a condom.  I read a tweet on Monday by a fellow relationship coach who said carrying a condom showed that you were prepared to practice safe sex, but it also showed that you had no discipline.  I feel that practicing safe sex is very disciplined.   If you do not have a condom, than you don’t and won’t have sex.
*Its important to have your own condom as some people do not know how to store them and or think about the expiration dates.  Condoms should be stored in a cool dry place, away from both excess heat and extremely low temperatures. Storing condoms in the pocket, valet or car compartment may damage them.

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Why Is Dating So Confusing?

Dating? What is it? Why is it so confusing? Dating is a form of courtship that focuses mostly on social activities between two people for the sole reason of accessing whether they are suitable for each other as an intimate partner or potential mate. Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which emerged in the last few centuries.

During the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families.  While romance was something that happened before and outside of marriage, discreetly in covert meetings.  Can you imagine being in a loveless marriage that was a business transaction?  The only way that people were able to pursue love and intimacy was by having affairs.   A 12th-century book, The Art of Courtly Love, advised that “True love can have no place between husband and wife”.  Can you imagine?  I think that we are still at that place given the number of divorces we are experiencing in this time.

Dating is two people together in public, exploring if they should become romantically involved. Each person is in chorus evaluating the other as a possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. Dating is stressful. Some of what happens on a date is guided by a mutual understanding of societies rules. In my opinion, dating becomes scary because of a set of mythological rules from our reptilian brains and how its effect on our emotions.  Dating is not based on logic.  It turns smart successful people into confused bumbling idiots.

What is dating anyway? Why does it catch us off guard? Why do we have all of these negative conversations surrounding dating, most of which we make up in our heads?  What is it that has so many people confused, frightened and upset?   I’ll tell you what I think. It’s because we are all trying very hard to avoid the experience of being vulnerable.  We do not want to be responsible for what we really want in relationship and we have a fear of rejection.

We believe that being vulnerable is a weakness, when being vulnerable is actually one of our strengths.  Being vulnerable allows us to be truthful with ourselves and our feelings. Vulnerability does not operate on the side of logic.

My personal experience with being vulnerable was when I was trying avoid my feelings.  I was feeling anxious, worried and outside of myself.  I do not like these feelings.   So, I do not dwell in them for a long time.  The moment I shared my vulnerability and what I was afraid of, I felt like I rebalanced myself.  I experienced a sense of relief.  It gave me power and the self-awareness of how I was shutting myself down and not being open to my feelings.  I found out I was resisting my emotions by constantly complaining to anyone who would listen.   I discovered that I was creating the same problems in every relationship that I encountered.  I didn’t express my feelings and wasn’t vulnerable, then I became distant or resentful.

When you are considering dating, it is important to know what it is that you want to create for yourself.  What is the intention of dating? Be honest and clear with yourself.  Take nothing personally.  Accept that your date is having their own variation of what it is you are going through.   After you gain clarity about your needs, wants, and expectations, be courageous enough to share them, knowing that not every person who wants to date might be on the same page as you.

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Own The Bitch Within

“What a Bitch!”   “I cannot believe she’s so Bitchy.”  “She is one hard Bitch.”

Have you noticed when a woman is confident and feels truly good about herself, knows what she wants, has clear concise boundaries and is developing her personal power in a healthy way, she is often referred to as Bitch. Some of her friends might even say things like “she has changed.”  Of course she changed.  Everyone changes over time.

Who wants to stay the same? Who wants to remain ignorant and insecure?  I don’t think any woman wants that.  Life is a series of choices and so we change.

It is time to stop seeking external validation, by being “nice”, living in guilt, feeling afraid, being people pleaser, or by downplaying your needs and by putting yourself last. It’s time to own your personal power and deal with yourself by:

•    Owning the Bitch Within
•    Learning to be Selfish
•    Going for your desires
•    Playing a bigger life game
Bringing forth your personal power

The word Bitch might have negative connotations; but in some areas of life if you’re a woman on a mission and up to big things, at some point you will be called a bitch to your face.  But more often than not, it’s behind your back.  It’s important to become okay with yourself the way you are and not feel you have to defend yourself against stupidity.

Gossip, is a part of life. When people don’t know you they will make up all kinds of stories about you until they find out the truth.  I have a saying, if no one is talking about you, you really not up to much.  But, when you’ve learned to deal with fear and yourself, the term bitch, will no longer have control over you.  You’ll experience major growth and personal power.  Then any comment made about you, will no longer produce a negative feeling or result, it will be like water off a ducks back.

A Woman Owning the Bitch Within

In order to love the bitch within, you have to know and own that bitch.  In this blog,  the bitch I’m referring to is a strong, confident loving person that has healthy boundaries.  She knows that nothing is personal.  This Bitch accepts herself for all she is and all she is not.  She is grateful for her mind, potential and life and is willing to create anything she wants to experience. She knows that mistakes are a part of the journey of growth and development.  She knows that nothing is ever really wrong.  She is 100% responsible for her life, the way it is and the way it is not.  She is open to living a joyous life knowing that things happen for the greater good.  She knows she has choices and can complain, or be a victim in a continuous cycle of negativity and righteousness.

Learning to be Selfish

This Bitch she is very selfish.  However, the reason why she is selfish is because she knows she does not come from a deficit in any area in her life.  She is abundant in her way of being.  She gives 100% because she coming from a place of self-love, abundance and generosity.   Self-love is a heartfelt experience.  This is not the kind of Bitch that is aggressive and negates other people’s rights.  She is empowered and thus empowers others.  She is willing to take responsibility for her life and gives up making excuses.  This is not the kind of selfishness that does not care about the effects of her actions on other people.  This Bitch is not aggressive or controlling.  Being Selfish means that you make sure that you are taken care of. When you are completely taken care, you have an abundance of self to give away.   When you say yes, you mean yes.  When say no, you mean no. There is no questioning of choice.  Everything is sent out for the highest good and everyone receives the highest good back.

Going for your desires

This bitch goes for, knows and asks clearly for exactly what she wants.  She also knows that clarity is one of the keys to having it all, so she does not settle for less than what she wants.  She also knows that if she has the right to go for her desires, so does everyone else.  She knows that the universe is abundant.  Being fulfilled in all of her desires is important. Her desires are important.  She will ask as many times as it is necessary to get what she really wants.  She knows when she stops asking for her desires, it not that she cannot have it.  It’s that something better has shown up and taken it place. Desires are continuous and so we keep on asking until old desires are met and new ones are created.

Playing a bigger game

This Bitch knows that playing a bigger game in life does not have anything to do with size or amount, it means being authentic and honest with one’s thoughts and feelings.  Having the freedom to live one’s dream.  Being happy with her choices so that her energy can be directed where she would like it to be.  She believes in herself and she believes that all things are possible.  She knows to achieve the life she wants.  Believing in herself is a choice.  It’s an attitude that she has developed for herself overtime.  She does not blame her family for the hand that she was dealt, or the race, physical size or class that she was born into. She knows that she is responsible for her own concepts and she can change them.  Her game in life is personal to her and no one ever has to agree or want to play.  She is okay about other people’s opinions, as she knows their opinions are none of her business.

Bringing forth your personal power

The Complete Bitch has personal power.   She needs no reason, she just is.  It is her very own.  The Bitch that I speak of knows that if she is going to be successful in her life in her own right. She knows that it’s the way she handles herself and owns the Bitch within.   Personal Power is within us to create the lives we want.  The life we dream about and the life that we were born to live.  You have to claim your personal power.

What would you life look like if you owned the bitch within and gave up complaining? If you took responsibility and started being a woman and owning the Bitch within? I invite you to add your comments in the box below.

Self Accepting Promise

Accepting yourself is a big step, but it is the most important one of your life.  Affirmations are part of accepting yourself.  Go through your day and say “I accept myself” over and over again.  Keep saying it no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.  Eventually, it will start to break through and you will understand that you need to accept yourself.

Your assignment is to write a self-accepting promise.  Write down all the things you need to start to believe about yourself.  If you cannot think of anything, take all of the negative things you say about yourself and reverse them.  For example, “I will never find a good partner” to “I deserve a loving relationship.”  Here is my self accepting promise to myself:

Self Accepting Promise

I love myself and that helps me love those in my life and those who come into my life.

I will accept myself for all that I am and all that I am not.

I am beautiful, loving and kind.

I will not place judgment on myself or others.

My life is a contribution to the world.

Without me the world would not be the same.

I will never force love from another.

I am worthy of all relationships that honor me.

For, I am a woman of grace, dignity, courage and joy.

I am a reflection of life itself.

I respect myself and I respect others.

I love myself and so others love me.

I honor myself and so others honor me.

There is no other me ever.

I am compassion for myself and so others are compassionate with me.

I promise myself that I will always speak my truth with love.

I will be forgiving when I have forgotten who I am.

I will be compassion.

I am power, success creative and abundance.

I am fully provided for.

I have fear but fear does not have me.

What is your self accepting promise? We invite you to comment below.

I Made a Philanderer Cry

Last night I went out for a drink.  I was feeling pretty sexy and strutted down the street with my 5 inch heels and my very cute purple jeweled dress with the appropriate plunging neckline.  I make my way to the bar.   When I go out alone, I usually sit at the bar because the bar is where you have the best chance of meeting people to talk to.  I love talking to people.  You might say I will only meet men at the bar, but I meet a lot of people.

Anyway, I’m sitting at the bar and here comes this attractive men – tall, dark and well-spoken etc.  He asks if he could talk with me.  Sure! He starts talking about his life and how cute I am, which is always fabulous.  He tells me he finds me sexy. Great! I put in a ten minute effort to get dressed, plus the beautiful Yves Saint Laurent lipstick that I spend $40 dollars on that day with my Mascara that I purchased for $25.00. I had a $100 face on.  Lol.  What the hey, I was looking good, feeling good and yes smelling good.

He pats my hair then tells me he’s been dying to do that.  What the hey; I say.  Men are always wanting to touch my hair.  I guess it the gives them the caveman experience they like re-enacting.  Anyway, he goes on to tell me that he is married; red flag.  30 years, he loves his wife. I say great.

Rule number one I don’t date married men.  So he tells me is wife is on long island tonight with their daughter.  I say great.  He tells me he used to be a NBA player back in the 70s I say great.  He tells me he owns restaurants and he’s got a comfortable life for himself, I say great.  I’m listening.

Then he comes the sob story I have to take out my tiny violin.  I love my wife but my wife and I don’t have sex.  I saw that coming a mile off.  I say Great.  So I ask what is that has you not have with your wife?  He rambles on about she has always let him have one night stand with the rule of not falling in love.  So he has lived his whole married life with this conversation and level of freedom.  So when did you and your wife stop having sex?  One year ago.  She became angry.  She cut him off.  How do you feel about this?  I don’t know.  Are you sad about it? He describes his wife as an elephant.  What do you mean by that?  He says that she has a large memory.  She never forgets the past.  I ask him if he loves his wife.  He says absolutely.  She is the mother of his children.  He is not leaving her.  He has another woman that he has been seeing her for years.  So why are you trolling for another woman.  Least of all me?  He was very straight forward.  He told me he would like to get naked with me.  After he told me he had a full hip replacement because of his life playing sports.  Hey.  Anyway, I asked him a few more questions, do you want to have sex with your wife?  He starts joking about how he want to get naked with me.  I was grossed out but smiling and thinking of a large chunk of plastic.

