Slowly Down The Fat Hill I Went

When people hear the story of weight loss they only see the final result.  They get all wrapped up in the final goal, and forget that any change is a journey of self discovery.  They get discouraged by the pace of change and criticize themselves if the process is not fast enough.  But I want you to know it is a slow journey.
When I started, slowly down the fat hill I went.  It was a very high and steep hill.  I had no idea how high or how steep my fat hill was.  However, when I heard my legs in stockings rubbing together and making a sound like mice whispering in a chip bag, I knew it was time to release some fat. So I started off on my journey on the walk down the fat hill.
If I did not choose to slowly walk down the fat hill, I would have ended up rolling down the fat hill and God only knows what kind of injury I would have sustained.    Well, slowing walking down the fat hill, I realized that I needed some support.  I could do it, but I was unaware of what to do, how to do it and if I would have enjoyed doing it by myself.  Now, I am the typical lone ranger. I do things on my own and swear that I can.  But there are times when even a Lone Ranger, needs a Tonto. My first Tonto was called Lilli.

 

Lilli is my health coach.  She would call every week and we would just talk.  I was kidding myself really thinking that between the Nintendo WII and walking in the park I could make it happen.  In reality, i needed help because I had no idea how to help myself.  I knew I was overweight, but I had no idea about how overweight I was.  My fat was hard and tight and its address was 1 Round the Middle Avenue in the town of Back fat.   Anyway, Lilli and I would talk and share.

 

I decided to exercise by stalking a woman in the park one Saturday, and doing her routine. I was unable to keep up.  I decided it was time to get a trainer. So, in pops Dr. Evil.  Dr. Evil was posting flyers in the park.  He looked decent and I confronted him in my friendly manner and asked him what he was doing.  He was starting a Boot Camp and I took one of the flyers.  I called him a few weeks later and did his consultation.  He about killed me.  I never sweated so much in my life.  I sat on the monument in Fort Green Park and left a butt print.  OMG.  That was it, he was my trainer and the rest is history.
Before Dr. Evil, I could not do a pushup.  I could not run up the stairs. WHen I did I was  out of breath. Dr. Evil didn’t care he just said do it.  No small talk, no chat.  We worked out and I left.  He told me the goal was 1 lb a week.  I just grinned through my teeth.  Anyway, 1 lb a week it was consistently.  Today, I have a team of people who take care of me and support me to be my great self.  I never understood that before – how much asking for help can help me.  I have a health coach, a trainer, a therapist, a cleaning lady, a stylist, an assistant and an organizer.    In life there are things that we are just not good at.  My suggestion now is get the help, clear the mess and live a full life.

What is Your Olympic Size dream are you willing?

The Olympics are in my home town London. I could not be happier.  It is so exciting.  London has hosted the Olympic Games on two past occasions in 1908 and 1948.  Now they are hosting a third time starting in a few day 2012.  It is amazing.  The Games Begin July 27th @ 7:30pm.  The athlete’s I will be watching are Usain Bolt from Jamaica and of course Team USA.  Oops, I have been in New York to long, I forgot about my home town.  I will be watching my fellow country people from England.

Olympians are the modern gladiators of our time.  Every athlete dreams of attending but only a few and the best of every country make it.  It’s fair to say that the Olympics put added pressure on most of the athletes because it is held once every 4 years.  Since everyone wants to make it so everything is pressurized.  I love watching Gymnastics; I will be watching Gabrielle Douglas referred to as the flying squirrel.  She is quite remarkable. So young, so talented and bright the confidence of this young lady could like up any stadium.  I wish her talent to shine and a medal to procure.

What does it take to be an Olympian? Is it just training, their natural gifts or could it a certain kind of personality?  We don’t know.  You know they would have been breeding them genetically by now.  Is Talent is one of the many key components, as well as speed, strength, and endurance?  Yes.  But determination and a fighter spirit is one of the major components for success. I love this article about the 15 essentials of becoming an Olympian, according to Nick Catlin, a two-time Olympian.

What about passion? Where does passion come in? Well its important.  You have to love what you do. You have to be able and willing to invest the necessary amount of time it takes to be an expert in your event.  What does it take to do your best when the pressure is on?  When the pressure is on, being in the zone is where most athlete master their personal psychological skills that allow them to make a difference and be the best.  They have be able to recover from an error on a dime as a second of time could be the difference between a gold medal or being a person that went to the Olympics.  Athletes need to be in the zone, as do many of us who are in professions that call the management of self in a stressful or demanding situation.   It calls for years of practice to develop skills to operate at a higher level.  You have to be able to cultivate and have laser-like focus.

As with most things, as one learns, they realize it is not about being perfect at what you do. It is about being in the moment as life gives it to you. It is about not worrying about being perfect,  about past failures and looking at the scoreboard while in the moment.

If we went after our goals like Olympians there would be nothing we could not accomplish.  We would be able to accomplish our desires and goals consistently.  We can all be Olympians by adopting and using a combination of psychological skills that include visualization, setting a goal, focused concentration, being able to learn methods that can have you relax when needed and by being able to psych yourself up by using positive self-talk.  Use these methods in a consistent order and you can succeed.  In order to be successful, you need to managing your mind for success.  Once you were ready to accomplish your goal, all you would have to do is focus and let it happen.  Athletes have bodies and minds that are prepared to succeed and ready to go for gold. For the untrained goal setter, it is always the mind that gets in the way.  Are you willing to do the work?

Quiz: What are your boundaries?

Taking this self-boundaries quiz will help you understand yourself a little bit more.  Get out a piece of paper and a pen, and number the paper 1-26.  Right down your answer for the corresponding questions.  Choose one of these answers for each question: always, usually, sometimes, rarely or never. Be honest with yourself and choose your first impulse.  The point in life is to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Second guessing your answers can lower your self esteem.  There is no right or wrong answer, only your truth.