I asked him what had him marry his wife and stay so long.  She allowed him to do what he wanted, she was sexy etc. They went to college together, she did his papers.  She was available for whatever he wanted.  She traded for the good life.  He said he hurt her emotionally not physically.  He was not rough with her. She is a great woman.  He loves her.

His wife was hurt, she had given him space to be. However, now she was upset about her choices.  She shut down and in-turn shut him down.   He was sad, upset and remorseful. His commitment for his wife is amazing; his love for her is great.   He’s dealing with his behavior.  He’s afraid of losing her and he is about to lose her if he does not taken fast action.  Then I notice his eyes well up with tears, his lips going in and out quivering.  He’s crying now.  Noreen, you made a grown man cry.  I asked him if he was crying and he said yes.  I acknowledged his tears and his commitment to his wife.  It was clear to me.  He cried some more.

I know that he did not get dressed this evening to go out and pick up a woman that would go toe to toe with him about his life and make him cry.  Dude no sex happening over here?  He was moved and talked some more still crying.  He thanked me and said I will talk to my wife. I gave him my number and he said he’d like to talk with me again.  He’s been trying to work this out for ages.

Can you imagine? What I do know is this man loved his wife.  Having sex with strange woman just kept his self-loathing and encouraged his habit of not being responsible and honest with himself in first place.  So that was my night.  It was fun.  I looked sexy. I had a philander cry and made a difference in his life.

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You Can Become An Olympic Champian

“But right now, I have no goals; I’m just like a bum.” Usain Bolt.

They came, they conquered or were conquered.   They all achieved their goals, some will play again.  Some will never compete at this level again. Some will go onto to train others by giving away what they have accomplished becoming coaches or leaving the sport of their passion entirely.    However, all of them are winners in their own right.

Michael Phelps, is still the fastest man in water, and now to add to his list of accomplishments breaking the all-time Olympic Medal record.  The old record was 18.  The most medals were won on land by a gymnast, Larisa Latynina. Michael record was won in the water with 19 medals.  Her record took 70 years to win. Michael’s record, who knows where or when it will be broken?

Phelps came and accomplished everything he and his Coach Bob Bowman set out to accomplish.  His coach put him through many rigorous tasks.  His coach readied him to be able to swim blind only being able to count his strokes in previous last Olympics.  Who knew?

The fastest man in the world “All Day Everyday” Usain Bolt ran for 36.84 seconds for the 100 meters.  What makes Usain Bolt so amazing?  Well, he has all the physical skills possible to attain his goal.  Actually the bigger question is what makes anyone of these athletes so amazing and powerful?  Yes they have the drive.  They’ve developed the skill, and they have the passion.  There is one thing that they also have.  They have coaches. Their win is also their coaches win.   They have coaches that help them plan what’s next.  The coach is in the background.  Very rarely is the coach in the foreground.  However, the drills that get done, the practice over and over again are planted and take root in the athlete mind, bodies and action are planted there by their coaches.  The Coach,  who each and every one of the players love and respect.  Their coaches are the muscle behind the curtain.

A coach will go to any length to train you to be number on in your level of performance. A coach will stretch you in ways that you can never stretch yourself.  Your coach is able to have you be all and more of what you want to be; always in the background, knowing your game, making sure that you know your game.

Usain Bolt has conquered all his current goals.  He came to be a legend and he is now a legend.  He say’s pertaining to what’s next for him “Right now nothing. I’ve done what I wanted to do. My coach and I will discuss what we need to do. But right now, I have no goals; I’m just like a bum.”

“I’ve done something that no one has done before, which is defending my double title,” Bolt said. “Back to back for me, I would say I’m the greatest.”  So would say that kind of confidence is arrogant.  I would say that is a person that knows what he came to do and did it despite the media comments.  He fulfilled on the measure.  Confidence is something that gives you a sense triumph.  A Coach is someone that makes you triumphant.

What do all of these Athletes have in common?  Yes, they have coaches and they take the coaching. The coach keeps them out of their head and in the game.  Who keeps you out of your head and in your games in your life?  When things are not working, or working the way you want them to do?  What do you do? How do you win in the games that your create for your life?  Do you quit at the slightest incongruence? Or do you just give up at the mere thought of what you think will take place?   Who helps you build the weak muscle in areas of your life that you would like to transform?

Having a coach will help you transform old patterns and limiting behaviors.  Find out more and read my testimonials of the successes that I have helped my clients accomplish and more.
•    What area of life are you tired of recreating over and over again?
•    What is the result that you’re not getting?
•    Are you waking up exhausted at the mere thought of another day being unfulfilled?
•    What are the wants, needs or desire that are not being fulfilled?
•    Are you doing the same thing over and over again looking for a different result?

Take Action! Get a coach that can have you be accountable and have you develop the confidence to go after your very own personal Olympic dream.

“Citius, Altius, Fortius” or as they say in Hip Hop “Go Hard”

The spirit of the Olympics is tantamount to life.  I love the commercial that says “Luck does not get you to the Olympic games.  You can’t wish your way onto the podium.  you can’t buy it or hope for it. It is not enough to dream about.  Luck did not get me to London, I swam here.” http:/You have to believe in yourself enough to take action.

I watched the Fab Five, McKayla Maroney, Kyla Ross, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas and Jordyn Wieber, dominate the Olympic team finals.  In an interview, it was clear to me that the Fab Five was clear about their future.  They believed in themselves.  And today, they are at the Olympics.  They’ve won the gold and fulfilled their dreams that were created when they were children watching the olympics.

The Olympic motto is Citius, Altius, Fortius, a Latin expression meaning “Faster, Higher, Stronger”. Baron Pierre de Coubertin’s founded the International Olympic Committee (IOC) in 1894. Ideals are further expressed in the Olympic creed: The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part.  Just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

How did all of these athletes make it to the Olympics? They believed in themselves.  They had people who believed and stood for them.  They created their work, did the work, believed in themselves and acted upon their dream.

If you are waiting on someone to give you what you want, then you are not taking responsibility for your actions. You must accept that you are turning over your power to another person.   Where are you waiting for something to be to your liking? Do you get yourself upset because your boss has not given you what you want?  Your partner does not want you to be you? Your money is not the way you want it to be? Take the initiative and start believing in you.  It’s is up to you to increase your productivity and improve your performance.   Everything that you want is already in your own hands.

Be willing to give yourself permission to do what you want with your life.  What are the things that you could do that are necessary, keeping in mind that your life in not linear? There are a lot of things that have to be done so that you can have a full life while pursuing your dreams. Relationships have to maintained, money still has to be made, work still has to be done, food still has to be eaten, bodies and health have to be taken care of, fun still has to be had, vacations to be created. (You can’t forget vacations.)  There are no real excuses for not living your dreams, only the excuses you make up that stop you from taking action. There are still, and will only ever be, 24 hours in the day and what you do with them is entirely up to you.

Now you know that life is not linear.  Blaming people, places and things for your inability to take action on the things that you want is your way of saying and believing that you cannot have what you desire.  Making others wrong for sharing their thoughts and feeling is you not taking responsibilities for what is important to you.   In life, your timeline does not have to agree with anyone else’s.  Just because timelines, thoughts, feelings and agreement are not in alignment with yours, does not mean the other person is bad or wrong. All it means is it’s different.  Different is never bad or wrong.

Check in with yourself. Are you holding yourself back?  Hiding who you really are? Pretending to be something other than who you are?  Not sharing yourself and what is important to you?  Feeling fearful hurt upset and living in the past while pretending you’re present?  Believe in yourself and remember, you are the captain of your ship and any success you desire truly comes from you. Citius, Altius, Fortius Faster, Higher, Stronger. Or as they say in Hip Hop Go Hard.

How are you going to be Faster, Higher and Stronger? We invite you to share your ideas in the box below.

Slowly Down The Fat Hill I Went

When people hear the story of weight loss they only see the final result.  They get all wrapped up in the final goal, and forget that any change is a journey of self discovery.  They get discouraged by the pace of change and criticize themselves if the process is not fast enough.  But I want you to know it is a slow journey.
When I started, slowly down the fat hill I went.  It was a very high and steep hill.  I had no idea how high or how steep my fat hill was.  However, when I heard my legs in stockings rubbing together and making a sound like mice whispering in a chip bag, I knew it was time to release some fat. So I started off on my journey on the walk down the fat hill.
If I did not choose to slowly walk down the fat hill, I would have ended up rolling down the fat hill and God only knows what kind of injury I would have sustained.    Well, slowing walking down the fat hill, I realized that I needed some support.  I could do it, but I was unaware of what to do, how to do it and if I would have enjoyed doing it by myself.  Now, I am the typical lone ranger. I do things on my own and swear that I can.  But there are times when even a Lone Ranger, needs a Tonto. My first Tonto was called Lilli.

 

Lilli is my health coach.  She would call every week and we would just talk.  I was kidding myself really thinking that between the Nintendo WII and walking in the park I could make it happen.  In reality, i needed help because I had no idea how to help myself.  I knew I was overweight, but I had no idea about how overweight I was.  My fat was hard and tight and its address was 1 Round the Middle Avenue in the town of Back fat.   Anyway, Lilli and I would talk and share.

 

I decided to exercise by stalking a woman in the park one Saturday, and doing her routine. I was unable to keep up.  I decided it was time to get a trainer. So, in pops Dr. Evil.  Dr. Evil was posting flyers in the park.  He looked decent and I confronted him in my friendly manner and asked him what he was doing.  He was starting a Boot Camp and I took one of the flyers.  I called him a few weeks later and did his consultation.  He about killed me.  I never sweated so much in my life.  I sat on the monument in Fort Green Park and left a butt print.  OMG.  That was it, he was my trainer and the rest is history.
Before Dr. Evil, I could not do a pushup.  I could not run up the stairs. WHen I did I was  out of breath. Dr. Evil didn’t care he just said do it.  No small talk, no chat.  We worked out and I left.  He told me the goal was 1 lb a week.  I just grinned through my teeth.  Anyway, 1 lb a week it was consistently.  Today, I have a team of people who take care of me and support me to be my great self.  I never understood that before – how much asking for help can help me.  I have a health coach, a trainer, a therapist, a cleaning lady, a stylist, an assistant and an organizer.    In life there are things that we are just not good at.  My suggestion now is get the help, clear the mess and live a full life.

What is Your Olympic Size dream are you willing?

The Olympics are in my home town London. I could not be happier.  It is so exciting.  London has hosted the Olympic Games on two past occasions in 1908 and 1948.  Now they are hosting a third time starting in a few day 2012.  It is amazing.  The Games Begin July 27th @ 7:30pm.  The athlete’s I will be watching are Usain Bolt from Jamaica and of course Team USA.  Oops, I have been in New York to long, I forgot about my home town.  I will be watching my fellow country people from England.

Olympians are the modern gladiators of our time.  Every athlete dreams of attending but only a few and the best of every country make it.  It’s fair to say that the Olympics put added pressure on most of the athletes because it is held once every 4 years.  Since everyone wants to make it so everything is pressurized.  I love watching Gymnastics; I will be watching Gabrielle Douglas referred to as the flying squirrel.  She is quite remarkable. So young, so talented and bright the confidence of this young lady could like up any stadium.  I wish her talent to shine and a medal to procure.

What does it take to be an Olympian? Is it just training, their natural gifts or could it a certain kind of personality?  We don’t know.  You know they would have been breeding them genetically by now.  Is Talent is one of the many key components, as well as speed, strength, and endurance?  Yes.  But determination and a fighter spirit is one of the major components for success.

What about passion? Where does passion come in? Well its important.  You have to love what you do. You have to be able and willing to invest the necessary amount of time it takes to be an expert in your event.  What does it take to do your best when the pressure is on?  When the pressure is on, being in the zone is where most athlete master their personal psychological skills that allow them to make a difference and be the best.  They have be able to recover from an error on a dime as a second of time could be the difference between a gold medal or being a person that went to the Olympics.  Athletes need to be in the zone, as do many of us who are in professions that call the management of self in a stressful or demanding situation.   It calls for years of practice to develop skills to operate at a higher level.  You have to be able to cultivate and have laser-like focus.

As with most things, as one learns, they realize it is not about being perfect at what you do. It is about being in the moment as life gives it to you. It is about not worrying about being perfect,  about past failures and looking at the scoreboard while in the moment.

If we went after our goals like Olympians there would be nothing we could not accomplish.  We would be able to accomplish our desires and goals consistently.  We can all be Olympians by adopting and using a combination of psychological skills that include visualization, setting a goal, focused concentration, being able to learn methods that can have you relax when needed and by being able to psych yourself up by using positive self-talk.  Use these methods in a consistent order and you can succeed.  In order to be successful, you need to managing your mind for success.  Once you were ready to accomplish your goal, all you would have to do is focus and let it happen.  Athletes have bodies and minds that are prepared to succeed and ready to go for gold. For the untrained goal setter, it is always the mind that gets in the way.  Are you willing to do the work?

Quiz: What are your boundaries?

Taking this self-boundaries quiz will help you understand yourself a little bit more.  Get out a piece of paper and a pen, and number the paper 1-26.  Right down your answer for the corresponding questions.  Choose one of these answers for each question: always, usually, sometimes, rarely or never. Be honest with yourself and choose your first impulse.  The point in life is to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Second guessing your answers can lower your self esteem.  There is no right or wrong answer, only your truth.

1 -Do you carry emotional and physical baggage into your current relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

2 -Have you been hurt and find yourself insecure thinking it will happen again?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

3 -Do you blame yourself for the mental, physical or emotional hurt you allowed to happen to you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

4 -Do you believe that whoever says I love you first loses?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

5 -You tell a partner you love them often but they do not say it back. Does this make you feel rejected and stupid but you still love them anyway?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

6 -Do you look for someone to love you in your relationships instead of giving yourself the love that you have?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

7 -Do you feel that you are not heard, known and seen in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

8 -Do you avoid sharing yourself completely in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

9 -Do you think that people can know who you are solely by spending time with you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

10 -Do you feel unable to express yourself fully in your sexual encounters?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

11 -Do you have sex mainly for the pleasure of another?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

12 -Do you think you when it comes to your sexual and orgasmic pleasure, are you unable to fully allow yourself to be present and enjoy?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

Image by Deep Shot Photography http://deepshot.carbonmade.com/

13 – Do you keep yourself from having time to grieve your upsets and break ups?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

14 – Do you have internal anger?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

15 – Do you not allow yourself the opportunity to get angry?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

16 – Do you say yes to your partner when you want to say no? Do you say no when you want to say yes?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

17 – Do you hide your truth in mind chatter?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

18 -Do you feel that you are not in control of your life?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

19 – Do you believe you lack the tools to make your life happen?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

20 – Do you lack trust in yourself to be faithful to your partner ?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

21 – Do you lack confidence to really let your partner know who you really are?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

22 – Do you lack confidence to state your opinions?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

23 – Do you save hurting people feelings by not telling your truth and then avoid them because you feel uncomfortable?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

24 -Do you have confidence and self esteem issues that no one knows about you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

25 – Are you afraid to stand alone in the world without your job or job title?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

What do you think of your answers? Were you surprised? Are there some areas you want to change? Finding your voice and setting boundaries is important  as it  helps you to create yourself.  Creating and using your voice is one of the most important ways to have and live the life you want.  This is your life and you get to live it how you want.  It takes practice to release negative habits, ideas and images of fear. The first step is always the hardest, but when you do it, it will be the most memorable step as the spell will be broken.  Speaking to a therapist or life coach may help you overcome your fears of being heard and create confidence and self-respect.  Fear nothing, you can attempt everything.  But most of all speak up for yourself and find your voice and gain your personal power.  Congratulations on taking this first step.

Creating Boundaries for Great Sex

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.
So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.
If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.
Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off

Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?
What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

No One Wants to Date Your Past

No one wants to experience the pain of your past when they begin dating you.  Everyone wants to date from a blank slate, they want to get to know you on their own terms and dating your past partners is not desirable.  Your prospective partner does not want to hear how your exes hurt you, how you can’t trust anyone now, or what happened to you in the past.  So, clean up that mess and start dating from a new fresh blank state.

What are the things that you would share about yourself at market/dating? People grumble that they cannot find a date.  Why can’t you find a date?   There are 6 billion people on the planet.  So why is it so difficult to find a date?  Is it you or your beliefs? Is it your belief that you are not good enough for anyone or no one is good enough for you?  Ask yourself these questions, as a person, what do you bring to the dating table?

What is special about you?
What do you have to offer in a relationship?
What are your prize winning qualities?
What are you non prize winning qualities?
What areas are you willing to work on?
How do you feel about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically?
How do you feel about sex?
Do you love yourself?
Do you love others?
Are you generous or stingy?
What mess do you need to clean up before you start dating?
Are you overly picky, are you trying to date people that are not attracted to you?
Are you even available?

Photot from the Thomas Lennon Photographic Collection, Powerhouse Museum

If you were to sell yourself at market what are the things that you would present on your ‘stall’? What are the things you would have under the table and not share openly? What are the things you are afraid to hear about yourself and for people to know about you? Maybe these are the things that you are going to have to rewrite in your life script.

I had a client that had a hair loss problem and wore weaves all the time.  She was embarrassed about her hair loss and also ashamed of an unwanted pregnancy she had had sometime ago.  She met a man that she enjoyed being with.  He in turn enjoyed being with her.  However, she was worried that he would not like her because of her severe hair loss due to weaves and alopecia.  After our work together, she was able to come clean first with herself and then she courageously told him her situation.  He heard her and replied “I don’t care about your hair.  Women wear hair pieces all the time, I do not care about your unwanted pregnancies.  I want you. “  After her confession, she was relieved by his love for her and she reflects on how her shame has been hovering over all of her past relationships, bringing them nothing but pain and sorrow.  In the end, they are now happily married and expecting their own baby.

The main lesson to be learned is:   If you are okay with yourself, the man/woman that likes/loves you will be okay with you.

When starting to date, take it easy on yourself.  It is important that you come to terms with all your upsets, fears and concerns.  You have to forgive yourself and make sure you have taken the time to heal from any past relationships.  It’s important to have a heart to heart with yourself and make sure that you are ready to date.  No one wants to date your past.  What past pains are you bringing into your marketplace?

How to Avoid Downward Dating

For the past couple of weeks, we talked about downward dating – dating someone who is not at the same emotional or financial level as you. Here are some tips on how to avoid downward dating:

Remember downward dating unlike Downward Facing Dog Does not tone and strengthen your back. It can however give you great sex for 60 seconds and fabulous eye /arm candy. But, if you’re serious about having a relationship stay away at all costs.

Date people that have the same or similar kinds of interests.

Value yourself so that people will value you and if they don’t, you can walk away intact.

Give yourself permission to do what you desire.

Date people that have interests that interest or might interest you.

Take time to get to know people you date, but first take time to know yourself.

Date people that have similar values by finding out and asking those questions that freak you out.

Date people who value you making plans and can be honest about what they can and cannot do.

Date people that are flexible, will try new things and speak up about them.

Date people who can create and have with clear agreement with you.

Date people who will remember your successes in the relationship not your failures.

Breakdowns are opening for breakthroughs. Life without breakdowns is no life at all.

Date people and do your best and realize that dating is a process which can have you realize your humanness.

Date by expecting the best to happen and know that your will experiences triggers from you past.

Date with an open heart or else don’t date – In fact do your life with an open heart.

Improve the quality of yourself by being open to being fearless and free.

Ask yourself serious heartfelt questions, the one that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Have a look at your attitude and level of gratitude.

What do you like or dislike about your dating habits? Take a look. Don’t judge just investigate.

Get rid of your physical typing,the physical typing was created in your past by a very young you.

Stay in the present moment leave you past relationships in the past.

Live in the now date in the now.

Everyone, as we all know, is different and not everyone is compatible. So, it is important to realize if you cannot accept a person for all they are and all they are not, then you need to leave them alone. Maybe your date has not read a book in a number of years. Maybe they only eat what they was raised on and everything else is off limits. Or you’re a traveler and they’re a couch traveler. Your priorities are so completely different. You find yourself trying to plan things with them and they seem really keen, but when it comes time to commit to the plans, they disappear off the planet and your left wondering is this the same person.

Downward Dating Part Two

Last week we discussed what downward dating was. This week we will discuss its effects on both parties.

It is unfortunate but most of the recipients of downward dating love the idea of dating you. They love what you do, what you have but they subconsciously are frightened that you may not be interested in them. They are subconsciously don’t like what you are, as you represent all that they are not and this dredge’s up their insecurity. Downward dating people derive pleasure from you because it gives them an opportunity to inflate their already timorous ego.

They love what you represent, that you have an education and the social accoutrements or any other accolades whether earned, learned or born with. They love that you have your own money which is oftentimes, more than theirs. On the other hand, with downward dating there is no dedication. It’s just bragging which could later be at your mental expense and discredit.

Some downward dating partners are only capable of trying to break you down. The relationship is lop-sided. Your partner can become spiteful, downright nasty and mean spirited. Downward daters are for the most part only really interested in themselves and making you wrong. Their level of insecurity is very high. The experience of downward dating is one of insecurity and belief that internally that they don’t deserve something.

Downward daters will continual ask questions that you can’t answer in the way they want. “Why are you really interested in me” Duh, you’re interested in them because you like them. They cannot believe that and are extremely adamant that you’re not being truthful. They make statements like that you’re trying to use them They do not hear or listen to what is being said in a conversation. They only hear their internal conversation and make up things that were not being said or experienced. Downward dater is not based in reality. Downward dates and daters come in all shapes and sizes color and crude. This incessant dialogue is very dysfunctional. This is when you leave the interaction (Run now!)

Many people have downward dated at some point in their life. Even if you can fake amnesia and plead the 5th you’ve done it.
Here is my experience in downward dating:

I dated a man with less money then me. I knew upfront that he could not afford to attend a lot of the things that I invited him to, so I would foot the bill if I really wanted to go. I didn’t have a problem with sharing, but when my sharing became a problem, the relationship become uncomfortable. His ego, was getting a little roughed up about not having extra play money. I did not do it deliberately. If I was digging down into my savings or spending above my means, I would say something. Unfortunately, my guy had not mastered this concept, he had difficulty expressing his feelings about my money. Our relationship became increasingly difficult and it became progressively more difficult having certain conversations. So he proceeded to make me wrong. Eventually we broke up.

Today my opinion is if your venturing into a situation like this,you’re probably setting yourself up for failure. Work with me here, you have spent a number of years building up your education and that education has increased your socio economic standing only to find that you are not dating on an level playing field. You have little in common with them and furthermore they resent you for it. It is important to date with clarity. It takes time to get to know the people. It is also important that you give yourself time to get to know the people you’re interacting with and that you do not compromise your spirit.