1 -Do you carry emotional and physical baggage into your current relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

2 -Have you been hurt and find yourself insecure thinking it will happen again?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

3 -Do you blame yourself for the mental, physical or emotional hurt you allowed to happen to you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

4 -Do you believe that whoever says I love you first loses?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

5 -You tell a partner you love them often but they do not say it back. Does this make you feel rejected and stupid but you still love them anyway?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

6 -Do you look for someone to love you in your relationships instead of giving yourself the love that you have?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

7 -Do you feel that you are not heard, known and seen in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

8 -Do you avoid sharing yourself completely in all your relationships?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

9 -Do you think that people can know who you are solely by spending time with you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

10 -Do you feel unable to express yourself fully in your sexual encounters?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

11 -Do you have sex mainly for the pleasure of another?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

12 -Do you think you when it comes to your sexual and orgasmic pleasure, are you unable to fully allow yourself to be present and enjoy?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

Image by Deep Shot Photography http://deepshot.carbonmade.com/

13 – Do you keep yourself from having time to grieve your upsets and break ups?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

14 – Do you have internal anger?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

15 – Do you not allow yourself the opportunity to get angry?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

16 – Do you say yes to your partner when you want to say no? Do you say no when you want to say yes?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

17 – Do you hide your truth in mind chatter?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

18 -Do you feel that you are not in control of your life?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

19 – Do you believe you lack the tools to make your life happen?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

20 – Do you lack trust in yourself to be faithful to your partner ?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

21 – Do you lack confidence to really let your partner know who you really are?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

22 – Do you lack confidence to state your opinions?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

23 – Do you save hurting people feelings by not telling your truth and then avoid them because you feel uncomfortable?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

24 -Do you have confidence and self esteem issues that no one knows about you?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

25 – Are you afraid to stand alone in the world without your job or job title?
Always      Usually    Sometimes         Rarely     Never

What do you think of your answers? Were you surprised? Are there some areas you want to change? Finding your voice and setting boundaries is important  as it  helps you to create yourself.  Creating and using your voice is one of the most important ways to have and live the life you want.  This is your life and you get to live it how you want.  It takes practice to release negative habits, ideas and images of fear. The first step is always the hardest, but when you do it, it will be the most memorable step as the spell will be broken.  Speaking to a therapist or life coach may help you overcome your fears of being heard and create confidence and self-respect.  Fear nothing, you can attempt everything.  But most of all speak up for yourself and find your voice and gain your personal power.  Congratulations on taking this first step.

Creating Boundaries for Great Sex

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner.

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has given herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.
So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely?

It’s ability to know what you desire.  Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them.
A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy.
If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your well being.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.
Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:
Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched
Pressure: soft, hard
Pace: fast, slow
Lights: on or off

Rough or not
Sexually explicit language
Introduction of Sex Toys
Kissing and telling
Group sex
Pornography
Condoms
Sharing your sexual History

What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to life with confidence and a strong self esteem in all areas of your life?
What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self esteem and without second guessing yourself?

No One Wants to Date Your Past

No one wants to experience the pain of your past when they begin dating you.  Everyone wants to date from a blank slate, they want to get to know you on their own terms and dating your past partners is not desirable.  Your prospective partner does not want to hear how your exes hurt you, how you can’t trust anyone now, or what happened to you in the past.  So, clean up that mess and start dating from a new fresh blank state.

What are the things that you would share about yourself at market/dating? People grumble that they cannot find a date.  Why can’t you find a date?   There are 6 billion people on the planet.  So why is it so difficult to find a date?  Is it you or your beliefs? Is it your belief that you are not good enough for anyone or no one is good enough for you?  Ask yourself these questions, as a person, what do you bring to the dating table?

What is special about you?
What do you have to offer in a relationship?
What are your prize winning qualities?
What are you non prize winning qualities?
What areas are you willing to work on?
How do you feel about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically?
How do you feel about sex?
Do you love yourself?
Do you love others?
Are you generous or stingy?
What mess do you need to clean up before you start dating?
Are you overly picky, are you trying to date people that are not attracted to you?
Are you even available?

Photot from the Thomas Lennon Photographic Collection, Powerhouse Museum

If you were to sell yourself at market what are the things that you would present on your ‘stall’? What are the things you would have under the table and not share openly? What are the things you are afraid to hear about yourself and for people to know about you? Maybe these are the things that you are going to have to rewrite in your life script.

I had a client that had a hair loss problem and wore weaves all the time.  She was embarrassed about her hair loss and also ashamed of an unwanted pregnancy she had had sometime ago.  She met a man that she enjoyed being with.  He in turn enjoyed being with her.  However, she was worried that he would not like her because of her severe hair loss due to weaves and alopecia.  After our work together, she was able to come clean first with herself and then she courageously told him her situation.  He heard her and replied “I don’t care about your hair.  Women wear hair pieces all the time, I do not care about your unwanted pregnancies.  I want you. “  After her confession, she was relieved by his love for her and she reflects on how her shame has been hovering over all of her past relationships, bringing them nothing but pain and sorrow.  In the end, they are now happily married and expecting their own baby.

The main lesson to be learned is:   If you are okay with yourself, the man/woman that likes/loves you will be okay with you.

When starting to date, take it easy on yourself.  It is important that you come to terms with all your upsets, fears and concerns.  You have to forgive yourself and make sure you have taken the time to heal from any past relationships.  It’s important to have a heart to heart with yourself and make sure that you are ready to date.  No one wants to date your past.  What past pains are you bringing into your marketplace?