I know many men and woman complain that they are sad and that they feel alone. Theoretically, we are all. Even in a relationship, amongst family, friends or in a group, we can feel alone. Alone, is a feeling, not our truth. The key is to accepting being alone is checking whether this is true for you. Then choosing what you want to do with what you know. Rejecting your findings that you are alone will not only make you feel better about being alone, it will prevent you from jumping into relationships that do not support your energy and what you are up to in your life. It is healthy to look at yourself with a critical yet compassionate eye so that you can make the decisions that only you can and will say are right for you. If you let lonely choose for you, you’ll be in a relationship that will have you whirling and not in a good way.

I hope you will join me next week for some dating tips.

Downward Dating Part 1

Are you dating people that you cannot afford to be with? I don’t just mean fiscally, I mean mentally, emotionally, socially, educationally, spiritually and or economically. When you choose someone new to date, are you on an equal playing field?

Dating on an unequal playing field is a source of frustration and can become out-and-out upsetting. I have coined the phrase “Downward dating.” Downward facing dog is a traditional yoga pose that Stretches and strengthens the whole body while relaxing the mind. Unlike downward dating which only eats away at your sanity and puts you in a pile of confusion. In the end, you wind up blaming yourself for the relationships demise. As with many of life’s choices there is no one to blame and many lessons to learn.

The way your dates treat you and the opportunities that come your way are determined by your attitude, energy and your sense of self. Often times, it feels good to blame others, but you know intuitively that it is not right. One of the only things you can possibly get from downward dating is some instant physical satisfaction which is often very nice but that lasts for about a good sixty seconds. However, you’re not making the kinds of connection that you desire. You are not getting the emotional connection you desire, so you’re left upset, angry and frustrated.

I have heard dating described as a gladiator sport. It is not for the faint of heart. Dating will test you and can shred every ounce of confidence you have or wreck havoc on your self image. While dating, whatever insecurities you are dealing with will surface and leave you not even recognizing yourself.

Do you experience yourself and realize that you are you dating the same physical type of man/woman over and over again. Do you have a physical type, i.e. tall, blonde, bald, hulking, etc. and are not interested in leaving that type behind? In the past, I have been guilty of dating like that. Thus not making room for anyone else to enter my sphere and all the while, still looking for a different response and treatment. Duh! However, are you not ready to leave your type behind but still want something different? Do you want and or are you interested in stopping this kind of behavior? Do you want a different results?
Before you go out on another single date start, looking at what you don’t like about your dating habits.

Start by asking yourself about what you’re experiencing; see if it is a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you cannot change or are not ready to date, you are doomed to continue creating more of the same dating situation. This can be said for any situation that does not work for you anymore. It you want to date differently, you have to start giving yourself something first. If you want to date better people, you have to become a better person. If you want to be respected, you have to give respect to yourself and then to others, if you want to improve the quality of your dates you have to improve the quality of yourself. Start by asking questions “What can I contribute to my dates?” What you receive from any dating situation will transform when you accept yourself.

Who do you think you are?

Last week we were talking about defining your own sexuality. I asked you ” who do you think you are?”. It wasn’t meant to be asked in a tone with attitude. It is more of a definition of your sexuality. Its the kind of who do you think you are that rocks your boat.  This question has you get up in the morning and look forward to your day.   It’s the kind of question that when you think about it your mouth salivates, your fingers itch and you cannot wait to get share how you feel. That is the kind of who do you think you are that is interesting. 

The sad thing is that many of you have had the “who do you think you are” beaten out of you. When the question gets asked of you, you find yourself shrinking, experiencing confusion and feeling put out. Very few of you can answer this question and get excited about sharing.  Most of you were taught not to brag about yourselves or your interests. It is as though you never got emotionally feed. You had to find ways feed yourselves which kept many of your interests squashed.

So what happens when you feel squashed? Many of my clients experience a hard time going after what they desire.  They are good at their jobs. They have successful businesses and make money, but when it comes to their personal needs, they gets put on the back burner of their life.  They have a hard time going for what they want for fear of not getting it right.  Adults need to get things right which in turn gives them no freedom.    

Their dreams can get so clouded over they don’t know what they want for themselves and their lives. They have a hard time asking for help and support and don’t believe that they can get it.  They feel that something is wrong with them if they seek support. Many don’t believe they deserve help and will sabotage their successes by not doing the work.  However, when this becomes clear, they are able to flourish. They sabotage themselves because they are always the person doing the helping and are confused and frustrated when they need the help.  All this confusion and fear kick in. 

Most of all you are afraid to go after what you want. You are so afraid that you will be less attractive, seen as aggressive, and in some cases odd, if you go after what you want with fervor. You fear you might will be all alone Andes a result, you worry so much that you can’t have a life of fun, happiness or a find a life partner. 

It is important to really think about who you think you are.  What is important to you?  It is important to gain clarity and live in a world that you create for yourself with your rules.  When you know what is important to you and take the steps to develop the confidence to go after it, you will be confident in the world of who do you think you are.   Also, when you know who you are, you will learn that you are an evolving individual who can recreate yourself as often as you like.  If you feel that you’re sexy, hot, and the cat’s meow, you will be a bag of chips and all that.  Furthermore, your way of being will echo into the world.   Who do you think you are?  Think about it and be it.  
 

Are you sexy, hot, the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips?

Are you sexy, the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips? If you cannot answer this question openly, you might have an issue.  If you think the statement is presumptuous, then you might have an issue. If you agree with this statement, you might have an issue with others.  But do you care?   I think I am all that and a bag of chips.  I went out with a male friend of mine the other night. When I walked in the door, he said to me “ You look sexy tonight.”  I replied with “I am sexy all the time.” He asked me who said that.  I replied I did.  He then said, “You’re not sexy until I tell you are.”  I laughed.  I also told him that “I am like a self-cleaning oven and I self-validate.”   We laughed. I’m sure for different reasons.  I, for my ability to self-valid, and he for God only knows what.  What I do know is you can be as sexy as you choose. 

Are you sexy, hot, the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips? Take a minute to think about that question and let it infuse on your mind. Then answer this. Who do you think you are?  This question is not meant to be taken in a negative way with judgement and a lot of tone. What I mean is who am I speaking to? Who are you intuitively? Do you have the confidence to say it proudly?  Is who you are so clear you don’t even have to say anything? It is clear to everyone and gets reverberated back at you in life. 

Did you ever experience a day when you’re being so sexy that you hear it whispered in the wind? It’s just who you are in that moment.  You are the cat’s meow, all that and a bag of chips. You know who you are. 

So who do you think you are can be translated as  I am a woman, I am black, I am tall, I am English, I am a Confidence and self-esteem coach, daughter of Mr. and Ms. Johnson,  5’8.   Who do you think you are has nothing to do with any of those statistics.  That is not the kind of who do you think you are that I am even remotely interested in. However, that is not to say that those descriptions are not interesting.  They are the kinds of facts that you share with people when you first meet them.  Somewhat boring and mundane, not the meat and potatoes of whom you are. 

The kind of who do you think you are that I am interested in an inside job. 

What do you love about your life?

What are you passionate about?

What are you interested in?

What do you want to be remembered for?

What are you proud of?

What do people say they love about you?

What contribution have you made and to whom?

What’s one thing that no one knows about you that you wish they did?

What are you willing to share about yourself?

What are you afraid of?

What’s the most courageous thing that you have ever done for another?

Next week we will talk about what these answers mean to you and how you can answer them everyday in all of your actions.

Relationships Take Work

Thank God I can read. I am reading a wonderful little book called A Fine Romance, The passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage.  This book was written in the 80s, but it’s quite motivating. It describes how we experience life and relationships. 

Everything that is important takes work.  Your career, growing your money, your health, getting in shape, it all takes work. The book explains that you are conscious of all the work life takes, but are not aware of how much work it takes to be in a successful relationship. 

The writer is bloody right. When it comes to matters of the heart, I personally want my relationships to be thunder bolts and lightening.  I want it to be like a fantasy that happens in a Lifetime movie. My lover plants a gentle kiss on my mouth and my eyes shut and next minute, life cuts to me being married, living in the perfect house with the perfect life. The end.  Yeah!  Wake up.  Duh!  None of this is going to happen unless I work at it. 

Relationships takes work because the dating process takes effort. It is not just one step. You have to go through many steps: the dating process, the courting process, getting to know each other, being present with your feelings, thoughts and everything else in between.  Being confident enough go through the process of creating of partnership without getting aggravated requires you to discover what you really want in a relationship. In order to do that, you need to monitor your own behaviors.

What I discovered is there is a challenging universal structure to courtship.  In a nutshell, there are many experiences that can occur. You may one day feel ambivalent or you may have deaf stops where you only hear your own thoughts and ignore anything anyone else has to say. You also have the challenge of dealing with your own personal theories, worries, limiting beliefs and triggers, as well as a list of what your partner should and should not do. There are dramas within ourselves which relate to a complicated array of drives, feelings, expectations and assumptions. Each one determining our individual responses to love and relationships. All along the way, your self-esteem gets battered and bruised. Your confidence gets shattered and you wind up swimming in a world of unhappiness. Your feel like you are glowing one moment while in the next, you feel like an abandoned baby on the steps of a local church, not knowing what the hell happened.   

At times you feel ambivalent. One minute you dig the person and the next minute you wonder what you ever saw in them. Then back again.  Either you’re dumped or you’re dumping them out of exasperation and frustration.  One of the things to be excited about and to know is this is all a part of the relationship experience. It is normal. The important thing to remember is to build a solid foundation within yourself that is separate from the relationship. This will allow you to be like a rock that won’t be swayed by every step of the courting process. If not,  the fears of your past relationships will leach into your new relationships, whether your aware of it or not.

I had the liberty of dating a man I thought was wonderful. In the end, we did not work out. The main reason is because his old relationship filtered into my relationship with him. He may have left his last relationship but it did not leave him. How do I know that he did not truly get rid of his last relationship? He said he had the utmost disdain for his ex-live-in-girlfriend. As time went on, the same concerns and worries from his old relationship filtered into the relationship I was having with him. He had a fear of entrapment. His language was about me trapping him in a cage. He did not want to be in that same type of situation again so all relationships were scary to him. There was no opportunity for me in our relationship as his unconscious behavior made him behave as though all relationships were going to end in the same way. 

The book describes this as the fear of entrapment.  I made his anxiety worse. He feared being locked in an emotional cage. He thought when he was with a woman, he’d lose his freedom.  No matter what I said, it made no real difference.  It was over before it was even allowed to begin.

I could have felt bad about it. I could have blamed myself. But because of a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem, I know that the end of our relationship does not mark me as a failure or a bad person. I know I can give and receive love. The end of a relationship is not a rejection of me and my worth as a person. It is not personal. It is a personal relationship but the behavior is not personal. The thing that is personal is the love I share in any relationship which I will continue to give freely.

What happens when you are secure in yourself

When you are secure in yourself, your thoughts and ideas are great because you know intuitively that you don’t have to defend anything about yourself.  You thoughts, ideas and dreams are yours and they will never be the same as anyone else’s.  You know that no one has to agree with what you think as you are empowered.  However, the areas of your life where you are not empowered and lack confidence are the areas where the thoughts, beliefs and ideas are not your own. You seek validation or you get upset, angry and downright nasty, when you feel challenged.

Whenever you feel challenged and have to defend something about yourself, try this question on for size – “If I were a man would I have to defend myself for my thoughts and ideas”.   Now, I am not saying become a man in any way shape or form.  The question I am asking is “Why do I feel I have to defend my ideas or thoughts?”  You never have to defend anything. Did I say “anything” about yourself? You are perfect just like a rose. You have thorns. But just because you have thorns, when you feel them coming out, (unless it is an emergency and someone is physically attacking you), you need to take a look at why the thorns are coming out.    You never have to make an excuse of being disgusted with the way your life is going or not going.   When something is not working for you change gears. Look it square in the face and say,  “Fuck it, this will not do.  I desire something different.” Stop doing what does not work and choose something else.  Do not worry about anything else. 

People can really say anything they want about you. They can ask you anything and you have the right to choose how to feel.  If you’re upset, you have the right to let off steam in a responsible way. However, bare in mind that something is going to change and you’re going to change it.  It’s important that what matters is what you say about yourself and how you transform your life.  Your occurring world is what is important and if it is not supported by positive thoughts, what you will be if you don’t feel secure, is defensive.   You have to be okay with you. Only you can choose, you have to be willing to take responsibility for your life and not be sorry for your choices when you realize who you truly are. Outside forces are irrelevant because you are not your circumstances, you have circumstances.  We need circumstances in our lives.  What you need to do is give yourself a goal. You must be specific and clear about your target, as without one you will never feel secure and you will never get on the road.

What would you have to hear for you to accomplish your goal? In some cases it could be you have the job.  You have the deal. Yes, I’ll take that one.  Whatever it is that you have to hear, will be the point when you have reached your goal.   I remember when I finished my coaching training.  All I wanted to hear as a coach, and what made me a coach, was when someone said “Yes I want to work with you. How much do I have to pay, and when can we start”.   That sealed the deal for me. 

No two people’s arrival point will be the same.  However, they will have to be secure enough to keep going until they hear what they need to hear.   So it is important to

·        Make a Choice

·        Set a goal

·        Start towards your Goal

So when you are secure in yourself, anything can open up and that “anything” will be yours. 

Flying By The Seat of Your Pants

You have a fear of something, so what do you do? What is your Trump card. By Trump card, I mean the way you behave when your back is up against the wall and you are being called to take action. Do you pretend and charge into denial? Do you hide out, stay out of communication and ignore calls? Do you shut down emotionally? Do you become defensive and get into fights? Do you strut around and tell everybody in your best cocktail voice that its’ marvelous darling, or do you speak in your loudest voice and assert that you are fine? Or do you just get colloquial say “I got this” when you don’t have anything? The best one yet is that you’re okay and that you do not need any support.

Then something out of the ordinary happens- you lost a job, a relationship, your money. Flying by the seat of your pants does not allow you to make real commitments. This lack of commitment has you live in the place of fear which has you isolate yourself from your feelings and disconnect you from people. A side note about feelings, I want you to know that feelings are fleeting. They come and go like clouds.

Your Trump card is how you have been being for a long time. With your way of being, you are not aware that it is destroying things that are important to you. Using any one of these actions is surely a way of destroying relationships. I have had people tell me that they are not loveable and cannot be loved. They don’t want anyone to love them. They are not committed to anything or anyone when that kind of communication is launched into the world. They have all these beliefs tied into ways that can be loved, like how long they know you. They just have limiting beliefs about love that only makes sense to them. Furthermore, when I say world, I mean the persons individual world where is occurs as though their putting seeds on a Formica counter top and demanding it grow without the right conditions. Their commitments cannot grow, they cannot form relationships and they are never present. They are like drifter’s on the planet not experiencing life’s wonderment, and they wonder why life is not going the way the want it to. They become upset, and people who love and support them find themselves working hard to support these people without anything coming back. Their actions are not personal. It is just difficult to be with these people. It just take waiting for these people will one day take themselves off the Formica counter top and plant themselves in the earth. Figuratively speaking.

With that fixed way of being, one cannot fully experience anything that life has to offer. Commitments become hard to accomplish. Fear of failure can be a fixed way of being that has you fear anything that calls for you to put yourself into action. Your internal conversations that you are constantly creating show up all the time. Thus you win at the game of being unlovable. So what shows up are people who also feel unlovable which creates more of the same in your life. This leaves you with a feeling of not being present to what is possible in life. Fear as is common to everyone. False Evidence Appearing Real.

What is your trump card? Your way of being that comes up for you when confronted or experiencing fear?

Do you have commitments that you fear?

Do you find yourself making commitments and avoiding them?

What are the limiting beliefs that are always stopping you in your life?

Are you flying by the seat of your pants with no plans?

Do you really know what possible for you in your life?

Do you have a fixed way of being that cause you to be fearful and you would like to shift it?

RESPECT, Give Yourself Some

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care, TCB

This is a just a few words from the song made famous by Aretha Franklin.  In order for her to have written this song, she must have had it up to her eyeballs with the lack of respect.  We all love the song because of it catchy little melody and because it resonates for most of us. 
 
Well, respect is a really important desire for all of us.  It is something that makes all of our relationships work well.  It also makes us feel comfortable and gives clear boundaries when we know that we’ve got it.  I think that respect is very important because it’s given or felt by each toward the other; mutual: reciprocal respect.  I like when I have reciprocal respect for my fellow human.  It just feels good.  It helps me understand the natural boundaries that we’ve created.  It also allows me a sense of freedom, because I know how far I can and cannot go with the person and it lets them know about me. 
 
What I cannot understand is when we do not honor our personal word.  We cannot, for whatever reason, follow through on our own word.  We cannot and do not complete actions that were started.  It is very confusing and frustrating.   I often wonder how we do business with a sickly word.  A word that resembles Diarrhea.  Diarrhea describes bowel movements (stools) that are loose and watery. Just like our words, loose and watery, with no substance to it at all.  Appointments get made with no intention of following through, saying yes when you mean no, having no follow through.  I know that when we behave in this manner, we really do not understand or might not even feel the impact of our word on another.  I also know that this kind of behavior is not personal.  As what we are in this manner is what we are all the time. 
 
Often times, this form of integrity diarrhea is so common, that we do not understand the sometimes serious affects we have on others in the sense of their time and their money.  

They do not know that one could consider a very quick remedy just like an over the counter medicine that can cure sometimes in an instant or in a matter of a few days. Consequently, the verbal integrity, can be cured with just one quick action like a phone call or an apology or whatever shape it takes the cleaning up the mess would take.
    
A question is what would have you be out of integrity and have it linger longer than is necessary? 

What kind of fear or neglect would have you shut yourself down? 

What does it feel like when you encounter the person again? 

What is the fear that has you not honor your word or integrity?

The big question is why you would continue live in this kind of messy situation?  

I have taken a good look at my level of integrity, and I have found that in the past I was not even aware of how it impacted others. I was totally unconscious of this behavior that I had become an expert in. However what is I now is that if I am out of integrity
I get it upset if I consciously ignore my word. 
I get sick to my stomach and I feel jittery
I do not feel good about myself. 
I erode my sense of personal trust
How does it make you feel? 

I have now developed a relationship to being my word and integrity to myself, regardless of the pain I might experience. What I have found is I feel so much better in my communication and all things get completed fully and I have room to do excellent business, am an excellent friend and live life openly and honestly.  I feel a sense of empowerment and I realize that nothing is ever that wrong and failure is an opportunity to win and win big.
 

The Truth Will Set You Free

The truth they say will set you free. How often have you avoided saying what is true for you because you’re afraid of the consequences because they looked and felt uncomfortable? You don’t want to be uncomfortable so you refuse to tell your truth or the truth. When you deny yourself the truth, you lose the ability to keep it real. Keeping it real gives you the opportunity to accept things the way they really are. Keeping it real, frees up your energy mentally, emotionally and physically. You don’t have to go around feeling like Atlas (the primordial Titan who supported the heavens) with the world on your back. You’re free. The adage is “it’s like a world lifted off my back.” When you don’t tell the truth, you have the world on your back you feel stuck, unhappy, and angry and weighted down.

It is vital to tell your truths. Secrets kept over a period of time rob you of your power, freedom, full self-expression which in turn steals your peace of mind. Lying can cause all kinds of physical, emotional ailments, internal conflicts and depression? When you release yourself from the warren of lies you get to experience freedom in area of life that is important to you.

What untruths are you hiding? What resentments have you built up because of your deceit? What do you need for yourself or from another person? Would you be willing to make a commitment now to that when you have resentment and untruths brewing, instead of letting it brew you would you be willing take on the task of asking for what you want? What is the worst that could happen? Think about it. You could actually get a (yes) what you want or you could get a (No) refused. However, you will see that you did not die, and no one you cared about got hurt.

Sometimes the truth is not as clear to see as the behavior is. The behavior might be one that is carried out for a number of years. Resentments.

I had a resentment toward men. The resentment was so old it did not have a voice, it was all reaction based. It was created 3 decades earlier but lived out its practice in every relationship with everyman I experienced. The resentment I had been brewing toward my father. Please note that my father has been dead for over 2 decades. However, because I had never allowed myself to express the feeling at the time it happened, I carried it around with me unbeknownst to in the form of an action which limited my beliefs and impacted my life. The resentment lived as my truth. I had been destroying many relationships that were important to me. This behavior kept me wondering if I’d ever have a meaningful relationship with a man that would come into my life. Up to now, it had not been impossible. This left me being irritated, confused, inauthentic, angry, frustrated, shut down, lacked trust and unhappy in my relationships. I had a loss of power freedom and full self-expression that left me with no peace of mind.

I had a conversation with my sister about the love that I had for her and what she considered her dysfunctional family. There was a rift and I became committed to bridging the divide that had grown in my family. With the help of my sibling, I was going to transform the family. As I cried and shared with my sister, I started to remember lots of things. Some of which did not have language, just emotions. I started to remember some things that I had forgotten when I was sixteen living in Great Britain I has saved 350 pounds to start traveling. My parents where always people that complained and worried about money. The worry about money was constant, how they were going to pay the mortgage etc., the gas, electric etc., The truth of the matter was my parents always paid the bills because they worked and were pretty responsible. We never went without the lights or heat and we always had food. I always did my dancing classes etc., it was just a habit that they had for so long that that they did not know it was a habit. Anyway, I took my 350 pounds and give it to my father. Thinking that my father would appreciate my contribution, and think that I was amazing daughter who cared and was not selfish which is all I ever really wanted. I gave the money to my father in the green hallway of my house with its green carpet, and complimentary green wallpaper in front of our Victorian stained glass window and wood door.

Her father took the money. However, the story is I don’t remember my father ever saying thank you or even giving me a hug or saying anything. My father was old school. He did not hug children or play with them. I released the money with a deep sadness that I never expressed or voiced every again. I just swallowed my emotions around it. I was upset. My father did not even say thank you.

In that moment, I made up the story that I never really uttered aloud, that story became “all men do is take, take, take.” I had proof. This is what my father had done to me. This is what other men will always do. I knew in that moment that I could never depend on a man like I could never depend on my father. I would never find a man that just wanted to be with me. I would find me who would invalid me, take from and never contribute to me. I have lived my life believing this story that I had made up, attracting men to keep my story alive. Trying to date men who were opposite from her father. Not realizing that I could and never did ask the men I dated or even married for what I liked because I truly believed that they did not have and all they would do anyway was take take take. That became my reality, my truth.

After much work and development, I was able start dismantling this story I had been telling me self. It was not the truth. It was not the way it was. I gave my father the money, he did say thanks, but it was not in a way that I really wanted. I realized that I had created this story about myself and I had lived my life like a victim trapped inside a tinder box of my own making.

Not knowing and allowing myself to see my truth, I allowed my stories to sabotage my relationships.
On discovering this truth, I went to work on getting the relationship that I desired, I allowed myself to dream. I learned that I had to put the past in the past and create a new way of being that was going to propel me forward in my life. I created a trusting, open and vulnerable space to live from being free from control. Understanding and experiencing that vulnerability was not a curse, and that I did not have to eat glass in order to avoid vulnerability. Vulnerability was a part of living and living honestly called for one that experienced fear, which has one make changes in one life.

My client transformed her life and her relationships with men. She saw that she was surrounded with men, she loved men and what men brought to her life. She was unable to experience this feeling before because she was living her life through a filter that said that all men did was take take take. This was no longer true. She started dating one of the men that were already in her life who was right under her nose figuratively speaking. Being open, trusting and vulnerable, she became able to be the woman who she intuitively knew herself to be.

The relationship is open, honest and truthful. She is happy. She is happy in a way that she has never experienced before. The hardest lesson for most of people is telling themselves their personal truth. Being open about what is true for them. The truth will set you free and you can have whatever you want for your life when you accept it.

Do You Hate Part or All of Your Body?

I read an articles a while ago about a few women that had accepted their long struggles with self- acceptance. In the article the women all had one aspect of themselves that they had difficulty with. They were from all races. Their issues ranged from their hair to the lack of hair due to cancer, to one having developed a sentimental relationship with her nose. Then there was a woman who had fell in love with her freckles. Then one described as beautiful Latina who questioned whether it was possible to fall in love with her pot belly. Then there was the African American woman who had issues with her natural hair. She grew up in a culture, were at 13-14 her hair was straightened. Regardless, of whether it is a nose, hair, pot belly and or freckles, there is always something to be overly concerned about.

Having read this article, what I know is that everyone has something that they do not like about themselves.

However, the person that intrigued and excited me the most; who for no fault of her own, was the woman who had no hair due to cancer. To me she was strikingly beautiful. Even though her cancer had passed and she had chosen to remain hairless (bald) because I can only imagine that she recognized her own beauty.

As a Personal Life Coach that focuses on confidence and self-esteem, I have had the experience of clients telling me that they hate some or all of their bodies, or they tell me that they harbor feelings of self-loathing. I have had a client tell me that she hated her hips. When I asked her what hating them was going in her life, with humor, I told her that I have a large pair of scissors (she was on the other end of the phone). She giggled. As our relationship developed over time, she discovered that her self-loathing had nothing to do with her hips. The hips were just where she had the placement of herself loathing, something to blame. It was more about not talking and expressing herself in her life that was fulfilling. What she discovered with coaching is that people who are not actively participating in their lives usually end up feeding their self- loathing.

What she soon realized was the moment she sunk her teeth into something that was of interest and a commitment was forged, watch out world. There is no time for self-loathing. Once they start taking action, the hips, or whatever body part was the victim, starts to become less and less important and it starts to fall away. Hating your body part and making it a victim of your attacks and self loathing interferes with your growth process.

Man Energy and It’s Variations in Jamaica

Man energy and its variations in Jamaica, I received a tremendous amount of man energy.  Ladies, do you know that Man energy is everywhere?  Oh my word.  I discovered that man energy as I already know is something that comes in all shapes, sizes and textures. There are men that can give you more energy than you can ever dream about. 
 
There are men that can make you feel like the most amazing woman just by virtue of the way they are, what they say and how they are. They will pamper and cater to you every wish, dream or desire. They will make you feel warm, invited and give you a strong sense of belonging. There are men that have the most amount of patience. They can provide for you without you uttering a thought. However, don’t get it twisted. They love it when you think for yourself.  
 I uncovered some amazing things about myself on this trip.  Things that I never allowed myself to face, things that I could not know until I knew them. Thoughts and feelings that completely robbed me of my ability to be a confident vulnerable woman, I am so honored to uncover these things, I am a personal Life Coach and my niche is Confidence and Self Esteem. How can I serve if my confidence and self-esteem is hindered in anyway? I am very excited to uncover them because uncovering adds value to my life and service.

What I discovered about myself is that I am very impatient when it comes to men. I have limiting beliefs of how I believe men are supposed to communicate with me, with the last and biggest one is that I do not trust men so no man has a real chance with me. That was a horrible uncovering.

Now I want to look at the last one because that is the one that I had the biggest breakthrough with. It was the uncovering of the last one that had me wailing and crying through my sunglasses making it hard for me to see. Messy stuff that was the one that I had the most shame, and regret about.

Now, if you know me, I do not believe in regret. Because I believe regret just interferes with going forward in my life. What I uncovered was I am an inner control freak. My, (ICF) inner control freak has me date men that want to do for me but their circumstances cannot. My inner control freak says that the only thing that a man can do for me is F@#$ me. My inner control freak believes that a man will never ever be able to take care of me and most of all they cannot be trusted.

Imagine my upset when I uncovered this. Imagine, I am a woman that loves men. I love everything about men. I honor them in amazing ways, I allow them to serve me, but I just don’t trust me. When it comes to me being with men. I don’t trust that I can give up the control and allow a man in. That is so incongruent for me. Why?. Well it is incongruent because I say that I want a man that can be a man, a man that can take care of me and love me hard. One that honors me and allows me the same freedoms he gives himself. One that will do for me, be there for me, take care of me and keep me safe, all that I would do for him and more. What made me sad is that I have had men with all of these character traits this in the past, but what I have done is rob them of their ability to be a man for me. By overriding and being incongruent. Asking on one hand and not being able to receive it in on the other. (What a messy business)

Why did this make me sad? Well it made me sad because for the first time, I saw that, what I was asking for and what I was doing was so out of context. My discovery was uncovered on the ride to Montego Bay we were riding on one of the most beautiful strips in Jamaica along the beach and the sun smiling down on us with me drinking water from a coconut. What a way to have a breakthrough. (Perfectly yummy) I am riding with Andy my driver I used him all weekend when I was not with my Male host. Andy is a Rastafarian For those of you who do not know. A Rastafarian and Rastafari is a practice. The men and women are extremely spiritual and believe in natural living, no meat, nothing dead, vegetarian and or fish life style with herbs. Anyway, Andy allowed me the space to express myself, he allowed me to have my tears and share what I had uncovered. Andy also gave me the privilege of what he had heard from my friends’ phone conversation with me before meeting me at the airport. Andy said he figured out that that I was a pretty amazing woman. Thanks Andy. He told me that just because I can take care of myself don’t mean that I do not deserve to have a man take care of me. He said that any person that can make people laugh as much as I can has a tremendous amount of love; it was my responsibility to be happy and that I should allow a man the right to be happy taking care of me.

The conversation with Andy was very simple very plain. Sometimes, words get in the way, but with Andy they was so clear and so precise that I just started wailing because what he had just said to me resonated. I realized how difficult it must be for my ex-boyfriends and ex-husband to be with me. I realized that who I have been being in my relationships as controlling, fearful insecure and not trusting – for no apparent reason. So after Andy’s reasoning, I immediately chose to shift my mindset, believing that a man can and will choose to love, support and look after me. That I am deserving of all the love I desire. After, I finished wailing, Andy made me promise that I will allow love, true love into my life and that I will be the Empress that I will allow a man his rightful place to serve me. That is what he saw for me. So on that note, I solemnly promise to allow the love I truly desire into my life. So on going to Jamaica, I received man energy in the most abundant way “My truth.”

 Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.NoreenSumpterCoach.com  www.BeYourselfAlready.com
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail Noreen@NoreenSumpterCoach.com
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How Long is Too Long to go Without Sex?

Sex, Sex, Sex. I am surrounded by sex, I have not had sex in about One year and one month. I have just noticed that in my life I am surrounded by women. I work with women, and I hang out with women. Nothing wrong with my sisters. However, it is time for me to get some Man Energy.

So since I have been focusing on man energy and sex, I have attracted into my life the activities of my neighbors. So, okay, I have not been getting any sex and my Vagina, or as the trendy people say Vajaja, (I have no idea if I have spelled it correctly). Anyway, I have attracted my neighbors’ sex lives. My upstairs neighbor and his boyfriend are having so much sex that I am afraid that the ceiling is going cave in and I end up under their bed. My neighbor to the left of me who has two bedrooms but has just put a new bed in the bedroom that I share a party wall with, he has decided that this will be his new sex room. Well, he and his girlfriend wake me up at 6:00am to the not so sweet sounds of them screaming, groaning wildly and the headboard banging on the party wall. I think the Universe is now telling me something. (Loudly)

So as the founder of I am Pink Bubble, where the intention is nothing is wrong, there is no lack and everything is available, I am answering the Universe and I’m bringing some man energy into my life. My world has be without Man Energy for far too long that my Vagina thinks my throat has been cut. It really thinks if feels I’m dead.

So, this last Thursday, at a party I conjured up a very attractive man who invited me to hang with him in Jamaica, that is another story for another time ladies. So this weekend I am off to Jamaica for a fun time in the sun with some overdue Man Energy. Who knows maybe my Vajaja will come back to life. But I won’t tell. So the questions are:

How long has it been since you have had some Man Energy?
How long is too long?
What are you willing to do about it?

I request that you put on your Man Attracting Energy and go get you some Man Energy.
Do you accept?

 

Face What’s Not Working In Your Life and Leave Denial in the Past

Take an action step to complete it. By completing I mean letting go of all the drama that you have surrounding the thing you are choosing to face. Do not make it wrong or make yourself wrong about it, release it and let it be. No more complaining.

Who do you choose to face, you might have to take action even risk not being right or even not being liked.

From time to time we all experience situations that we do not like or that seem remarkable, uncomfortable, embarrassing and or painful. These situations might often cause vulnerability. These feelings or situations can be lived with. You might not relish them, but you have survived the year experiencing them. The situation might be one area of life that is not working so that unconscious voice inside orders you indirectly to hide the experience behind clichés, myths and points of view. All the while, you are not realizing or accepting that self-denial is what is in the driving seat. Hello Baby!

Some of these clichés might live in the following statements
It’s none of my business.
Don’t air your dirty laundry with me.
One drink before bed is fine, granny did it for years.
One more cigarette I’ll quit tomorrow, what can one do.
I hate the job but it pays the bills.
He does not mean to ___ me.
It’s just this one time what can it hurt.
I’m sure he’s going to pay me back he said he would.
Credit cards debt is normal everybody has some.
Someone else will do it. It’s not my job anyway.
People like us __________.
Those kinds of people ____________.

A good percentage of the time, it is human to make up reasons why things are the way they are. If you don’t accept the denial of making up reasons, you create more reasons on top the first set of reasons. That is what we do. One denial brings a mountain of reasons that we automatically believe to be real. By not facing why the problem turned up in the first place, we fail to acknowledge the situation quickly. When we face our problems, we experience less pain to begin with and the problem becomes easier to resolve.

Sometimes reasons why something is not working the way they ought to is a bunch of Bubble wrap. The car would not have broken down on the highway if I had taken it to the shop sooner. Now there’s a tow truck and repairs to pay for. One top of that, the triple AAA membership expired just a day or so ago. This is a perfect example of what could have been avoided had the situation been taken care of when it first came up. It would have been cheaper, saved time and if some integrity had been put in the situation might never have happened.

This year 2012 ask yourself if you are willing to take steps to get past your states of denial? Are you willing to face your states and situations sooner than later instead of hiding out with it in denial? Real power exists when you face life head on even when you do not feel like it.

Jump in get help clear the denial so you can breathe. You know who you are.
Take responsibility for your life, for all the things that you do and do not do. No more pretending not notice that something is missing, not working or was not done.

How Do You Think I Got So Fat

Well really how do you think I got so fat? Consistency. Consistency is everything, I ate consistently and I sat on my duff and watched television every night while eating not exercising. The fat did not arrive all at once, it was a little bit at a time. Here’s the back story. I was always thin, that also took consistency. The kind of consistency that I did not think about I ate what my mother made, yuck! at the time. Lots of vegetables, salad and balanced meat and starches I rode my bike every day and walked a lot. Then I moved to America and got married I went from 145lbs to 160lbs, large New York style dinners that at first I scoffed at and then started to indulge in. This was consistency number one. Spending nights indoors, with my new husband and eating ice-cream. My exercise became zero, as I was a little afraid to ride my bike in NY.

No exercising and eating food for 4 people, my weight slowly crept up through consistently. Now, I say this to say that I didn’t have a chemical imbalance. I didn’t have a slow metabolism or anything medically wrong with me. What I had was the consistency of not being consistent with my order of life. Eating large portions, eating late at night and no exercise.

When we desire change in your lives, it takes work to go out and get it. I am obsessed with success and I have learned that success takes a huge commitment. A commitment to transform your life, success with anything takes the form of consistency. If you desire to release fat from your body, it takes a consistent full blown effort. I love listening to people talk as I go about my daily business. As I was walking down Clinton Ave in Brooklyn the other day, I had the liberty of listening to a woman talking on the phone about her weight, the story went a little like this. “I don’t know what happens to my weight. It seems as though I lose a lot of weight then I have some macaroni and cheese and my weight just seems to pile back on.” Girl, I don’t know. I’m not exercising, and I’ve been eating yams and stuff and I cannot seem to lose the weight. Giggle!” Well, we have all been this woman, maybe not eating what is healthy, desiring to lose weight. At the same time believing that they can do it through osmosis. I have been her. It was not until I developed consistency which is a habit which became automatic that I was able to get the results that were possible.

Now, it was not easy. It was painful building muscle and working out doing pushups and running because I heard all my internal conversations running around my head telling me “this is hard”. “You could do 3 laps and stop.” “That’s enough, oh my legs hurt, I can’t breathe.” What the bubble wrap is going on. “It’s too dark outside. I cannot climb another step. Please Dr. Evil no more pushup. I can’t do it.” Wanting to cheat myself, I heard all my internal conversations. Say I did 3 when I know I have only done 2. My favorite excuse was my butt is to heavy I cannot run, I don’t like that feeling. Hello!

However, consistency had me listen to my internal conversations and see all my distractions and keep moving. Successful people keep moving. They keep asking, get knocked down and ask again by creating and then taking responsibility time and time again inside of the world of consistency. Anything that is new and different is within your personal grasp it is usually difficult and calls for constituency. The Beyonces, Oprah, Jay-Z, Ben Carsons, Michael Critchtons, Elma Blints are all the people that are successful. They include anyone with a dream they believe in and who are committed to their personal success. It takes great effort of consistency to be successful in your life. Anything you would like in you life share it, tell it to people who will support you in being your best self and achieving your goal. Release people that put you down or try to make you feel consistently bad about yourself. Always pay attention to the fact that no one can make you feel bad about yourself. They say what they say and you can take it into you space or you can choose to ignore it and move on knowing that statement doesn’t work for you. Keep creating more and more goals for yourself, break them down into bite size pieces and accomplish them one bite at a time each time remembering to celebrate your achievement.

Consistency is the key you success.
Consistency is not “I will do it tomorrow.” Consistency is creating a platform for yourself and sharing with others and setting yourself up to win.

Quick Tips to Expand Your Life, Confidence and Self-Esteem

You’re Assignment:

Make a list of the things that are not working in your life. Clear out resentments.
Who are the people you need to have conversations with so that you can relief yourself of the resentments that have been brewing far too long? What kind of physical exercise can you do at least 30 minutes per day so that you will feel good about yourself?

What are the things that you find yourself obsessing about and that interfere with you?
Yes, yes that thing, that thing that you have been talking about for a long time. That thing that you know will transform an aspect of your life and make you feel good, but you feel confronted by. Is it about your weight, lack of relationship, finances and career?

I had a conversation this week with someone who was complaining about her health and well being, mostly her weight. She said that she was fat and she was doing all kinds of pills and potions to get in shape. She’s spending money on diet drugs. She knows she should get in the gym or work out with a trainer. Her conversation is that she has to lose weight before she goes to the gym because she was ashamed of being seen. I have heard this before. The idea of getting in shape before you start to get in shape.

Taking care of yourself is not just about losing weight and looking good. taking care of yourself is in everyday things as well. What my friend was doing was not avoiding going to the gym. It was avoiding taking car of herself. It was avoiding building her confidence and self-esteem.

Take care of yourself. Make sure that you eat healthy meals. It is said the 80% all diseases are preventable with a change in diet by adding 30 min of exercise to your day, and a fruit and vegetable to each meal.

Make an integrity list of all the things you would like to do that you have not done.
Completing an integrity list gives you power and frees you up to think clearly which allows you to be confident. Once you have the list set up an action plan that put things in time and space also know as time and date. Here are some examples:

– Remove summer clothes from closets.
– Remove all clothes that you do not feel comfortable in.
– Make appointments with your various doctors for check-ups.
– Request a raise.
– Renewal of licenses etc.
– Update your closet with items that make you feel good.
– Set up an exercise plan of action.
– Remove clutter mental, emotional and physical.
– Update you mental image: Is it time to remove ideas, thoughts and reason that negatively impact your life.

These are just a few for starters.

Until next week.

It’s Your Life not Mine, Take Responsibility For it

You’re the only person that is responsible for your life. In life, things happen. You meet different people and experience different events that impact your life that you might feel you cannot control. I am here to let you know that you are the only person that can choose what you do with those experiences. You can use your experiences as tools that are either empowering or dis-empowering, you get to choose.

It is your responsibility to choose what you do with the experiences in your life. “Your Life” not my life. Dreams you want have to be created and you need to take the next step figuring out the actions to take in order to materialize them. The actions steps are usually the most difficult and most rewarding.

It is important that you respond to the events of your life. It is also important that you consider the state of your affairs and decide what is working for you and what is not working. Ask yourself, what is missing and if it were present what would your life look like.

You have the power to take action. You have the power to change your circumstances. Please keep in mind that your circumstances are just that -circumstances and in time, with action, all circumstances change. The only difference is you either take action or remain inactive.

As a coach, I experience clients who live in their lives with a victim’s mentality, blind to their own magnificence. You say your childhood was not so easy and you grew up in an unhealthy environment. You feel weighed down by self defeating cycles. You feel powerless, undervalued, a loser, overwhelmed and the list goes on. Okay, so you had a malicious, hateful relationship or a spiteful co-worker who sabotaged you and got you fired. Yes, it is a bad circumstance and feeling. However, you cannot let that or any experience, take away your power! It is time to rise up. It is time to start being authentic. People who are effective do not stay stuck in the past. Do you want to be powerful?

Get real in your life, your relationships and your job. Take time to add fun, creativity and balance. Know that in your heart that you will survive. If you want a great life, you have no choice but to live. Successful people do not loiter in their past. Successful people learn from their past, take what they need and let it go. Their lives are lived in the present; they plan and create newly for their future. When things happen that they do not desire or like, they reach into their power and deal with the facts. With the facts they take full responsibility and sort out the situation in the way that gets constructive results that reflect their lives in a respectful, positive and self loving way.

Know that you are great. Rise up! Take responsibility for your life.

Vulnerability is not a weakness, It’s a Strength

Vulnerability is much easier when you have a large dose of self- love.

There was a time in my life that I felt that being vulnerable was a liability. I would have rather have eaten a mouth full of glass than be vulnerable because I did not have the courage to share myself and my emotions.  Emoting was something that I just did not do.  I was closed off and it was okay for me to be in control and always on the defensive looking out for the enemy.  But the truth was my heart ached and longed for peace.  The peace within the area of my relationship with myself and my heart. I was bankrupt and could not give of myself as it was too painful because it called for me to share my heart.

Being in a space of vulnerability is a place where many of my clients have difficulty and often get confronted by the very thing that they say they desire. Then when they receive what they desire, they have bouts of doubt and fear that enter their lives which causes them to start self-sabotaging the very thing that was desired.

Vulnerability takes courage and a large dose of self-love.  When you self-love, you are able to be vulnerable and share yourself without judgment because a large sense of openness appears.
I choose to be vulnerable.  Why you might ask? Why on earth would I do that?  Well I do it to honor myself and accept all parts of myself: the good and the bad that makes me different.   I choose to be loving to myself.   I choose to be with my fears, (false evidence appearing as real), be with my vulnerabilities.

 In the face of fear and doubt when I am in relationships, I have allowed my vulnerabilities to be just that vulnerabilities.  My love and relating comes from a place non-judgment of myself. I can be free to love and recreate my love newly every day.  This happens because I am fully accepting myself every moment and every day. If I am not accepting myself, I cannot accepting of another it.  Choosing vulnerability gives me a sense of freedom. 

It is true for me, I have found that vulnerabilities show up when I’m experiencing closeness or having feelings on a human level.  What I share with you, I give to you courageously and totally uncensored.  I desire and want with every fiber of my being on a primal scale to be loved, adored and accepted. I know that during every moment of my life it is important for me to experience these feeling with myself intact. I have respect for myself. I am able be honest and share myself and have respect as a root of my happiness, where my power and creativity is honored and I in turn recognize yours.   

I know that I am not different from anyone of my readers. We all at some point want to have the feeling of being loved and adored where we feel heard, understood and gotten by the people we care about.  We all want to be okay and feel absolutely perfect with ourselves and that we are wonderful just the way we are.  I know I do.  Do you?

The feelings that I am enjoying and I want to keep a hold of.  It calls me to be open, trusting and vulnerable.  It calls me to be honest with my feelings and to ask questions about the things that I desire within the relationship. 

I am a confidence and self-esteem expert and I am always under a microscope looking and cleaning up my messes, looking at what can and will destroy your confidence.  I am open to be vulnerable with you so that you can experience something for yourself.  Each one teaches one.  So pass on this message.
 
1.    Vulnerability is easier attached to self-love.
2.    When you love yourself, love every part of you even you fat thighs.
3.    Vulnerability is a life-long experience.
4.    Vulnerability has many amazing rewards that are immeasurable.
5.    When you’re authentic with yourself, life shows up to meet you. 
 
 

You are not too old, just start something

Are you fed up of wanting things that do not seem to materialize? You want someone to make your dreams come true. You are mad and frustrated at times, you feel resentful of complete strangers and even more frustrated at people on television who seem to have it all. In spite of this, you cannot seem to get your butt off the couch to make something happen. You’re so glazed over by the television that you cannot even think let alone dream. Some of you might even think that your way too old to dream anymore. I heard two women speaking and one asked the other if she sings anymore. Her friend looked away as if searching for a distant memory. No, I do not sing anymore. You know after you get to 40 your washed up and nobody wants to hear you. That is pretty sad. It is sad when you give up something that gives you pleasure because you belief you are too old. If that were true, what would we look forward to.

Photo Courtesy of The Round Peg

Age has got nothing to do with dreaming: think of people who are in retirement that have started new businesses, gone back to school, who have gotten married. I am sure they were not thinking that they were too old. They were just being in the moment and being happy.

Well, relax and get a grip on yourself. All that whining and droning on is not going to make any difference. What you have to do is drag whatever your conversation is about yourself – whether it your lazy, heavy, sad, disappointed, rejected bootie up – and make something happen. I know that it is difficult at any time to drag any part of our anatomy when we are feeling all of the above. Many of the above statements are judgments and limiting beliefs that you make up about yourselves and believe to be real. These judgments and beliefs block your creative juices and we end up feeling stuck and bad about ourselves.

Listen , No one wants to hear whining least of all you don’t want to hear yourself whining. Are you the kind of person that when you meet a friend in the street and complains? It does not have to be a close friend, it can be just a street neighbor. You know the one that lives up the street who you see now and then who you start to drop all you woes, anguish, sadness, wretchedness and straight up misery to. My God, nobody wants to listen to your misery. Please give yourself a break! No one wants to hear about your not making any money, your lack of relationships, no social life, how old you are etc. It is depressing and upsetting and least of all you’re reminding people of there own issues. Please stop, quit, listen to yourself, shut up and change directions.

Life is a wonderful playground filled with all kinds of adventures. So there. Now that you know that. Can you believe that is an Adventure play-ground? What adventures do you want? Are you willing to go after them?

So, Honey, you might not have any idea about what you want. You might just say “I want to be happy.” All the people on planet earth want to be happy. I would say just be happy. Happiness is an emotion. It is a natural emotional expression. A baby laying in its stroller/crib on a nice warm sunny day who has a clean diaper and their stomach is full, does not have a thought about being happy. The baby does not look up at its parents and say. Mother dear, I just want to be happy. If only I could walk and talk to you, I would be ever so happy. NOT. The baby is just happy being a baby. You understand conscious and subconscious. You can be, do and have anything you want. So why are you whimpering about happiness. People, just be happy.

Photo Courtesy of Navy Blue Stripes

Do you know that the universe has every kind of adventure that your minds could ever create? It’s just for us to create something. Do it. If we don’t like it you can change directions and do something else. That is the beauty of the universe, it will not make you wrong. You make you wrong. You add the guilt and feel guilty. It is important for you to create the adventure or seek out the adventure that you want.

Did you ever stop to think that not knowing what you want could be a great place to start, because the point of not knowing gives you the freedom to create from nothing. Think about it. You get an opportunity to just start something. Anything, but something. Just starting something can lift your energy and get you moving. It does not have to be anything that others think is special, what is important is that you think it is important. If you think it is important to you, then go for it. It just has to be something that feels good to your soul. Many people know what a good feeling is. So if you do something and it generates a good feeling then keep doing it.

(However, please note. Not all things that create good feelings are healthy. ie, illegal drugs create a good feeling. However, they are not good for you and you will end up in a not so good condition or place. Alcohol has a good feeling in the beginning. However, it is not to be used as a substitute for happiness. I am talking about things that make you feel soulfully good and happy. Soulfully happy for me is a feeling that when you think of it, it bring tears of joy to your eyes and my heart feels full. Or other times, I get this fresh air feeling to my heart. Hey, you know your soulfully good and happy feeling and if you don’t, start looking for it.)

Once you have found your soulfully happy feeling, because you have connected with the thing that you want to create. What do you think could happen in your life? You start to feel happy you experience happiness. Instead of having those non productive conversations where you are miserable, start having conversations that are filled with energy and excitement. Instead of being a energy drainer, you now become a person that is glowing and sharing. People start sharing your energy. You feel excited about what it is you are doing and people want to share and spend time with you. You start to look attractive and people are now attracted to you. They start to enjoy your company. You start to enjoy your own company. It is fascinating to see this happen.

Once you have a clear decision, you get to have real use of the adventure playground. You get to jump on all of the games and equipment the universe has to offer. You get to go to the ball. You get to have that dream of whatever it is you want. I am not going to put any ideas in your head because your ideas are unique to you.

Just start something.

Being Honest With Yourself

I was sitting in my bedroom a few days ago and had a floating candle in a container of water. As soon as the candle hit the water, a small pool of water plopped up into the mold of the candle. The flame flickered for a moment and I heard the faint hissing sound of water and fire coming together. The candle flickered a little then the flame dwindled down getting smaller but fighting to stay alight. All of a sudden the flame went out and all that was left was a puff of smoke wafting up from the stem of the candle. As I sat and watched the candle slowly extinguished and the smoke billowing up like a curly fry, I wondered if that is what death would look be like. One minute you are a bright light dancing around in the universe and then, when your time is near, you dwindle down into a puff of smoke trying hard to stay alight.

Photo Courtesy of Angelina

In a moment, your life can be extinguished like the flame of a candle. In that same moment, your live can transform into something that we never ever in our wildest nightmare could ever expect. In a moment, we can make a choice to transform our whole lives for the better. Transformation of ones life takes courage.

It takes courage to say that we are not happy with what it is that we are being, doing or having in our lives. Many of us have no idea what being honest with ourselves could bring. Fear of admitting to ourselves that we are not happy, for some of us, is mind blowing.

We walk around pretending we are happy. When the truth is that we are upset and not taking responsibility for our upset. We blame everyone for our outcomes.

Renee’s Story:
Renee experienced unhappiness in the area of her romantic relationships. She had not been in a solid relationship for quite some time. The last relationship that she experienced was very painful. It lasted one and a half years and it took her another year to get through the experience. One year is equal to 52 weeks. Can you imagine being upset for 78 weeks? Renee wondered how she could be in a relationship with a man that she loved but did not like. Habit.

Photo Courtsey of Birta Ran

Renee realized that she did not feel that she deserved a loving relationship with a man that she wanted. She did not think that she deserved to have a beautiful man. She was not worthy.

So Renee started dating a lot of different men, looking for a man that she was compatible with. But, Renee had issues trusting men. Renee has discovered that she does not believe that she will find a man she can trust. No Belief + Doubt = No trust.

Now, Renee has learned that trusting herself to make the right choices will help her distinguish what is important to her and give her the courage to get the results she was looking for. Renee also discovered that she did not have a criteria for what she wanted from a man past the physical look of the man. Renee has begun create a new perspective for what it is she requires from a relationship.

Gaining clarity helps us all create what it is that we want in our lives. Sometimes we do not have the strength, or courage to gain clarity. It may take us a long time to realize that we cannot gain clarity alone – that is where a coach can come in and help you de-clutter your mind and life.

As a coach, it is very important to help clients visit what it is they want from the things they are trying to create. It is important that we create ideas and take action to get what it is we say we want. When we are in action mode, we begin to reflect and draw to us the man/relationship that is important to us. That is why it is important to be honest with ourselves. Lies to ourselves only begets more lies which begets us more of the same – and that sounds like the definition of insanity.

The importance of creating boundaries in your life

Setting personal boundaries is a way of protecting and taking care of you. It is important to be able to tell people when they are performing in ways that are not acceptable. It is also important to be able to know that you have the right and duty to protect and defend yourself. It is not only your right to protect and defend yourself; it is your responsibility to be clear on how you want others to treat you.

It is important that you learn how to state your feelings verbally and let people know how you feel in a way that communicates clearly. By stating your feelings verbally you affirm your right to your feelings. By affirming your feelings it allows you to begin taking responsibility for yourself and your life. Owning yourself, your reality and your voice is empowering. The result of self ownership allows other people to hear and understand you clearly.

Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation. Some people might say that they are setting boundaries when in fact they are attempting to manipulate people and situations. The difference between setting boundaries and manipulation is that boundaries are healthy and it gives people choices. Also setting boundaries allow you the freedom to let go of the outcome. Whereby, manipulation is not a clear form of communication and it exploits people into doing what you want them to do by using methods that cause confusion. This confusion creates outcomes that only the manipulator is clear about.

It is unhealthy to have relationships with people who have no boundaries, who cannot communicate directly, honestly and freely. Learning how to set boundaries is important and necessary for you to be a friend to yourself and others. It is your responsibility to take care of and to protect yourself. It is important to love, honor and respect yourself. You cannot truly love yourself if you do not take responsibility. Loving yourself allows you the opportunity and freedom to be a creator in your life.

Photo Courtesy of SkyWhisper

Below are a few examples of boundaries:

Setting boundaries with people who are upset
Please do not shout at me. Lower, your voice or I will not have this conversation

Setting boundaries when at work
Please do not call me at work to discuss personal issues. I only conduct personal issues at home in the evening.

Setting boundaries for critical people
I thank you for your comment with regard to my personal appearance
It is not okay for you to discuss my hair or weight. I find that it offends me.

Setting boundaries with friends who borrow money
It is important that you pay back money you owe or I will not loan you any money in the future.

There are many kinds of boundaries that you can create. The following is a list of areas that might require setting boundaries:
Boundaries for space
Boundaries for time
Boundaries for money
Boundaries for work
Boundaries for family
Boundaries for adults
Boundaries for sex

I hope that this article gives you some insights into creating boundaries for yourself.

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life and helps them build up their personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping you clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, you can take deliberate steps, own your voice, speak your truth and have the freedom to Live Life Your Way.

   “Live Life Your Way”    www.noreensumptercoach.com 
Call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
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Traits of the Successful: Create the Vision of your Ideal Self

As a coach, I have the opportunity to interact with hundreds of individuals. What I have found is that the people who are successful and fulfilled in their lives have a common traits.
– They believe their success has little to do with what they have, and more to do with who they are.
– They are committed to the kind of person they want to be.
– They step into their vision and are accountable for their behavior.

The quality of your life is determined by the way you play. How you play is based on what you believe about yourself. Consider that the beliefs you have, even if you are not conscious about it is the way that you are conducting your life.

Photo Courtesy of momono

It is important that you create an ideal of yourself. First, create a vision of how you would like you and your future to be. Your picture has to be clear, depicting what you want in your life. It has to be so clear that all your senses recognize it as a source of what motivates you. Simply put, it has to be a powerful source that can support you when you feel disempowered and helpless. This vision has to keep your dream self alive and active.

Your ideal self is an attitude, a way of life that is worth going for. Your ideal self is a big, hairy, audacious goal (BHAG) bigger than who you are today. Your ideal self has all the traits of self confidence, self esteem, self value, and self reliance. Your ideal self is you at your highest and only point. Finally, you have to practice showing up in your life “as if” you are already this being.

Believe it or not, you possess both positive and negative traits. It is important to identify all your positive traits and expand them. Then in turn do the same with your negative traits and learn how to manage or discard them. Example, most people who consider themselves shy. Admire people who are outgoing and energetic. What they do not realize is that they too have these traits. However, they need to promote these qualities and expand them instead of feeding the negative traits.

It’s time to challenge yourself. Stop being a victim, and create your ideal self. It is time to rise up! Create an ideal powerful self. You’re no longer a child. Life is thrilling. Let’s live it.

– Look at the quality of your life.
– Acknowledge your level of happiness.
– Acknowledge your positive and negative traits.
– Decide what is working or not working.
– Look at what is missing in your life and what you want to keep, add or discard.
– Expand and gain new skills, knowledge and communications.
– Start a daily practice of your new traits.
– Have patience and take baby steps.

Don’t give up and remember Rome was not built in a day!